What Jesus Taught About Marriage

Introduction

Harvard sociologist Pitirim Sorokin wrote a book in the 1950’s sounding an alarm about the coming disintegration of American civilization. The central concern of his book was the increase in divorce between 1910 and 1948. In 1910, 10% of marriages in US ended in divorce. In 1948, that number rose to 25%. Speaking as a historian of culture, Sorokin said no civilization can survive when 1/4 of its marriages are disintegrating. You probably know that percentage has more than doubled by now. And it is not just the unsaved who are divorcing at high rates. It is also those who claim to be born again.

Because of this, many young people are skipping marriage altogether. They are co-habitating, having sex outside of marriage. Even those who are professing believers are doing this although God has clearly stated that this is sin.

I know this is a sensitive topic and everyone who hears me today has probably been hurt by divorce. Either you have been divorced or your parents have or someone you were close to has. This sermon will probably evoke some pretty strong emotions. I don’t want to hurt anyone or make anyone wallow in shame. I simply want to show you what Jesus taught about marriage.

If you are married, I want you to know you can have a marriage that both glorifies God and is a blessing to you.

If you are single, I want you to know that marriage is a serious decision and should not be taken lightly.

If you are divorced, I want you to know that God is full of grace and you are not damaged goods.

And if you are not a follower of Jesus Christ, I want you to know God wants to enter into a relationship with you in which He promises never to leave you and to love you unconditionally.

What Moses Said

10 And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them. 

2 And Pharisees came up and to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.”

The Pharisees asked this question to “test” or to “trap” Jesus. They were not wanting to know what He thought about marriage or divorce. They wanted to get him to say something that would incriminate him and maybe they could have him killed.

Divorce was rampant during the time of Jesus. Women were treated as property. They didn’t have legal rights. The Roman empire’s influence on the Jews had caused them to devalue marriage.

Herod Antipas, the Roman tetrarch chosen to govern Judea, had just divorced his wife and married his brother’s wife. John the Baptist had spoken out against it and angered Herod’s new wife, Herodias. So she schemed to have John the Baptist beheaded and she succeeded. So the Pharisees were hoping to see the same thing happen to Jesus by setting this trap for him. Maybe he would say that adultery was the only provision for divorce and since there was no adultery on Herod’s wife’s part, he was wrong in divorcing her and marrying his brother’s wife.

Jesus answers their question by pointing them to Scripture. He said, “What did Moses say?” Moses made a provision for divorce in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife.”

The commands given by God through Moses were to regulate an already existing practice. Divorce was very common in the ancient Near East. God was not encouraging divorce here. The divorce certificate was given to the woman for her protection under the law. If after her first husband divorced her and she married another man and he divorced her or died, her first husband was not permitted to marry her again.

She was given a certificate of divorcement so she wouldn’t be viewed as a social outcast or prostitute and would be able to remarry and be cared for.

Why Moses Said It

5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.

Moses made this provision of divorce for Israel under God’s direction because of the wickedness of man’s heart and because of Israel’s stubborn refusal to accept God’s view of marriage.

Divorce was never God’s ideal, and He wasn’t encouraging people to divorce here. God hates divorce, but He made a provision because of the wickedness of man and the abuse that women were dealing with as a result of men abandoning their wives.

By the time of Jesus, there were two prevailing ideas about divorce in the Jewish community. One was that you could not get divorced unless the woman had committed adultery. This was the conservative viewpoint and few took it. If you remember, under the law of Moses, if someone commited adultery, they were to be stoned to death. But by the time of Jesus, this wasn’t practiced anymore. There was no consequence if a man committed adultery, but if a woman did, she would be divorced.

The other idea, which was much more prominent, was that if your wife displeased you, you could divorce her. It seems the Pharisees held to this position since there is history that many of them had divorces.

So, Moses said this because of the wickedness of the hearts of the people and the rebellion of the people. There was already an existing problem of men abandoning their wives. Moses put this law in place to protect women and ensure they would have a future after being abandoned.

What Jesus Said

6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Instead of focusing on what the Scripture said about divorce, Jesus said they should have been focusing on what the Scripture said about marriage! He takes them back to Genesis when God created marriage. A male and female were to be joined in a union so strong it was described as “one flesh.”

Genesis 2:21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Ge 2:21–25.

When God established marriage, divorce was not on his radar. He created marriage to be permanent and sacred. He created husband and wife to be one. In God’s eyes, the formula for marriage is “One plus one equals one. “

They were to be one spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially, and every way. That is why Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let no man separate.” Jesus was teaching oneness in marriage.

Many people pride themselves in staying together and not getting a divorce, but there is no oneness in their marriage. God didn’t design marriage for you to just live in the same house. He designed it so you would be one and if you are not pursuing that oneness as husband and wife, your marriage is not pleasing to God.

