Marriage Feb 2021

A HELPER WHO IS JUST RIGHT

Genesis 2:18 NLT tells us that the Lord God said "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is JUST RIGHT for him.

EVE WAS CREATED FOR A SPECIFIC PURPOSE AND SO ARE YOU!

Eve-the first woman was created for a specific purpose-she was a necessity to Adam and God crafted her perfectly for her husband. Since each of you here are married that means I am in a room filled with ladies who were designed by God to be the helper who is just right for your husband!

ALL DIFFERENT MARRIAGES REPRESENTED HERE-BUT THERE IS HOPE

I realize in this room several different marriage situations are represented-ranging from good marriages to what may seem like a hopeless situation and everything in between.

MY PRAYER & HOPE IS THAT EACH OF YOU LEAVE THIS SESSION WITH A DESIRE TO BE THE HELPER WHO IS JUST RIGHT TO YOUR MAN.

OH GIRL THAT IS EASY FOR YOU-YOU DON’T KNOW ME…

Some of you may be sitting out there thinking-that’s easy for you to stand up there and say-you probably have a fairy tale love story. But for yourself you may be thinking that you didn't do things the right way and there may even be days that you’re not even sure you married the right person!

So lets go back 22 years to where my “love” story began.

· MET IN HS-RIGHT AFTER I TURNED 16-FREEDOM!!!!

· 3 MO AFTER 16 I WAS W/ A FRIEND FIGHT…FRIENDS BF IN MY TRUCK

· That boy was Colt McNew and the rest is pretty much history.

· 1ST official date the next weekend &dated the rest of high school. (PIC OF ME & COLT IN ORANGE SHIRTS)

PRAY FOR MY FUTURE HUSBAND & FAIRY TALE VISION OF ELMORES

I was raised in a Christian home and was told by my father that I should pray for my future husband. I did that throughout my childhood-I would not say it was a fervent, heartfelt prayer, but I did desire a good marriage and asked God to send me a good husband. I remember a couple who came to our church and sang southern gospel music, and I always thought they were the cutest couple and had the best marriage-all this was solely based on the 30 minutes I saw them once or twice a year! I specifically remember thinking-I hope I get a husband that loves me as much as he loves her. This was my image of a fairy-tale marriage that I used as a basis for my “dream” relationship for a long time.

DREAM OF BEING WIFE/MOTHER/VIRGIN-THREW THAT OUT THE WINDOW

For as long as I can remember I have dreamed of being a wife and a mother. And If you would have asked me when I was 15 what my plan was- I could have told you convincingly that I wanted to get married, have children and that I would definitely be waiting for marriage to have sex. I would like to say that I followed through with this plan, but when I met Colt and we began dating, I threw that plan out the window without really giving it much of a thought. Once we had sex I knew that I had no other choice than to marry him. In my mind that sealed the deal and he would have to be my husband.

GRADUATED-BROKE UP FOR 6 WEEKS-BITTER SPOT

Upon my graduation (I am a year older) I went to a local college and Colt finished his Senior year. We broke up for 6 weeks during this year and I was devastated. My plan of marrying the guy I had given myself to was smashed into the mud and I didn't know what to do. After 6 weeks of being apart we got back together and Colt finished highschool shortly after. This breakup was a sore spot for me for a long time and I allowed it to make me angry time and time again.

I HAD THE PERFECT PLAN

You see, I had our life planned out (because that’s I do), he was going to finish highschool and we were going to get married very shortly after-I mean graduation was on a Sunday and in my opinion the next Saturday would have been perfect!

ANY DISAGREEMENT TOOK ME BACK TO THE SORE SPOT

Anytime we would get into any disagreement, no matter what it was about or how small it was-my mind would automatically go back to this sore spot in our relationship and I would become angry all over again. I would say I had forgiven Colt, and I truly had every intention of forgiving him, but I allowed thoughts to grow until I would become angry time and time again.

COLT GRADUATED-NO MARRIAGE YET-HE WANTED TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND I WANTED TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT-PROPOSAL IN 2003 AND MARRIED A YEAR LATER.

