Premarital Counseling - Wives

Her Call - Submission of the Wife

For us to properly understand submission we need to understand two things: Her intrinsic value and a Husbands depicted role.

First, Paul is not negating the value of women.

Both sexes are equal before God for He created both of them in His likeness therefore they both bear His image. Genesis 1:26-27

Though both are equal, they are not the same. They complement one another. (Genesis 2:18-24)

The term helpmeet means “suitable helper”. What exactly does it mean to be a suitable helper? The key is the word suitable. A suitable wife is compatible with her husband in many respects—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This doesn’t mean the man and woman are the same in everything, only that they fit together in harmony. They complement each other. The B-flat key on the piano is not the same as the G, but together they make a harmonious chord. Similarly, a suitable helper for a husband is a wife who is different from him, but well-suited to him, one who completes him in every way and who brings harmony, not discord, to the relationship.

Not only does Creation declare a woman’s value, but we see how Christ treated women as well which would’ve been completely taboo in that day.

Second, the Husband’s Depicted Role as Leader and One Submitted To

“Authority’ is not a synonym for “tyranny”. The biblical concept of our authority is not tyranny, but responsibility to lead and love sacrificially.

It is striking that there is no command here for the husband to rule his wife. His only instruction is to love and care for her. The husband should not claim authority over his wife the way a Roman man used to.

Now, let’s take a quick look at what this call to submission means.

The heart of the Greek word “hypotassomai”, which means submit, i “taxis” which means order.

So just as a boss and a employee both have value as humans, they are complementary offices with one being a lead role. As a husband we must discern that the Lord Himself has given us this position and if we wish to submit to Him, we will exercise this job with reverence for Christ.

Since we understand that God has set up this order we must remind ourselves that the authority of husbands is not grounds for unconditional obedience from our wives. Paul makes it clear that we should submit to one another as a form of submission to Christ. But if someone is abusing this authority and leading someone into sin then it is the wives duty to no longer submit. To submit in these circumstances would be to disobey God.

Now what does this submission look like? Here is a great explanation: “A submissive wife is not relegated to idly sitting by while her husband makes all the family decisions.  In a healthy marriage, husband and wife work as a team.  When a decision cannot be jointly agreed upon, the leader makes it, knowing he is responsible foremost unto God for that decision.  In these circumstances, or in a decision that the husband must make alone, a submissive wife is not overstepping her boundaries by offering counsel. Biblical submission need not mean silent passivity. But she must learn to do it in a way that shows respect for his God-given position as head of the family.  A submissive woman also offers abundant encouragement, understanding that making decisions is a heavy responsibility on a man’s shoulders.”

Her Conduct - Proverbs 31

She is a precious woman (v10)

She is Faithful and Trustworthy (v11)

She desires to be a blessing to her husband (v12)

She is dedicated to worthy work (v13,15,19)

She is considerate (v20)

She is wise and kind (v26)

Most of all, she is a woman of faith (v30)