1 Peter 3.3-7
Notes
Transcript
Welcome:
Man it’s good to be back with you all in person. I wasn’t able to make it last week, but it’s so good to see you all in person. I have missed you and while I’m thankful for the opportunities to to do things online, we aren’t meant to do that forever. To be the church means we must gather in person. I’m glad to do that again tonight.
I’m also excited about jumping back into our series in 1 Peter. We took a little break for Christmas, and now we are returning to 1 Peter 3.1-7. If you might remember it was a loaded passage, and I was able to only cover the first 2 verses the last time. I’m excited to cover the rest here today.
Let’s pray that God would bless our time and open our eyes to see his good design and that our hearts would be moved to worship him.
Prayer
Summary of where we have been
For a quick refresher for where we left off and where we are going let’s look at the text again.
1 Peter 3.1-7
1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Back in November I covered 1 Peter 3:1-2. I would encourage you to go back on our Facebook page and listen to it if you don’t remember it or missed it.
https://www.facebook.com/355667351179556/videos/2520522338239102
But, I think it’s important to cover a few important aspects to this passage before we jump in to verse 3 through 7
I want to remind us that this passage comes in the context of Peter talking about how all christians are to submit.
As Christians, Peter explains, that this is not our home. We are exiles and foreigners and as we wait for our true home we are to show and speak of the goodness and greatness of God. One of the greatest ways to show the world how great God is, is to be humble and submit. So Peter instructs us all to be in submission to the government, that servants are to submit to masters, and then Peter talks about submission in marriage.
The word submission is a not a well-like word. And while I talked about what Biblical submission is at length a couple of weeks ago. I want us to be reminded of what true biblical submission is.
The word submission means that you willingly put yourself under the leadership of someone else. This is what Jesus did. The greatest example of this is when Jesus submits to the Father right before he goes to the cross. Jesus doesn’t submit out of fear, but willingly. Jesus didn’t submit because he was weak; he was strong. Biblical submission is about meekness, it is strength under control. Just like we see in Christ’s submission.
This is the context in which Peter transitions to giving instruction on beauty and submission.
And I think what Peter is going to say is extremely important.
Why is this important?
The cost of beauty in our culture
American women spend billons on beauty, but find very little happiness in the end.
According to various articles, women on average will spend around $300,000 dollars on beauty over their lifetimes. Think about that: the average woman is spending as much on beauty as a house over her lifetime. This is for things like face wash, eye cream, moisturizer, all kinds of make up and clothes. That’s not to say this is a woman’s issue. Men spend on average $175,680 over their lifetimes.
This doesn’t even include the cosmetic surgeries that can cost thousands of dollars. And you would hope and think that with spending all this money on beauty, the results would be that there would be greater happiness and contentment.
But, a study in 2012 found that the United States is number one in cosmetic spending, yet number 23 in the world’s “satisfaction with life” ranking. Japan is second in cosmetics spending… and 90th in satisfaction with life,
Why is this true? Peter is going to tell us. Let’s walk through it.
1 Peter 3.3-4
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
Now, I want to state up front I don’t think it’s wrong to pursue physical beauty. God designed beauty. And these verses aren’t prohibiting women from wearing jewelry or doing their hair, or putting on make-up. That’s not what it’s saying. Here’s why I don’t think he’s saying women can’t do their hair or wear jewelry, because Peter includes clothing in the sentence. If you’re going to say women should never do their hair, or wear jewelry, then logically you’d have to say they should never wear clothes. You know that’s not what he means.
What it is saying, is don’t let that be the only thing. Don’t let your physical beauty be all that you focus on.
Ladies, I know that the temptation is to think that you need to be physically beautiful to attract a husband, or to keep a husband. What the Bible is saying to you, is that work of pursuing physical beauty will never satisfy because it will always fade.
Proverbs 31.30 says this “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Rather, Peter says, focus more on the inner person, or the heart and what God finds precious.
What does God find precious?
