Speaking Words that Promote Good

The Power of Words—Week 3

Emmanuel Bible Church

February 23, 2003

Pastor Scott Thielen

Text: Ephesians 4:29-31

Idea: All Christians are encouraged to speak words that encourage others

Introduction

Hook—Baseball Basics

At one point during a game, the baseball coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is?  What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire.  Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach.  "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."

Review

We’re exploring the power of words.  The goal of these three messages is to help us take inventory of our words and re-evaluate what they say about our hearts.  What does God say about words and how we use them?

First, we learned that your words echo the real you.  Jesus said the mouth speaks what the heart says. 

Last week we learned that God expects us to prevent any unwholesome words from escaping our lips.  We identified five ways speak rotten words:

• Using words to insult a person
• Using words to twist the truth
• Using words to spread dissatisfaction
• Using words that mock God’s greatness
• Using words that wink at immorality

Video Clip

Now, one of the problems we have is that we can get real creative about how we say things.  To make what we say sound better, we try to preface our comments with disclaimers.

In the television show, American Idol, that’s exactly what talent judge Simon Cowell does.  See if you can relate to this short clip.

• Video clip

Transition

OK.  That’s how many of us come across to others.  Our words hit with a negative impact.  It’s interesting that everyone is so quick to judge Simon for the things he says.  Why do you think that is?  Is it possible that we might do the same thing?

Since we didn’t have time last week, let’s quickly consider eight practical ways to silence hurtful words.

8 Ways to Silence Words that Promote Evil

Negative words contain great destructive power. Whenever you talk negatively about people or listen to someone else talk negatively about others, you unleash that harmful power. 

Here are some ways to avoid gossip and criticism.

1.      Start with your own mouth

Seek cleansing from God so you'll have the power to resist talking negatively about others.  Take a look at the attitudes you hold and the comments you make.  Confess the times you've gossiped or criticized in the past, and invite God to transform you.  Release any pride or fear that is keeping you from making the changes you would like, and be open to God's correction and guidance.

2.      Pray for people you have hurt

Pray for people you have hurt - either purposely or inadvertently - by speaking negatively about them. Ask God to heal them. Also pray for people who have hurt you in the past through their negative words about you. Forgive them and ask God to let them be aware of His loving presence with them.

3.      Examine what tempts you to speak negatively

Examine what tempts you to speak negatively, and pray for God to give you the strength to confront and overcome those temptations. Ask God to purify your mind.

4.      Decide ahead of time how to avoid sins of speech

Learn to recognize the trap.  Realize that participating in negative conversations harms you spiritually, creating confusion that can lead to deception.  Always be prepared for the possibility that someone may to try to engage you in a negative conversation about someone else. Pray for God to give you wisdom in such situations so you can resist being pulled into negative conversations.

5.      Encourage mouth accountability

When someone approaches you and begins talking negatively about someone, try to determine the speaker's motivation and encourage accountability by asking questions such as, "Is this something I need to hear about?", "Who told you this information?", "Have you spoken to those people who are directly involved with this situation?" and "Before you share any further, what are you expecting from me?".

6.      Refuse to put people down

Juicy tales about another person can be very seductive. Know that you should never accept what someone says about someone else as true without checking the validity of the statements yourself. And even if the statements are true, cruel words create unnecessary strife. Remember that Jesus' goal for dealing with people who have sinned isn't finger-pointing, but transformation and restoration.

7.      Counteract negatives with positives

Use positive words to heal when confronted with destructive, negative words. Respond to gossip or criticism with encouraging words about the person being talked about, and ask the person spreading the negativity to pray for the person about whom he or she is talking.

8.      Be a champion of wholesomeness

Be bold when confronting people who want you to listen to gossip or criticism.  Remember that the consequences of listening far outweigh the awkwardness of taking a stand against the negativity. The speaker's feelings may temporarily be hurt, but you will be helping the speaker more than hurting him or her.  Be proactive about speaking positively about others. Strive to do so as often as possible.

Adapted from Stop the Runaway Conversation: Take Control Over Gossip and Criticism, copyright 2001 by Michael D. Sedler. Published by Chosen Books, a division of Baker Book House, Co., Grand Rapids, Mich., www.bakerbooks.com

Transition

It’s that last point we want to focus on during the rest of our time today.  How to be a champion of wholesomeness.

Choose Your Words Wisely

When it comes to how you talk, you do have a choice.  You get to choose what kind of person you want to be.

• Do you want to sink to the level of the people around you? 
• Or do you want the power of Christ to be seen in you and the way you use your mouth? 

