Prayer for our Enduring Relationships

Intro: What was the hardest goodbye you’ve ever had to say to someone?

Maybe it was a good friend who was moving away and you knew you wouldn’t see them for a very long time.

Maybe it was a the death of a loved one.

Maybe you sent a kid off to college… or for some of you, it was just sending your kid off to kindergarten.

For me it was probably when we sent our dear friends Jonathan and Miriam Recaman (who are now our global partners)… when we sent them back to Spain for the last time after they finished their time at Lancaster Bible College.

There were some things that were going on that were hard and we wanted them here with us… but it was time for them to leave.

But what was YOUR hardest goodbye? Do you have it in your head? What are some things that marked that goodbye for you?

Tears? Maybe hugs? Maybe you repeated the goodbye 12 times mixed with a bunch of “Oh, I forgot… one more thing...”

But eventually… you have to part ways.

Can I just suggest that the quality of a goodbye is often an indication of the depth and endurance of the relationship.

There are some goodbyes that aren’t very difficult at all...

And there are some that rip your heart out.

We are going to see some goodbyes that rip your heart out in the life of the Apostle Paul this week.

We are going to see him say a lot of goodbyes to believers that care a great deal about him… some of them he knows WELL… others not as much...

But in all of them, there is a deep, enduring care for the well-being of one another.

And these goodbyes are going to tell us a lot about the quality and character of Paul’s relationships…

And by application, they are going to reveal some things about our relationships with other believers.

How do YOU feel about the relationships within our church?

Each week when you say, “Goodbye,” is there a sense in which you are anticipating when you get to be with God’s people again?

If you had to say a more permanent, “Goodbye” to the people in our church (like you were moving away or something), would it be heart-wrenching… or does it not matter much to you if those people were in your life or not?

Today we want to see that one of the ways we cultivate… and express... enduring, meaningful relationships with God’s people is by praying together. You PRAY with the people you love.

If you’ve been around the past several weeks, you probably knew that’s where I was going because we are in a sermon series called “The Way of Prayer”… we are learning how to support one another by praying together on the path of discipleship.

We NEED each other in our pursuit of Jesus… discipleship is relational…

But the truth is… we can’t always be WITH one another.

I can’t go to work with you.

I can’t be present every time you have a fight with your spouse or lash out at a family member.

You can’t be with me every time I’m feeling down or anxious about something.

And if we aren’t careful, that can make us feel like we have to walk this path of discipleship alone.

We can assume that because we aren’t physically present with one another in the moments and days and sometimes years that make up our walk with Christ… then we must be destined to follow him alone… to struggle alone… to put sin to death alone… to grow alone.

But that’s the beauty of prayer: prayer keeps the relationship going even when we are apart.

Prayer unites our souls in the pursuit of God and what he is doing in the present age.

Praying TOGETHER enables us to seek the work of the Spirit for the moments when we can’t be together.

So in our text today, Paul is getting ready for the most challenging section of his own path of discipleship yet...

And he has a team that is traveling WITH HIM from place to place… but he also to say a lot of goodbyes to people that he loves and cares for.

To people that love and care for him.

Paul didn’t shy away from relationship: instead he maintained enduring relationships that were sustained by fervent prayer.

Big Idea: Pray together so that your relationships endure whether you are together or apart.

Your Bibles are open to Acts 20… In this series, we are working our way through the book of Acts, stopping at all the times when we see the early church praying TOGETHER.

We want to learn how they are praying, why they are praying, what was the results of their praying...

And we left off in Acts 16 when Paul and Silas were on their way to a church prayer meeting down by a river outside the city of Philippi...

But they were sidetracked and… through a series of events… ended up in a Roman jail cell.

So they just did what they would have done on the riverside… Paul and Silas prayed and sang hymns of worship together from their jail cell.

And God used that prayer time to break them free from the prison… and not only that... to break the Jailer free from the prison of sin.

Well their journey continued… and the next few chapters are like a bullet point list of the places they went and preached the gospel, strengthened disciples, and planted churches.

But after going all throughout Macedonia and Greece and then back to Asia, Paul had a new calling from the Lord: we learn in chapter 20 verse 22 that he had this conviction on his heart to go to Jerusalem… and from there we know he will be a witness for Christ in Rome.

