Children obey your parents and parents nourish your children

Introduction

The teaching today coincides with the previous four teachings on the topic of Christian living. The life we live in Christ is the best life now. We live a Spirit filled life where our daily interactions with people is God honoring. It is a means of worship. Remember, we are commanded to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Eph 5:21). Biblical submission, in context of the home, is to both authority and/or one’s needs. The Christian household is the preeminent domain and example of Christ’s submission, headship, self-sacrificial love, and as we will learn today, obedience, righteousness, honor, and nourishment in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

My purpose today is to: 1) explain the role of children and parents according to Ephesians 6:1-4, 2) identify the role of parents in the training of their children, and 3) call to the attention of Christian parents, especially fathers, the importance of nourishing their children in discipline and instruction of the Lord, as well as call children to obey and honor their parents in the Lord.

I. Contextual perspectives of children

Children in Greco-Roman culture: Consider uniformed adults that lacked reason therefore they needed training which included beatings. Plato stated: “Of all the wild beasts, the child is the most intractable; for insofar as it, above all others, possesses a fount of reason that is as yet uncurbed, it is a treacherous, sly and most insolent creature. Wherefore the child must be strapped up, as it were, with many bridles” (Plato Leg., 808D). Children were valued as individuals by most parents. However, there were Roman customs, practiced at one’s birth, that questions one’s thoughts regarding the value of a child. It was customary for a newborn to be laid at the father’s feet for examination. If the father lifted the child, it symbolized the child’s acceptance into the family. If the child was handicapped, an unwanted girl, or an unwanted extra mouth to feed, the child will be left on the ground and exposed. Some carried off to the dump to die. Such practices were never sanctioned or condemned by Roman law. Children were given names more than a week after birth--boys (on the 9th day) and girls (on the 8th day). This was possibly due to infant mortality rate. Many died within the 1st week after birth, less than half survived to see their 5th birthday and about 40% died before the age of 20. The naming rite was called the day of purification (washing, sacrifice, name given). Children generally started their education at the age 6 or 7. At age 12, those who could afforded the opportunity (males only) could continue their education. Girls transitioned into learning domesticated duties. Children were legally eligible to be married in pre-teen years: girls 12 and boys 14. Boys could be registered as citizens between 14-16. Finally, boys and girls were subject to sexual abuse with many serving as child prostitutes.

Children in the Jewish Culture: Children were seen as a blessing (Ps 127:3-5). Parents were commanded to teach and pass their faith to the children. Children was so important that a childless woman was considered barren and shamed. Children were given the key command to “Honor your father and mother. . .” and their rebellion towards their parents was punishable by death (Deut 21:18-21). Boys learned the Torah (girls the Psalms) which included reading and memorizing the Scriptures. Like the Greco-Roman culture, many started formal education around 6-7 years of age and many received a Greek education. Boys transitioned into adulthood when they took on the “yoke of the Torah.” Marriage was also a transition into adulthood where many marriages were arranged. Girls normally married in mid-teen years and boys their late teen years.

Children in the Early Church: They made up the community of believers. Children were naturally included. There are many NT references to household being saved and baptized. So, when this letter was read to the Christians in Ephesus and the many other churches it circulated, children would have been present to hear it!

Stamps, D. L. (2000). Children in Late Antiquity. In Dictionary of New Testament background: a compendium of contemporary biblical scholarship (electronic ed., p. 197). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.

II. Children obey your parents. . .

Ephesians 6:1 ESV

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Children (Tekna)- children or offspring

Obey (hypakouete)- Unlike wives, who are commanded to submit (hypotassethe) to one’s authority, children are commanded to obedience. This means to be under the voice of, submit to a command, or obedience.

Parents (goneusin)- Parents are the object of obedience and the subject who gives the command.

in the Lord (en kurio)- the motive or motivation for a child’s obedience is the Lord. “In the Lord does not mean that children only need to obey Christian parents. Rather, it means that they are obeying the Lord when they obey their parents.” Colossians 3:20 states, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” The limits of a child’s obedience is not addressed rather it is the spirit in which obedience is practiced.

Anders, M. (1999). Galatians-Colossians (Vol. 8, p. 188). Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers.

for this is right (dikaion)- reason by which children obey is because it is the right thing to do. It is not right because of one’s own volition or account of one’s parental authority but it is the will of God which is identified in the next verse.

III. Honor your father and mother. . .

Ephesians 6:2–3 ESV

“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Paul quotes the fifth command given in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16. Use resembles more of the later than the former.

Honor (tima)- To show reverence or hold one in high regard; have a fixed value. The fact that his verb is a present imperative mean it should be a continuous attitude towards parents.

(first commandment with a promise)- great difficulty for commentators and scholars. There are five popular views on why it is considered the first commandment with a promise: 1) it is the first command in the second table of the Ten commandments, 2) first commandment to be learned by children since they are addressed in this passage, 3) “first” does not mean numerical order but rather degree of difficulty, 4) “first” refers to first importance, and 5) first one with a specific promise considering the second command in the Ten Commandments is a general one. The last view is probably the one in view in Paul’s writing.

