Marriage and Divorce

Hebrews 13:4 ESV

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

A Picture of the Gospel

Marriage IS this picture

Ephesians 5:25–33 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The tragedy of distorted pictures

1 Corinthians 13:12 ESV

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

1 Corinthians 5:1–2 ESV

It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father’s wife. And you are arrogant! Ought you not rather to mourn? Let him who has done this be removed from among you.

The Evolution of Divorce - W. Bradford Wilcox - 2009

In 1969, Governor Ronald Reagan of California made what he later admitted was one of the biggest mistakes of his political life. Seeking to eliminate the strife and deception often associated with the legal regime of fault-based divorce, Reagan signed the nation's first no-fault divorce bill. The new law eliminated the need for couples to fabricate spousal wrongdoing in pursuit of a divorce… no-fault divorce also gutted marriage of its legal power to bind husband and wife, allowing one spouse to dissolve a marriage for any reason — or for no reason at all.

No fault divorce has done greater damage to the institution of Holy Matrimony than the Obergefell decision in 2015 granting legal status to same sex marriage.

I say this is another great example of pointing out a speck in someone else’s eye, while a log is in your own. Almost all the emphasis and cries in recent years from most churches and most Christians has been about the latter, and barely a peep has been said about the more in-house problem of breaking Holy Matrimony going from a sin to a no harm no foul situation. This is a great blight and cancer upon the churches of today, and perhaps at this point a judgment from God.

The reason it is the church’s business

Romans 1:28–32 ESV

And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.

1 Corinthians 12:3 ESV

Therefore I want you to understand that no one speaking in the Spirit of God ever says “Jesus is accursed!” and no one can say “Jesus is Lord” except in the Holy Spirit.

Permanence and Dissolution

Intent and Oaths

Matthew 19:3–6 ESV

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Matthew 5:33–37 ESV

“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.

Dr. Greg Bahnsen’s Theses on Divorce and Spousal Abuse

Between two regenerate believers, there should be no divorce whatsoever, even for the cause of fornication… A regenerate believer who has an adulterous, but repentant, spouse will forgive the spouse and seek a restored relationship, imitating God’s gracious reaction to the sinner

Hosea 3:1–2 ESV

And the Lord said to me, “Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man and is an adulteress, even as the Lord loves the children of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love cakes of raisins.” So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and a homer and a lethech of barley.

Adultery Only?

Matthew 19:9 ESV

And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament based on Semantic Domains 88.271 πορνεύω; ἐκπορνεύω; πορνεία, ας

to engage in sexual immorality of any kind,

Porneia (translated adultery, or sexual immorality) does NOT refer to one particular sin, but ANY breach of what is prescribed for the marriage bed in scripture, which we are commanded to keep undefiled… by any means, even neglect (1Cor 7)

Abandonment

1 Corinthians 7:12–16 ESV

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Love is a Commitment

Many words

Faithfulness, Food, Clothing, Physical Love

Exodus 21:10–11 ESV

If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, or her marital rights. And if he does not do these three things for her, she shall go out for nothing, without payment of money.

What is required? Food, Clothing, Faithfulness (including physical love)

God’s Commitment

John 3:16 ESV

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Remembering Ephesians 5, how that marriage IS a picture of the gospel, rather than fairy tale love; perhaps the most important part of love is commitment… How did God love the world? by giving the Son. How long should I wait to be happy? I’m not sure; how long has the Lord been patient with His people? or even better, how patient has He been with you?

Grace of shame / guilt

Guilt is knowing you’ve done wrong and being bothered

Shame is about disappointment, or sometimes outside accusations and embarrassment.

Romans 1:24–25 ESV

Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

When people are no longer ashamed / bothered by divorce, we must ask why they are not obedient to the Word? Is it a lack of education? Is it evidence of not being truly converted?

Is it that this generation is too far removed that God has stepped back and given us what we collectively asked for by silence if not by word and deed?

Church Family, let us reclaim Holy Matrimony. Let us keep the marriage bed undefiled. Let us be a people who believe, and then put into practice what GOD has said to us in His Word about marriage and divorce. It is more than a matter of a happy home; it is a matter of Christian obedience and a matter of souls.