The appeal and true nature of sexual sin

Mike Pence has been in the news a lot lately, especially in the last five to seven days. It was interesting, then, that I came across this story about Mike Pence from 2017. It shows what kind of man Mike Pence really is.

In 2017, it was discovered that Mike Pence is a man of integrity. How was that discovered? It came to light that in 2002 in an interview, Mike Pence, then a member of Congress, had a simple rule that he followed to protect himself and his marriage. That rule was this: As a man, he would never place himself in any situation in which he would be alone with another woman who was not his wife or a member of his family.

You might recall that the Rev. Dr. Billy Graham had virtually the same rule. Many men in Christian ministry since then have adopted the same rule for themselves, including myself. It is wise for a man who is a pastor to not meet with or counsel a member of the opposite sex alone, without someone else in the building and the door open.

Well, when Mike Pence’s rule came into the spotlight in 2017, it absolutely infuriated a lot of people. In fact, it is really interesting to see the media response to this discovery. For example, The Washington Post published in article by Laura Turner who wrote this: “we also have to keep in mind that Pence is the vice president of the United States. He is not a pastor and does not act in that capacity. How on earth can he be expected to represent half the country if he won’t eat at the same table as us?”, she asks. And well of course the answer is that Mike Pence would eat at the same table with half the nation, with women; that isn’t the issue. The issue is that he would not do so alone, as he said so clearly, alone.

Again, one article asked the question, “Would Pence dine with Theresa May?” And again, the answer is, “Yes, of course he would have had dinner with former British Prime Minister Theresa May. Just…not alone.” Then lastly Soraya Chemaly wrote this: “This quiet informal rule isn’t only a matter of Pence’s private life, but of his professional life and public policy. It is, if still true, ridiculous and a good illustration of the absurdity women have to put up with regularly.”

Again, Joanna Grossman, a reporter for Vox, even went so far as to say that Mike Pence’s is not honorable but rather immoral and illegal. Why? She writes, “By law, working dinners with the boss could be considered an opportunity to which both sexes must have equal access.” In other words, Pence’s rule, she says, keeps women in his staff from positions of power and is therefore sexist.

Still another article, this one also in the Washington Post, and this is possibly the most interesting perspective I found. Alyssa Rosenberg of the Washington Post pointed out that some people are weirded by how close Pence and his wife still are after so many years of marriage. It’s considered strange that a couple who have been together as long as Mike and Karen Pence have been together would still value their marriage so highly that they would safeguard it by what the secular world sees as a really rigid rule

All of these articles miss the point, unfortunately. And the point is made, surprisingly, by an article soon after that ran in the New Yorker. Journalist Jia Tolentino correctly points out that the reason this rule has scandalized people who are morally more liberal is that they are out of touch with Christian conservative values. She writes, “Infidelity can be a corrosive in marriages worth preserving”. I wish she would’ve said more there, but I do appreciate the next point she makes when she writes, “…guarding oneself against sexual deceit is a bipartisan practice.” [All of these quoted at https://albertmohler.com/2017/04/04/briefing-04-04-17, accessed January 15, 2021]

Why is guarding oneself from sexual deceit, sexual sin, a bipartisan practice? And why am I preaching on it? Because the vulnerability to sexual sin is a bi-partisan vulnerability. It applies to everyone. Everyone in this room including myself is vulnerable to sexual sin, and because all sexual sin will eventually wind up in adultery if it is not checked, adultery is a very real possibility for all this. It can happen to me. And it can happen to you. And if you feel that you are too strong or too holy or your marriage is too strong for that to happen, you are actually at higher risk. Pride and self-sufficiency are in fact the two ingredients that underly sexual sin.

Our passage this morning is one I came across in my daily Bible reading this past week. It vividly depicts how a person is enticed and deceived into an illicit sexual relationship.

#1: The Temptation of Sexual Sin

The description of this adulterous encounter begins ominously. Solomon, likely the author of this proverb, is the witness of this encounter between a young man and a married woman who is either actually a prostitute or just behaving as a prostitute. And he says he’s sitting at home looking at through his “lattice” or the window of his house, and he says that he’s doing so he witnesses the beginning of this adulterous encounter, and it begins with just the lack of common sense of the young man who gets pulled into it.