And Paul knew that this was going to cost him a lot of suffering and persecution… God was very clear with him on that: but he was dead set on pursuing Jesus in whatever way the Spirit was leading him.

So beginning in chapter 20, he starts high-tailing it to Jerusalem… he wants to get there by Pentecost.

And on his way back, he wants to see some of his friends… the elders in the church in Ephesus.

He calls them out to meet them at a port city called Miletus so that he can keep going quickly on his way...

And he gives a final charge to these leaders he had raised up to oversee the church in Ephesus...

It’s honestly one of my favorite passages for church leaders in all of the Bible… but I don’t have time to read it today.

Instead, we are going to pick up right at the end of that speech: when they are saying “goodbye”… and we are going to see the role PRAYER plays in their enduring relationship.

Read with me in Acts 20:36-38.

Pray together so that your relationships endure whether you are together or apart.

This was OBVIOUSLY an enduring relationship, even though they would never see each other again in this life. And it was OBVIOUSLY a relationship that prioritized prayer.

Three Ways Prayer Produces Enduring Relationships

1) Praying together expresses our affections. (20:36-38)

Explain: Paul had spent two years in Ephesus according to Acts 19.

He served the Lord there with humility and through many tears and trials… and even though it was hard… he worked relentlessly.

He taught them night and day… both in the public square and in their homes…

But now it was time to go… and he was giving these elders a final charge to pay careful attention to themselves and to all the flock.

He knows that fierce wolves in sheep’s clothing will come and attack the church… EVEN from within the eldership.

And he wants them to hold firm to sound doctrine and not give in.

But he… he will not return.

This is serious stuff. This is a somber moment. This is a humbling moment where they recognize their need for God.

That’s why it’s only appropriate to finish it off with heartfelt prayer. He leads them by kneeling for prayer.

Now this is interesting… the TYPICAL POSTURE for praying in the first century was STANDING and possibly lifting your hands with your eyes open.

How do we typically teach kids to pray in our culture? Bow your head, close your eyes, fold your hands...

It’s not necessarily wrong… it especially helps kids whose hands are prone to fiddle with things...

But I also know that the same practice when you are 30 years or older leads to falling asleep… so maybe we want to rethink that...

The point is here: our posture means something. Allow your physical prayer posture to reflect the situation… it will intensify your fervency in prayer.

Standing was a sign of honor. Lifting your hands was a sign of blessing God in worship.

Kneeling… on the other hand… was a sign of sobriety. Of humility. Of recognizing the seriousness of their need.

Paul knew this was a serious moment. And so he KNEELS and leads them in prayer…

And as they get up, they are crying and kissing one another (which is a cultural thing)… there is sorrow… there’s love...

And they know that they won’t see him again on this side of eternity.

And yet, like I said before… not every relationship… not every goodbye is like this one.

Did you ever say goodbye to someone who you WEREN’T real close with… and you know you won’t see them again, but it doesn’t feel like a big deal?

This happens to me when I’m shopping… I run into an old acquaintance that I barely know and it’s like, “Oh… Hiiiii… how are things going? Good… well… have a nice life...”

I’m not praying with them… I’m not crying over our departure… WHY? Because there was no deep connection… especially not a spiritual one.

It’s not that I hate the person… it’s just that our lives weren’t really headed in the same direction to begin with.

And I think that helps us understand the situation in Acts 20 a little more… there is a real, genuine depth to this relationship.

Paul had a REAL discipleship relationship with these people.

Back in December, when we were studying the Pathway of a disciple and how to make disciples, we said that the CONTEXT of discipleship is AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS.

There is no genuine discipleship without authentic relationships.

Keep that in mind as you are pursuing your growth goals from the Pathway Assessment with your gospel community… involve others in those goals.

Have them hold you accountable… check in on what you’ve learned… Make it a point to PASS ON whatever you learned to someone else.

Get people praying FOR YOU in your growth goals. Pray for others in the things THEY are growing in.

Discipleship involves AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS.

That’s why we are here as a church… not just to make friends… not just to be consumers… we are here to be God’s family… Christ’s body who helps one another grow.

Paul personally invested himself in the people he led to Christ. He cared about them and it showed.

It showed in the two years he was with them.

It showed in the way they were able to pick up where they left off on this beach at Miletus.

