Marriage, Singleness and the Church
Notes
Transcript
Has anyone here ever gotten into a disagreement with their spouse over how something should be done? I am sure no one can relate to that...
but when Arika and I first got married we had this major disagreement we faced that we both could have never imagined would have been a disagreement.
And it was that Arika growing learned that Maple Syrup should be kept in the pantry
And I learned that Maple Syrup should be kept in the fridge.
And the thing was that both of us did not want to cave in and say the other person was right.
So we did what any mature Christian couple does when there is a disagreement and we took it to facebook
and it turns out apparently it is almost split 50/50 between people who like their syrup kept in the fridge and people who keep it in their pantry.
But you know if you are in a relationship of any kind there are disagreements and differences that come up aren’t there?
And the truth is when we have a difference that leads to a disagreement it can occasionally cause issues.
And often times these issues if they are not addressed properly can build up and build up to the point where they are ready to topple over.
Block Illustration
Because we have small disagreements like our maple syrup issue right, but then there are really serious disagreements.
And if you are married or even if you have ever had someone really close to you, you have probably experianced this:
Your spouse will not do the dishes or clean and your anger builds
Your spouse or friend lashes out on you and your frustration builds
Your spouse or friend drops a commitment and it builds
They betray you and it builds.
And what so often happens in relationships is it will build and build until one day the whole thing can no longer balance and it topples over and all of the sudden we are looking at that relationship and thinking this is beyond repair.
What do I do now.
I can imagine that there are some of us who are here or watching online and we are looking at a relationship in our life and we are thinking “Thats what my relationship looks like.”
Or we may even be thinking my relationship is on the verge of toppling over.
And can I just say if that is you I want you to lean in this morning, because in the passage we are in today it talks about dysfunctional relationships.
So we are in 1 Corinthians 7:3-16
And before we get to far let me give you some background information on this passage because we have been in this sermon series called dysfunctional church and we have been talking about a church in the City of Corinth that is a mess
They are toxic and from what we actually find out their ideas of marriage, singleness and even how people in the church interact with each other are completely off
Because in this culture they believed that the woman was pretty much just an item that her husband ruled over.
In fact the husband would be able to be with multiple woman, and the woman had to fight for her husbands attention.
And not only that but a husband could divorce a wife easily but a wife could not.
And so you can imagine relationships looked like these blocks (toppled over)
And what the passage we are in is doing is the author (Paul) is giving his outside perspective on what needs to happen in these people lives.
And this morning my prayer and hope for us is wether we feel like our relationships are ready to topple or not, we are able to look and say God, how do you want the relationships in my life to look.
And so once again we are in first Corinthians and we are just starting in 7:3-4
It says this:
3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
So Paul starts out by addressing those who are married first and just to be completely transparent Paul starts by addressing sex in the context of marriage.
But what Paul is talking about here goes so much deeper then just sex
because you might be here and be thinking “Great, I am single or I do not have marriage on my radar, what a great, awkward Sunday for me to come to church”
but whats amazing is that what Paul says here actually ripples outwardly like if you through a rock in a pond
And so it might start with marriage, but it is somthing that ripples out into a lot of the other relationships we have.
So Paul starts with basically saying if you are the wife, your marital duty is to submit your husband, he is the one who rules over you.
But the issue is we get angry and we stop reading there, but right after that Paul addresses the husbands and he says husbands your marital duty is to submit to your wife and allow her to rule over you.
And this is so counter cultural back then, because like we talked about the husband held all of the power and this is say thats not how a relationship works.
But the first thing we need to understand in a marriage is that in order for it to be successful it requires you to lay down your comforts and your control over yourself for the sake of your partner.
Where you are willing to say okay we can let the maple syrup be in the pantry.
We can go to that cooking class
I can actually spend time with them
You know the exact area your stubborn
But here is the t God laid down his life on the cross for us
and thats exactly the posture we should have in our marriage.
And I know there are some people (more specifically guys) who are probably thinking well of course I would lay down my life for my wife and family, if anyone ever tried to hurt them I would be the hero.
But let me tell you something, you are not called to just lay down your life for big things, but in all things.
So your marriage is laying down your life for your wife
and women your marriage is laying down your life for your husband.
and really this is an area where it ripples out even further past just marriage
because as a Christian like I said that is the posture God came down for us with.
Where He said I love them some much I will litterly come down and lay down my life for them?
Could you imagine what it would be like if the church operated like that where we do not comprimise doctrine, but we said “We will lay down our comfort to reach the lost and really even to love on others.
Because as Christians we are often called to lay down our comforts for the sake of others
And can I just say when our relationships with others looks like this it is hard to have a relationship tumble down when each person is submitting to the other in the way Christ has called us to.