Colt graduated highschool (grad pic) and we didn’t get married the following Saturday-he thought we should be responsible…be finished w/ college and have good jobs before marriage and-I was upset and This became a major source of conflict. I wanted to “make things right” and get married, but it didn't happen on my timetable. In 2003, after what seemed an eternity, Colt proposed and we planned our wedding for the following June. (Wedding pic)

WE WERE NOW MARRIED-PERFECT LIFE NOW-HAVE AS MUCH SEX AS WE WANTED.

Once we were married, I thought life would be perfect b/c really the source of our conflict was the sin and now the sin would be gone b/c after all we were married and could have as much sex as we wanted! I soon found that you cannot live in sin for years and "fix" the problem and expect all to be hunky dory.

GOD LED US TO GO TO @ A NEW CHURCH-STARTED GROWING!

Shortly after we got married we started going to a different church than the one I had grew up in. Looking back I see that God had His hand in this and it was a step we needed to take together as a couple. Colt and I always went to church while we dated, but didn't seek an intimate relationship with Christ b/c honestly we were too busy seeking our own intimate relationship. This changed within a few months of our marriage. We started diving into the Word and growing-it was awesome time of growing in the Lord together. Even though we were growing in the Lord, I would still have to battle the enemy's attacks of doing things the wrong way and that we should have gotten married sooner for years to come.

DIDN’T REALIZE THESE AS ATTACKS…

At this time I didn't realize these attacks from the enemy and even though I loved my husband and we loved being together, at times when we would argue I would think I hadn't married the man God intended for me b/c after all I was not following Christ as I should have been and I had done things my own way. I now realize that this was Satan planting, fertilizing, and watering any possible seed of unforgiveness, insecurity, or doubt that I had.

I tell you this part of my life to share that no matter how a marriage may appear from the outside, that there are obstacles that are specific to each one. It took me years to realize this- you see I would look at other marriages and think wow, I bet they have a better marriage than we do.

And if I’m being really honest, I have compared my husband to other husbands-I would hear wives talk about their husbands sending them flowers, doing the dishes, or the laundry and think, Colt doesn’t do that for me, her husband must love her more than he loves me.

MEDIA COMPARISON-SEE PICS OF SOMETHING SWEET & ASSUME PERFECT LIFE-DON’T SEE THE BACK STORY

And today-comparison is even easier with media. We look at the picture that the person chooses to post and assume their life is always lovely, when in reality, they have struggles just like every other person! We see the pics “sally” posts on FB of the awesome flowers her amazing man sends her, but we don’t see the video of the argument they had the day before!

THIS PART WAS WRITTEN IN THE MIDST OF CHAOS-THAT PIC IS NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!

As I wrote this part of the teaching, I sat in my tornado-stricken house, w/ no make-up on, hair that Colt had put up in a knot the night before, bc I had been attached to a teething 10 month old for 12 hours straight & couldn’t spare the arm that was wrapped around her! That picture is not going to make FB-most of us share the peachy moments of life & everyone jumps to the conclusion that so & so has the perfect life b/c of her perfect pictures!

Comparison is the thief of joy and the enemy loves us to look at others and come up on the short end of the stick, so we are never content with what we have. The enemy’s goal is to kill, steal and destroy and he will use any ammo he can scrounge up to fire at you and your husband.

So let’s jump into how we can be the helper who is just right to the man we are married to-regardless how you feel about your marriage right now, b/c let’s face it you may feel like:

Maybe you didn't do things the right way,

Maybe you have been married more than once,

Maybe you or your husband has made some mistakes and your marriage is pretty rocky,

or maybe you don't even know if you like the man you are married to.

Whatever your specific situation is, I believe that it’s God's desire for your marriage to become a testimony to what can happen when God is given the reins!

Today we are going to talk about 3 things that we as the helper who is just right can do for our husband and each are crucial to the success of our marriages.

The first area is Respect & Submission.

