Pre-Marital Counsel

“Compatibility” Questions To Discuss Together:

Do you both know Christ as Savior and are you committed to building a marriage to honoring Him? You are both marrying someone who is going to live forever, so having eternal priorities in check is of the utmost importance or there will always be tension between the priorities of the home. Paul encourages us to not be unequally yoked for this particular purpose.

Do you both want children? How do you plan on raising them, discipling them, and disciplining them?

Do you both have the same financial mentality?

What is a “Christian Marriage”?

A Christian marriage is a covenant agreement in which a man and a woman, both committed to Jesus Christ, are legally, physically, and spiritually joined as husband and wife.

• A covenant is a vow, a pledge, a promise.

“If a man vow a vow unto the Lord, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth.” (Numbers 30:2)

• A covenant is a formal, solemn binding agreement.

“And God said unto Abraham, Thou shalt keep my covenant therefore, thou, and thy seed after thee in their generations. ” (Genesis 17:9)

• A covenant that is broken displeases the Lord.

“And this have ye done again, Covering the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, Insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, Or receiveth it with good will at your hand. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, Against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: Yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. (Malachi 2:13–14)

God designed marriage to be a committed covenant relationship between a man and a woman—a sacred, sanctified relationship of mutual love lasting a lifetime. Here are a few requirements or responsibilities:

Leave your lifestyle of being dependent on your parents.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother” (Genesis 2:24)

Link with your mate legally.

“… and shall cleave unto his wife …” (Genesis 2:24)

• Live together as one in intimate union.

“… and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

• Love your partner for a lifetime.

“What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Mark 10:9)

Responsibilities and Roles of a Husband

1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

When Peter says according to knowledge, he doesn’t specify what knowledge. However, commentators agree that he is referring to the knowledge of God’s will for you as a man. So, we want to take a few moments to recall, or learn, what our jobs are as husbands.

We are to provide for our wives. - 1 Timothy 5:8 “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”. Now, this does not mean that she cannot contribute (Prov. 31) but it does mean that it isn’t her first responsibility.

We are to take pride in our wives. - Proverbs 5:18 “Let thy fountain be blessed: And rejoice with the wife of thy youth.”

We are to lead our homes.

You are going to lead whether you like it or not. You’ll either be a good leader or a poor leader but this isn’t a position you can’t resign from and it’s a job where the performance exam is preformed by God.

In Gen. 3 you find that the fall resulted because the structured leadership of the home was fractured. And as a result of the fall you find that sin harms the relationship between man and wife.

Genesis 3:16 means the same thing as Genesis 4:17

But in Eph. 5, Col. 3, 1 Peter 3, Titus 2, and Genesis 2-3 (before the fall!) you see male headship.

Many will use Eph. 5:22-23 against this teaching. (explain submit - Hypotasso)

So, seeing that you are the leader, what does this mean?

First, Leadership is not gained through domination, but submission. (Eph. 5:22-24) If a man is looking for a wife and the girl he is talking to won’t obey her father, that’s a clear sign that there’s a problem. Run. This is not a position that you throw around with weight behind it. This is a position that she must realize is given by God. So, rebellion in this sense, is rebellion against God (NOT IN CASES OF SIN)

Second, You are to Disciple Her and Pray for Her Growth in the Lord. (Ephesians 5:26)

This doesn’t just end with her, but you are responsible for the discipleship of the children and the affairs of the home in total. Many men want to only be in charge when it comes to their wives doing whatever they say, but this isn’t the case in God’s plan.

You are responsible to set the trajectory for your home.

So, now that we have a little idea of our responsibility, return to 1 Peter 3:7

1, 2 Peter, Jude (4) Husbands, Live Knowledgeably with Your Wives (3:7)

The wife is described here as the “weaker vessel” (NASB; asthenesterō skeuei). The word “vessel” can also refer to men

1, 2 Peter, Jude (4) Husbands, Live Knowledgeably with Your Wives (3:7)

The most obvious meaning, therefore, is that women are weaker than men in terms of sheer strength. Peter used the word for “female” or “woman” (gynaikeios) rather than “wife.” He directed attention to what is uniquely feminine about women, pointing husbands to the knowledge that God would require them to have of the female sex.

Not only this, but we are to respect our wives because they are also heirs of eternal life. This is another arrow pointing us to make sure we keep our marital priorities focused on eternal matters. She is not just a precious wife, but she is a co-laborer and sister redeemed by the Lord.

To shun these responsibilities will result in God refusing to answer our prayers.

So, seeing what we have, we must take note of the most powerful of demands and that is that we are to lead our wives in love. Eph. 5:25

We must beware that we don’t become men who misunderstand the word and try to lead like heartless dictators. No, in the midst of this job given to men we find that we are to be driven by love. In Ephesians 5:25, Paul, in the midst of the example of Christ and the depiction of His sacrificial love for the Church, calls us as husbands to love our wives with the same intensity.

In the NT there are many words translated love from the Greek. A few are: storge, eros, and phileo but the kind of love that we are called to display is not brotherly love or physical attraction but we are called to display “agape” love. This kind of love is a self-sacrificing love.

This is a love that points to God as 1 John tells us that He is love. So, in essence, Paul is illustrating how our marriages are these living sermons that are preaching the Gospel and praising the Lord through our love for one another.

So, how does this love look like if not physical attraction?: 1 Cor. 13

v1-3 In the most impressive of acts, if there isn’t love then there is no value.

In v4-7 we find the depiction of love

In v8-13 we find the endurance of that love.