Before I Die (2-7-2021)

Before I die... 2-7-21 Beginning Scripture: Psalm 90:1-2 "Lord, through all the generations you have been our home! Before the mountains were created, before the earth was formed, you are God without beginning or end." TLB I found myself resisting the message of Psalm 90. It repeatedly describes how transient or fleeting life is. My mama used to say, "Life is short." Her tone of voice, her inflection spoke sadness, disquietude, weariness, and caution all at once. Of course, I did not understand what she meant. I was probably about thirteen and mom seemed to me to have already lived a long time, and I figured she would be with us for much longer - which she was. But she had seen her sister and brother die at a relatively young age and sadly for Mom her mother died before Mom could make the kind of amends she wanted to make to her. So Mom understood what Moses is trying to say in Psalm 90 urging us in verse 12 to "count our days rightly" (Hebrew Bible). The New Living Translation says: "Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom." I think this was the yearning for me in Mom's voice. I think she wanted me to grow up, to face the reality of death so that I would take care with my life and live rightly. But I was irked by the author of our Sunday School booklet when he said: "...every day spent was one less day to live." (p. 68) I wanted to change a couple of words in that sentence: Every day is one MORE day to live. But now I realize that both of us want the same thing: Live each day fully but according to God's word. Don't waste a single day. I wonder if one reason I resisted the message of this Psalm is because of the amount of time I have wasted over my life. I read books and admire the authors for using their time so diligently to produce a well-written, engaging, and/or inspiring work. I remember having a vision of God once. He was very old and his eyes looked worn but wise. When I try to picture God I think I see him as very old, because to have that much knowledge and wisdom, he had to have lived a very long time. But the truth is God has not lived a long time, he does not live by the clock, even a very old and well-made timepiece. For God is not a piece of time. He is not even all of time because God made time... and matter... and energy. God is alive. He is the very essence of lively. He is wrapped up in everything we do. Or should I say: Everything we do is wrapped up in him. Every molecule of our bodies, every moment our tissues move and reproduce and die, God is in. God is always in. Even if we aren't. Oh how I am conscious of the aging process. But God doesn't age. He is in our every moment and every age. Yet he is age-less. I find that comforting. For God is in every moment of my angst and joy. And he will be there when my every moment is over - waiting for me with open arms, eager to receive me into his kingdom. He is ready now. He is all-ready. Every aspect of his being is ready to join itself to me when I am ready. So there is no reason for me to resist Psalm 90 and its message of the fleetingness of life. There is no reason to resist it unless I am resisting living it in his kingdom now, unless I am running away from him in various moments of various days. I hate to think of all the times I have turned my back on my precious beloved Father. It might seem that those moments are wasted. But the wonder of God is that he uses even that waste and recycles it - as soon as I am ready. There is a song that the pastor and I like. It is called "Jesus is for losers." It seems like a terrible title at first. But think of all the losers who got mired in their own egos and sin and when they were ready, there was Jesus waiting for them. I've been one of those losers. And Jesus is for me. He there by my side even when I trip and fall or run from him. When I read the book, Twelve Ordinary Men - about the apostles - I saw how each of them was a loser in some way until they were ready to let him in. Jesus made winners out of them. And they passed on the batons to us. They along with Jesus have passed the batons to us over more than 2020 years. This Psalm makes the point of how troubled God gets when we run away from him. It breaks his heart to see it. We can look at Jesus and see his sensitivity to and sadness for the spiritual and physical disease of his fellow humans. So maybe we should ask and try to answer the same question this Psalm asks: "What do I want to see happen in my life before I die?" Prayer Father help me remember that you are here now and for always. Help me get ready to enter your embrace after this brief sigh of a life is over. I pray this in the name of my precious Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.