And it showed in their heartfelt praying together before they parted ways.

One of the main ways we develop Christ-centered relationships is by PRAYING TOGETHER… By supporting one another on the path of discipleship.

Think about it: we’ve defined prayer as intimacy with God that leads to the fulfillment of his purposes…

And when we pray TOGETHER… we are expressing that intimacy with God TOGETHER: THAT is true relationship.

Not only that… INTIMACY WITH GOD TOGETHER as his people is what we are going to be enjoying for all of eternity.

It’s the central hallmark of heaven: He will be our God and we will be his people!

Paul is leaving these elders on the shores of Ephesus… they know they will never see his face again - in THIS LIFE.

But in eternity, they will pick right up where they left off… enjoying God’s presence together. THAT’S the mark of enduring relationships.

Prayer is an essential ingredient to any relationship between brothers and sisters within God’s family.

And one of the main reasons for that is because praying together expresses our affections.

When I hear you pray, I get to hear your love for God… I get to hear your heart for God’s people… how much you care for them...

And not only that… hearing you pray deepens my affections toward you.

I LOVE listening to the other members of my GC PRAY together and hearing them worship God in their own words.

I LOVE hearing the other elders pour out their hearts to God.

It encourages my soul to pray at length with our staff each week.

I’m LOVING the more extended and involved prayer times on a Sunday morning… when you express your affections for God and his church, it increases MY affections for God and his church.

Who are those people with whom you are expressing the deepest type of relationship through prayer?

Hopefully your Gospel Community relationships are deepening through praying together...

Hopefully, if you are married, your relationship with your spouse is deepening through praying together...

Students… it may feel weird… but as you look for friends who support your walk with Christ… and you try to find your place of belonging… allow prayer to deepen TRUE, SPIRIT-DRIVEN friendships.

Prayer enabled Paul’s relationship with the Ephesian elders to endure whether they were together or apart.

But it wasn’t just Ephesus… Paul had relationships with Christians all over the place…

Look at chapter 21, verse 1: [Read Acts 21:1-6]

The second way prayer produces enduring relationships is this:

2) Praying together humbles our perceptions. (21:1-6)

Explain: Paul was urgent about his desire to get to Jerusalem… he couldn’t stop EVERYWHERE… even those places where he had friends like on Cyprus where he first landed on his first missionary journey.

So Luke describes their travel… he’s actually part of Paul’s team at this point in Acts (that’s why he writes “We” a lot and goes into a decent amount of detail).

And they land in the Ancient city of Tyre. Tyre was NOT a church that Paul had planted… but it was a place where they needed to unload the ship… AND where Paul KNEW he would find some disciples of Jesus.

I love this… he spent ONE DAY with the Ephesian elders whom he KNEW WELL… he spent a WEEK with the disciples at Tyre whom he BARELY knew at all...

Now it’s possible that had more to do with logistics of his travel… but either way, it shows that our relationship with other believers is first and foremost dependent on Christ… not prior knowledge or affinity.

In some ways, you are closer in relationship to a believer you never met in China than you are to a good friend from High School who isn’t a believer.

So Paul and his team find the disciples in town and stay there… and they are having some times of important fellowship…

In fact the Spirit is causing some to prophesy. Communion with God… hearing from him in prayer… played a big part of these seven days together.

Specifically, these disciples are telling Paul, THROUGH THE SPIRIT, that he SHOULD NOT GO to Jerusalem.

Luke, under the inspiration of the Spirit, confirms that these people were speaking THROUGH the Spirit.

So what’s the deal here? Because I thought the Spirit inspired Paul TO go to Jerusalem?

And now he’s telling him NOT TO? But Paul’s going to go anyway??? This is so confusing...

It’s a difficulty in the text for sure, but most Scholars believe that the Spirit showed these believers what would happen to Paul in Jerusalem… beating and imprisonment… and they drew their own conclusion that he should not go.

They heard from the Spirit, “Paul is facing suffering in Jerusalem.”

And from their own viewpoint, they concluded, “Suffering is bad. We should not seek out suffering. That could potentially END Paul’s fruitful ministry. Paul should stay way from Jerusalem.”

Meanwhile, Paul is saying, “I’m ready for suffering. Bring it on: I’m going to Jerusalem.”