I ask you to consider your marriage and ask yourselves - am I pursuing oneness.

Are you one spiritually? Are you reading the Bible together, praying together, growing together in Christlikeness? Are you sharing what God is doing in your life with your spouse?

Are you one emotionally? Are you communicating your feelings, empathizing with one another, going on dates just as you did before marriage, resolving conflicts, forgiving, and living together in unity?

Are you one physically? Are you affectionate, holding hands, hugging, kissing, and being intimate with one another? Sex is a gift for married couples and finds its true fulfilment when that couple is pursuing oneness in every area of their marriage.

Are you one financially? Are you on the same page about how to spend money, what your goals for the future are? Or are you hiding purchases from the other and having secrets about finances?

How is the oneness in your marriage? Regardless of how long you have been married, or your differences and your past, every couple who is a Christian can experience that oneness.

The Pharisees did not succeed in trapping Jesus. So they left.

Then the disciples privately asked Jesus again about divorce.

10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Jesus stunned them by saying “If a man or woman divorces and marries another person, they are committing adultery.” Jesus was saying that you cannot get divorced just because your partner is not meeting your needs. Just because you two can’t get along. Just because you found someone else you think could make you happier. Jesus made it clear that if you do that, you are committing adultery and causing your spouse to also commit adultery.

Jesus did make a provision for those who have experienced marital infidelity. In Matthew 5:32, Jesus said, “Everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” So Jesus realized the deep emotional pain that adultery causes and gives provision for divorce in that situation.

However, should the offended spouse choose to forgive, that is a beautiful picture of God’s grace. By God’s help, many spouses have done that and enjoyed a fulfilling marriage after an affair. Sometimes, it is not feasible, however, and those offending spouses that choose to divorce should not be looked down on.

I think it should be pointed out that Paul makes a provision also for divorce on the grounds of abandonment in 1 Corinthians 7:15. There, he says if an unbelieving partner leaves the spouse because they don’t want to be married to a believer, the spouse that is left is not enslaved but is free to remarry.

Practically speaking, when there is physical abuse or even verbal abuse in the marriage, God would not have you stay in the marriage. He hates abuse as he hates divorce. Wisdom is needed in all situations. And if someone is seeking divorce, you should bring it before your pastors and make sure you have a Biblical basis for it.

Conclusion

Marriage is serious business to God. It is a covenant between you and God and your spouse. It is not to be broken and is till death do us part.

Marriage is to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. We are told this in Ephesians 5. Once we are in Christ, we cannot be separated from Him. This is the way we are to portray the Gospel to the world.

Don’t enter into marriage lightly and have divorce as an option in their back pocket if it doesn’t work out. If divorce is an option for you, don’t get married.

If you are already divorced, my heart goes out to you. It is only by God’s grace that I haven’t been divorced. It is surely not because I have been the best husband.

God is full of grace. That is not an unforgivable sin. Jesus died to forgive that sin and make you whiter than snow. You will have consequences as you go through life as all of us do for disobeying God, but God forgives you and still wants to use you. God still loves you just as much as He did before you were divorced. He doesn’t love us on the basis of our actions. You are not second class if you have been divorced.

If you are married and thinking about a divorce because you can’t get along or because your spouse isn’t meeting your needs, remove divorce as an option. Reach out to us as your pastors. God can help you have a marriage of oneness and glorify Him and bless you in the process.

Hear me out - the grass is not always greener on the other side. When it looks greener, the best thing to do is water your own grass. Invest in your marriage.

Even if you are not thinking about divorce, but you are just two people living under the same roof - financial partners and parenting partners. But you are not giving yourselves to each other spiritually, emotionally, or physically, you need to start doing that. That is God’s plan for your marriage.

If you are single and having sex outside of marriage, you need to repent of that. It is not ok just because it is a cultural norm. You need to obey God. God can forgive you for that.

If you are single and thinking about getting married, take it seriously. Make sure the person you are marrying is a believer and they are sold out to follow Jesus. You will never be able to be spiritually one with someone who is not.

Maybe you are married and pursuing oneness in your marriage. I want to caution you about looking down on others who are divorced or who have had affairs.

English Standard Version Chapter 10

12 Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.

You are not better than them. We are all vile sinners and if not for the grace of God, we would be guilty of the same. If you get haughty thinking that would never be you, you may be Satan’s next victim.

Finally, if you are not a believer in Christ and a follower of Christ, God wants to save your soul. He wants to forgive you of your sin and be your spiritual husband. He wants to have a relationship with you in which He will never leave you. He wants to show you what unconditional love is all about. He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to suffer and die on the Cross for your sins. Jesus rose from the dead to show to us that He was God and if you believe in Him and trust in His sacrifice as payment for your sin, you can be saved.