Past Regrets and New Beginnings

Hindsight is 2020

This is usually the time of year when news stations, media outlets and such put out the top stories of the year and reminisce about all that happened.

I don’t think many people will be watching those segments or those videos.

Instead we should look at some of the top memes for 2020.

Show 2020 memes (end with hindsight meme)

That saying really has an entirely new meaning doesn’t it.

It is important to reflect on the year that is ending as we begin to look forward to the year that is about to state.

We have been talking about the honest feelings of Christmas over the past few weeks.

But there is an honest feeling of New Years that I think we all need to acknowledge.

The feeling of regret.

The definition of regret is: a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction. Or a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment.

We all likely have regrets about 2020.

There are the seemingly simple regrets like eating too many sweets or wasting too much time on social media.

But there is a deeper root to eating too many sweets, it is a lack of self-control, which makes Paul’s lists of the fruit of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer.

I would venture to say we ALL can look back over this year (maybe even many years) and find areas of our life where we have regret, guilt, conviction, sorrow, or, the biblical word, grief.

So as we face the last few days of 2020, how are you going to chart a new course for 2021?

You can’t change 2020, but we have an opportunity to start fresh, how are we to deal with our regrets?

Dealing with Regret

The Apostle Paul give us a road map for dealing with regret (shame, conviction, and guilt are the same thing) in 2 Corinthians 7.

2 Corinthians 7:8–9 ESV

8 For even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it—though I did regret it, for I see that that letter grieved you, though only for a while. 9 As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us.

Scholars believe Paul wrote at lease 3 letters to the church in Corinth, we have the 1st letter and the 3rd letter in the NT.

The second letter is what he is referring to in verse 8 as well as in 2 Corinthians 2:4

2 Corinthians 2:4 ESV

4 For I wrote to you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to cause you pain but to let you know the abundant love that I have for you.

In that letter, Paul seems to have strongly and, possibly even, harshly criticized and called out the Corinthians for some bad attitudes, failures to hold certain people accountable, and a lack of gospel integrity.

The pain he mentioned in writing it was likely from the frustration and sadness he had that the Corinthians were acting they way they were acting.

Paul admits that, for a moment, after hearing the response of the Corinthians over the letter, that he felt a momentary regret for writing, most likely because he didn’t like confronting people he cared so deeply for (you likely know that feeling).

But ultimately, Paul say “I do not regret it…I rejoice, not because you were grieved [convicted, felt guilty], but because your were grieved into repenting.”

So here is where we need to listen really close.

Paul is happy, not because he caused grief and shame and conviction in his friends, he is happy because their grief over their sin led them to repentance.

They were moved to make a change.

Here is where we start our journey.

There is a kind of grief, a kind of shame, a kind of regret that we need to embrace.

And Paul gives us to categories in which to place our guilt and grieving.

Discern the difference between WORLDLY grief and GODLY grief.

2 Corinthians 7:9–10 ESV

9 As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. 10 For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

It is important here to understand that Paul is not talking about grief as the emotion we have after the loss of a loved one.

This is a sorrow/grief/conviction caused by the realization of or revealing of sin.

It is the response of someone who has been caught in or has confessed to an attitude, action, or inaction that is counter to obedience to God.

Paul points to 2 kinds of grief: Worldly grief and Godly grief.

Worldly Grief

1) It is mostly horizontal

When examining regret what are you most upset about?

Are you upset you got caught? Like a kid getting caught eating a cookie. He was sorry because he got caught, he would have really enjoyed that cookie if mom hadn’t walked in.

Are you concerned about how people might perceive you because of what you have done/haven’t done.

Worldly regret isn’t focused on how our sinfulness breaks the heart of God and disrupts our relationship with Him.

Apathy, lack of self control, selfishness, pride, fits of anger, jealousy toward other people, gossip, slander, greed...

Sin in all it’s manifestations is chiefly against God.

2) It is purely emotional, not spiritual.

Matt Chandler says, “People can weep over their sin and it not change their life a bit.”

How many times have you quit a particular habit, addiction, sin, struggle...

In the heat of shame, frustration, coming down from anger, or whatever, we make pacts with God “I am not ever going to do that again.”

But when the emotion passes, we wander back into the same routines, pit, habits, and failures.

Worldly grief is emotional, not from the Spirit.

3) It is full of pride avoids responsibility and consequences.

There is a reason why I have eaten too many sweets this year, because you people keep bringing them to my house, or Pam keeps making cookies.

It isn’t my fault.

