1 Peter 3.7-12
Marital Harmony
Part 2
1 Peter 3:7-12
12/6/69
Introduction:
One of the saddest things I have ever seen was the situation of a fine Christian couple who had been married for several years. On the outward appearance, everything seemed great. They were happy; they were serving the Lord together in full-time Christian ministry, and yet, something was wrong.
The husband felt he had married the wrong woman. He seemed to be making the best of it, and yet it was a gnawing problem. To the best of my knowledge they are still together today.
What reminded me of this couple was a similar situation of which Zig Zigler speaks. He was on an airplane seated next to a man who had his wedding ring on the index finger on his right hand. Zigler was curious so he said, “Friend, you’ve got your wedding band on the wrong finger.” The man responded, “Yeah, I married the wrong woman.”
Zigler then goes on to point out the importance of not looking at whether you married the right kind of person, but actually being the right kind of person.
Now, certainly choosing the right kind of mate is crucially important. To choose an unbeliever, is to invite heartache, sadness, shattered dreams, and unfulfilled expectations.
But this evening I would like to challenge (particularly the men) to focus on being the right kind of person. Whether married or unmarried I want to encourage you to be the kind of person who could make marriage work.
This morning we examined the role that the wife can play in promoting marital harmony
Two principles were examined:
#1- The loving submission of a wife helps her husband become a man of God
#2- Inner beauty is what makes a marriage work
The evening we are going to see a total of three principles as we finish our study on marriage.
1 Peter 3:7-12
Principle #1- A knowledgeable husband makes a happy wife
Observe that I did not say the “know-it-all” husband. (long pause---wives, no rib jabbing on this one!)
A. “Dwell with them” (vs. 7)
1. The idea here is Live with them on a regular basis, away of life.
2. It used to be that this was just assumed. As a matter of fact, I suspect that when Peter wrote this passage he was not intending that this portion of the verse be looked at separately. He seems to have been thinking, “when you dwell with them, do it with knowledge.” He assumes it is taking place.
3. But in today’s society, that is no longer the case.
4. “dwell” here insinuates closeness. Close quarters, being accessible.
Life relevance:
With the busyness of this day and age, it’s not easy to be accessible is it? Availability is the first part for the man in developing a good marital relationship.
With all the things vying for a man’s attention, we can’t forget the importance of letting our wives have a place in our world.
B. “Dwell with them according to knowledge”- atleast two things tied up with this word “knowledge.”
1. Facts- A husband needs to know the facts about his wife. Just the nuts and bolts of her make-up. What she likes, what she doesn’t like. What is stressful, what is enjoyable. Be able to read her like a book.
2. Experience- It’s one thing to know the facts but it’s another thing to have seen the facts in daily action, having first-hand experience. When the husband begins to be aware of how those facts play out into everyday life, he begins to get insight.
Author Mike Mason has this to say concerning marriage:
“We are not simply moving in with someone we think it might be fun to live with. Rather, we are giving our prior assent to the whole chain reaction of trials, decisions, transformations, and personal cataclysms which, once they are done with us, may leave us not only changed beyond recognition, but marked nearly as deeply as by a religious conversion.”
Kenneth Wuest also points out that this knowledge is a knowledge of marriage itself. It is being acquainted with how marriage works. What makes it tick.
The foundation upon which this knowledge is based is loving concern. It is a care for one’s spouse. If a husband does not care, then all of the knowledge in the world is not going to help.
Charlie Shedd has written a book to his son Philip on the occasion of his wedding. It’s entitled “Letters to Philip” and in it Shedd lists six things for Philip never to do to his wife.
#1- Never point in derision to something she can’t change about herself. Whether it be physically or emotionally.
#2- Never criticize her publicly
Thirdly, Shedd lists, Never compare her unfavorably with other women
#3- Never drop a delayed bomb
Eating her apple pie year in and year out and finally letting her know, after many years of marriage that you don’t like it.
#4- Never go away when she is crying
And the final thing Shedd lists for his son, Never lay a hand on her except in love.
Good reminders.
Illustration:
At a nursery-school where a four year old girl named Jane attended, the teacher told a story about Snow White. Jane hadn’t ever heard the story so she was fascinated by it. She listened very carefully as the teacher told about Snow White who ate a poisoned apple and fell asleep and was never to wake up unless she was kissed by Prince Charming.
Well Jane thought this was just great so when she went home she began to tell the story to her mother. She came to the end of the story she said, “And, Mother, Prince Charming kissed her back to life, and guess what happened?” The mother replied “Well honey, they lived happily ever after.” The girl shook her head and said, “No they didn’t, Mother, they got married!”
Husbands who understand their wives promote living a happy marriage. The two terms happy and marriage are not contradictory.
Principle #2- Wives are worthy of red-carpet treatment (vs. 7)
A. Honor means to attribute value to valuable
1. Has been translated “price” in other verses.
2. She’s rare.
3. Attach worth to her. Something that is worthwhile deserves time and attention, careful treatment.
4. She is a package from God.
B. She’s a weaker vessel
1. “Vessel” here could refer to a jar or an instrument of some sort.