Verse 7 describes him using two terms: The first is, he says, “naive”. Other translations have “simple” or “inexperienced.” Naive is probably the best translation though because the word refers to a person who because of his lack of common sense, wanders right into a trap. This word for “simple” or “naive” occurs 18 times in the OT but 14 of those occurrences are actually found in Proverbs. It’s obviously an important characterization in Proverbs. He’s like the 16-year-old who gets his license and his own car and then drives like he’s invincible, and winds up hurting and killings himself and others. Proverbs has a lot to say about the wise person and the foolish person. The simple person is not wise, and he’s also not a complete fool, but if he doesn’t learn wisdom soon he will wind up a fool.

The second term used is the last one in verse 7, “lacking sense”, my translations says. He’s like a person trying to surf the web while he’s driving and winds up driving off a cliff. In fact, this last word helps us understand what is meant by the first word. He’s simple precisely because he lacks common sense. But it’s not just any kind of common sense that he lacks. He lacks moral common sense.

We see that in the fact that this young man wanders to the wrong place, at the wrong time, setting himself up for a fall. First he wanders to the wrong place. Verse 8 describes him as “passing through the street near the adulterous woman’s house.” He’s naive, for sure, but does he not have an inkling of where he might be headed? I think he might. Passing through the street near her house sounds kind of passive, like it might have been an accident, but then the next phrase says “he takes the way to her house” - the Hebrew literally says “he strikes right down the way toward her house.” That sounds more active, doesn’t it? He knows where this woman lives. He knows what this woman does, what she’s like. I think he knows what he’s doing deep down but maybe he doesn’t acknowledge to himself that that’s what he’s doing.

But he’s also headed to the wrong place at the wrong time. Verse 9 places this scene at night. Solomon uses four words to describe the time at which this simple young man takes his journey. “In the twilight, in the evening, in the middle of the night and in the darkness.” The Bible has a rich imagery when it comes to describing the night. If you were to get a concordance and look up all the occurrences of night or darkness, you would see that darkness in the Bible is often associated with danger (think of Jesus’ betrayal in the garden); it’s often associated with trial and temptation (think of Peter’s temptation to deny Jesus at night, after dark); it’s associated with sexual activity, too. For married couples it’s the time of intimacy; for the unfaithful it’s the time of illicit sexual activity. Romans 13:13 says,

New American Standard Bible, 1995 Edition: Paragraph Version Chapter 13

Let us abehave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy

If we’re engaged in what we ought to be engaged in at night, we’re at home, with our wives or our husbands. We’re home with our children, our families. Neither this young man nor this married woman are where they should be late at night. In fact, look at verses 11-12: “She is boisterous and rebellious; her feet do not remain at home; she is now in the streets, now in the squares, and lurks by every corner.” This woman is pictured almost as a restless bird or a wandering animal; now she’s here, now she’s there; her feet do not remain at home, verse 11 tells us. In other words, home with her family and her children, is not where her heart is.

Solomon sets the example in this. He is watching this unfold from the safety of his own home. Not that it’s sinful to be out at night. That’s not at all what is going on here. The point being made is that this young man is walking headlong into a trap. He’s lingering in the place of temptation. He’s courting sin and nurturing his lust. And it’s going to cost him everything.

#2: The Appeal of Sexual Sin

Notice with me the appeal of sexual sin. And the appeal has three parts. The lure, the deception, and the fall.

The lure (vv. 13-18)

In chapter 7, sexual sin is personified as a female prostitute. The Bible is not making a statement about women by personifying sexual sin as a female prostitute. The Bible isn’t suggesting that women are sexually sinful in ways that men are not. You’ll notice that the young man here is not exactly innocent either. He’s naively - and yet intentionally - in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The lure starts with the shock treatment. Verse 13 says “So she seizes him” (that word is often used of violence in the Bible, whether sexual violence or some other kind of violence) “and kisses him.” To have an older, attractive, experienced woman take the initiative like this and seize the young man further weakens him by making him feel desirable and attractive to this woman.

Then in verse 14 she says something extremely interesting: “I was due to offer peace offerings; today I have paid my vows”. She reassuring him that what she’s doing, what they’re about to do - is something that is spiritually safe for them to do. Or, she’s reassuring him she’s not that bad of a person. When we have no relationship with God, we look to religious duties as a way to make ourselves and others think we’re pretty good people. She’s trying to put him at ease: “I’m not your typical immoral person; I’m a good person; I’ve offered my sacrifices” - perhaps for last night’s affair.

