Going all The way Part 1

Jerry underwood

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Going All The Way Part 1

Eph 5:25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her

Eph 5:26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word.

INTRODUCTION

Well, welcome to our marriage series week one of this series called, “Going All The Way,”

We are going to let God’s principles teach us in our relationships how to take them to the distance to let our marriages go all the way.

One of the most important verses in the Bible to me, as a husband, is our text this morning. basically saying, “I should lay down my life to serve my wife, just as Christ did for the church.”

Today, we want to talk about, “How do we find the one?” Now before we get in to this: how many of you are married? Raise your hand up, raise it up high.

How many of you are not married. Raise them up, raise them up high.

How many of you are single and you would love to meet the one? Raise them up high, raise them up high. Leave it up for a second. Just scan the room.

You might just kind of look around the room. There’s one ... you could be the one!

How many of you met and married the one, but now after a few years, you’d like to trade in the one for another one? Raise it ... do not raise your hand. Do not!

I love whenever someone meets the one. Girl comes running up, “Oh, you’re not going to believe ... this guy’s perfect. He’s so incredible. He’s oh so... he’s so awesome .. I think I met the one! Well, goose bumps.

What’s so funny to me is how fast the one can become the one that drives you crazy. She meets Mr. Perfect. Six months later, she files a restraining order against Mr. Perfect.

It’s just how it happens. Especially, gal meets perfect guy and talks about their first date, “Oh, we went out with my friends and he was just so cute.

He was telling these jokes that nobody laughed at, and he was just trying so hard, and during the meal, he did this cut little burp. It just came out of nowhere. It sounded adorable, and then I went to his apartment, and he like, left his socks all over the house. He just needs me. He’s just perfect.”

You see where this is going, don’t you?

She marries Mr. Perfect. One year into the marriage, “I’m sick and tired of you. Stupid jokes. Nobody thinks you’re funny. You’re embarrassing me all the time.

Sick of you sitting around burping, brrrrrrp, farting all the time, leaving your underwear all over the house.

Isn’t it amazing how fast The One can become the one that drives you crazy?

So how in the world do you know when you’ve found the one?

Well, our key thought for the day is this, make sure you grab this truth. It is so important. If you are taking notes, write this down.

To really be fulfilled in life, you have to find the one. To really be full of joy and meaning and satisfaction, you have to find the one, which raises the question, “How do you know when you’ve found the one?”

(Music) “Are you married or single?” “Single.” “Single.”

“We are interviewing about

relationships? We are trying to figure out how it is that people know when they’ve met

the one. What would you say?” “Uh, it’s kind of cheesy, but time stops a little bit.”

“Well, I don’t know.” Haha “I’m only seventeen.

I don’t know. You just know.” “How

would I know if I meet the one? Man, I don’t know. I haven’t met her yet.” “Uh, when

you’re done checking out other guys, and you ju ... I’ don’t know.” Ha “Umm, I’ll have a

God

given sense that will tell me that th

at’s the right person.” “I think that if you pray

about it, and you just, I think God’s going to give you that feeling. You just know

automatically.” “Yeah, I’m in a relationship with a girl right now that I really like, and

maybe she’ll be the one. I

don’t know, but I’ll see as time goes on.” “You need

someone that, you know, helps you toward school and your future, your career and

everything. Yeah. And you have to have a really good relationship with God together, I

guess, and you know that what yo

u believe and share together is the same thing. I

mean, obviously, I’ve been praying for that person, and so, I mean, God will just reveal

it to me, I’m sure. I just think it’s going to be amazing, like, I don’t know. I don’t know

how to describe it, bu

t I just think like I’ll just go around with a big smile on my face.”

“Oh, I know, I met the one and I just knew from the moment I saw him. I saw him and

it’s been working out pretty well.” “Good. So, the moment you met him, you knew.

How’d you know?”

