Glorifying God in a Difficult Marriage                                                                            I Corinthians 7:12-16

Danny Brooks, Pastor                                                                      Sunday Morning Service, August 6, 2006

Monday—Carefully read all of I Corinthians to get a context for the message.

Introduction:

Corinthian believers were wrestling with a number of difficult scenarios.  Some of their wrong conclusions regarding the Believer’s relationship to an unsaved world were creating those misunderstandings.

At the beginning of 1 Cor. 7, Paul addresses an apparent slogan the Corinthians were employing: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”  Consequently, some were apparently practicing forms of abstinence and celibacy, even within the marriage relationship, in the name of committed Christianity.

You will remember from 5:9-11 that some of the Corinthian believers had also concluded that they were not to have any kind of association with unbelievers.  It very well could be that the combination of these two aberrant conclusions began to produce another strain of unbiblical practice: divorcing unbelieving spouses.

So Paul addresses the situation that a number of Corinthian believers likely found themselves in: a mixed marriage.  Perhaps some had come to Christ after marrying a pagan spouse.  Perhaps some had been forced into a mixed marriage through one of the arranged marriage agreements.  There could be several scenarios producing a situation where one spouse is a believer and another is an unbeliever.

How is a believing spouse to relate to an unbelieving spouse? 

Tuesday—Thoughtfully look over I Corinthians 7:12-14.

I.      God desires believing spouses to remain married to unbelieving spouses if possible (7:12-14).

A.      God’s desire is authoritatively expressed through Paul.

1.       To the rest speak I, not the Lord: “Jesus did not specifically address this particular issue.”

B.      God’s instruction is identically stated for a husband or wife.

1.       Let him not put her away . . . let her not leave him

a.       Both verbs put away and leave are the same Greek word ἀφιέτω.

b.       Used in a legal sense the word means a divorce.

2.       Question:  Why would some be seeking to divorce an unbelieving spouse?

a.       Perhaps they were reasoning from Scriptures that condemn mixed marriages.

1)       Deut 7:3-4 (ESV) 3 You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, 4 for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Then the anger of the Lord would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly.

2)       Ezra 9 indicates that intermarriage is a grievous offense to God.

3)       Ezra 10 indicates that God sanctioned the dissolving of mixed marriages.

b.       Gordon Fee suggests that the Corinthians were likely arguing “that such an association ‘defiled’ the believing spouse.”[1]  It could be that in a similar fashion to their wrong conclusion of associating with the world (5:9-11) that they were wrongly concluding association with an unbelieving spouse defiled them.

3.       God’s desire is clear.

a.       If . . . she be pleased to dwell . . . if he be pleased to dwell with her

1)       i.e., the spouse is willing and agrees to remain together.

2)       Let him not put her away . . . let her not leave him

b.       M. Henry: “The Christian calling did not dissolve the marriage covenant, but bind it the faster, by bringing it back to the original institution, limiting it to two persons, and binding them together for life. The believer is not by faith in Christ loosed from matrimonial bonds to an unbeliever, but is at once bound and made apt to be a better relative.”[2]

Wednesday—As you review I Corinthians 7:12-14, ask yourself, “Why would God desire a believing spouse to remain with an unbelieving spouse?”

C.      God’s reason is redemptively focused (v. 14).

1.       the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband:

2.       “Paul now argues, it is not the believer who is defiled, but the unbeliever who is sanctified in . . . his relationship with the believer.”[3]

3.       Paul also suggests that there is another conclusion to their line of reasoning that is equally troubling: else: “otherwise” were your children unclean (ἀκάθαρτά).

4.       But this is not the case, in actuality the children now are . . . holy (ἅγιά).

5.       Point:  The unbelieving spouse and children are actually set apart unto God in a kind of special redemptive setting.

a.       “Such a home is not Christian in the full sense, but it is immeasurably superior to one that is totally unbelieving. Even if the Christian is ridiculed and persecuted, unbelievers in the family are blessed because of that believer. One Christian in a home graces the entire home. God’s indwelling that believer and all the blessings and graces that flow into the believer’s life from heaven will spill over to enrich all who are near.”[4]

b.       Consider the testimony of Timothy.  2 Timothy 1:5 I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. (ESV)

c.        Where was the faith of the grandfather or the father?  The silence is compelling.

d.       But so is the testimony of a grandmother and a mother.

e.        God would have seen fit to provide a pastor for the Church at Ephesus, but had not Lois and Eunice been faithful women, it is likely that Ephesus would not have been blessed with Pastor Timothy.

6.       Point:  The presence of just one believing parent makes all the difference!

7.       Question: Isn’t the salvation of a spouse or the spiritual welfare of a child enough reason to stay in a marriage? This will begin being answered in Thursday’s portion of the notes.