Nobody makes you talk the way you do.  It’s a learned skill.  And it can be unlearned.  So, Christians need to stop blaming other people for the way they use their mouths and start taking personal responsibility.

Ephesians 4

In Ephesians 4:29, God gives us that choice. 

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29, NIV)

Words are powerful.  They can be used to either tear people down or build them up.  It’s that simple.  And God wants us to get the message: we are called to build people up with our words, not to tear them down.

If God says unwholesome words are rotten and cause character decay, then we need to choose words that bring life and health to other people instead. 

So, how do we change the way we speak, to build people up?  To answer that question, we need to understand the whole point of Ephesians chapter 4.

Open your Bibles to Ephesians 4.  Let’s focus on three major themes in this chapter.

Ephesians 4:1-6

We are called to love as we have been loved

The Good News God has for us is that He loves us so much, He has given His Son to die for our sins.  As the children of God, we have been called to a whole new way of life.  We are called to a life of love.  We are called to love as we have been loved.

Four ways we are to share the love we have been freely given:

• By being humble toward one another
• By being gentle with one another
• By being patient with one another
• By bearing with one another

Ephesians 4:7-16

We are given grace to help one another grow to maturity

God has given a special gift to every believer in Christ.  It is the gift of grace.  A gift that is meant to be opened up and used.  When you take what God has given you and begin to serve other people in God’s family, that’s when everybody benefits.  When each of us do our part, that’s when we become mature.  We help people grow into maturity when we are willing to serve one another and when we speak truthfully to each other toward this goal.  And that’s what verses 25 through 32 are all about.

Ephesians 4:25-32

We are to stop thinking “old self” and start thinking “new self”

Our old self was all about hiding the truth about ourselves.  We were angry at God and anything that got in our way.  But placing our faith in Christ means changing just like we change clothes.  If your clothes become dirty, you take them off and put clean ones on.  When you realize that your life is soiled with a sinful nature, you need to get rid of it and replace it with a new nature.  And that means you stop doing the things that come from a sinful nature, and you start doing the things that are from God.  We are to stop thinking “old self” and start thinking “new self.”

That leads us back to the key statement in verse 29.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  (Ephesians 4:29-32, NIV)

Notice the contrast.  Circle that little three letter word: b-u-t.  In the context of these two statements, it’s clear that the words come out differently because there is a different motivation behind them.

As we look at the way some words are unwholesome, I encourage you to notice that those words can be completely changed if the heart is transformed.

The Motivation Behind Our Words

Again, the mouth speaks the overflow of the heart.  The first step in changing your words from unwholesome to encouraging is to change your heart’s desires. 

• Is it possible that your anger and frustration toward others is actually directed at God? 
• Do you have issues that need to be settled with Him first? 

It all begins by understanding what God has done for you through Jesus Christ.  If you have big problems with your words, it’s probably because you have forgotten God’s mercy and grace.  Only when you look at yourself as you really are can you humble yourself and settle accounts with God.  Then your heart will be rid of all the garbage that seeps out through your mouth.

Build People Up with Your Words

OK.  So how can we really change the way we talk?  What are some practical ways to change our unwholesome talk into language that really builds people up to become all they can be in Christ?

What I want to do is take the five kinds of unwholesome talk we considered last week and contrast those with ways to speak encouraging words. 

Here are five specific ways to change your tone.  Jot these down in the table provided there in your notes.

Instead of…

1. Instead of insulting a person, choose words that… honor some aspect of a person

Your natural tendency may be to focus on what’s wrong with somebody.  Listen, everybody has faults.  You know that.  By focusing on what’s wrong with people all you do is drag them down, and yourself along with them. 

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." (Proverbs 12:18, NIV)

Ask God to help you change the way you talk about other people.  Find a trait or quality about that person—anything—that can be praised.  Become an encourager!

1. Instead of twisting the truth, choose words that are… sincere and free of deception

It is so easy to deceive people.  We’re pros at it.  We have studied at the feet of masters at school, from Hollywood, and even in our nation’s capitol.  We are well trained in the art of deception.  We even try to justify it as a necessary evil.  But God says, plainly, that He has a different view.

"keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies." (Psalm 34:13, NIV)

Rather than sink to the lowest common denominator of people around you, God calls you to set a high standard for your speech.  It’s up to you.  Keep your tongue from evil and from speaking lies.  Stop selling half-truths in order to get away with something.  Become like Christ, a person of integrity.  Speak the truth in love.  Become truly sincere in your communication with others.