“I don’t know. It’s just inside.” “Does he know, too?” “No.” (laugh)

“How do you know if you’ve met the person who is The One?” “That is the one? I don’t

know. You tell him.” “Dan!” (laugh) (Music)

I think that couple is still standing right whe

re they were, still waiting for one of them to

speak. Seems like most people that I know are on the search for The One, and yet you

have to acknowledge this ... If you’re taking notes, write this down, people are getting

married later in life with more rese

rvations and with less success. Yes, people want to

find that special someone to do life with, but you have to acknowledge that people are

scared. They’ve been burned. Things haven’t worked out. They are a little more

resistant. They are hesitant. Th

ey’ve got their walls up. They are still getting married,

but they are waiting longer. They are trying things out, testing the water. There’s more

reservations, and you have to admit, there’s a lot less success.

Now, I made fun of the movie, “Pride a

nd Prejudice,” which I feel like is one of my male

responsibilities to make fun of chick flicks, but that being said, there are some intriguing

thoughts about this movie. What this movie does, is it shows the way relationships

used to take place, which ar

e dramatically different than the way relationships take

place today. For example, in the movie “Pride and Prejudice,” there wasn’t today’s

system of dating. Instead, it was courtship. A guy would ask another girl’s father

permission, and the father and

mother would speak into relationships. There was a

built

in sense of mentoring in accountability and community. The whole dating thing as

we know it today is really something that’s only been around less than a hundred years.

In fact, you cannot find t

he word dating in the Bible. You cannot find anything that

resembles today’s system of dating. Things really began to change dramatically,

believe it or not, with the invention of the automobile. Quite frankly, before the

automobile, you couldn’t meet s

omeone that lived thirty miles away unless you were

willing to walk or ride on horsebacks. They didn’t have car dates. Instead, you had the

sixteen

year

old girl saying, “Please dad. Please, dad. It’s just not fair. Why won’t you

let me do.... All my fr

iends get to horse date. I just want to go back on a hor...” You

know, it was obviously very different.

So, then, in the Pride and Prejudice era and before, a family would know another family.

You would say, “Yeah, we’ve known them for years. This is

a good boy, or a good girl.”

Today, what happens, though, it is real common to send a fifteen

year

old girl out in a

car with a seventeen

year

old guy with no accountability, no oversight, parents not

speaking into their relationship. It is not uncommon

to have kids dating for months

before the parents even know. Under today’s system, what do we have? We have

rampant pre

marital sex. On the search for the one, people go through multiple

partners, doing married things, although unmarried. And then when

breaking up, it’s

like we’re practicing divorce, preparing for later on. Couples living together without any

sort of commitment, “Yeah, I’m committed to you, sort of,” but not real commitment.

Unwanted pregnancies leading to abortion, terminating the li

ves of innocent children.

Sexually transmitted diseases. Divorces, more than you can ever even imagine,

Biblically speaking, you cannot deny that what we see happening today is so far

removed from God’s principles, it’s not even funny. Bible aside, thou

gh, even if you do

not believe in God, you have to acknowledge that what we have going on today is not

working. So we have a choice. “Well, everybody’s doing it this way, and this is just the

way it is. And you know, it’s not that bad.” And na na na na

naaaa. If you travel the

same road as everyone else, you are going to end up at the same destination.

Could it be that God has something higher and better for His people? While we are

doing this series, I’m just going to be real honest with you. I’m

going to take you on a

journey that is very different than this world has to offer. Without apology. And some of

you are going to be looking at me like a cow looking at a new gate, going, “Huh?”

(Laughter) because we are not going to talk about a norm

al road, because we do not

want to end up at a normal destination. If you want something different, you have to

take a different road, and quite honestly, what normal is today is unacceptable to God.

Remember our key thought. Remember how important this

is. To really be fulfilled 4

life, you have to find The One. So, what I’m going to do today is, I want to build a

foundation upon which we will build in the upcoming weeks.

We will start with what I will call, “The spiritual side of relationships,”

Matthew 22:37

39.

A Pharisee, a religious teacher of the law, was trying to trap Jesus, and he asked Him

this provocative question, “Of all of the commandments, what is the most important?”

Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and a

ll your soul and all your

mind.” This is the what? Say it out loud, all of our campuses, “This is the,” say it again.

“This is the first and the greatest commandment,” and the what? Say it out loud. “And

the second is like it.” And what is it? “To l

ove your neighbor,” how? “To love your

neighbor as yourself.”

Why are so many marriages screwed up today? Because we don’t even love

ourselves. We haven’t experienced, so many people, the unconditional grace of God,

which overflows, renews our minds

into a self

acceptance in appreciation of how God

has made us, so when we go to others, rather than giving them the love of God, we are

looking for something from them, and we are not bringing them God’s best. Gotta find

the one. Without the one, won’t b

e happy. Gotta find the one. Gotta find the one.

Gotta find the one. Just one time, it would be incredible to see a Godly man meet a

Godly woman, and a Godly guy come running in, going, “You’re not going to believe

this. Oh, my gosh. She’s incredible

. She loves Jesus. She is awesome. She looks

good, and smells good, too.” (Laugh) “You’re not going to believe this. You’re not

going to believe this, but I think this girl may just be The Two. She may just be the two.

Because, if you’re taking not

es, never ever forget, Jesus is the “One,” and your spouse

is the “Two.” Jesus is the One. To really be fulfilled in life, you have to find the One.

Jesus is the One, and your spouse is the Two.

If you’re taking notes, write this down. Pursuing marr

iage more than pursuing God is

idolatry. (repeat) Pursuing marriage more than pursuing God is idolatry. Let’s just let it

get real uncomfortable. That applies for those who are married and for those who are

not married. Can I talk to the ladies, just f

or a minute. There’s some of the greatest

gals in our church, but what I call you is, I call some of you, “I gotta have a guy girl. I’ve

got to have a guy girl. Gotta have a guy. Not complete without a guy. Gotta have a

guy.” “Oh, oh, oh, we just br

oke up. There goes another guy. I name him and claim

him in Jesus name.” (laugh) Some of the guys are the same way. You know, “I’m just

not cool. Looks like something cool. I’m just going to be getting some action. Yeah. I

gotta have something to

do on Friday night, you know.” And so, if God’s best is not

there, then any old girl will do. Gotta have someone to be happy. Gotta have someone

to be happy. Gotta have someone to be happy.

Pursuing anything above God is idolatry. Look at scripture

and let it speak to you.

Exodus 34:14, “Do not,” what? Say it out loud. “Do not worship any other god, for the

Lord, who’s name is jealous is,” what kind of god? “He is a jealous God.”

Let me talk for just a moment to those who are married. You can

fool people for a while

and make them think that your marriage is okay, but deep down, there comes a time 5

when you might say, “You know what, I know that we are not where we are supposed to

be.” Anytime your marriage is not where it is supposed to be, cha

nces are likely that

you are looking for your spouse to meet some need that only God can meet. Let’s re

visit that thought. When your marriage isn’t working the way it is supposed to be,

generally speaking, you are looking for your spouse to meet some ne

ed that only God

can meet. How does the line of thinking go? “I gotta find that one person to make me

happy. Gotta find the one ... ooohh, ho ooh. I found the one. Oooohhh. Goose

bumps! Oh, now every love song on the radio makes sense.” (laugh) “I t

hink this is the

one that’s going to make me happy.” So we get married, and then one day, “Ohhh, I’m

not happy ... Your fault! You’re not meeting my needs.” What just happens? We tried

to make our spouse the One when Jesus wants to be the One. Okay?

Guys, do not forget, a Godly woman is an incredible thing. I mean, oh my, incredibly,

but an ungodly woman will jack you up. Okay? But a godly woman, man. I mean, just,

we just don’t deserve them. And the way that God made women, they’re amazing. God

made women multipliers. They multiply things. My wife is amazing. She multiplies

things. I’ll give her this dog ugly house and she’ll puuuaa, boop, and she multiplies and

makes this home that I love. I’ll give her these, like money for groceries, and

she takes

these groceries and she blooop pow, she makes this meal for like eight of us. It’s just

incredible. I’ll give her ... (laugh) ... my love. Psshhuull and she’ll multiply it six times.