Other scholars would suggest Paul was the one who was wrong in perceiving what the Spirit was leading him to do.

Paul THOUGHT the Spirit wanted him to go to Jerusalem, and he’s unwilling to hear anything else.

They think Paul is stubborn and unwilling to see things another way.

So who is right? ...We don’t know for sure. I tend to favor the first view that Paul is right… but we don’t know for sure.

What we DO know is that the Spirit worked through Paul’s trip in some powerful ways and God had used Paul’s trial in Jerusalem to get him to Rome and possibly even beyond Rome to Spain.

God’s WILL is done whether we understand it clearly and follow it perfectly or not. We can’t mess up what God wants to do.

And here’s what we learn from the lack of clarity about who is right: we need to be HUMBLE in our perception about where the Spirit is leading.

Good and faithful believers disagree sometimes about how God is leading...

Do you ever disagree with someone in the church about how God wants us to do something?

The leaders say, “This is where we are headed,” and you are like, “You’re off your rocker!”

A fellow believer says, “I think the Lord is leading me to do this ministry,” and you’re thinking, “I think you heard him wrong.”

Haven’t we seen that in the Church at large this past year???

Some believers think we should respond to government mandates one way, others believe we should respond another… and BOTH believe they are led by the Spirit in their application of the scriptures.

Some believers think we should respond to the racial tensions in our nation one way, others believe we should respond another… and BOTH believe the Spirit is leading them to interpret biblical truth this way.

Here’s something that’s hard for me to admit: Sometimes God cares about your humility more than he cares about you being right.

ANY enduring relationship will require that we humbly approach our perception regarding the Spirit’s leading.

We need to approach our application of scripture with humility… and seeking God together in prayer is a KEY way to do that.

That’s what we see here: the Spirit has revealed SOMETHING clearly… the disciples at Tyre apply it one way… and Paul applies it another...

And so how do they deal with it? How do they account for this discrepancy?

Does Paul leave in an angry rage???

Do the believers “cancel” Paul as someone who doesn’t follow the Spirit’s lead anymore???

No… they ALL… men, women and children together… accompanied Paul outside the city… knelt down on the beach… and prayed.

That’s powerful. They knelt down on the beach and prayed. Just like in Ephesus.

They humbled themselves before the Lord.

They did not hold so tightly to their perception of the Spirit’s leading that they wrote one another off.

Praying together humbles our perceptions.

We can THINK we are right all we want… we can THINK we are perceiving God’s will perfectly…

But when we disagree on our perceptions of things… AND WE WILL… we can/must yield ourselves to God in prayer.

We can entrust one another to God.

Any enduring relationship will encounter differing perceptions about how God is leading. When that moment comes, drop to your knees and pray.

Husband, wife… do this TOGETHER.

Church members… when you disagree, do this TOGETHER.

Elders… deacons… do this TOGETHER.

Humble your perception of things through prayer.

And when you pray, don’t pray, “Lord, change their mind to see things the way I see them.”

Pray for God’s will to be done. Pray for your relationship to endure. Pray for God to draw near and give grace to the humble. Pray for love to reign. Pray for God’s glory to outshine.

Agreement may come eventually… it may not. But God will be honored in the humility of your prayer.

If you ever find yourself disagreeing with the way the elders perceive God is leading our church in some way...

Pray for us… better yet, come pray WITH us… Humbly seek God together with us and he WILL lead us!

Entrust yourself and our church to God and the order he has ordained.

We don’t always get things right… but we DO take our responsibility seriously… and we are accountable to the Lord.

And when you pray, don’t do it self-righteously… like, “God I know you want to change these elders minds, would you please do that right now????”

NO! Pray with us, “God, I know you have put these elders in our church to lead and guide us. I know they love you and are seeking your Spirit’s leading… we might see things differently, but help them to make the best possible decisions for the church.”

If someone ever says or does something thinking God is leading them… and you are just not sure… or you totally disagree... don’t write them off...

Acknowledge the differences… and then just pray. Pray WITH them. Get down on your knees together… seek the LORD and his will together. And then live out your convictions and God will lead you.

But at the bottom line: Pursue relationship with them by humbling yourselves TOGETHER before God.

That happened in Tyre… and then it happened again in Caesarea.

