(006) Philippians II: Liking People
Philippians II: Liking People
Philippians 1:7-11
November 11, 2007
Happy Halloween?
Good morning, and welcome if you are visiting us. I am Josh Kelley. Today we resume our series on Philippians after taking a week off to talk about Halloween.
BTW: How did you do using Halloween to get to know your neighbors?
I was able to introduce myself to a couple of neighbors, but I was causing traffic jams of kids wanting candy, so I had to cut it short.
Our neighborhood is a hotbed of trick-or-treating, way more than our last one. I bought a Costco pack with 80 things of Play-Doh. I thought it would be plenty, but we ran out and I had to give out Grace and Sarah’s stash while they weren’t looking.
They got way more candy than they needed. At least this year we learned and put their candy out of reach. Last year Marilyn and I were awaken at 5:30 am by the sound of our girls laughing as they helped themselves to their Halloween candy.
passage summary
Today we are going be studying Philippians 1:7-11. You can turn there if you have a Bible. Remember “Go Eat PopCorn.”
It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-- to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:7-11 NIV
In this passage, we are going to talk about:
1. Paul’s affection for the Philippians, as well as the joy they brought him,
2. Paul’s secrets to liking the unlikable, and
3. Paul’s prayer for the Philippians.
The book of joy
In talking about Paul’s affection for the Philippians, it’s significant that this wasn’t a one-way relationship. Not only did Paul minister to them, they ministered to him.
· Paul drew a very real and meaningful benefit from them.
I think that they were a major source of the joy which Philippians is so noted for. Paul uses the word joy in its various forms here more often than any other of his letters.
· This theme is striking because it was written from a prison, as Paul was facing execution.
Preachers and commentators talk about how Paul was able to have joy in spite of horrible circumstances because of things like his sense of purpose, his perspective, his trust in God.
All of this is true, and we will talk about that next week. But the Philippians themselves and his relationship with them was a key source of joy. I know this because this isn’t the only book Paul wrote from death row.
Lonely Paul
Several years later, he wrote 2 Timothy from a different prison, as he faced execution. But 2 Timothy is melancholy in tone.
· “Joy” occurs 16x in Philippians, but only once in 2 Timothy.
To put that in perspective, in Philippians, joy occurs once per every 150 words. In 2 Timothy, it occurs once in almost 2,000.
Q: What caused that big shift in attitude?
As near as I can tell, it was because in 2 Timothy, Paul has been abandoned by many of his friends. This makes me think that in the book of Philippians, it was his relationships that were able to give him joy in very dark circumstances.
Everything’s better together
Q: Isn’t it true that relationships have a major impact in our life?
· If relationships are bad, then life stinks!
It doesn’t matter if we just got a promotion or are driving a new car – if our relationships at home or with our close friends are bad, we ain’t happy.
On the other hand, even if work sucks, and our car is falling apart, if we are surround by people who love and encourage us, it ain’t that bad.
About a year ago, I screwed up something at work, and I was feeling lousy about it. It wasn’t a huge deal, but I wasn’t able to do something that was expected of me.
· It left me really doubting myself and wondering if I should even be a pastor. It was a pretty dark time for me.
I was scared to talk to Marilyn about all of this, I guess because I was afraid of more rejection. But it was weighing too heavy on me to be silent.
· I am so glad that I did tell her, because her encouragement was one of the things that got me through.
I kept one of the text messages she sent me and I want to read it. She first quoted something she had read and then wrote:
Something about all that made me think that my husband is going to be an awesome pastor someday...wow! ... You have to go through this learning & stressful times because you are growing & understanding. God knows your heart & gave you that heart to want to serve others as a pastor.
That meant so much to me. Marilyn’s belief in me helped me believe in myself – without that support, I wouldn’t be here.
· God means for our relationships to lead us closer to him and his plans for us.
Relationships that matter
Getting back to the Scripture, Paul gives two reasons for the joy that that Philippians brought him:
It is right for me to feel this way [i.e. joyfulness] about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:7-8 NIV
1. Personal connection
Paul simply liked these people. He says “I have you in my heart” and “I long for you with the affection of Christ Jesus.”
The Greek for “affection of Christ Jesus” is literally “bowels of Christ Jesus.” The Greeks considered the bowels to be the seat of emotions.
· It’s not really a common expression anymore.
· Kind of gives us a whole new meaning to “bowel movement.”
But Paul enjoyed the Philippians and looked forward to being with them again.