(laugh) Now, don’t forget, gentlemen, they are multipliers.

I’ll give her a hard time.

Bbbooommph ka boop ... she’ll give me hell. Hahaha, they are multipliers. So,

gentlemen, if you do not like what you are getting from her, look at what you’re giving to

her. And all the ladies say, “Amen, Brother Craig, you can

...” I’m getting to you in a

moment, ladies. Hang tight.

What’s the bottom line? The bottom line is, today’s philosophy of relationships is far

beneath God’s standards. Okay, “We’re going to get married. We’re going to be great.

We’re gonna be happ

y. We’ll have a picket fence, a dog, a couple of cars. We’re going

to be happy, and what I’m going to do, I’m going to meet you halfway, fifty/fifty. Okay?

I’m going to bring my part. You bring your part. Fifty/fifty, and we’re going to live by the

olden Rule, which is, help me out, all the campuses. “Do unto others as you would

have them do unto you.” Did you know that is the words of Jesus, and the standard is

for brother/sister relationships to do unto others as we would have them do unto you?

Did you know that God’s standard for marriage is higher than that? It is not fifty/fifty.

God’s standard for marriage could be explained this way: It is not do unto your spouse

as you would have them do unto you. That’s fifty/fifty. It is do unto your

spouse as

Jesus has done unto you. That’s a hundred percent, holding nothing back. Remember

the verse we started with? I am to love and serve my wife as Christ loved and served

the church. It’s not fifty/fifty. That’s laying my life down. That’s giv

ing all of it under the

banner of Jesus.

Let’s re

visit Exodus 34:14. Let’s look at it from the New Living Translation. The

scripture says, “You must worship no other gods but only the Lord,” now help me out

here, “for He is a God who is,” what? “He is

a God who is passionate.” What is He

passionate about? He is passionate about His relationship with you. What excites the 6

heart of God? You. What is He passionate about? His relationship with you. What

does He want to be in your life? He wants to

be Number One, and until He is Number

One, your Number Two will never work out the way it should. Let me kind of tell you

just a little bit about my story. I was, I took the normal road, promiscuity, multiple sinful

relationships, and such, and it was fu

n for a little while. I won’t lie to you. It was fun for

a while. But, sin has a way of biting you in the butt, and it started biting hard. And I

started hurting, becoming angry, dangerous, a trail of relational blood left behind, and I

started to hate

myself for the results. At the bottom, I called out on the one that I had

heard about, not sure if Jesus was real or if He could change my life. I called out on His

name, and He was both. He was real and He totally changed my life, completely.

And s

o, here I was. Brand new creation, sophomore in college, and deep down,

honestly, man, I really wanted to be married. I have just always wanted that, and so I

went on, you know, the radar was going. You know, if there was a girl that had like a

cross ne

cklace, she was a potential. You know, and if she was good looking and knew

John 3:16, that could be the one for me, you know, and I went on this kind of pursuit.

But what happened is, I didn’t have any models of a Godly relationship. I didn’t know

what

it was supposed to look like. I didn’t have a clue what a spiritual father should be

like, and so what I prayed and kind of asked God for direction, and I felt ... I don’t

recommend that you try this unless God leads you to. This was just my deal. I felt

God led me to stop dating altogether, which was like, “Wooo, what happened to him?”

People were placing bets, “How long will it last?” They were turning me in for prayer

requests. Is he, you know, and it was a real act of obedience to me, and so f

or, really,

the better part of two years, I devoted Saturday evenings to what I called a date with

God. And I would read the Bible, and read it some more. I was drinking near

beer,

trying to get off of beer. I read so many books on relationships and God

ly marriages

that it is hard to describe, and what happened is, God started to renew my mind and to

change my thinking, and to lead me into Godliness. As I made Him the One, He started

to prepare me for the Two, and during that season, He changed my think

ing and filled

me with His love so that I started to appreciate myself, and so that I had His love to give

to someone else. I wasn’t going to be a taker, but instead, I was going to be a giver.

