Principles from Proverbs about Friendship

Intro:

A study published today in the journal JAMA Psychiatry suggests that teenagers who spend more than three hours a day on social media are more likely to develop mental health problems including depression, anxiety, aggression, and antisocial behavior.

A recent global study conducted by Kasperksy Lab reveals that social media users are interacting less face-to-face than in the past because of this newfound ability to constantly communicate and stay in touch online. In the study, researchers found that about one-third of people communicate less with their parents (31%), partners (23%), children (33%) and friends (35%) because they can simply follow them on social media. This may be doing more harm than good, in a world where editing one’s life to make it appear perfect is more appealing than naturally existing.

Facebook Friends-1800 friends, They even have a term Facebook Family.

The Irony is we have more access to people intimately, but we are less connected than before social media was introduced.

I am afraid because we have been consuming so much social media mistaking that for real intimacy we don’t have any idea what real relationship looks like.

What does real friendship, companionship look like?

A Lesson from Proverbs about Friendship from Solomon

Proverbs

What qualifies Solomon to speak on friendship?

-Solomon ask for wisdom-1 Kings 3:5-15

1 Kings 3:5–15 CSB

5 At Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream at night. God said, “Ask. What should I give you?” 6 And Solomon replied, “You have shown great and faithful love to your servant, my father David, because he walked before you in faithfulness, righteousness, and integrity. You have continued this great and faithful love for him by giving him a son to sit on his throne, as it is today. 7 “Lord my God, you have now made your servant king in my father David’s place. Yet I am just a youth with no experience in leadership. 8 Your servant is among your people you have chosen, a people too many to be numbered or counted. 9 So give your servant a receptive heart to judge your people and to discern between good and evil. For who is able to judge this great people of yours?” 10 Now it pleased the Lord that Solomon had requested this. 11 So God said to him, “Because you have requested this and did not ask for long life or riches for yourself, or the death of your enemies, but you asked discernment for yourself to administer justice, 12 I will therefore do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and understanding heart, so that there has never been anyone like you before and never will be again. 13 In addition, I will give you what you did not ask for: both riches and honor, so that no king will be your equal during your entire life. 14 If you walk in my ways and keep my statutes and commands just as your father David did, I will give you a long life.” 15 Then Solomon woke up and realized it had been a dream. He went to Jerusalem, stood before the ark of the Lord’s covenant, and offered burnt offerings and fellowship offerings. Then he held a feast for all his servants.

Always-Friendship is one of God’s great gifts to mankind but it must be entered into with great care

Sidenote: I love the Word because it is so practical and it gives principles to spot the real from the fake.

1st Principle- True friends will share your love for God

2 Corinthians 6:14–16 CSB

14 Do not be yoked together with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness? 15 What agreement does Christ have with Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement does the temple of God have with idols? For we are the temple of the living God, as God said: I will dwell and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.

(Exe-v.14) “14 Do not be yoked together with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?” Paul tells us that we should not be yoked with those who do not have relationship with Christ. Paul uses an animal metaphor to helps understand a joint venture. Two oxen pulling a cart have to be on the same page to complete the journey. A friendship is a corporate venture that requires the cooperation of both individuals going the same direction. Now notice what Paul does he employs a series of analogies to help us understand the absurdity of trying to maintain a close relationship with an unbeliever.

“For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness”

“Or what fellowship does light have with darkness”

“What agreement does Christ have with Belial”

“Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever”

“And what agreement does the temple of God have with idols”

Paul is clear close friendship is only possible with two believers

2nd Principle True friends are Loyal

Proverbs 19:6–7 CSB

6 Many seek a ruler’s favor, and everyone is a friend of one who gives gifts. 7 All the brothers of a poor person hate him; how much more do his friends keep their distance from him! He may pursue them with words, but they are not there.

