New Beginnings Part 4

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Intro:

Next Steps Classes
Prayer
My wife and I are coming up on our 8th wedding anniversary.
Now we haven’t been married for nearly as long as some of you have in this room but I think it’s safe to say that we are out of the honeymoon stage. Over 7 years later, 3 kids later, and a lifetime ahead, we’ve had an amazing journey and I can’t wait to see what God continues to do in us and through us.
But if I’m honest I didn’t really know what I was getting into. Maybe you felt that way to. Have you ever been around those newly weds who are just in love and there’s not much the other can do wrong. Every time I talk to them I find myself walking on a balance beam between, this is going to be the best thing you’ve ever done and this is going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done.
Marriage is tough. It takes work. There will inevitably be struggles and disagreements.
There will be times that you just want to be together and no one else and there will be times where you can hardly look at one another.
Marriage is….intense. But marriage is a gift from God. It’s what we will see from our text today. Marriage was designed by God for our good. In fact, marriage is one of the greatest gifts that God gives us. 
So why don’t we treat it that way?
Why has marriage become something God never intended it to be? Why have healthy marriages become the exception instead of the norm? Why has divorce become more accessible and prominent than ever before? Why is it that husbands and wives don’t keep their vows?
Maybe it’s because we have forgotten to look to the Creator of marriage for the roadmap of how marriage should be done. So that’s what we are going to do
Before we get started I just want to say. Yes, what we will cover primarily today is marriage and God’s design for our marriages.
But I know that we also have people who are single, we have widows, and people who have gone through divorce.
So, before we spend the majority of our time talking about marriage let me first say that yes marriage is one of the greatest gifts that God gives us but Paul tells us in 1 Cor. 7 to essentially stay single as long as you possibly can. That it is good to be single
And I think the heart behind Pauls statement is this. Marriage takes work, time, energy, resources, effort. The longer that you can spend using those things to chase after Jesus the better off you will be.
So, if you are single right now, do not look down on yourself. I would encourage you to look to the one who created you. Chase after Him. Learn the things He has for you. Use the extra time, resources, energy you have right now working on your relationship with the Lord
Ok. Let’s dig in!
Genesis 2:18 NIV
18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
We’ve seen God create all things in 6 days. He’s spoken things into existence. And after every day his assessment has been the same. He looks and he says “it is good.”
For the very first time we see God say “it is not good.” 
This phrase in the Hebrew is highly empathic. Essentially meaning it is bad for man to be alone. Once again, we see an emphasis put on God (YAHWEH) as this relational God. As one who does not exist in isolation (trinity) and one who does not intend man to be in isolation.
There are layers here that we must unpack.
We’ve just kicked our groups back off. Groups are vital to us here as a church because we believe they are vital for you. Spiritually, you were never meant to be alone. We need a church or a group, to come around us and walk with us spiritually. We need one another and it’s the way God intended it to be from the very beginning.
But, even more specifically, here in the garden we see Adam is alone and there is nothing and no one suitable for him.
And so God gives him the solution to his problem, Eve.