Everything changed. Jesus had to be the One before I was re

ady for the Two. That’s

why Jesus says in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and

then everything else will be added unto you.” He’s got to be the One. Without the One,

you never find fulfillment and meaning in Number One in

your life.

All right, what would I love for our church? Among other things, I would love it if our

single adults were known for integrity, respect, and Godliness in their pursuits of God’s

best relationally ... that we would be different from the rest of t

he world. Distinctly

different. That we would, when we get married, that our marriages would be built on the

foundation of Jesus Christ, and that when there’s trouble, and there will be. There’s

trouble in all marriages. Hard times, we’d grab hands and

we would move Heaven by

faith and prayer. That our values, as Christ

following families, would be distinctly

different than the values of this world. That with our finances, we would be radically

generous, starting with the tithe and then being faithful

to use the resources God has

given us to be a blessing and impact the world all around. That morally, we would have 7

a different standard. That we would not tolerate any kind of lustful sinful thoughts. That

our marriages would be holy, pure, full of pa

ssion and intimacy, but all in a Godly way

shared between two people. That there would be this definite commitment. That there

would be not just staying together for the sake of the kids, but glorifying God together in

our marriages. It’s going to take

work. That our children be raised differently. That

people would look on and they’d say, “What do you have that I don’t have? What is it

about the two of you?” And then you would say, “Well, first of all, you need to know that

we both found The One.

The best thing I have in my life is my relationship with Jesus. He’s the One. Right

below that is the relationship I have with Amy. She’s incredible. We are so blessed.

But we would not have what we have if I was her One. God. The One. Amy. Me.

The

closer we grow to the One, the closer we grow to each other. So, how do you know

when you’ve met the Two? Good question. I wish I had a formula for you. I don’t. But

here’s what I do know. You’re looking for the Two. The first thing is, that you

should

have Jesus in common more than anything else. He is the rock upon which your

relationship will be built. Secondly, I am just going to say, and this is my opinion, but I

stand by it, you’ve got to be attracted to the person. Don’t give me that ov

spiritual

crap of, “You know, I just, uh, well you know, he’s really godly, but ughhh, you know.

Maybe, if I just keep praying. I’ll like him. You know, uh, I, I ...” Seriously, dead

serious. I think God is going to give you someone that you are attr

acted to. I don’t

make any apologies for that. Okay? Jesus is the sinner and you are drawn to this

person. You love being with them. Then you ask the question, and that is this, for me,

this was the bottom line. Amy. We are best friends. Jesus was

a sinner. And oh, was

I ever attracted. Okay? I asked the question, “Can we serve God better together

married than we could apart?” And, if we can serve God better together married then,

gentlemen, you save up. Pay cash for a ring, get down on your kn

ee, and say to her

what I said to Amy, or in your own words, but our verse together is this: Psalm 34:3, I

said to her, “Amy, come glorify the Lord with me. Let us exalt His name together.”

So, question for you is this. All of our campuses, “What num

ber is Christ in your life?”

Be really honest. Look at your checkbook and quit lying to yourself. Look at the way

you spend your time and quit glossing over generalities. Look at your heart. For me, so

many times in the place of Christ, has been my pu

rsuits of marriage, or my children, or

the church, or my pathetic search for material gain. Allow the Spirit of God to de

throne

anything that is in place of Christ. He wants to be The One. All of our campuses, let’s

pray. “God, we ask that in Your hol

y presence You would become The One.”

All of our campuses, as you reflect today, be honest. Those of you that are Christ

followers, you have submitted your life to Christ, but you have realized today that there’s

something in His place. He’s not the O

ne. Would you be honest enough to say, “Jesus,

I want You to change that. You have not been the One. Forgive me and change that