Why Now?

Prelude

Song - Bless this broken road

Welcome

Good morning. We have come together this morning to honour the memory of Wendy Eisner. We are here to remember, to grieve together, and to say goodbye. My role is to begin to help us all start down a path of healing over the loss of Wendy. It is not an easy journey that all we have ahead of us but one we must all now take. We are here to support one another and reflect on the life that was Wendy. My name is Andy Scott, and I am here with you for a few reasons, the first being that Matthew is my cousin, we grew up together, and as I have talked with him over the last few days, he has made one thing abundantly clear, Wendy valued family! So, when he asked me if I would officiate this morning the only answer was “whatever you need.” I am also here with you today to, hopefully, help us all to start down the path to healing. We have experienced a trauma this week, there’s no sugar coating it. THIS IS HARD! Funerals are not something that anyone ever wants to have to experience but they are an important step as we try to look forward. Over the next 20 minutes or so we are going to have time to reflect about Wendy’s life and the role she played in our lives. We are also here to be with one another as we take these first steps of grief. I promise that this service today will be a reflection of who Wendy was, and it will serve as a time to, hopefully, bring some comfort during this time of pain. Please allow me to open in our time together with prayer.

Psalm 23:1–4 NIV

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Song

Amazing Grace

Ecclesiastes 3:1–8 NIV

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Song

Perfect

Message

I had only met Wendy a few times since she had become a part of the family. Those few meetings I knew one thing for certain. Wendy told it like it was. I have always respected and appreciate people who you never had to guess where you stood. I definitely saw this about her. What a blessing, I am sure there were times when it didn’t feel like it, but I think we would agree it was something special about her. In light of this I want to honor her by doing exactly that, we are going to talk clearly about where we are today. So, we will take a few minutes to acknowledge the place we are currently in and then we will start to look ahead to what’s next.

So, here we are, we’ve gathered here today because of Wendy’s death. The death of someone that we knew, someone that many of us loved. I am sure many of us are sitting here and online asking ourselves a lot of questions. Questions that we don’t know the answers to. The big one being “why” and more specifically “why now”? The reality is that we all face death but when it comes sooner than we imagined that it should it is natural for us to try to find meaning or a reason in the loss. The hardest part about this is that right now we don’t have an answer.

The truth is we can’t say exactly why. Which I know doesn’t offer a lot of hope but if you bear with me over the next 10 minutes, I will attempt to help us take a step forward to the next thing. My role/goal is here today is to help us start to start to walk down this path of grief. I want to tell all of us that this path is a long one that starts off in the hardest way possible and the reality is that there is never really an end to the journey we are starting down today. Which again, when I put it like that, doesn’t offer a lot in the way of hope.

But hang in here with me. We have GOT to face these first steps and acknowledge the journey we are about to embark on together is a lifelong journey, we are forever changed. Like any journey in life: we need to look forward, be as prepared as we can be, and start moving. So, with this acknowledged, get ready because, hopefully, here comes some hope.

I want us to address the big question, why. Why now? I don’t know. It is true, we don’t know why now. But here is what we can know: We read Psalm 23 a few minutes ago, 1 The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack. 2 He lets me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. 3 He renews my life; He leads me along the right paths for His name's sake. 4 Even when I go through the darkest valley, I fear no danger, for You are with me.

The point of this passage is to remind us that we are not alone in this. We are walking through a dark valley right now. Through this reading we are assured that this is not a valley that we have to walk through alone. If we believe in God or not, the fact is that we do have a support system. The people in this room right now and those who are online. We are here because we are grieving the loss of Wendy. We are ALL asking why and what do we do now, in our own way. I want to encourage us all to take strength in the fact that we don’t have to walk this path alone.

Sure, we can choose to be strong and get by on our own and we probably will but that usually leads to getting lost, maybe stumbling and falling down. This is a path that needs to be walked on with others. I want to encourage you this morning with these words: you are NOT alone, and you don’t have to take this journey by yourselves.