A gentle and quiet spirit. I know that for many that phrase could bring up a lot of emotion. I know the gut reaction is to think, that’s the problem these days, people are saying the Bible saying women are to be quiet, and submissive, that’s old fashioned and women shouldn’t not have to be gentle and quiet.
Just hear me out on this. Let’s walk through this phrase and see what Peter is getting at.
The word gentle means humble, rather than harsh or angry. The word is sometimes translated meek and Jesus uses this word about his own heart. In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says,
28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Jesus is not trigger-happy. Not harsh, reactionary, or easily exasperated. He is the most understanding person in the universe. He is gentle. Jesus could have brought his Kingdom with force, but he didn’t. Peter is telling women, be like Jesus. Be gentle.
The words “quiet spirit” don’t mean that a women should talk softly or to not say anything at all. But, it refers to having a peaceful existence or attitude. It’s when things are chaotic, like in the time of war, to have a calming presence. To pursue peace in your spirit, when things are “loud around you.” Having a quiet spirit is not incompatible with being extraverted, or talkative or funny or enthusiastic. It means when your life gets stressful and the heat rises around you, your heart doesn’t grow chaotic and loud and hot along with it. Rather, when things get loud around you, your heart is calm and centered in your deliberate trust of God.
In fact, Paul tells all those who love Jesus to live a quiet life. In 2 Timothy 2 he writes
“that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.”
Peter’s point is that a quiet spirit is not a raging spirit. Jesus was the strongest man who ever lived, yet He was adorned with a gentle and quiet spirit. Peter says that such a spirit is very precious in the sight of God.
And ladies, hear me God is the only one who can see that gentle and quiet spirit in a woman’s inner person with his perfect vision. He sees the beauty in her soul that no man can see, and it is exceedingly precious to Him.
An IMPERISHABLE or UNFADING beauty.
A women who adorns herself with physical beauty will see that it’s always a battle to keep it from fading. But the women who adorns her self with a spiritual beauty, who pursues godliness, will see her beauty never fade. In fact, she will grow more beautiful over her lifetime.
Look at the word Peter uses. He calls it an imperishable beauty or an unfading beauty. The same word Peter uses in chapter 1 to talk about our future inheritance in heaven.
What Peter is doing is he is contrasting physical beauty with a spiritual beauty. What we naturally do in our world is we value the physical beauty over a woman rather than the spiritual beauty of a woman.
Peter is saying that physical beauty will fade, but spiritual beauty never will.
Application:
Ladies, I want to encourage you to think about some things. I’m not saying only women think about their physical appearance; men spend time on it, too! But this passage is addressed to women, so we need to focus there right now.
How much time do you spend on your physical beauty? What are the things you have built into your routine that you focus on to make yourself more physically beautiful or to try to keep your beauty from fading?
Think about your body from top to bottom. How how much time do you spend on, grooming, putting on make up, picking out clothes, doing your hair? And if you work out are you doing it for beauty or for health?
Now in turn, think about all that you do to work on your spiritual beauty? How many hours a week are you spending on trying to be more beautiful spiritually?
What does looking at the time you spend on each of these tell you about what you care more about? Physical beauty or spiritual beauty?
Men, these are important questions for you, too. But what I want to ask you is: what are you focusing on? Are you mostly focused on the external appearance of women, or are you more concerned with her internal condition, like God is? Do you find the spiritual beauty of a women more precious than her physical appearance, like God does? Which do you want to treasure more?
What will happen when the woman you marry ages? How will it impact your marriage if your main priority was her physical beauty, as it fades? How will it impact your wife if she knows, even if you’ve never said it, that you are more focused on her physical beauty than her spiritual beauty?
But, what if you saw things like God does and saw the imperishable beauty of a godly woman? God promises you that in marriage that beauty will never fade, but will only grow.
My love for Sarah is greater today than it was when we got married. And the truth is I see her as more beautiful today than I did then. From an outward standpoint, that shouldn’t be true. We both know we are getting older, and our bodies show it. But my desire for her and love of her has only grown as she becomes more godly.
