1 Corinthians 13:1–3 NKJV

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

So, you want love?

Scripture teaches me that I can have and do a number of good things (for myself and others). Yet, in the absence of love, what I have and what I do are of no profit to me, certainly no personal profit before God. Perhaps you learned something similar.

As a result, I want love. And I bet you do, too. I and we, in some configuration, want love: to be loved, to show love, to receive love, to hold and experience love in a tangible way. In life we want love, and we want it so much that we are willing “to love” from people to pizza and anything in between, including places, projects and so much more. We want love. (And from our opening text, rightly so.)

Today, I want to talk about loving people and then more specifically loving your spouse or spouse-to-be.

If I were to ask you to tell me about your love life, what would you say? (The G-rated version!) Chances are you would describe what’s happening for you—what you are experiencing, how it feels to you, what it means to you, what you want more of, who you want more of, what difference love is making in your life.

What is often missing (in your and my response) is the description of your love life from the perspective of the person on the other side of your love. What is life like to be the recipient of your love? What is life like for the one who is the object of your love? What is life like for the one who is the target of your love?

Recorded in scripture/the Bible is a story of King Solomon acting as judge between two mothers. Scripture describes King Solomon as the wisest person who has ever lived. This trial between two women is quite a test for King Solomon because without the luxury of a maternity kit he has an opportunity to determine which woman is the mother of a baby. I find the story horrific as well as drama at its best. Nonetheless, it speaks of the intricacies and pitfalls of human love, grief and relationships.

Scripture story: baby swap

1 Kings 3:16–28 NKJV

16 Now two women who were harlots came to the king, and stood before him. 17 And one woman said, “O my lord, this woman and I dwell in the same house; and I gave birth while she was in the house. 18 Then it happened, the third day after I had given birth, that this woman also gave birth. And we were together; no one was with us in the house, except the two of us in the house. 19 And this woman’s son died in the night, because she lay on him. 20 So she arose in the middle of the night and took my son from my side, while your maidservant slept, and laid him in her bosom, and laid her dead child in my bosom. 21 And when I rose in the morning to nurse my son, there he was, dead. But when I had examined him in the morning, indeed, he was not my son whom I had borne.” 22 Then the other woman said, “No! But the living one is my son, and the dead one is your son.” And the first woman said, “No! But the dead one is your son, and the living one is my son.” Thus they spoke before the king. 23 And the king said, “The one says, ‘This is my son, who lives, and your son is the dead one’; and the other says, ‘No! But your son is the dead one, and my son is the living one.’ ” 24 Then the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So they brought a sword before the king. 25 And the king said, “Divide the living child in two, and give half to one, and half to the other.” 26 Then the woman whose son was living spoke to the king, for she yearned with compassion for her son; and she said, “O my lord, give her the living child, and by no means kill him!” But the other said, “Let him be neither mine nor yours, but divide him.” 27 So the king answered and said, “Give the first woman the living child, and by no means kill him; she is his mother.” 28 And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had rendered; and they feared the king, for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him to administer justice.

There is something about (God’s) love that says, I want God’s best for you...even over my own yearnings and desires.

That even when I loose, I win...(I’m loving you into a better place...I sacrifice “lower wants” for a higher/best outcome.)

There are moments and seasons of live where “love collides”.

When (does) love collides: when my desire for myself is not the best outcome for you?

There is a collision emotionally, spiritually, mentally, sometimes physically when what I passionately want for myself may jeopardize your having what is best for you. In that moment, in those seasons of life (where “love collides”) I line up the priorities and choose the highest priority from my perspective.

Thinking now, romantically, about you and the person you love:

Too often, having love for someone and being “in love” I describe my story with the focus on what happens for me...you describe your story with the focus on what happens doe you.

But I ask you, in light of your marriage or your marriage you want to have, where you are now “in love”:

What happens for your spouse? What happens for the recipient of you love?

More plainly—

Q: How do you imagine your spouse and spouse’s life will be different because you showed up and loved?

More plainly—

In the book of Ephesians the Apostle Paul gives the following instruction to husbands. This verse is in the context of a larger conversation Paul (and therefore God) is having with believers in Asia Minor and I believe a conversation God is having with us today.

Ephesians 5:25 NKJV

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,

Paul lines up marriage between a husband and a wife to the relationship between God and His Church, where God’s Son Jesus Christ is the Bridegroom and the Church/the larger body of believers is the Bride of Christ.

As a aside, one thing I have loved about scripture is, in reading/studying it, to be able to ask and answer What, How, Why and What was the outcome? (I can explore many of life’s experiments without the risk and yet gain the wisdom.)

The first three (What, How, Why?) we can ask and answer in the following text:

Ephesians 5:25–29 NKJV

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

As a husband, or before as a want-to-be-husband, I read Eph 5:25 and I ask and see What Jesus did—Jesus loved the Church. I ask, “Well, how did Christ love the church”?

Sacrificially, with His whole self. Jesus nourishes and cherishes the Church.

(Christ loved the church sacrificially and righteously. Christ loved the church with His whole self. v 29. Christ nourishes and cherishes the church and this is ongoing.)

But the question that is often missed but just as important to ask and answer, if not more important: why?

(Answering the question “Why” puts some conviction, motivation, inspiration, passion, urgency, steadiness, long-suffering behind our loving. Q: how many of you know loving challenging? I admit, loving me is not easy to do. If you are going down this journey with me then you are going to need some conviction that the commitment is worth it, and focus to keep the proper target front and center.)

Why: For what reason does Jesus do these things/give so much? (And Why should I?)

(Jesus loves sacrificially and righteously, with His whole Self, nourishing and cherishing the church...)

To make her better. To make her brighter.

Better: no spot nor wrinkle; holy, without blemish.

Brighter: glorious

And did Christ achieve what He was going for/intended?

I would say, yes. In my life, yes.

Changed

Song by Tramaine Hawkins

A change , a change has come over me.

He changed my life and now I'm free.

He washed away all my sins, and he made me whole,

He washed me white as snow.

He changed, my life complete, and now I sit

I sit at his feet. To do what must be done

I'll work and work, until he comes

A wonderful change has come over me

A wonderful change has come over me

When we look in scripture for:

What is the impact of God’s love upon the Church, His bride?

Revelation (a picture of what is to come) chapter 21 reveals to us the outcome: indeed, Christ’ Church is better and brighter.

Briefly,

Revelation 21:1–4 NKJV

1 Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. 2 Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. 4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:9–11 NKJV

9 Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, “Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb’s wife.” 10 And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, 11 having the glory of God. Her light was like a most precious stone, like a jasper stone, clear as crystal.

Here in scripture we see an alignment between intent and impact.

And while it is not always the case the impact of who we are aligns with our intent, it is critical that we hold awareness that our love has impact. This impact is often beyond me, beyond you and rest with the other person.

So, today, I return to where we started: so, you want love?

Great. In knowing that your actions—how you love— will have impact on someone else, let your intentions be for your love to help the one whom you love to be better and brighter. To have a better and brighter life.

So, you want love?

What will be the impact of your love upon her? Upon him? Beyond what you personally receive in the relationship, (how) will she be better and brighter because of you? How will he be better and brighter because of you?

God is our ultimate example. And a better and brighter relationship through Him is available to anyone, anywhere.

John 3:16–17 NKJV

16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

I challenge you and urge you today, as you gather vision of your life with someone do not stop visioning at the point where you see how your life is different for you because you are now in love. Pray to God for vision for how the other person is better and brighter through your love.