Both of these actions are given as instructions thru Paul in Ephesians

Ephesians 5:33(NIV) The wife must respect her husband

& Ephesians 5:22-25

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

SUBMIT-DIDN’T LIKE THE IDEA B/C I BELIEVED A LIE-A DISTORTED VIEW OF SOMETHING GOD INTENDED FOR OUR GOOD.

Submit-I am going to be completely honest-I DID NOT like this word-I EVEN CONTEMPLATED TAKING THEM OUT OF MY VOWS. I VIEWED SUBMISSION AS degrading-AND FELT LIKE IT MEANT was not as good as men. This is a lie from the enemy and my guess is there are some of you who may not like this word either. I believe the enemy has done a really great job distorting the view of submission in our culture and women are against something they really have the wrong idea about!

RESPECT-ABSOLUTELY….WHEN….GOD CONVICTED ME

As for respect, maybe you are like me and think-I WILL BE happy to respect my husband....WHEN he loves me like Christ loves the church. The Holy Spirit convicted me that I am in charge of mine and only my actions. I don't get a pass to act the way I want when I am not treated in the manner that I like. God isn't going to say, Oh Amanda its fine that you were rude to your husband b/c he upset you. I will answer for my actions and there will not be any excuse that will excuse my behavior.

I want to add a side-note here-I know that there are some marriages in here that are in a bad place and I know there will be husbands who “need” to be doing things differently, however, they are not here and you are so I can only speak to you as a wife and look at how & what God has called us as wives to be…there have been times that I wished there was a clause that said-wives do this if and only if your husband is doing what I have called him to do….But after looking for that clause, I found none that would support any case other than wives obeying the Lord!

While researching respect in a marriage, I found many articles that said Men feel more respected everywhere but home-how sad is this??

Home should be the safe place from any feelings of inadequacy. It should be his re-charging station-Home should be where he feels the most valued & encouraged….if we don’t believe in and encourage our men-someone will…

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says to encourage one another build each other up.

I believe that encouragement goes hand in hand with respect. There is no in-between ladies-we are either encouraging or discouraging.

Our encouragement or lack of has a direct impact on our husband’s confidence levels.

My man is a

better husband

better father

a more-on fire God follower

and is more-effective in his calling

if I am building him up the words I speak to and about him.

WE REAP THE SEEDS WE SOW-EVEN IF THE GROUND IS HARD-KEEP PLANTING

When I plant seeds of encouragement I reap those (this is biblical!) And the same is harvested when I speak negative words. I know sometimes the ground we are sowing into may be hard ground, but keep planting the seeds you want to reap a harvest on!

WE ARE SETTING EXAMPLES OF THE KIND OF WIVES OUR DAUGHTERS WILL BE & THE WIVES OUR SONS WILL MARRY

As our older 2 have gotten older, things I never thought of are brought to mind. We talk to our children a lot about who they will marry. Altho they are only 12 & 15, we want them to be thinking of the kind of spouse they want some day. & as my children’s momma, I set an example for the kind of woman they will become or marry. My daughter will learn how to treat her husband from me and my son will see the wife I am to his daddy. WE have eyes watching and our future generations-our grandchildren-depend on us ladies!

PARKER IS COLT’S MINI-ME-SIMILARTIES GO FURTHER THAN OUTWARD LOOKS

I look at my oldest son-who is a spitting image of his daddy…everywhere we go strangers comment on how much they look alike. (PIC of Colt & Parker) But his similarities go so much further than his outer appearance. He is his fathers son…and my little boy is a shy, not too confident boy. The words we speak to him really affect him. I think about his future wife and I pray that she will be an encourager and confidence builder in my son, and I pray that I set an amazing example for the 4 children God has put in our charge.

COLT HASN’T ALWAYS BEEN CONFIDENT….

If you know my husband, you would not think he at one time was a shy little boy who didn’t have a lot of confidence, but like I said, my son is a spitting image of his daddy and my once shy husband is a bold man of God and a lot of that has come from my words of encouragement and my believing in him. Our husbands were once the little boys we are raising. Just as we speak words of affirmation & encouragement to our little boys, we need to do the same to our big boys. We also have a 5 year old, son, when I say to him Archer, I’m proud of you, you should see his reaction, his face lights up and he sometimes says-YOU ARE?! When we tell our husbands we are proud of them, they may not react like my 5 year old on the outside, but on the inside, they grow a foot. And a confident, Godly husband is what we want-right?!