1 Peter 3.5-6
Peter wants to encourage women to live this way, so he calls them to look in the past for examples.
Let’s look at the text. 1 Peter 3.5-6
5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Ladies, if you want to grow in your character, if you want to adorn yourselves with internal beauty, Peter says hope in God.
By hoping in God, these women were holy. That is, they were set apart for God. They were living in the way God wanted them too. And by their hope in God, they displayed beauty (“adorned themselves") in their submission to their husbands.
And as an example of the submission Peter is talking about Peter chooses Sarah and Abraham.
Now what’s striking is that Sarah wasn’t a perfect example. Sarah at times didn’t trust the Lord, and at times followed her husband Abraham into sin. But, I think there can be some encouragement in that. The Bible is filled with imperfect characters just like we are. But, even though Sarah was imperfect, Peter points her out as an example of submission as she tries to show respect and follow her husband Abraham.
Now remember that while the Bible does say Sarah was physically beautiful (Genesis 12:12-14), that’s not what’s focused on here. Here, she is commended for adorning herself with the imperishable beauty of submission.
Why is submission so precious and beautiful to God? Because it because it shows she has placed her hope in God.
Let me say it this way. If a woman submits to her husband like Sarah did, she shows that she has placed her hope in God and fears him above all else. And because she fears God above all else, she doesn’t need to be afraid of anything else in life.
There is no doubt that submission is difficult. I know that. It’s hard for me to submit. But, women I want to encourage when it’s hard to submit to live like a daughter of Sarah, live like a child of God, placing your hope in God so that if you face hardship you know that what you’re doing is precious to God.
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I feel it’s important to add something here. God does not call women to be doormats, to be a slave in the way they relate to their husband. And God doesn’t call men to exercise tyranny over their wife. I said this before and I said this again. This passage isn’t calling wives to submit to husbands if they are being led to sin. Men, women, husbands, wives, everyone is first called to submit to Jesus first. If an authority is asking you do something that goes against Jesus, you are not commanded to follow.
Women, if you are being abused, God wants you to seek help. Call the police immediately. A husband who is abusive belongs in jail, where he cannot beat up on women or children.
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Now these words to women are extremely counter cultural. Let’s just be honest. You won’t hear this stuff in magazines, books or in classes, or even in some churches. I know that, but hopefully you see the goodness of God’s design. But, let’s not forget Peter has pretty counter cultural things to say to husbands as well.
1 Peter 3.7
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Peter moves the conversation to address the husbands.
“Live with your wives in an understanding way.” Okay, this might be an easy to verse to read and understand what it saying, but a really hard verse to put into practice.
Guys, God is calling you to really truly comprehend and know your wife. God is calling you to pursue her, ask her questions, draw her out, listen to her, ask her more questions, try to figure her out.
This can be a challenge, because woman can be hard for men to figure out! I know I’m married to a great godly woman, but she can still be hard to understand sometimes!
Just a few weeks ago, Sarah came into where I was working and was like, you’re going to think I’m crazy. She went on to share how she had changed her mind about something that for years she was pretty set against. God moved in her heart, and it didn’t really make sense, but she knew what she was saying was condrictory to what she shared with me for years, but she wanted me to know.
Men, to understand your wife is your responsibility. It’s not only your responsibility, but it is your privilege to understand your wife. AND it takes work. I think that is where we just get lazy. And I get it. You finish a long hard day at work, and you just want to sit down. You don’t want to answer questions, you don’t want ask questions. You just want things to be quiet because you’ve been hard at work.
But the work of understanding your wife is more important and more valuable than earning a paycheck! Your legacy according to the Lord will more about how you love and understood your wife than it will be how successful you were at work.
I know that many of you aren’t married, but most of you will be. And when you start dating part of the joy and excitement of dating is for a guy to start getting to know the girl.
When Sarah and I were dating, I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to meet her friends. I wanted to see all the things from her life before I knew her. I want to know where you came from. I want to know everything about you.” But then at some point, I can feel like, “Oh, I know everything about you.” And then things get stagnant. I don’t really ask questions anymore. Men, we need to repent of this. I need to repent of this.