(Exe-v.6) Solomon goes right in on this text and tells that “Many” there is the key word in this text.  A consistent theme in the book of proverbs is that More is not always better.  Solomon says that a generous man will never have a friend problem. There will always be folks there with their hands out…….The most natural question would be

“doesn’t the generous brother know that folks love him for his money?”

The reason that he can’t see is because he is blinded by his own Ego.  He loves having all those people sit around and cater to all his needs and tell him or her how good, successful, pretty, and popular.  Solomon says this is a trap.

(v.7) Solomon then transition to the poor man he says “all the brothers of a poor man hate him” Not even the family of the brother who lacks substance have love for him. 

(v.7) “How much more do his friends abandon him!” when you are down on your luck not only will many in your family turn their back on you, but notice the text: If your own family left you, then you know your friends will also (distance)abandon you…….If you look at the word (distance) abandon this tells me something about the interpretation of this text.   Solomon is talking about the same person in (v.6-7).  And the reason I say that is because of the word abandon.  If the brother from v.7 was always poor, then he would have never had friends and family next him.  But the text says he was “abandon(distanced)” by his friends.  Those same friends from (v.6) that crowd around you when everything was good, are the same ones that leave you when you fall on tough times.

Illustration

MC Hammer during the height of his success made over 33 million per/year and had over 200 people on payroll who did not serve any purpose at all.  This 200 was made up of his friends and family who did nothing to merit being paid.  He also traveled with over 40 people to every concert, and public appearance.  And he footed the bill for all of his entourage.  Needless to say he eventually declared bankrupt. The friends and family cleared out. 

3rd Principle True friends don’t Flatter

Proverbs 27:6 CSB

6 The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.

(v.6) “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” that word Faithful means-loyal or steadfast…

What is Solomon saying in this text?

Is Solomon talking about literal wounds. In that case he would be saying that a Faithful friend will hurt you. This one of those cases when he is using “wounds” (bruises) metaphorically to describe “truth.” Let’s reword “wounds from a friend can be trusted…NIV” If the word wound could be used to describe “truth” a true friend will tell you the truth, and that truth will bruise(hurt) you.  Solomon is saying this knowing full well what it means to work around a lot of yes men….Remember he is the King……Solomon is saying you better hold on to the one who will bruise your ego, or punch you in the stomach if necessary to keep you from doing something wrong……Then Solomon transition to what a fake friend does

(v.6) The fake friend uses flattery and deceit to seduce you.  Solomon is speaking from experience. He knows what it means to have been seduce by the sweet lips of flattery.  You see the enemy never hurts you with “truth” he always pacifies you with kisses.  Judas Kisses never hurt initially, but they always come back to bite

Illustration

Matthew 26:49–50 CSB

49 So immediately he went up to Jesus and said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed him. 50 “Friend,” Jesus asked him, “why have you come?” Then they came up, took hold of Jesus, and arrested him.

That word Rabbi means: My great one, or my Superior One it is a term of great respect. You see Judas using flattery when he knew what he was about to do. Thank God Jesus knew his heart. Look at Jesus response he said “Why have you come?” This is Jesus way of saying “Stop Playing, stop buttering me up with flattery and go ahead “Do what you are going to do!”

Jesus read through the flattery and got to the heart of the issue.

4th Principle True Friend honor your privacy

Proverbs 11:13 CSB

13 A gossip goes around revealing a secret, but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence.

(v.13) “He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets” When need to do a little work on this word “talebearer”-One who carries tales; a slander; an informer.  The NIV, ESV use the term “gossip” This text is clear that you need to distant yourself from those who love to carry tales.  It may be fun to hang around them at first because they have all the juicy info, but pretty soon you will be on the other end of the gossip.  Solomon is warning you stay away from them; avoid them like the plague.

-(v.13) “But he who is trustworthy conceals a matter” The trustworthy will hold your information close to their heart, and it is because they truly love you.  They conceal which means they keep personal matters between you and them.  True intimacy can only be built within the confines of Trust.  Notice Solomon says “he who is trustworthy” the strength of a relationship is built upon the level of trust shared between to the two friends, companions, or lovers.