Look at verses 7-16 [Read Acts 21:7-16]

Three ways praying together produces enduring relationships: It expresses our affections, humbles our perceptions… here we take that a step further…

3) Praying together yields our will. (21:7-16)

Explain: So Paul now comes to Caesarea… we are getting closer and closer to Jerusalem… the churches here are older… more mature… more established...

And they are in tune with God.

We’ve already met Philip and the great work that God did through him in chapter 8 of Acts… he was a man who was consistently known for living by the Spirit.

Now we meet his godly daughters. This church is established and now entering into its second generation.

And not only are these young women in tune with the Lord, there’s another prophet in town named Agabus.

He’s actually the same prophet who foretold a great famine back in chapter 11 which enabled the church leaders to take up an offering and prepare.

And so Agabus comes in like a typically eccentric prophet.

And he takes Paul’s belt off and ties up his hands and says, “The Holy Spirit told me that you are going to be bound in chains and handed over to the Gentiles.”

I mean, couldn’t he have done that without the drama? But that’s the way prophets can be sometimes...

And this guy is not some crazy guy who is off his rocker… he’s a legit prophet who has a well-known track record.

And just like in Tyre, everyone is like, “OH NO! Not chains! You shouldn’t go Paul. Go ANYWHERE but Jerusalem!”

But Paul won’t have it. I imagine Paul getting a little teary-eyed himself and being like, “Guys, what did you have to go and do that for? Making me cry.... but I’m ready. I’m ready to die if I have to die.”

You see, making disciples was more important to Paul than his physical well-being.

He knew that to live is Christ and to die is gain.

He knew that he might suffer and die in the flesh… but there was a whole WORLD of people who would suffer and dying, body and soul, for eternity because they didn’t know Jesus.

Listen: that’s the hope of the gospel.

If you know Christ, you can face life and death situations with confidence knowing that he conquered the grave and gives us eternal life.

And you can pursue his purposes with zeal.

If you don’t know Jesus, you are left in the fear of eternal death and punishment and separation from God because of your sin.

Far greater suffering awaits you than physical death.

And you can KNOW GOD… and have an unshakeable confidence in him TODAY...

By RUNNING to him and confessing you can’t… you should NOT… do this life your own way… or in your own power...

You need to trust that JESUS is the only Savior… and he died and rose again to take the punishment for your sin… and you can live forever with him.

And you also need to trust that Jesus is the only LORD… that he saved you for HIS PURPOSE AND GLORY…

Your life is about HIM and making HIM known to others wherever you go.

Paul was willing to endure temporary suffering for the purposes of Jesus… for the sake of reconciling lost people to Jesus just as he was.

Not all the disciples in Caesarea were there yet… not even LUKE was there yet. He says “WE” ceased trying to persuade him.

But they wanted to be.

And so they said, “Let the will of the Lord be done.”

That’s the way Jesus taught us to pray, isn’t it? “You’re Kingdom come, your will be done.”

Paul was willing to suffer as an ambassador for Christ… yielding himself to the will of God.

And he inspired others to pray in the same way.

Are you there yet?

Are you ready to go wherever God is leading you no matter the cost?

Are you ready to surrender even your closest relationships for the sake of Jesus’ fame and glory?

If not, it’s time to pray… genuinely from the heart, “Let the will of the Lord be done.”

Pray it until your heart IS there.

That’s what we want to pray toward right now...

That we would be a church who endures in our relationships by expressing our affections for Jesus… getting our eyes off ourselves and onto him.

That we would be a church who is humble in our perceptions about where he is leading… that we would seek HIM for clarity… and entrust what we don’t understand to his sovereignty.

And that we would be a church who yields our will to his will… so that he leads us through adversity to make his glory known to the nations.

Prayer Guide

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:1–4, ESV)

Pray with the person next to you...

Adore (“Father, Hallowed be your name”)

“So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy...”

Praise God for the benefits of relationship with God and others that come through Christ.

Align (“Your kingdom come, your will be done...”)

“complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.”

Give us the mind of Christ in _____________ (specific situation).

Help us pursue relationship in Christ even when we disagree about ____________.

Ask/Acknowledge (“Give us this day… forgive us… lead us…”)

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Help us to see the needs of others when ______________.

Provide _______________ so that we can spend ourselves for others.