“I’ve paid my vows. I’ve been to church this morning; I gave my tithe; I taught Sunday School. I’m right with God. I’m paid up. So we can go and do what we’re about to do - you can come with me and do with me what we’re about to do, and you don’t have to worry about defiling me or yourself. I’ve paid my vows, my account is up to date, I’m right with God. God is pleased with me, and with you. “Therefore, I have come out to meet you, to seek your presence earnestly, and I have found you” - you; it’s you I had to have, and no one else - making him feel special and desirable and manly.

This is the point at which we would be wise to follow the example of Joseph. “Sleep with me!”, Potiphar’s wife demanded day after day after day after day in Genesis 39. The second time, after being refused by him for days or weeks or months, you might recall she grabs hold of his outer garment. Do you remember what he does? That would be the point at which many men would crumble. Rather than crumbling, Joseph runs. No, he “flees” according to Genesis 39, so quick is his departure that he leaves half naked with his outer garment still in her hand. I’ve often wondered if it was this story Paul had in mind when he warned Timothy to “flee from youthful lusts” (2Tim. 2:22) and when he warned the Corinthians to “flee sexual immorality” (1Cor. 6:18). Meaning: Whatever you have to do to avoid sexual immorality, do it - whatever inconvenience that might result is worth what you will gain by being able to keep your integrity, protect your marriage, and not lose your soul.

Then she paints a picture for him of what it’ll be like. Verse 16, “I have spread my couch with coverings, with colored linens of Egypt. I have sprinkled my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us drink our fill of love until morning; let us delight ourselves with caresses.” She knows what she’s doing. Many men are more visually oriented than women.

And then, she plays the last card. If there were any resistance in the heart of this young guy, it might be due to what will happen to him when her husband finds out. Not to worry, she says. Verses 19-20, “For my husband is not at home, he has gone on a long journey; he has taken a bag of money with him, at the full moon he will come home.”

“The bag of money he took indicates that he had much time-consuming trading to do, and would not be home until the next full moon (i.e. weeks away). She has cornered the young man, embraced him, enticed him with images of luxurious lovemaking and explained that it is all without risk of discovery or danger. She is an effective presenter of her advertising pitch.” [Schwab, Proverbs, CBC p508]

That’s the appeal. Notice with me next the deception.

The deception (vv. 19-21)

Ill. Chuck Swindoll tells a story that illustrates the deception of sexual sin. He had been invited to speak at the Super Bowl breakfast for Athletes in Action in 1990. As he sat on the plane waiting to take off returning home, he says there was an empty seat behind him as the plane filled up. At the last minute, a woman, rushed and barely making onto the plane, makes her way to the seat. The man in the seat beside her welcomed her with open arms. He writes, “She didn’t simply sit down - she fell into his arms as they kissed, giggled, and embraced for the next ten minutes.”

He thought to himself, “Isn’t that wonderful? A happily married couple.” But as they talked he could not help but overhear. They were in fact married, but not to each other. He writes, “Their carefully arranged plan was to rendezvous on the plane, then spend the weekend together in New Orleans. Their conversation, mixed with frequent kisses, included all kinds of comments about teh fun they had in front of them, the intimate ecstacy of being together for a couple of nights…they laughed and joked as they talked about how each other’s mate knew nothing of it.”

Swindoll writes, “I might add here that neither of them made any mention of the possible consequences — the loss of reputation, of the depression that was sure to follow, the possibility of unexpected pregnancy, the embarrassing humiliation when their mates (not if, but when)( would find out. Why, of course not! This couple was on fire. Their full focus turned to the delightful time they would have together. They just couldn’t talk about anything else.” [Swindoll pp. 17-18]

Now keeping in mind what I’ve just said, I want you to look with me at verse 21 and not the two verbs used to describe what is in fact happening to this man. The woman has painted a picture for this guy of a risk-free evening of pleasure. She even used the word “love”. Yet here we see what is really going on. “With her many persuasions she entices him; with her flattering lips she seduces him.”

Church, you may be sure that Satan will hide the consequences of your sin from you when he tempts you. He will exaggerate the pleasure you will receive from your sin. He will minimize or conceal altogether the shame, the grief, the despair, the humiliation. So it’s our job to remind ourselves of what it will cost us ahead of time.

The fall (v. 22-23)

It would have been wise for this young man to have gamed it out beforehand as to what this would cost him. He would have been wise to have gamed this out before he even left his home that night.

But because he didn’t, he walks off a cliff. “Suddenly” - suddenly!

I came across this poem this past week:

“Alas, how easily things go wrong! A sigh too much, or a kiss too long, and there follows a mist and a weeping rain, and life is never the same again.” [George MacDonald, “Sweet Peril”, quoted in Swindoll p17]

Suddenly - all at once - before he was aware of what was happening - “suddenly he follows her”.

