5 Keys to Counseling

1- Observe

2- Determine root issues

3- Be involved

4- Give Hope

5- Give practical Application

Observe

Do extensive and intensive probing

Ask questions that grow out of the facts recieved

-I’m always tired

When do you feel the most tired

Is it every day

Is it after certain situations

Is it.....

Withhold judgment while observing

Take mental note of key issues that need more discussion

Watch verbal/non-verbal communication

-What is said…the content

-How it is said…the halo data

The requirement of listening

Listening is the prerequisite to problem-solving…Proverbs 18:13

Listen for the following:

-Blame shifting

-Calling sin sickness

-Focusing on feelings over facts

-Words like “can’t”, “unable”, “too much”

These are pointers for more questions

Why can’t you...

What makes you unable...

A persons evaluation of any given situation is what they feel

That is human nature

We feel the way we feel because we think the way we think

Our task is to be objective in our listening and questions to come to an accurate and factual assessment

This leads to the second key

Determine root issues

At times the Lord will reveal them too us in the moment and other times we will need to meet with that person again

The process begins with the subjective level

Questions like...”What are you feeling?”

If they came for that purpose of help you could ask...”What did you want to talk about”

The purpose is to get the presenting issue

This is the feeling that causes the effect that gives them the desire for help

“I feel guilty”

“I am depressed”

“I cant get along with my wife”

Then we get to what we saw in 1 John this morning

The thinking level

Ask questions about the thought processes that lead to the feelings

The behavior that is the result of a belief or feeling leads back to a thought process

What was going through your mind as you....

Not “How were you feeling” but “What were you thinking”

This is ESSENTIAL to changing behavior

Be involved

Acts 20:31 KJV 1900

Therefore watch, and remember, that by the space of three years I ceased not to warn every one night and day with tears.

3 John 4 KJV 1900

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.

Ephesians 4:15, 29

Ephesians 4:15 KJV 1900

But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

Ephesians 4:29 KJV 1900

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

1 Thessalonians 2:7-9

1 Thessalonians 2:7–9 KJV 1900

But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children: So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us. For ye remember, brethren, our labour and travail: for labouring night and day, because we would not be chargeable unto any of you, we preached unto you the gospel of God.

Accepting them as a person who is important to God

Coming alongside them in concern and love

seeing their problem in order to help them find biblical solutions to their problems

To ultimately help them glorify God

*How do we establish involvement

-Be available

-Be sensitive to needs

-Be yourself, not someone you think they need

-Take their situation seriously even if it seems ridiculous

-Give directive truth not rambling generalities

4- Give Hope

There are answers…God’s solutions

The Bible is our textbook

THe source of our hope is in the Bible

The message of hope in a nutshell is 1 Corinthians 10:13

How do we give hope?

-Model it

-Label sin as sin---take sin seriously

-Use the iceberg principle

~Give some relief to the presenting problem

~Show that you can only deal with what you know

~Allow larger issues to surface and deal with them as they come

5- Give Practical Application

The Scriptures are “action orientated”

There are expectations put on us when we are confronted with truth

Jesus and the disciples John 13:12-17

Paul Ephesians 4:1,17 and 5:15

James and the faith works dynamic James 1:21-22 and 2:14-26

Why give application

1- It is vital otherwise it is just facts and knowledge…it needs to be applied to become wisdom for living

2- To help them when you are not around…Paul and his “much more in my absence”

3- Communicates confidence that they are able to continue in the truths presented

Practical aspects of application

1- Be specific “People don’t change in a fuzzy head”

2- Must involve knowing AND doing

One without the other is not application

3- Be sure that the application applies to their issues or there is no hope

4- Check in

Call, email, text, visit

Make subsequent contact to encourage and remind them of the goal and the hope they have to get there