I believe that God has given us what we need to survive this journey through the dark valley of grief. As we have started this journey, I am sure we have all felt many different emotions: anger, sadness, laughter (often times for no reason), hopelessness, fear, lost, and a whole range of emotions I can’t even begin to name. Here’s the big secret. God gave us these emotions; we are born with them and it’s okay to feel them. In fact, WE NEED to feel them. We NEED to acknowledge them. I know we are tempted to push them down and be strong for someone or ignore them but listen to these words again. Ecclesiastes 3:4 There is a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance. We have to use the tools we have been given to make it through this journey.

That is what I am encouraging us to do this morning feel the feelings that we have and be sure to walk together.

There will be moments that arise that surprise us as we make this journey through the dark valley of grief. We know who the usual suspects are, birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries and other special occasions. These are the ones we brace ourselves for, we see them coming. But then there are the others. I debated all week about whether or not I should share this with you. It is a way I have found to explain these other moments that hit us out of nowhere. I call these something kind of odd, but my hope is that if you can identify them you will be able to navigate them more clearly. I call them “Dorito days”.

What is a Dorito day? A personal story to help illustrate the point. About 13 years ago I shattered a molar under my gums. It was the single most painful thing I had ever experienced up to that point in my life. I didn’t sleep for 3 days waiting for a dentist to help me. I was in AGONY. To this day I am still missing that tooth.

What does this have to do with Doritos? Well, as my gums healed, I got better. Life started to return to normal. I thought, at the time, that I would have to change the way I eat food forever, but I was starting to be functional again.

Today I am happy to say that I eat normally and even though the scar is still there in my mouth I am pretty much back to normal.

But every so often I will be eating Doritos and I won’t be thinking of the scar in my mouth. I go to take that first bite and the Dorito shifts sideways and is breaks into a tiny dagger and stabs me in my gum. It erupts into pain and blood is everywhere. I am then reminded in a VERY real way that I have a wound that is a very real part of my life still.

Dorito days are those times that catch you off guard and the wound tears open for any strange reason. My father-in-law died 3 years ago, and just last month I lost it in Sobeys when I walked by the sausage cooler. The man loved him some sausage. Right there in the store, I had to stop and breathe and work through it.

How do you deal with this? You remember these 3 things: 1) You are ALLOWED to feel all of the feels, you need to feel them 2) You are NOT alone, lean on your support 3) Remember the good memories you have of Wendy.

As I said earlier, I only met Wendy a few times and I can’t remember a whole lot except that each time we met, I know there was lots of laughter. (I remember talking about how to stick it to the government.) From what I do remember and personally felt that she came across as accepting and loyal. I felt like I did not want to cross her or ANYONE she loved, and I mean this in the best ways possible. I felt in those times that she did accept me as part of her family and there was warmth in the conversation as we got to know each other. 1) I am sure there are stories and memories that all of us have that will ALWAYS bring a smile to our faces. I would like to invite anyone who is here this morning to stand where you are and share a memory that may have popped into you mind right now. Memories like, (Mine for memories for this part) 3- 4 memories.

OR

2) I would like to take 1 minute for us to quietly reflect on the memories we have that will help us through those unexpected times that bring us back here to this moment throughout our lives.

So, to wrap up, this is going to be a tough journey through the dark valley, but I PROMISE YOU, this valley DOES open up and DOES let more light through. The hard rocky trail turns into a path that we can walk on. We will trip at times and have our Dorito days. But we hold onto those memories and we put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.

Wendy has died and we may never get our why now answered but as long as we are around, she will never be forgotten. I want to encourage you all to live your best life and honour her memory by being people that we know she would be proud to call her friends and family.

Benediction

As we try to take the next steps of this journey, I hope the reminders that we don’t have to do this alone and we are allowed to take moments when it hits us. Help us to move forward. Hold on to the memories we all have and keep moving forward.

Processional

In this river