A new way of handling conflict.
A new way of handling conflict.
Personal Custom Dream
This dream takes place in the same era as Little House on the Prairie.
Danie and I and my girls, Aubrey, age 13, and London, age 10, are in this dream. There are a man and woman in this dream who are the owners of this establishment the dream takes place in, but I cannot make out who they are or what they are like.
We are in this wide-open building. Aubrey is at the far end of the room from the front door, and she is sitting at a table reading a book.
London is sitting at another picnic-like table parked halfway and on the left of this big room. She has a journal open and is marking little dashes in her book to show some sort of accomplishment.
This room, the building is rustic and all made of wood planks. It looks like a mix between a restaurant and a library.
Danie and I are sitting at a table right to the left of the entrance door with our back toward the front wall. We are having a fun time with this couple who own this establishment.
Danie is in the dream, but she looks like the Little House on the Prairie woman. The only two people's faces I can see is her face and Thom's face. Everyone else is a strong impression, including myself. In this dream, my wife has been secretly training herself at school and other places to be extra strong. She does these arm workouts to make sure she can protect her own. London is checking things off in her journal, and those checkmarks have to do with how many exercises her mom has done.
While we are conversing with the couple that owns this place, the man says Thom and his wife are coming. When he comes in, it is essential that Danie does not talk when he is here. He has this temper, and he does not want women talking in public places. I can see the look on Danie's face, and I know we are in for a little ride.
Thom comes in, and he is a loud, tall man. His face looks worn with life. Thom is a rugged-looking man with short brown and grey hair. No beard, but his face is marked with wrinkles, mostly from anger and frowning. It is hard to make out what he looks like with all the dirt streaks on his face. His wife follows behind him, and she has blond hair and dressed quite lovely and seems meek and very humble. Thom comes in loud and proud.
It does not take long for my wife to say something, and she surprisingly starts at almost a whisper. Then Danie realizes that he does not care about her talking volume; he just doesn't want her to talk.
I stand up and start confronting him to stop telling my wife what she can and can't do. Thom now gets enraged and yells out all kinds of profane things and eventually says a swear word. At this point, I get loud and say, you should not swear in front of young girls like that. For some reason, this statement strikes his heart, you can tell. We both stopped yelling and were now quiet.
After several minutes and the tension is lessening in the room, Thom's demeanor has changed now. He tells me he wants to give the girls a gum stick to say sorry for swearing in front of them. He tries to get me to do it for him. I tell him, I am not the one who swore you are, so you need to give it to them yourself. Thom gets close to Aubrey, and I realize she does not know why he is bringer her a stick of gum, nor does she want to take it from him. Aubrey must have been so into her book she did not catch what was going on. I explain to her what happened, even the point that Thom did not want Danie or any woman to talk around him and that he swore. She said she knew he swore and let me give her the gum and received Thom's apology.
I followed Thom to London and let him hand her the gum through me so she would take it too, and he apologized to her. The tension was almost gone, and the room felt way better now. At this point in the dream, I could also see what London was writing in her journal. It was two pages full of checkmarks. There was a lot, and she was very proud of those checkmarks.
I followed Thom to the table we first started, and we sat next to each other. I looked him in the eyes and asked why he had this rule in his life of not letting women speak around him in public. He said it was a 'Personal Custom.' I told him, what if I had a custom that you had to pay $10 every time you came near me. You had to pay it no matter what, or bad things would come your way. What if I did not tell you about that custom until you were trapped by it? He said, "that was a pretty dumb custom and would not work out well for me." I agreed. I said, "because you have this personal custom, you will miss out on these wise, brave, and often compelling words from my wife. She has this ability to change people's habits and minds on things that they do not know they are trapped in. Your personal custom makes it, so you miss out on that, not to mention how many other gifts other women have for you. On top of that, other people miss out on who you are because of this custom.
I took offense to the fact that you want women to be quiet around you. I got to a place where I saw you as an enemy instead of who you indeed are." I said, "Thom, a man who can stick to a custom like this must be quite stubborn and loyal. I bet you're the kind of person to have around as a friend when bullies are trying to attack. I bet you would be a fierce, loyal, protecting kind of friend." I kept going on, pointing out the strengths I believe he may have. I pointed out, "a man who can humble himself to apologize to children is a man with a great heart."
Then I moved on to other people's strengths in the room that he is missing out on because of this personal custom of his. I even talked to Thom about why he made that custom in the first place. He said he was trying to find a way for justice at that same time to protect those bad things from ever happening again. I knew he was referring to something his mom had done to him in public before.
The dream ended with me continuing to call out all the gold in him and others.
After I woke up, and could not shake the powerful feeling that this way of dealing with conflict will bring so much healing to people.
The points in this dream that stand out.
Danie working out in secret was her getting ready for what she needed to be during threatening and hard times.
London was proud of her mom's efforts, so she kept track of them, and I sensed they were changing London at the same time. I was proud of London and her accomplishments.
After you see any sort of crack in someone's heart like the swearing in front of the girls did to Thom, we start believing and empowering others to clean up their mess.
Then we are to relentlessly call out the gold in others. The sense I had was that it was a spring of life that can't be stopped when you say the truth that Jesus sees in others.
The girls are in the moment with what is right in front of them. This is a sign to me to be in the moment with what is in front of you.
10 is judgment of love. Jesus is bringing that kind of love in my personal life and that is the deep work that can only be done when I am not seeing the power of God like I would like to.
What Danie was doing and what the girls were doing is the season we are in.
I heard Jesus tell me something very important.
He said “be with Me”.
We are about to enter a season of the manifest power and presence of Jesus causing all things to work together for good.
I felt an urgency on being with Jesus now when those things we long for are not yet happening.
The kind of trust, faith and relationship we can have with Jesus now is only possible in the place of not getting what we want.
14 Then the disciples of John came to Him, asking, “Why do we and the Pharisees fast, but Your disciples do not fast?” 15 And Jesus said to them, “The attendants of the bridegroom cannot mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them, can they? But the days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast.
1 My son, if you will receive my words And treasure my commandments within you, 2 Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding; 3 For if you cry for discernment, Lift your voice for understanding; 4 If you seek her as silver And search for her as for hidden treasures; 5 Then you will discern the fear of the Lord And discover the knowledge of God.
The personal preparation before the gold rush is the key to your future.
This week’s challenge:
How do you want to be with Jesus?
What are the things I know to do and invite Jesus into in this season?
Is Jesus telling you any of the promises to come?
8 “Neglecting the commandment of God, you hold to the tradition of men.”
13 thus invalidating the word of God by your tradition which you have handed down; and you do many things such as that.”
35 So Jesus said to them, “For a little while longer the Light is among you. Walk while you have the Light, so that darkness will not overtake you; he who walks in the darkness does not know where he goes.
37 Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. 38 “He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.’ ”
14 Then the disciples of John came to him, saying, “Why do we and the Pharisees fast, but your disciples do not fast?” 15 And Jesus said to them, “Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast. 16 No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch tears away from the garment, and a worse tear is made. 17 Neither is new wine put into old wineskins. If it is, the skins burst and the wine is spilled and the skins are destroyed. But new wine is put into fresh wineskins, and so both are preserved.”
7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;