ANOTHER STUDY shows that men strive to live up to the respect their wives show them. Often we are so distracted by our husbands imperfections b/c in reality they are just like us-imperfect people, that we fail to show them the respect they need. Men want to know that we are proud of them and that we believe in them.

COME UP W/ SOMETHING YOU CAN BE PROUD OF

When you get home- try it-Tell your husband you are proud of him...if you are having a difficult time in your marriage & you can't just say, I am proud of the man you are, find SOMETHING you can be proud of-maybe how hard he works, maybe how he treats your children, there HAS TO BE something your husband does no matter where you are in your marriage that you can be proud of-Start with that 1 thing.

Ladies if this is hard for you, remember it is not only a command from the Lord, but God gives us examples when he spoke to men throughout the bible with respect-before they "deserved" it:

Abram-he denied that Sarai was his wife so the king wouldn't kill him, but God called him Abraham-father to countless.

Gideon-God called him Mighty Man of Valor, despite the fact he was hiding out from those he feared at that very moment!

Peter-He told Jesus he would go to death for him and just a few short hours later he denied Jesus not once..not twice…but 3 times! But Jesus after His ascension, didn't say-Peter you dirty dog-you failed…you lied when you told me you would be with me to the end. Instead he said Blessed are you, Simon BarJonah and I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church!

If God in all perfection spoke with respect to imperfect men, how much more should we imperfect women speak respect to our man?! `

SEX-HOLD ON-HERE WE GO-BUCKLE UP

The next area we are going to talk about is-Sex-some of you may be in utter shock that I am going here, but hold on sista-because we are entering the bedroom, the kitchen, the car, or any number of places that I can’t mention b/c my husband will turn red! This is an area that I am literally passionate about! And this part may make a few of you blush, but I am so tired of Christians being known as stick-in-the muds and people joking that once you marry the fun and action are over. This should not be the case! We should be known as women who love God, love our husbands and love to make love to them!

Jesus himself tells us in Mark: For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become ONE flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let No One separate (Mark 10:7-9 NIV)

When we join with our husbands we become one and are commanded to focus on the needs of the ONE body. Our husbands needs become OUR needs. I personally have talked with several women who struggle with this. I believe this is one of Satan's biggest targets on marriages.

There is power in sex, power to bond and to unify.

Sex is the one thing that sets your relationship with your husband apart from any other relationship you have. You can love others, but you don't make love to anyone but your husband.

I believe that the enemy uses everything in his power to get you to have sex before marriage and then everything in his power to keep a couple apart once they are married. There are many tactics such as-shame or unforgiveness of past hurts or sins, self-conscious of body, distractions of kids or any number of roadblocks.…whatever the tactic may be-all of this can be overcame!

1 Corinthians 7:3-5(NLT) The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husbands needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you b/c of your lack of self control.

These verses show us the importance of sex within marriage. Paul is telling them (my paraphrase) to have sex as much as the other needs to and not stop unless you are fasting and the goal is to grow closer to God, but after that short time have sex again, so that Satan isn’t able to tempt either of you. Now lets be real honest, how many people are not having relations w/ their spouse b/c they are fasting??? I have heard a lot of reasons, but that is RARELY the case!

(I want to add that I am in no way insinuating that a woman is to blame if her husband has a sexual sin addiction-I just believe in the power of sex and want to look at it from biblical standards-so please do not leave this session condemned).

I want instead, for you to walk away inspired to go home and make sex a priority in your marriage if it is at all possible on your behalf. I understand that there are women in this room who have had things from the past that make this a difficult area.