It is powerful.
Well look at the next part in verse 5 because Paul tells this church what submission does not look like because it says this:
5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
So Paul comes in and he says look we are called to submit, but submitting does not look like getting fed up and saying fine I will stay in a hotel for the night or I am going to leave for a few days.
because Paul realizes that when couples are not together for long periods Satan sees that and he will use that to allow sin to creep in that not only seperates us from God but it also seperates us from the person we love.
And Paul even mentions that the only way you should be apart from your partner for somewhat longer period is if it is devoted to prayer .
In other words if you are not by your partner for a longer period then you need to be so intentional to not allow sin to creep in and make sure during that time you are so focused in on God.
You know its almost like a bag of potato chips. (use real bag)
because a bag of potato chips is sealed right?
And when its sealed there is no moisture that can sneak right?
And because of this the potato chips often times have a shelf life of years,
Because if they remain unopened they will not get stale or old because it is much harder for moisture to get in.
And can I just say that our relationships are this way because when we do not give up on a relationship where we avoid the spouse or even leave them or give up on them it allows that relationship to be in the best position to not go stale.
And I want you to notice something here because when you open a bag of potato chips you are doing it very intentionally right?
Because you are doing it to eat them its not by an accident.
And Paul is saying the same thing because in your relationship with your spouse (if you are married) like I said the only way you should separate if it is done with intention.
God wants us to keep our relationships as air tight as possible to make sure there is no way sin can creep in.
And in verses 10-11 it tells us ultimately why we need to keep our marriage air tight. It says:
1 Corinthians 7:10–11 (ESV)
10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband
11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
You know Paul who is writing this knows that when sin creeps in it allows divorce to set in.
And Paul is saying do not allow sin to creep in because serius relationship issues do not happen over night but they are often years in the making.
I love this quote from a Pastor named Steven Furtik. He says: God makes two become one, but Satan wants to make one become two.
If you are married do not allow sin to seperate, but let God build you.
Because He is the one who can restore you and He might do that through just you to talking, it could be through the church, it could be through counseling, but it is so important to ask God, how do you want us to make our marriage air tight.
Well look at this next section and if you are single you will be happy because Paul switches from addressing those who are married to those who are single and in verses 6-9 it says this:
1 Corinthians 7:6–9 (ESV)
6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
So here Paul recognizes that there are people who will get married but then he also realizes that there are people who are single and Paul tells these people look this is not what God is demanding but in my opinion if you are single that is awesome.
Because Paul realizes if you are single it places you in this place where you can devote more time to accomplishing what God is calling you to do.
because you do not have a dead beat husband dragging you down.
I mean if you asked Arika what she could accomplish unhinged from me it would be big right?
But the issue is so often the church has created a culture where they frown on singleness, when in reality Paul says marriage and singleness are both gifts from God,
But they are different.
And Paul says look if you are called to singleness do not be sad, but embrace it.
And can I just point out that if you are single and maybe you are looking at your life and your saying I want a to be in a relationship.
Don’t miss out on this season that God has given you.
Because God has positioned you uniquly where you are able to accomplish His will.
Well look at these last verse in verses 12-16 because Paul says this:
12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
You know I have always thought this passage is interesting because Paul shifts back to talking tho those who are married, but they are married to a non Christian.
And this was something that was so common in the early church because there were so many people entering into a relationship with Christ, that often times there were couples where one person would be a Christian and the other would not be.
And it caused this tension in their relationship because now one spouse wants to do God’s call, but the other wants to continue living how they were.
And this is so relevant because this still happens quite a bit today.
Where a spouse is married to either a non Christian or someone who is very spiritually imature
and there is something really interesting that Paul says here because he says if you are in this category know that you are making your spouse Holy.
And let me flush that out for us because Paul is not saying you are the one saving your spouse, but he is saying is because of you your spouse is seeing the light of Christ.
I mean if you were here last week we talked about how when we accept Christ we become his temple or his dwelling place.
And if you are are around someone who God’s presence is dwelling in it is contagious isn’t it?
and Paul is saying if you have a spouse who is not a Christian a lot of times they will want to see God because that light shines through you,
and if thats you can I just encourge you do not give up on them keep shining that light to them because the thing is that God is going to keep reaching them.
And if we serve a God who keeps reaching for them how can we not.
And this is really one of the areas where it ripples out because even in relationships with strangers if you are a dwelling place for God, He can use you to bring people to Him.
I do not know about you but when we make our prayer for God to make us his dwelling place regardless of if we are here and we are single, in a relationship where we are married, in a relationship where it is complicated or whatever,
it allows us to use this season in our life that God has given us for him.
Will you pray with me?