I have been stressed, sad, worried…so I eat.

It isn’t about self-control is is about accessibility, if it wasn’t in the house then I would make better choices.

Human’s are born with the incredible ability to come up with all kinds of reason to justify, diminish, and deflect the responsibilities and consequence of our sins and struggles.

There are some legitimate connections between certain traumas we have experienced in life and how we struggle later.

But your struggle with anger cannot be blamed entirely on your dad’s method of discipline.

Your alcoholism isn’t only a result of an addictive nature.

Your struggle with porn isn’t to blame on your buddy who introduced you at 12.

The abuse you experienced as a kid or an adult, as awful and traumatic as it was, isn’t justification for sinful habits or attitudes.

All of those things contribute, but if we are always trying to come up with an excuse for why we continually struggle, why we continue to fall, then it is likely we are stuck in worldly grief, not Godly grief.

It is important that I say this: I am in no way downplaying the seriousness of or pain that was caused by trauma from your past, only pointing out that sinful struggles and destructive habits are not the way to deal with the trauma you have went through

There is a need for healing and to work through the effects of those experiences with good, Godly tools and truths.

Godly Grief

Paul makes a distinction between Godly Grief and Worldly Grief in vs. 10

2 Corinthians 7:10 ESV

10 For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

Godly grief produces repentance- a turning away of the mind and the body from sin. A change of direction.

And then he lays out 7 signs of repentance in vs 11

2 Corinthians 7:11 NIV

11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

Search for the SIGNS of REPENTANCE.

How do we know if we are experiencing Godly grief and not worldly grief.

By looking for the signs of repentance in our hearts and lives.

1) EARNEST desire to correct sin.

having diligence and a serious purpose to execute a specific plan of repentance

Godly Repentance is marked by a passionate, serious desire to flee from sin and not entertain it.

It isn’t just an emotional, horizontal response, but a earnest, spiritual conviction.

2) EAGERNESS to clear your conscience of sin.

eagerness to have a clear conscience

Not coming up with excuses, hiding, or diverting.

There is an eagerness to confess, like when you eat something gross and just have to get it out of your mouth.

3) INDIGNATION toward sin.

anger directed toward the sin in our lives

Anger toward our flesh. Romans 7, Paul is frustrated about his sin.

4) FEAR of the seriousness of sin.

a fear or phobia of what sin can do

fear of the impact of sin

Not lessening the seriousness, but understanding how destructive, selfish, and hurtful our sin really is.

5) LONGING to be free of sin.

a fierce desire or longing to be free of the impact of specific sins

Not getting comfortable with our sin or letting it define who we are.

6) ZEAL for victory over sin.

demonstrating zeal to gain victory over the specific sin in our lives

Longing to see the other side of the battle. Like climbing a mountain or finishing a long journey.

7) READINESS to deal with consequence of sin.

a willingness to make all restitution

readiness to make the necessary restitution

An unwillingness to blame dodge or deflect.

Choose REPENTANCE over REGRET

2 Corinthians 7:10 ESV

10 For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

Repentance, turning away from sin and turning to Christ, frees us from burden of regret.

Acts 2:37–38 ESV

37 Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?” 38 And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Those listening to Peter’s first sermon were “cut to the heart” and Peter’s word to the “REPENT”.

Don’t stay there, don’t get tangled up with sinful habits and struggles.

Come to Jesus, receive His forgiveness, and find freedom from regret.

Choose DISCIPLINE over REGRET.

And then do something different.

The New Year offers us a new beginning.

Just like Paul rejoiced over the grieve caused by the sins of the Corinthians which led them to real, transformational repentance.

We have an opportunity in the New Year to set a new course of repentance that then will lead to obedience, freedom, and strengthen faith in and relationship with our heavenly Father.

But the steps we need to take are not easy steps, they require us to choose discipline over regret.

So that when we get to the end of 2021 we don’t look back with the same regrets of 2020 that were in our control (through the power of the Spirit).

We have 4 days to make a choice that could dramatically affect how our 2021 goes this year.

We can’t control the weather, viruses, the economy, the choices of others...

But we can choose to live self-controlled, upright, and Godly lives in this present moment.

Titus 2:12 ESV

12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,

What does that look like for you?

Commit to listen to God regularly (ideally every day)

Commit to speak to God daily.

Commit to being in community

For accountability

For mutual edification and correction

For learning and growing

Commit to honest and real repentance

Commit to being generous with your time talents and treasures

Here’s to 2021 being a banner year in your life and the life of our church family.