And I want to speak to that for a moment. In a room this size, sadly there will be a large number of women who were sexually abused and I want you to know that it is understandable if this a tough area for you. I also want you to know that the enemy will use ANYTHING he can to keep you from enjoying this AMAZING GIFT of marriage. If this is an area he can exploit and cause continual hurt, he will. So let today be the day you draw a line in the sand and kick the enemy out of your bedroom. Regardless of your past, there is healing, restoration and enjoyment for your future sex life.

Sex has been an area that has been taboo for far too long, churches can’t really preach on this from the pulpit and the enemy has done a real nice job, making Christians feel like they can’t discuss sex. I am hear to tell ya, that sex is a gift from God-an AWESOME gift @ that!

In addition to sex being a hushed topic, it has become something that is flippant and not sacred in our culture and most in this room probably have some regrets and hurts in this area. For me personally, I knew I should not be having sex, even though it was to the man I wanted to marry. This caused regrets……and shame…..And I know that I am not alone in these feelings.

But I want you to know that the enemy loves to take that shame and that regret and hammer away at it until it drives a wedge between you and your husband. It’s time to yank that nail out of the walls of your life & marriage.

I’m so tired of seeing couples struggle in this area b/c we are allowing our past to dictate our future. And then going a step further and passing down a generational curse to our children. We are so ashamed of our past or we buy into the lie that we can’t talk to our children about S-E-X that we allow our children to find out about sex on the school bus or from their worldly educated friends. We are allowing the world to educate our children on their perverted idea of one of God’s greatest gifts.

I love to have fun, and I’m sure most of you do too (not many people say, I hate fun-just call me a Debbie Downer or a stick in the mud). But so many times we have fun in every area of our life BESIDES our marriage.

Sex should be fun, I mean for real-you get to naked wrestle w/ your best friend

The average married couple has sex once a week. Now I understand every couple is different and the number per week really isn’t important if both of you are fulfilled. However, if your “average” is not fulfilling to one of you- I have a challenge for you….

Yes a challenge-I’ve seen all kinds of them on facebook- plank challenge, squat challenge and push up challenges, well I’m calling out a sex challenge. I promise there are much better streaks to have besides Snapchat streaks!

I’m proud to say that Colt MAC-Daddy-New is my husband.

When he walks into the room, often time, I thank God that I am married to him and that I get to go home w/ him tonite! And many times when we leave a place, I will tell him, when you came into the room, I undressed you w/ my eyes or other intimate, fun and sexy things that I will not share with you, but encourage you to come up with your own to tell your man!

All of This may sound completely foreign to you. You may not have a desire for sex or maybe you don’t even know how to start to have fun and be confident in sexual situations-pls don’t be condemned-but take action! Begin to pray for your marriage bed-YES you can PRAY for your sex life!

Remember….God designed sex-this can be a foreign concept even to those who grew up in church-sex has been taught to be bad in hopes that people will avoid it, but it has cost a great deal.

God intended sex for pleasure and to bring a couple closer together. If intimacy w/ your husband is an issue for you-ask the creator of this gift (if we have a problem w/ our car we take it to a mechanic-that is what we are doing when we ask God about sex) to reveal why-AND the Word promises us when we ask for wisdom he will give it to us. Pray for desire, pray for confidence (no one-or very few think they look as good as they “used to”-wedding dress) Ask God to show you how you can enjoy your spouse more and odds are if you are enjoying being w/ him clothed it won’t be long until you enjoy being w/ him nude!

So this takes us right into the 3rd area of Prayer.

James 5:16 AMP says The heartfelt and persistent prayer of a righteous believer can accomplish much

NAGGING-USED THIS FOR YEARS-HOLY SPIRIT ASSISTANT

I believe up until last couple of years, I read this scripture as the heartfelt & persistent nagging of a righteous wife has great power and produces wonderful results b/c for years when things did not go my way, my default was nagging. Honestly until fairly recently this is how I tried to "fix" my husband. Sure I would pray for him, but I felt like in addition to prayer I had to help him receive my prayers! I heard someone say that we are not our husbands Holy Spirit and I was convicted that I had tried to be my husband’s Holy Spirit for long enough and despite the lack of results, I kept trying. And as much as I want to be and have applied for the position of Holy Spirt Assistant-the Holy Spirit has made it clear that He does not need an assistant.