Illustration

Many years ago the Moody Church News carried a humorous story about a woman in a small town who was know for being a gossip. One day on vacation she visited the offices of The Chicago Daily News. She was wearing a white dress and inadvertently leaned against a wall where a freshly printed copy of the front page was hanging. It was a hot, humid day, and some of the print came off on the back of her white dress.

Later, as she walked down the street to meet her husband, she noticed that people walking behind her were snickering. When she reached the place where her husband was waiting, she asked him if there was anything on her back that shouldn't be there. As she turned around, he read the large black reversed letters: Realizing the appropriateness of the words, he said, "No, dear, nothing's on your back that doesn't belong there."

Our Daily Bread, June 23, 1994.

5th Principle True Friend build you up

Proverbs 13:20 CSB

20 The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.

(v.20) “He who walks with wise men will be wise” This phrase is pretty self-explanatory. Very simple yet profound.  That word “walks” means to carry on a relationship with.  It means to walk in relationship. 

What happens to the man/woman who walks with the seasoned?

They text says that they will become wise.  Now the question is “How could such a simple truth to understand be so hard to practice? Some of us know that we have some foolish, ignorant, and vile people in our lives, and yet why is it so hard to just cut them off. Let me tell you why……Because we don’t like change!!! Notice the text “will be wise” this phraseology implies growth and change.  Some of us still keep friendship with idiots because they do not challenge us to be any better than we are. But there is a price to pay for that.

-(v.20) “But the companion of fools will suffer harm” This is what happens when you do not separate from fools.  Notice that is says the “companion” that word means one who spends time with or travels with. This text means that when you keep close company with foolish people you will suffer harm.  This could mean legal harm, emotional harm, physical harm, or just that you have a 30 year friendship with someone and they do not help you grow not one bit in 30 years I would call that a waste of 3 decades. 

6th Principle True Friends love Unconditionally

Proverbs 17:17 CSB

17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time.

(v.17) “A friend loves at all times” Solomon gives the text away in the first line.  A friend loves at all times.  This is the very definition of unconditional love. Unconditional love-a love without limit.  Solomon makes it plain a true friend loves at all times.  Now why would he put that in the text? He put it in there because he knew what it meant to have people come in and out of his life based on the circumstances that he was going through.  True friends “love” when you are out of shape, ugly, struggling, sick, no job, bad breath, and depressed. 

-(v.18) “and a bother is born for adversity” this text right her tells us that both the true friend, and true family member will support you during your times of adversity.  Notice that the bible uses the term “friend” and “brother” synonymously the bible does not make a distinction between friends and family when it comes to relationships.  You see when God brings someone into your life they may not always be family, but they may unrelated to us, but they may end up being the closest relationship in our life……. Quote “Prosperity begets friends, adversity proves them.”…… “A small boy defined a friend as "Someone who knows all about you and likes you just the same."

Application

1. True Friends share your love for Christ

2. True Friends are loyal

3. True Friends will not Flatter

4. True Friends will honor your privacy

5. True Friends will make you better

6. True Friends will love you unconditionally 

Illustration

One example of friendship remains with me as vividly as the moment I first heard of it as a boy. In his first seasons with the Brooklyn Dodgers, Jackie Robinson, the first black man to play Major League baseball, faced venom nearly everywhere he traveled--fastballs at his head, spikings on the bases, brutal epithets from the opposing dugouts and from the crowds. During one game in Boston, the taunts and racial slurs seemed to reach a peak. In the midst of this, another Dodger, a Southern white named Pee Wee Reese, called timeout. He walked from his position at shortstop toward Robinson at second base, put his arm around Robinson's shoulder, and stood there with him for what seemed like a long time. The gesture spoke more eloquently than the words: This man is my friend.  The fans grew quiet. Robinson later said that arm around his shoulder saved his career.