There’s a joke among pastors that says that ministry would be great if it weren’t for all the people. It’s a joke I’ve frequently made.
· I mean about other people, never about you all.
But just give it a couple of months! Sooner or later, we are going to annoy each other. Family is like that.
But here in Philippians you don’t get a sense of frustration. And even when you see Paul getting angry with a church, such as the ones in Galatia or Corinth, he treats all of his churches with a love and respect that is surprising. He likes his flock.
Q: So how did he foster this attitude?
Secrets to Liking unlikable people
It’s not Paul’s primary point here, but as we look at this week’s and last week’s passages, we can find three principles for liking even unlikable people, especially fellow believers.
· Before we go into that, carefully consider:
Q: Is there anyone in this fellowship, or among your friends and family that you don’t like?
Q: Is there someone who is not “in your heart” as Paul said?
As I give these principles, consider how God would call you to build affection. Obviously I am not talking about relationships that would endanger you physically or spiritually.
· And obviously you aren’t responsible for what they do, but you are responsible for yourself.
But consider what step you are supposed to take.
1. Be grateful for the good
I thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3 NIV
Paul had a lot of other things he could have focused on. The last time he was in Philippi, he’d been arrested, flogged, and kicked out of town.
It’s our tendency to focus on the bad. To dwell on it until it gets magnified in our minds. But Paul’s motto seems to be:
· Focus on the good, forget the bad.
This is the opposite of our tendency – we focus on the bad. We like to say things like, “He’s a nice guy, but...” and then we undo anything nice we said.
· I know that people are jerks, but so are you. And so am I.
It is our choice what we focus on. We should emphasize the good and show mounds of grace for the bad.
Speak the truth with like
But aren’t we supposed to “speak the truth in love?” How are we supposed to help each other grow if we are ignoring the bad? True, we are supposed to speak into each others lives. Living in community means accountability.
Q: But how can we speak in love, if we don’t even like them?
· We like to say “I love them, but I just don’t like them.”
· I’m not sure that’s a healthy relationship.
My opinion? If you don’t like a person, you probably aren’t ready to speak the truth with any noticeable love.
· You can’t speak the truth in love to someone you don’t like.
Focus first on learning to like the person and establish a relationship of mutual love and respect, then you earn a place to correct and admonish.
2. Pray with joy.
In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy Philippians 1:4 NIV
We’re supposed to love our enemies. How about praying for those who bug you? Can you be happy to do so? Is that even possible? Here a couple of tips:
a. Thank God for the good in them.
First you may need to pray to see the good in them, asking God to help you see what he sees. Never forget that you are talking to God about one of his kids, so he has a different perspective.
· Also remember that the quickest way to get on a parent’s bad side is to bad talk their kids.
So be respectful and honestly look for the good, because everyone has some good. Thank God for that and pray it grows.
b. Pray sincerely for their growth and well-being.
Not gripping, not attacking. Just praying for their best. It is hard to dislike a person and seek their best at the same time.
· If you are sincere, you will grow, seeing them the way God sees them.
3. Be patient with the progress
...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6 NIV
We looked at this verse last time from the perspective of being discouraged by our own failing and finding the hope that God won’t give up on us.
But this verse is also helpful when we are being annoyed with someone else’s failings! No one will be finished this side of heaven. We know that. So you have to like them in the process.
God is at work in every one who calls him lord, even if we can’t see it. It’s best to be patient, because I promise you there is someone out there being patient with you!
I believe that we are called to mutually love, appreciate, and help each other in process, celebrating the victories and comforting each other in the defeats.
2. Grace connection
So the first reason for Paul’s joyful relationship with the Philippians is the personal connection he has with them, which we too should seek with each other.
We build that by focusing on the good, praying for each other, and being patient with the progress. The second connection Paul shares with the Philippians is the connection of God’s grace.
...for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. Philippians 1:7b NIV
Grace could be referring to Paul’s calling as an apostle, meaning that the Philippians helped him in his ministry. And it’s true that strong bonds are created by shared purpose and serving side by side.
· The unity of a serving together is one of the things that keeps this church strong.
But even still, I don’t think this is what Paul meant. Paul is referring to the connection that comes from being part of the body of Christ together, sharing in God’s saving grace.
· As Christians, we are all headed in the same direction: towards God and away from self-centeredness.
When I do premarital counseling, I tell the couple, regardless of whether or not they are Christians, that I could not imagine doing marriage without Christ. Even if we fail, at least we are both trying to live a selfless life and agree on what is good.