Big Idea: Marriage is designed by God

God doesn’t give Adam a group of hunting buddies or guys at work.
It wasn’t several women or one woman after another.
The answer to every man's loneliness is one woman, given by God, to spend the rest of our days with. It is designed by God
Now, there’s a word here that can be a trigger word. Helper.
God says “I will make a helper suitable for you.”
I think when we think of a helper we begin to picture a wife who sweeps the floor, takes care of the children, and fixes meals while the husband sits in the recliner with the remote in hand flipping through channels.
It may help to know that this word is used 19 times in the OT and 16 of those times it is referring to a characteristic of God.
In this context, helper is referring to “one who supplies what is lacking in another.” It can be said this way, Eve is created to do what Adam could not do by himself.
So marriage is supposed to be a relationship between a man and woman who walk through life side by side, hand in hand, that share everything together.
It should not be where the husband can say “this is my area so wife stay out of it” or the wife can say “this is my realm so keep your hands out of it.”
While there will be a division of labor dependant on gifts and time and talent there should always be honesty, openness, and love.
We can say that marriage is God’s chief answer to man's loneliness. While it isn’t the only answer (family, friends, group, church, etc) it is the first answer that stands out from the rest for our need for friendship and intimacy. 
Genesis 2:19–20 NIV
19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.
So here is Adam alone and God says that it is not good. We would expect after verse 18 it would read, so God made Eve. But it doesn’t.
The text then points the attention to Adam beginning to name the animals. But why?
Because God is going to give Adam some premarital counseling.
He is preparing Adam for marriage. He is preparing him to be a leader. He was giving him authority to lead over all of creation.
But it was also providing inside of him a gnawing hunger for a wife. 
We can imagine Adam names one animal after another. Each male and female. He continues all the way through the animal kingdom but where is the creation that he could find suitable for himself?
Unless that need was met Adam would live forever alone. 
By naming the animals Adam saw both the authority and power he was given and also the limitations of that power.
He could rule the world but he had no one to share his joy. 
Men: we talked last week about how work is a good thing, a Godly thing, but we can also find ourselves working our fingers to the bone, climbing the ladder of career success, leaving our wife and children behind. And even if we do achieve our greatest career goals if we do it at a “whatever the cost may be” attitude then we will arrive at the top all alone with no by our side. And we will find ourselves lacking, lonely, and unfulfilled.
So why does God wait to give Adam Eve until after he names the animals?
Because, instead of squandering His most precious gift to one who is unappreciative God waits until Adam is prepared to appreciate the gift of woman.
Genesis 2:21–22 NIV
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
Adam’s problem is now met with the perfect solution. God takes from the side of Adam while he is sleeping and forms from the man, woman.
There are a few observations found in this. 
Matthew Henry: “woman is not made out of his head to top him, not out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”
You can also draw correlations to what Scripture refers to as the 2nd Adam, Jesus. Here in the garden God takes from the side of Adam and forms his bride.
As Jesus hangs on the cross he is pierced in his side. So out of the side of Christ the church is formed, the bride of Christ.
Genesis 2:23 NIV
23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
The phrase “this is now” in the Hebrew contains a poetic exclamation point translating into something more like “this is it!” 
Imagine. Adam awakes from this deep sleep and he opens his eyes and before him is this beautiful creation. The most beautiful one he has ever seen. He begins to try to decipher what it may be. He tries to recall every creature he just named and yet this one is different.
This one is like him and so he blurts out “this is it!” It is love at first sight. Adam’s natural response is to worship God for providing for his needs.
He doesn’t look around to see if he could get a better deal. He doesn’t barter with God. He accepts God’s gift on the spot.
Proverbs 5:18 NIV
18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Proverbs 18:22 NIV
22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.
Singles: Notice that Adam doesn’t have to settle. He doesn’t settle for anything less than what God intends for Him.
He also doesn't rush it. He could have demanded a wife before he names the animals but He’s patient
Because He doesn’t rush it what happens? God brings Eve to Adam. He didn’t have to go out and search for her high and low. God didn’t create her, then place her in the garden and say ok go find her, good luck. No he forms her, from him, and places her right in front of him.
Husbands: Your marriage would improve overnight if you stopped criticizing your wife and started viewing and treating her as God’s gift to you.
When was the last time you thanked God for her?
Wives: try thanking God for your husband instead of complaining about his shortcomings.
It will change your marriage if you do.
Through Adam’s response we see the secret of a lasting marriage.
He says that Eve is “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.”
A marriage is not simply two people trying to get along.
It should not be two people who were once in love but now just manage the relationship as best they know how.
The secret to marriage is understanding that you are one.
You become bone of each other's bones and flesh of one another's flesh.
In a world where you have to play so many roles the marriage relationship should be the place that you get to be you in your purest form. You get to be yourself and you get to be accepted and loved because of it.
This is a big reason why, we don’t shack up with someone before marriage. No matter how much you love them and no matter how long you’ve been together.
Because you are not one. You’re just another chick. And when the day comes that there’s something better out there he is going to drop you and move on to someone else
That is all aside from the fact that Scripture strictly forbids sex before marriage and you ain’t gonna tell me that your living under the same roof 24/7 and not committing some type of sin. And even if you aren’t for now Scripture would say to flee from sexual immorality not shack up with it.