1. Instead of spreading dissatisfaction, choose words that… encourage people to trust and hope

It’s so easy to get caught up in a group with a cause.  We live in a world with full-time “rabble-rousers.”  It can be difficult to stand firm amidst an army of opposition. 

But here’s a question for you?  Have you ever been the one to get it started?  It only takes a spark to get a fire going.  Unfortunately, we sometimes start the wrong fires.

"…’Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.’" (1 Peter 3:10-12, NIV)

God calls you to encourage people to pursue good, not evil.  Be someone who encourages others to hang in there, keep looking up, trust in God’s love and wisdom.  Don’t be a channel for criticism.  Instead, spread a little joy.

1. Instead of mocking God’s greatness, choose words that… express your reverence for Him

In a society that is moving quickly away from God, it comes as no surprise that people everywhere are losing respect for God.  And that’s why we are here: to be like light in a dark place.  We are here to remind people that God is still God, regardless of what popular opinion says.  You need to constantly remind yourself of God’s greatness.  How do you do that?  Where do you meet God, face to face?  In the Bible.  If you are not reading your Bible daily, listening to God’s voice, how in this world are you going to be useful on earth?  A candle in a dark room is of no use if it isn’t lit.  David’s prayer is a wonderful prayer for every one of us who desires to reverence God in our speech.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." (Psalm 19:14, NIV)

1. Instead of winking at immorality, choose words that are… pure, that you wouldn’t be ashamed of speaking to Jesus Himself

Our culture is obsessed with things that God clearly calls immoral.  Because we live in a godless society, we must constantly remind one another of what really matters in life.  God says that some things are wrong.  It doesn’t matter what everybody else says.  And we know we’re out of bounds when our speech sounds just like everyone else’s.  Stop talking about immoral things as though they were normal.  Perhaps the best way to do that is to remember that Jesus is right there with you. 

"Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD." (Psalm 139:4, NIV)

Would you change the way you talk, would you stop using certain words, would you stop telling those same jokes if you knew Jesus was listening too?

My World

What if…

There are two situations that call for your careful response.

• What if I know or hear something negative about another believer in Christ?
• What if another person speaks wrongly about me?  What should I do?

Restatement

Unwholesome words of any kind should never pass a Christian’s lips, because they are totally out of character with his new life in Christ (see Col. 3:8; James 3:6–8; cf. Ps. 141:3).

Why?  Because God is grieved when His children refuse to change the old ways of sin for those righteous ways of the new life.  And how you use words tells a lot about your heart.

Visualization

• It has been estimated that most people speak enough in one week to fill a large 500-page book.  In the average lifetime, this would amount to 3,000 volumes!  It is frightening to consider that by our words we will be judged.

Do negative words really have that much of an impact?  Do positive words really matter?

Power of Positive Words

He was always in trouble at school, so when the parents of the junior high boy received one more call to come in and meet with his teacher and the principal, they knew what was coming. Or so they thought.

The teacher sat down with the boy's father and said, "Thanks for coming. I wanted you to hear what I have to say."

The father crossed his arms and waited, thinking what defense he could use this time. The teacher proceeded to go down a list of ten things—ten positive affirmations of the junior high "troublemaker." When she finished, the father said, "And what else? Let's hear the bad things."

"That's all I wanted to say," she said.

That night when the father got home, he repeated the conversation to his son. And not surprisingly, almost overnight, the troublemaker's attitude and behavior changed dramatically. All because a teacher looked past the negatives.

Citation: Bonne Steffen, editor of Christian Reader; true story from a Florida Christian school; source: Peter Lord, former pastor of Park Avenue Baptist Church, Titusville, Florida

Sabbath for the Tongue

In his book Sabbath Time, Tilden Edwards tells about a family with teenage children who decided, as part of their Sabbath commitments, that they would not criticize each other on Sundays. As the months went on and they kept this commitment, they realized more and more of their children's friends were coming over on Sundays just to hang around. No one in the family had talked about this commitment, but somehow other teenagers knew this home was a good place to be. 

Citation: Tilden Edwards, Sabbath Time: Understanding and Practice for Contemporary Christians (Upper Room Books, 1992); submitted by Bonne Steffen, Winfield, Illinois

Application

Think about your week.  How will it be different?  What do people hear when they listen to your words?

Rather than leaving here and doing nothing, pick one practical change you can make in how you use your mouth.  Ask God to help you keep that desired change before you this next week and watch God answer your prayer.

Transition

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Next Week

WorldReach conference—in a world gone mad, is the Good News good?