Let me add a side note-if he doesn’t need someone as qualified as me, b/c I really felt like I could be a great addition to the HOLY SPIRIT team, he doesn’t need you either!

Women our prayers can move mountains & our nagging can build them!

I hope that you are different than me, but prayer wasn’t my default go to plan when things didn’t go my way. I wanted to spring into action and not the kind on my knees! All this changed 8 months after Colt’s first encounter. At this point he had just came home from his 4th Encounter and I had attended 2 A2B’s. We were both growing in the Lord. One night after Post, which also happened to be our anniversary, we had a fight…actually I had an absolute tantrum-much like a 2 year old who didn’t get what they wanted.

· It was testimony nite @ men’s Post & a lot of my family had been at the weekend-I was so excited for him to recap the weekend and how they were doing after Post, which also happened to be our anniversary.

· In addition we had just had our 4th child-who was 2 months and a 22 month toddler, both of whom I had wrestled at Post by myself and put to bed alone b/c Colt was later than me getting home.

· I saw his lights coming up the drive I was so excited! He walked in the door and said he had a phone call he had to make b/c there was a new guy at post and they had been disconnected on the way home…Being the amazing wife I am-I understood and went about doing some housework while wearing our 2 month old. After the important call, Colt got another phone call from another Post leader…this phone call was not urgent and I was pretty aggravated when he took the call….that aggravation turned to pure anger over the next 11 minutes…I know it was a 11 minutes b/c I TIMED it…fuming most of that time!

· During these 11 minutes, I heard in my spirit-love overlooks an offense (PROVERBS 19:11 NASB). My mind was literally a wrestling match this entire time…going from I am going to be calm, cool & collected to full blown anger and I am going to give him a real nice piece of my mind!

During these 11 minutes I had Thoughts of:

· I have had all 4 of our kids all evening AND put them all to bed without him

· He should be in here helping me with these dishes

· He cares more for the guy on the phone than he does me

· It’s our anniversary and he doesn’t even care about me.

· Basically I was having me an unchecked pity party-and even tho all these statements were TRUE, my actions were not right.

· My flesh eventually won and I decided I would call him, b/c obviously a phone call would get his attention….so I dialed his number while I peaked around the corner to see him on our back deck…I saw him look down at the phone, realize who it was and then looked in the house with a confused look. At this point, I went full toddler tantrum, waving my hands like a lunatic!

· He quickly got the hint and ended the phone call & came into his wife of 13 years who resembled a hornet at that moment….Happy Anniversary to us!

He was calm during my fit, which really testified to a gentle answer turns away wrath (PROVERBS 15:1 NIV) and he then said… this Is… spiritual warfare and I told him it was actually him making a really dumb decision to get on the phone after we had not seen each other all day and he knew I wanted to talk and to top it all off it was our anniversary! We “mended” the situation and went to bed-we were not angry when we fell to sleep, but we definitely didn’t get to talk like we normally would have.

The next day I was still emotional and I felt the Lord speak to me-"What was the last thing the enemy wanted last night?" And it hit me…the last thing the enemy wanted was for Colt and I to talk and give glory to God for all that was taking place in our family-And I got finally got it. I finally realized that in every situation we have a choice to make-one that pleases the enemy or one that honors and glorifies God. I had desperately failed & ultimately gave the enemy a high five as a team mate-you see I sided w/ the enemy and not God….I made a decision that day that I was going to look at every situation w/ a new lense-how would the enemy want me to respond in this situation and side w/ God to defeat the enemy each time.

I know I have mentioned the enemy several times throughout my teaching and I by no means want to give the devil too much attention or glory, however, we need to realize that the last thing the enemy wants is Godly marriages that influence the next generation. And for me, it took getting my mind wrapped around the fact that the enemy will use all the ammo we let him to attack and split our marriage. And it is high time we kick him out of our marriages…I want to ask Whitney Buchanan to come up and share an amazing testimony w/ us and right after she is finished we are going to watch a video clip.