Oh but we are gonna get married one day I just know it. If y’all are gonna get married and you know that then get married. Stop living in sin. If not then quit that mess.
Husbands and wives, create an environment where that can be true
This verse also shows us something about the male headship of marriage.
Eve is taken from Adam, not Adam from Eve.
He is head of the relationship by virtue of being created first.
It’s not that husbands “should” be the head of his wife; he “is” the head of his wife, the only question is whether or not he will rise and demonstrate godly leadership.
Now, this speaks to responsibility and spiritual accountability.
It has nothing to do with bossing someone around and calling all the shots.
What it does mean is that if a man chooses to be married he must accept the responsibilities that come with the role.
God will hold husbands accountable in a special way for what happens inside the marriage relationship. Many christian marriages fail because many christian men fail to live up to their god-given role. 
Men: you are responsible for the spiritual well being and growth of your home
It is not your wife’s responsibility
You can’t lead somewhere your not present.
Be there!
Be there to have conversations with your children. Read Scripture with your children. Talk about God with your children and pray with your children
Be there to pray for your wife, with your wife. Modeling Christ to your wife.
Ephesians 5 tells us that it is our responsibility to present our wives as holy and blameless before the Lord so man up and be the husband your wife deserves and be the husband God designed you to be
You also can’t lead somewhere you aren’t going
You can not lead your family to Jesus if you aren’t going after him yourself
It starts with you. You have to model this and then you have to lead your family
Now hopefully we understand that just because men are the head of the wife that it is not an attempt to belittle the wife.
This isn’t a sign of superiority and inferiority.
We must remember that we are one, equals.
Writing over 300 years ago, Matthew Henry has a wonderful word at this point: “If man is the head, she is the crown, a crown to her husband, the crown of the visible creation. The man was dust refined, but the woman was dust double-refined.”
We are equals but we are not the same. We have god given gifts, abilities and roles.
Now, if you want a better marriage, husbands create space where your wife can feel like she can be herself. She can share with you and you don’t respond insensitively or act like she’s silly or dumb for feeling that way. In fact, you may want to just begin by asking how she really feels. What’s going on in her head, her heart, and her life. Be there. Listen. Fix, protect, lead when it is needed. But listen, hear, hold when she needs it as well.
Wives, create space for your husband to vent, to be himself. Create space for your husband to lead. Do not call all the shots. If you have children, let him be a father, not just pay check. Let him make mistakes without screaming at him, nagging him, and shutting him out. Love him, cuddle up next to him, tell him that he’s your rock and there’s no one else you would rather be with.
Genesis 2:24–25 NIV
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
These closing verses are here to show us important aspects of marriage.
They teach us that marriage is not a man-made institution that we can discard whenever we like.
From the ancient story of Adam and Eve we learn God’s plan: One man and one woman joined in marriage for life. We need to teach these things to our children and to encourage them to look forward to the day when they too will be married.
Through these closing verses we see that marriage is an exclusive relationship
Marriage involves leaving and uniting.
One being a one time thing. We leave our parents emotionally and physically.
The other is a lifetime pursuit. We are constantly and consistently pursuing unity. It demands of us an exclusive commitment that removes the possibility of looking around to see if there’s something else out there that’s better.
It’s an intimate relationship
To become “one flesh” starts with the sexual relationship in a marriage.
“One flesh” is of course more than just sex but it isn’t less than that.
Out of the physical union between husband and wife comes a profound fusion of two hearts, two minds, two bodies, two personalities until they are so intertwined that it is hard to know where one ends and the other begins.
In a good marriage the most important word is “ours,” not “mine” or “yours.”
Have you ever met those couples that have been together for a long time. They kind of sound alike, think alike, talk alike, and even look alike. They are the epitome of what it means to be “one flesh.” There is an intimacy there that drives them to one another
It’s a relationship without shame
The final verses tell us that Adam and Eve were naked and felt no shame.
This is not just literal but also figurative. It is a description of a marriage where nothing is hidden because there is nothing to hide.
When we make a covenant to our spouse we are agreeing that there will be nothing hidden between us. We are one. 
Marriage was God’s first gift to the human race.
Through that we have been given a desire for love, companionship, marriage, children.
The only thing man brings with him outside of the garden is marriage. Marriage therefore is, even in a fallen world, the only touch of paradise we will ever know this side of heaven.
But, even if we attempted to keep our marriage exclusive, intimate, and without shame it will never be what it’s intended to be without Jesus there.
If we all were to put Jesus at the center of our marriages, pursued him first, and then one another, no matter what else happens we would truly live happily ever after. 

Take Away: Marriage is designed by God to be the safest place to learn love

God created marriage, designed marriage. It is for our good. It is for our joy.
It is the place that we should feel most comfortable to be ourselves and it should be the primary place we get to practice what love is.
1 Corinthians 13:4–7 NIV
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I know we tend to think love is not manly but the most manly thing you could ever possibly do is love the way God does.
But this is two fold. It the place we get to practice love but it is also designed to be the closest picture of Christ’s love for you
It is designed for us to receive a glimpse into the love that Jesus has for His people.
It is only when we live outside of the walls of a biblical marriage that we hinder, skew, and lose sight of that. Let’s begin to put Jesus at the center of our marriages.
Let’s become ourselves with one another without shame.
Men become leaders.
Women become everything your husband cannot.
Let’s love one another as Christ loves us.
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