“go well with you” and “live long in the land”- This difficult as well. It has two elements. The “go well with you” is a little easier to deal with. It suggest the natural reduction of conflict in the home or peace which is a great benefit. However, does this mean one will live a long life? We must consider a few things if we are to take it literally. First, the contextual issue. The mortality rate for children was very high in that time. We know good Christian children die every day. Second, there are teachings in Scripture, that if not obeyed, can lead to death (read Ephesians 4 and the things we are commanded to put off). Third, the quotation here is a shorter version of the Exodus and Deuteronomy passage which includes “the land the Lord your God is giving you.” We have to take into consideration the covenants and land. The OT quotations are from the perspective of the old covenant with the land in mind being Canaan or the Promise Land. Here, Paul omits land given by God. It is more likely “land” means “earth” considering the audience (Gentiles Christians) and the Great Commission/Acts 1:8. Finally, this command, in both the OT and NT, is given to a community of God’s people. So, how should we see this? From the OT perspective, it was a long, peaceful, and flourishing life in the land God gave the Israelites ensuring the continuation of His people in that land. For us. . . I will answer that later.

IV. Fathers, do not provoke your children. . .

Ephesians 6:4 ESV

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Father- many commentators, looking at this from a contextual standpoint, suggest this command is for parents, although the text specifically identify fathers. I agree, this command implies parents because of what the totality of Scripture reveals. However, I believe it is important to focus on the verses intended purpose to identify father’s, the authority in the home, as the focal point of nourishing children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

do not provoke (parorgizete)- this means to cause one to anger unto wrath or become wrathful. Colossians 3:21 states, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they will become discouraged (broken in spirit).”

bring them up (ektrephete)- means to nourish to maturity, rear up

discipline and instruction of the Lord- “discipline” and “instruction” are closely related meaning two similar words saying the same thing. “Discipline” (paideia) could suggest either instruction or correction. “Instruction” (nouthesia) denotes admonition, correction, or reproof. Its no coincidence both words are used in 2 Tim 3:16. The best ways to look at these two words are: “the whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment) It also includes the training and care of the body”

V. Application

In conclusion, there are two practical commands I want to leave us with.

1. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for it is right.” According to the truth of God’s word, it is His will that children obey their parents. Children must honor their parents, even if their parents are not acting honorably. It is unfortunate, so many children come to know Christ but their parent live in continuous rejection and rebellion towards Him. Nevertheless, I am thankful they were led to the truth found in Jesus. However, just because one’s parent(s) are not Christian, does not give the child the right or excuse to dishonor and disobey their parent(s). The motive and motivation is the Lord. We worship God in obedience to our parent(s). Therefore, obeying your parents “in the Lord” is always applicable, unless those commands are unbiblical and attempts to influence you back into living the old way of life (Eph 4:17-19).

Ephesians 5:1–2 ESV

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Consider the importance of this command understanding what Scripture says about those who are disobedient towards their parents.

Romans 1:28–31 ESV

And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless.

2 Timothy 3:1–5 ESV

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

Those that are disobedient towards their parents are considered to be under God’s wrath. However, there is a promise that awaits those who obey and honor their parents. Although, under this new covenant, we do not inherit the Promised land, Israel, we do inherit better promises; a place where God dwells. I stated earlier I will give an answer to what I believe “living a long life on the earth” is pointing towards.

1 Timothy 4:8 ESV

for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.

This verse takes me to my second application:

2. “Fathers (parents) do not provoke your children, instead nourish in discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Father’s, you must be the leader your home. As Ephesians 5:25-27 reveals, husbands, who will eventually be fathers, must know, teach, and live the word of God. However, mothers are just as responsible for the rearing of their children.

Proverbs 1:8–9 ESV

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.

Nourishing our children is a joint effort between husbands and wives, but under the leadership of the father. There are too many “Christian” parents who say they want better for their children but spend little to no time in the word of God and just as much time teaching his children. Parents are eager to label children kings and queens, prince and princesses but lack the eagerness and conviction to make them children of God. Our children are not our friends! They need parents who are spiritually mature teachers and disciplinarians. We must be better in our efforts to nourish our children in discipline and instruction of the Lord. Do not provoke your children to wrath by making their way hard through harsh, endless, and petty correction or unpredictability in use of authority. Love them, educate them, guide them, and lead them using Scripture, while following God’s example yourself.

Hebrews 12:10–11 ESV

For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Proverbs 3:11–12 ESV

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

Proverbs 13:24 ESV

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Proverbs 29:15 ESV

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

I will finally end with this quote from Francis Foulkes: “The discipline and instruction of the Lord is that which the Lord is able to bring into the life of a child if parents do their work of teaching and training in the word of the Lord. This is the highest duty of Christian parents. . .‘parents should care more for the loyalty of their children to Christ than for anything besides, more for this than for their health, their intellectual vigour and brilliance, their material prosperity, their social position, their exemption from great sorrows and great misfortunes.’”

Foulkes, F. (1989). Ephesians: an introduction and commentary (Vol. 10, p. 170). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.