· The importance of Christ in our relationships is not limited to marriage – it goes for every relationship.
You see, the underlying root of almost every relationship problem is sin. And the worst offender is selfishness.
BTW: The opposite of love is not hate – it is self-centeredness. Love is caring for someone else as you care for yourself. Its opposite is focusing only on yourself.
The solution to this problem can only be found in Christ. That solution is grace – the grace from God to become less sinful and grace towards each other when we sin.
· Sin kills relationships, grace restores.
Paul’s prayer
We’ve talked about Paul’s affection for the Philippians and the joy they brought him, and about his secrets to liking people. Finally we’ll look at his prayer for the Philippians.
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:9-11 NIV
In the Greek, there are two different ways to take this prayer:
1. Paul is praying for one thing with a lot of results: Love abound in knowledge, so that you may discern, so that you may be blameless.
2. Paul is praying for two things: That your 1. love may abound and 2. that you be pure and blameless.
I personally think it is the latter, based on the Greek. Besides, it teaches better that way. Paul see prays for two central components of living out the Christian life:
· Abounding in love and becoming blameless.
Abounding in wise love
So the first half says:
...that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best... Philippians 1:9-10 NIV
Obviously love is the central marker of a genuine Christian faith. If God is love, then his children should be loving.
· The more we walk in Christ, the more we grow in love.
· If I’m not more loving, then I’m not growing.
It’s great that Paul doesn’t stop there. We don’t need just to grow in love. We need “smart love.” Love without wisdom can be flat out dangerous, both to the giver and the recipient.
· If you don’t believe this, watch a toddler love a cat.
When Sarah was just learning her animal sounds, if you asked her what sound a cat made she said, in complete seriousness, “Hiss.”
· That’s the only sound she ever heard the cat make.
Wise love means knowing boundaries; it means recognizing and taken into account the sinfulness of others, even as you love them. It means being able to discern the best way to love.
Wise love takes time to develop; it takes a work of God. It requires perspective. And until you develop perspective, borrow it from someone else.
When I just started dating Marilyn, I knew that I had no perspective, so I went to the people who knew me best and asked them to give me some.
As a side note: Some of the unhealthiest relationships come from a desperation not to be lonely. But, as my mother likes to say, there are worse things than being single, and sometimes being married is one of them.
· Never make a relationship choice based out of loneliness.
Pure fruit
And the second part says:
...and [that you] may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:10-11 NIV
A key indicator of a vibrant Christian life is growth in righteousness, and becoming more pure. The fruit of righteousness is not one set thing, but the bounty that comes as we become more like Jesus.
It means growing in things like: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).
· And all of this is and will be to the glory and praise of God.
It glorifies him first because becoming more like our father is a greater act of worship then singing any mountain of songs.
· All the singing in the world is only a noisy racket if we don’t honor him with our lives.
And a blameless life also glorifies God by shining him and his love and goodness to the world.
...let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16 NIV
Closing CHALLENGE
And so, in closing, here is my challenge to you – in our time of worship, before you take communion, I want to think again about that person that you don’t like as you should.
Prayerfully consider how to “have them in you heart,” as Paul said. But be sure that you use wise love.
· Telling them, “I am sorry I don’t like you” is not wise.
· And if you are not sure what is wise, get some perspective from someone you know to be wise.
And as God’s church becomes more loving, he will be glorified throughout this valley.
Prayer:
Father, thank you for the relationships you provide us with to help us along the way and give us joy in the journey. Help us continue to grow close and have greater and greater affection and love for each other.
· And if there is anyone that we need to learn like as well as love, bring them to mind and show us how.
· May this church be known for its love throughout this valley.
· May you be glorified through us.
End of sermon remarks:
· As we begin to worship, our kids are joining us.
The reason we do this is so that we can worship together as a family. In today’s fast-paced culture, families are becoming increasingly fragmented and torn apart. We want our worship time to bring us together.
· We want this to be fun time for our kids as well, so we allow them to move around and make noise.
And on your way home, talk to them about what all this means, and about the sermon because they studied the same stuff in class.
Final announcements:
· Need three more teachers, one day a month. Talk to Janna.
· Don’t forget to give your first five minutes to God by talking to folks who are new to The Gathering. Be sure to invite them to the potluck.
Benediction (2 Corinthians 13:14 NIV)
May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. Amen.