Thursday—Give attention to I Corinthians 7:15-16 and the other passages mentioned in today’s portion of the notes.

II.      God makes a way for peaceful relationships to exist in difficult dissolutions (7:15-16).

A.      Some unbelieving spouses will not want to remain unmarried.

1.       The transformed life of a believer is often repulsive to an unbelieving world.

a.       The real possibility exists that a Christian would go home one day to find an unbelieving spouse saying, “I want out of this marriage.  You are not the same person I married.  This Christianity has become too much for me to bear.”

b.       “A Cape Town brain surgeon put it most movingly.  When asked what he found so difficult about his wife’s new-found faith in Christ, he stressed two things: first, she was no longer the person with whom he had originally fallen in love and whom he had decided to marry; secondly, there was another Man about the house, too whom she was all the time referring her every decision and whom she chose to consult for his advice and instructions.  He was no longer the boss in his own house: Jesus gave the orders and set the pace.”[5]

c.        This is the context of what Paul is indicating.

2.       if the unbelieving depart, let him depart

a.       depart: (χωρίζεται) middle voice meaning “to separate oneself, to depart from a person.”[6]

b.       let him depart: (χωριζέσθω) “let him be separated.”

c.        Matt 19:6 (ESV) So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

d.       In the same way that Jesus was speaking of a permanent dissolution or divorce, so Paul is speaking of a permanent separation.

e.        So what is a believer to do when an unbelieving spouse indicates he or she is not willing to remain married and makes the decision to depart or divorce?

f.        Because there are unbelieving spouses who unilaterally decide to end the marriage and sin against God by doing the very thing He has forbidden.

3.       a brother or sister is not under bondage in such

a.       I.e., the obligation to maintain the marriage at any cost does not rest upon the believing spouse.

1)       Paul’s first word is, “if the unbeliever is willing, stay married.”

2)       Paul’s second word is, “if the unbeliever is not willing, you are not obligated to stay married.”

3)       That is not to say a believer should make it easy for an unbelieving spouse to dissolve the marriage.

4)       But God does not intend for the innocent party in this case to bear a false guilt that somehow they must hold this thing together despite the intentions and actions of the unbelieving spouse.

5)       The full responsibility for the divorce lies with the unbeliever.  There is no obligation to fight it tooth and nail.

b.       Does this mean the abandoned spouse is free to remarry?

1)       Although, Paul doesn’t address this, I believe such may be the case.

2)       But a believer would be wise to keep the door of reconciliation open as long as possible.

Friday—Take another look at I Corinthians 7:15-16.

B.      God calls His people to peace.

1.       peace: (εἰρήνῃ)

a.       “The preposition has the function of eis with the meaning ‘God has called you into a peace in which he wishes you to live.’”[7]

b.       In this case the believer should pursue the things that make for peace.

c.        Sometimes that means letting an unbelieving spouse have his or her way.

d.       Note v. 16 . . .

2.       Application for Corinth:

a.       “When divorce ended marital ties, the husband departed from his wife without giving her any support.  And a Christian wife could not return to her pagan family.  Her father would be reluctant or would refuse to take care of a daughter whose husband had sent her away because of her religion.  Her only recourse was to go to members of the church for spiritual and financial aid.”[8]

b.       Such a difficult situation brought on by this kind of divorce would have placed a burden on the spouse and potentially the church.

c.        God’s word reminds us that He calls us into peace.

Saturday—You probably know a family member, friend, co-worker who is separated or divorced. Here are some verses you can pray for them:

I John 4:10—God’s willingness to send His own Son to appease the Father’s wrath is powerful evidence of God being love and loving us. Sometimes a person going through a difficult time is tempted to doubt God’s love for them.

Philippians 4:6-9—God desires not only our dwelling in peace but also experiencing peace in our hearts by His very presence with us.

Sunday—Praise God for the gift of His Son as you give spend some time in Hebrews 10. Praise Christ for doing the Father’s will and offering Himself as the perfect sacrifice.

----

[1]Fee, Gordon, The First Epistle to the Corinthians, NICNT, Eerdmans, 300.

[2]Henry, M. (1996, c1991). Matthew Henry's commentary on the whole Bible : Complete and unabridged in one volume (1 Co 7:10). Peabody: Hendrickson.

[3]Fee, 300.

[4]MacArthur, J. (1996, c1984). 1 Corinthians. Includes indexes. (166). Chicago: Moody Press.

[5]Prior, David, The Message of First Corinthians, Inter Varsity Press, 125.

[6]Zodhiates, S. (2000, c1992, c1993). The complete word study dictionary : New Testament (electronic ed.) (G5563). Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers.

[7]Kistemaker, Simon, 1 Corinthians, NTC, Baker, 229.

[8]Kistemaker, 228.