We need to see the joys of knowing our wives, to remember the privilege it is to get to know her to peel back the layers of know her daily fears, her joys, her sorrows. This is our job and our privilege and should never be completed. I think this is why God has given us a lifetime and said, “You’re married to this woman to the grave. You’re married to her for your entire life.” Because it might actually take you your entire life to figure her out. And just when you understand her, you’ll both change. And you’ll need to seek understanding again.
And part of understanding your wife means you show her honor as the weaker vessel.
Look at the verse. 1 PEter 3.7
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Peter, here is just referring to the fact for the most part, women are generally physically weaker than men. On average, men are larger than women, obviously I know women can be stronger and taller than men, but there’s a reason why in athletic competition men and women compete against their own gender. Why do they do that? Because we understand that men and women are genetically different.
The point isn’t that women are weaker. Most men have the potential to control their wives by sheer brute strength. This is not what God intends. Christian husbands are to be honoring. Honor the woman as the weaker vessel. Honor her. Not control her a the weaker vessel, or intimidate her, or manipulate her out of fear, or force her. Honor her. This goes back to Ephesians 5.
Men should nourish and cherish their wives. Our wives should feel treasured. That is how you honor your wife, not just by giving her things, but by giving her yourself, giving your attention, showing her she’s the most valuable person in your life, second only to Jesus. Does your wife feel treasured?
I think of the analogy of fine china and the plastic cups that are unbreakable. Where do we keep the fine china? We keep it where it won’t get destroyed. We pay attention when we use it. We are intentional about it. We don’t easily dismiss it if someone were to are careless with it and chip it; we don’t say “oh that’s fine, it doesn’t matter.” We care about it and we take care of it.
But what do we give the kids? We give them those plastic cubs that are practically indestructible. They can throw them across the room when having a tantrum; they can go in the dishwasher and get washed with everything else; they can get left behind at the park without anyone caring. Which is weaker the vessel the plastic cups or the fine china? The fine china. BUT what is more valuable? What is more honorable? The china! It’s cherished, it’s valued, it’s protected.
Does your wife feel the plastic cup or the precious china? Do you take care of her and honor her and treasure her in that way? Or does she feel thrown around, used, replaceable?
But, Peter tells husbands not just to honor wives because they are physically weaker, but because they are also equal!
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Though men are to be the leaders in the home, they are still equal with their wives: equal in dignity, equal in grace. God doesn’t see men as being greater or of more value than women. Men are co-heirs with Christ “of the grace of life” with our wives. This ought to fill a husband with amazement, respect, reverence, wonder, and awe that he lives with such a remarkable daughter of the king.
And if we don’t honor our wives, there is a consequence. The consequence is that our prayers will be hindered. He is saying, “Hey if you’re not loving your wife and honoring your wife like you should, your prayers are going impeded.”
Take a second and let that sink in. The effectiveness of a husband’s prayers is dependent on how he honors his wife!
If you are struggling in your prayer life and you are married, and you are finding that God is distant, or something just seems in the way of your prayers, Peter is saying honor your wife! By doing so, your prayers will not be hindered. Just simply stunning.
So here is want I want you to reflect on as you think about marriage, whether currently or in the future. The marriage relationship is symbolic of Christ’s relationship with the church. It is a profound way that God can be glorified through us.
Will people people look at your marriage and see the gospel? Men, will they see the way that you love your wives and honor them and cherish them and respect them and understand them? And wives, do they see how you submit to you husband and how you try to adorn your inner beauty? It’s one of the greatest ways that God can get glory in your life.
I want to challenge you with that.
So let’s pray. Father, we thank You so much for who You are, for Your grace and Your goodness. We thank You for marriage and what a blessing it is. We thank You that it is beautiful, but it’s a struggle. I thank You that we can just see You in it and we become more like You in marriage. And God, I pray that You raise up a generation of husbands and wives that love each other like You’ve called us to love. Do your work in us.