Ill. Some years back, a judge in Bridgeport, CT fined two men $900,000 for operating an illegal dump. The two men, brothers, owned a wrecking company, and five years previously they had started taking loads of wreckage from jobs dumping it in a field just behind their office. Now, five years later, they had accumulated a pile of trash that was 35 feet high and two acres wide, and they had to pay the price. When asked how it happened, one of the men just said, “It was never supposed to get this high.” [Edward K. Rowell, Fresh Illustrations, p188]

It’s a reminder that we never wind up in an affair overnight. The text says “suddenly”, verse 22, but that’s from the young man’s perspective. If you’ve followed the story at all so far, you know it wasn’t really sudden at all. He went looking for sin. Sin found him. Sin enticed him. Sin promised him no risk of discovery and no cost. He must feel like he had just walked off a cliff. You and I know he was a lot closer to the edge than he thought he was.

He was lingering near her house. He knew very well where she lived.

You see, here’s the thing about sin and temptation. You see, most people don’t get up in the morning and say “I am going to cheat on my

What are some things we do that are like the young man lingering by this woman’s house? What are some things we do, some habits we have, some thought patterns we find ourselves in that prepare us to fall suddenly like this mamn here?

The second look is one of those things we do. You’re out at the store and you see someone attractive. Your eyes may innocently land on that person, but the second look is not so innocent. The third look is even less innocent.

Sharing intimate details with someone of the opposite sex who is not your husband or wife.

Looking up an old high school boyfriend or girlfriend on Facebook.

Clicking on an Internet ad.

Watching TV shows primarily because you like the way the main character looks.

Thinking about what it would be like to be with someone besides your husband or your wife.

And all of these things are a whole lot more dangerous if you’re going through a rough patch with your spouse or you are feeling discontented with your spouse. Even reading romance novels is a dangerous thing to do if you’re discontented with your spouse. Why? Because the enemy can use that discontent to fan the flames of desire for someone other than your spouse. And adding any of the things we’ve just talked about is like pouring gasoline on those flames.

I’ll never forget a conversation I had with a guy I knew in DC who we went to church with there. He had experienced the nightmarish consequences of adultery himself. He had cheated on his wife. Of course she found out, and left him, and when I knew him he was in the middle of custody battles, part of the wreckage divorce leaves behind. God had granted this man real and honest repentance, and he had grown alot through all of this.

He was telling me how he justified cheating on his wife. Do you know how he justified it? He said he was in a small group meeting at church and someone else in the group confessed to an adulterous affair. This was a guy this man really looked up to. He told me, “When I heard him say that, the first thought into my mind was that I can’t believe this guy had actually cheated on his wife. But my next thought,” he said, “was that if he had done it, it must not be that bad.”

Is it possible that we’re a lot closer to complete moral failure than we think we are? You see, the thing about sexual temptation is that we rarely wake up in the morning and decide to have a major fall into sin. It’s almost always the end result of countless poor choice, it’s usually the final step in a series of moral compromises.

And it’s not just certain kinds of people who are prone to it. If Billy Graham and Mike Pence both had that rule we talked about earlier, both of them must have sensed that it was a possibility for them. The reality is that it’s a possibility for everyone. Dr. James Dobson tells a story about a time when he and his wife Shirley had an argument about something minor, he says. This is the story he tells.

“It was no big deal,” he says, “but we both were pretty agitated at the time. I got in the car and drove around for about an hour to cool off. On the way home, an attractive girl drove up beside me in her car and smiled, obviously flirting. Then she turned onto a side street. I knew she was inviting me to follow her. I didn’t take the bait. I just went home and made up with Shirley. But I thought how vicious the devil had been to take advantage of the momentary conflict between us. That’s why Scripture refers to him as “a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” [Larson, p482]

The reality is that sexual temptation is a reality for everyone. It’s also been a reality in every age. We might think that our society is more immoral today than any other society. That’s not really the case at all. The Bible was written in the context of massive pagan empires that practiced all manner of sexual immorality. Think of Babylon and Rome.

Speaking of Rome, the philosopher Seneca famously said, “Women were married to be divorced and divorced to be remarried.”

In Greece, a statesman named Demosthenes shockingly said, “We keep prostitutes for pleasure; we keep mistresses for the day to day needs of the body; we keep wives for the begetting of children and for the faithful guardianship of our homes.” [Swindoll, p292]

Socrates practiced homosexuality.