2. I think vessel refers to the physical body. Women are generally weaker physically than men
3. Rather than that being a point of shame, Peter says it’s a point of honor.
4. The husband should remember that God has given him something good when he gave the man a wife.
Pr 18:22 ¶ Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
But remember, on the outside of the package are the words:
“Fragile, handle with care.”
But it’s not just in the physical realm. It also carries over into other areas of life such as the emotional realm.
In the book, The Hidden Value of a Man, Gary Smalley and John Trent giving a scenario which help to illustrate that fact that husbands must treat their wives carefully.
Illustration:
“When Clark Kent Forgot His Power”
“Imagine Clark Kent waking up one morning and somehow forgetting he possesses superhuman powers. He slaps the snooze button on his bedside clock radio and compresses it to the depth of an index card. At breakfast he slams his coffee mug down on the table and sends it clean through two inches of splintered mahogany.
He yells in frustration at a sports article in the newspaper and cracks a thermal-pane window in the dining room. He also ruptures his wife, Lois’s, left eardrum. She collapses in agony beneath the table as he heads back to the bathroom.
In the hallway, he brushes against Clark Junior, leaving him with a cracked collarbone and a severe concussion. On his way out the door, he swats the cat off his favorite chair and welds the unfortunate animal to the wallpaper. Leaving the house, he swings the door closed and rips it right off the hinges. He kicks a bicycle off the sidewalk, planting it 50 feet up in the neighbor’s elm.” (p. 10)
All of it’s carelessness of course, nothing malicious.
He didn’t realize that hose around him were weaker than he. So it is with the treatment of a man toward h is wife.
C. But for the husband who has a difficult time treating his wife with gentleness Peter adds two things at the end of verse 7
1. She is a child of the King
a. Remember- she is an heir of the kingdom
b. In other words, Christ shed his blood for her
c. In other words, God saw her as precious and so should her husband
d. God is not pleased when one of the heirs of His kingdom is being mistreated.
2. The effectiveness of one’s prayer life is directly related to how he treats his wife.
How so you may ask.
This could mean as some have said, that the man will have a difficult time praying with his wife if he hasn’t treated her well. This is possible.
I think however it refers to the fact that when a husband mistreats his wife, it is a sin. It is offensive to God. As such it breaks the fellow ship between God and that man. His prayer life is ineffective until the issue of sin is dealt with.
So we’ve seen:
Principle #1- A knowledgeable husband makes a happy wife
Principle #2- Wives are worthy of red-carpet treatment (vs. 7)
Now let’s look at the third principle which closes our study, and is applicable to both husbands and wives, and is really applicable to everyone in the church:
Principle #3- Rudeness is never acceptable (vs. 8-12) Not a difficult section since it is dedicated to the one thought.
A. Peter is closing what appears to be the second major portion of the book.
1. “Finally”
2. He is putting an end to this section. The section which has dealt with interpersonal relationships between government and Christians, slaves and masters, husbands and wives.
3. He now applies what he is going to say to everyone.
B. The call is to unity, or harmony
1. he lists compassion, brotherly love, pity and being courteous
2. He says, no going back and forth with paybacks (vs. 9)
Marriage is fertile soil for giving insult for insult, evil for evil. That’s because spouses are together all the time. They see each other at their best and at their worst. They see each other when they are in a good mood and when they are in a bad mood.
C. Obedience to the call has rewards which are given in this life (vs. 10-12)
A quote from Psalm 34- Peter is using it to build the foundation for his appeal to have harmony
1. An enjoyable life with “good days (“love life” vs. 10, 11)
a. The way to get this is keep from saying evil things (in the context, of verse 9, insulting things)
b. Keep from speaking deceptive things. (guile)
c. Reject evil, do good. (vs. 11) instead of returning evil form something done, the believer should:
d. “Seek peace and pursue it” (vs. 11) The end goal is peace
I wonder what would happen if every married person, regardless of their spouse decided that they would make their pursuit peace. I suspect that many (though not all) would end up happily married after all.
2. The favor of God (vs. 12)
a. His eyes watching you for good
b. His ears listening for your prayer. (remember in verse 7 that the one who is not treating his wife properly has a hindered prayer life!)
Punishment for those who disobey!
Conclusion:
So we conclude our study on promoting marital harmony from1 Peter. Many of the principles apply not only to married couples, but the unmarried also.
Review:
Principle #1- A wife’s loving submission helps her husband become a man of God.
Principle #2- Inward beauty is what really makes marriage work
Men:
Principle #3- A knowledgeable husband makes a happy wife
Principle #4- Wives are worthy of red-carpet treatment
Principle #5- Rudeness is never acceptable
How’s the marriage? Are we the right kind of people to make marriage a happy occasion?