Clip from the movie war room….

Let’s be real honest-how many of us have acted like this lady in our marriage, but not toward the enemy, but toward our husband? I know I have. I have been so upset that I will give my husband a jacking up and leave the room and something else will come to my mind and I will go back and say something much like Priscilla Shirer says here, and one more thing! We don’t have a problem telling our husband how it is, and really how effective is that tactic? For me and my method of using it for 13 years it proved to be completely ineffective. If we continue doing what we have been doing, we are going to continue to get the same results we have been getting. So let’s turn this tactic on the real enemy…Lets kick him out of our home.

And when things don’t go as planned b/c lets face it, things will fail to go how we want. We have to remember that our joy is not found in our husbands or any other person. Our joy should be found in Jesus (Nehemiah 8:10).

Can we just talk about how hard that is sometimes? I know for years my happiness thermometer was based a lot on my husband and what he did or didn’t do. I was constantly disappointed if he didn’t act the way I thought he should. And honestly this goes back to my crazy vision of a fairy tale love story-THAT DID NOT EXIST!

When I kept my mind and my happiness dependent on what Colt did or didn’t do, it kept me from looking at myself and what I needed to be working on. I was allowing what I saw as Colt’s shortcomings to distract me from being all that I was called to be!

One specific area I had to kick the enemy out of life was in the form of unforgiveness. Like I said earlier, I struggled with letting go of 6 week break up sore spot. And I know some of you may think, really, you had trouble forgiving for something that petty-and you may be sitting there thinking “you have no idea what MY husband has done.” Or maybe it is, you have no idea what I have done. The size of the offense has nothing to do with forgiveness.

Until, I forgave and cut all the ties the enemy had me held by… and then continued to remind myself that I had already forgiven and put that offense behind me any time it came to mind. And like you have already heard, forgiveness is not a feeling. You probably will never feel like forgiving someone for what they have done. Forgiveness is an action, an action that has to be made more than once, daily and even minutely in some cases.

And I am so thankful to report The enemy has no hold over me in that area any longer! This testimony of healing can be for you as well!

Now, when an issue arises, praying is becoming my default…my go to…Most of the time that prayer is Lord please reveal to colt what he needs to hear and reveal to me what I need to hear. But praying when “issues arise” isn’t the only time we need to pray for our marriage & our husbands-you may be thinking-I don’t know where to start TO pray-we have a resource for you in your binder! I love to pray for Colt to have supernatural Godly wisdom, discernment, and favor from the Lord….ladies-I want you to think about this-if we are not praying for our man-who is? I absolutely love Whitney’s testimony-she talks about how hard it was to pray for her husband at times, but she was obedient….she didn’t feel like praying for him, she could have justified that his actions didn’t deserve her prayer, she could have focused on the kind of husband he was being, but she PRAYED and look at the AMAZING testimony!

AS WE GO INTO REFLECTION I HAVE ONE PASSAGE OF SCRIPTURE TO READ FROM

PROVERBS 31:10-12 (ESV): AN EXCELLENT WIFE WHO CAN FIND-SHE IS FAR MORE PRECIOUS THAN JEWELS. THE HEART OF HER HUSBAND TRUSTS IN HER & HE WILL HAVE NO LACK OF GAIN. SHE DOES HIM GOOD AND NOT HARM ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE.

WOW-These are 3 powerful scriptures that paint a clear picture of an excellent wife. I so desire to be an excellent wife to Colt McNew. If you receive ONE thing from this teaching it would be A DESIRE-that each of you would desire to be an excellent wife to YOUR husband.

A WIFE THAT IS SO PRECIOUS….SO VALUABLE.

A WIFE WHOSE HUSBAND TRUSTS HER.

AND A WIFE WHO ONLY DOES HER HUSBAND GOOD…..ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE.

These may seem like big shoes to fill, but ladies-God created us for this…and if you desire to be what God has called you to be than, that my dear sweet sister-is a promise of God that is Yes & Amen. It’s reflection time-what do you need for your marriage?