The emperor Nero actually had a young boy he was attracted to and he actually married this young boy named Sporus, in an elaborate public ceremony. [Swindoll, p293] Later when Nero died, Sporus was taken by another emperor. This emperor had plans to publicly violate this little boy in a packed arena. This poor young man killed himself beforehand to avoid the humiliation and shame. [Wikipedia]

God has made us as sexual beings, which is a good thing; but we are fallen sexual beings so our sexual desires are not always trustworthy, which is a bad thing. This means that temptation to sexual sin has always been a huge problem, in any age, not just ours, because human nature has not substantially changed.

#3: The True Nature of Sexual Sin

He says in verses 22-23, “Suddenly he follows her as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as one in fetters to the discipline of a fool, until an arrow pierces through his liver; as a bird hastens to the snare, so he does not know that it will cost him his life.”

What is the true nature of sexual sin? Unfortunately that’s not something this young man has not realized yet, but he will. By grace, we can know that ahead of time, too. Listen to what Job had to say about adultery:

 “If my heart has been enticed by a woman, Or I have lurked at my neighbor’s doorway, 10 May my wife grind for another, And let others kneel down over her. 11 “For that would be a lustful crime; Moreover, it would be an iniquity punishable by judges. 12 “For it would be fire that consumes to Abaddon, And would uproot all my increase.”

Job wasn’t saying this because he had experienced adultery and he knows how stupid it was not that he’s on the other side of it. No, just the opposite. Job’s friends are saying, “Job, you’re suffering a whole lot; you’ve lost everything. When are you going to admit that you’ve sinned greatly to deserve this suffering?”

Of course we know that’s not how it works. But Job is trying to prove to his friends that he is in fact innocent. He says, “If my heart has been enticed by a woman, may my wife grind for another; that would be a lustful crime, a sin punishable by the judges.” Job has not committed adultery precisely because he knows how serious it is and he knows that as a sinner he is prone to it, and so he has strengthened himself by reminding himself just what it would cost him, and that is how he has found the strength to remain faithful to his wife.

And because adultery is so serious, that’s why Solomon drives home his point. “Now therefore, my sons, listen to me, and pay attention to the words of my youth.” “Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, do not stray into her paths” (Prov. 7:24-25). He tells us how to avoid sexual sin. He tells us the battle begins in the heart. Win the battle in the mind first, and you won’t wind up in the place this young man did. Recognize that sexual temptation is first of all a battle for the purity of your mind, your heart. Then, Solomon is saying, you won’t become a victim of sexual sin.

And there have been many victims. Solomon uses an image that simultaneously warns us as to the sheer number of people taken down by adultery, and an image that shows us how adultery dangerous is. Death. “For many are the victims she has cast down, and numerous are all her slain. Her house is the way to Sheol, descending to the chambers of death” (Prov. 7:26-27).

Conclusion and call for response

Now, I don’t know what kinds of feelings this sermon has elicited within you. If one feeling you’re experiencing is fear, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. We need a healthy fear of the consequences of sin, because that means that we have a healthy fear of God.

I also don’t know if any of you have been affected by adultery, whether from yourselves or your spouse. Few of us know the deepest secrets of each other’s hearts. But what I do know this morning is that if you have in any been guilty in this, God is a gracious and forgiving God. Adultery is a serious sin, but praise God it is not an unforgivable sin. Sexual sin is a serious sin, but it is not an unforgivable sin. If by chance you’ve been listening this morning and you’ve thought, “That’s me. He’s describing me”, then I want to point you to Christ, who hung on the cross in your place that you might be forgiven and washed clean. What you have or haven’t done has not in the slightest changed God’s love for you, His desire to forgive you, His ability to work in your life and in your marriage.

All of us are a lot closer to sin and temptation than we think we are. Maybe some of you listening this morning though, whether in here or online, are in a dangerous place. This is your wake-up call this morning. You need to turn from your sin. You need to confess it to God. You may need to confess it to someone else, too. Someone you trust who is a mature believer who can extend grace to you, someone who will lovingly hold you accountable. You need a plan, starting today, for how you can avoid getting back in the place you’re in now. You need to be aware of the danger of self-sufficiency, of feeling that you are adequate in yourself to the challenges you face each day. That bleeds over into our fight with sin, and no matter how good you may be at your job or anything else you do every day, you and I are no match for sexual sin. Start each day with a conscious awareness that you cannot fight the good fight alone. And you are not alone. Jesus is for you, and He is with you. Your church is for you, I am for you, and we are here for you.