2021-2-28, The Meaning of Love: Love Holds No Grudges, 1 Cor 13:5

2021-2-28, The Meaning of Love: Love Holds No Grudges, 1 Cor 13:5

(The story of Adoniram and Ann Judson The Peace Treaty Feast)

The war between Burma and England was over! Adoniram and Ann Judson were weak from the hard times during the past two years. Exhausted, they were on their way down the Irrawaddy River back to Rangoon.

“I wonder if the little church of 18 Christians survived the war?” Adoniram said.

Partway down the river, the Burmese rowers pulled ashore. They had arrived at the British army camp. The army was getting ready to leave Burma. Sir Archibald Campbell met the two American missionaries as they stepped off the rowboat.

“Welcome!” the general cried. “I am having a special dinner for the Burmese officials who signed the peace treaty. You will be my honored guests!”

Even though the Judsons had not taken sides in the war between Burma and England, it felt good to be treated so royally. Instead of a dirty prison, they were given a large comfortable tent. Instead of gruff officials ignoring them, the British officers happily tried to grant their every wish. The soldiers thought it was an honor to have a heroic woman like Ann Judson visiting their camp. They had heard stories of how she had faithfully visited her husband in prison, and how she had bravely worked for his freedom.

On the day of the dinner, the band played. Flags were flying. Ann’s eyes sparkled. What a festive party! But when she walked in on the arm of the British general, one of the Burmese officials suddenly looked like he wished ground would open and swallow him.

This was the frail lady he had once kept waiting for hours! She had come to beg him to take off the five leg-irons which chained her sick husband in prison. “No,” he had shrugged. When she had turned to leave, he said, “Wait. Give me your silk parasol. My wife thinks it is pretty.”

“Please no! I need it to keep the hot sun off my head,” Ann had said. “I am not well- I might faint on the way home.”

But the official had just laughed and stole it anyway.

Now here she was- the honored guest of the British general who had just won the war! Surely, she would seek revenge. After all, that’s what he would do if someone had treated him so badly.

To his surprise, Ann Judson came over to him. “Don’t be afraid,” she said kindly. “I do not hold a grudge against you. Please, relax and enjoy this special dinner.”

But the man could not relax. All through the dinner he sweated and shook, wondering when she would tell the British soldiers to drag him out and shoot him. But nothing happened. He left the dinner shaking his head. “I don’t understand these Christians,” he muttered. “They forgive their enemies!”

Can we all say together, “Wow!”

Many of us keep grudges for far smaller offenses! Here, you see Ann forgive, and then gave an expression of agape love. “Relax and enjoy this special dinner.”

There should be desire in our heart to be more like Ann Judson. God’s will for us is that we will learn to love like she did.

General Definition of Agape Love

Agape love is a strong affection for another person which is concerned with that person’s good (God’s good: which includes physical well-being and, more so, redemption in Christ and spiritual restoration through him). One of the primary features of agape love is the willing sacrifice of our rights and privileges so that other people may have God’s good. This kind of love originates in the heart of God and is perfectly manifested in the gospel of Christ.

Pen Gospel Presentation

Love drove the giving of the Gospel...

Romans 5:8 ESV

8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Deep affection, Godly good, sacrifice

Love Compels Us To Behave a Certain Way

Following this example, Paul tells us that agape love then compels us to behave a certain way in our relationships with one another.

1 Corinthians 13:4–5 NIV84

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

So far...

it is patient (a measured response)

it is kind (grace in action)

It is not self-centered (get over self and be a conduit of God’s love for others)

Today...

Love holds no grudges.

Agape love keeps no record of wrongs.

Your translation may say that love is not resentful, but “it keeps no record of wrongs” is a much better rendering because the words Paul uses can mean “to tally harmful actions.”

This means that someone says or does something to hurt you and you record it in your heart (and sometimes on paper). Then when that same person hurts you again, you add the new transgression to the register.

Why we do this?

We keep records of wrongs because we are planning payback.

In order to pay people back in the appropriate amount, we have to keep track of what they’ve done to us. You don’t want to over due it, because then they could be justified in doing more harm to you. It has to be just right.

However, we can be quite sophisticated in our arithmetic of revenge. We don’t always pay people back in a one-to-one ratio. We’ve figured out that a few small offenses toward us can be countered with a single larger retaliation (you can pay back 5 ones with a $5 bill). I guess we think this is more efficient, or this feels better.

In our families we see this in something called gunny-sacking. This is where you save up petty grievances over time, then when the time is right, and you’re in the right mood, you get back at your spouse or sibling and throw everything in that bag back at them. You fire both barrels and you bring up every time that underwear never made it into the basket and when he forgot your birthday and when he looked at you that time when you didn’t want to be looked at...

We think it feels so good to do this, and it does, until the dust settles and there’s a big old broken relationship. Now that your bag is empty, you start watching and filling it up again.

We hold grudges because it makes us feel powerful. Maybe revenge is not your thing. It may not be an option. It would just cause more problems. You would just rather keep track of those wrongs that person did to you and stew over them. You may not be able to do much, but you can sure hold those wrongs over that person’s head. As time goes on, you feel stronger as your hatred for that person grows stronger too.

Such are the methods of the human heart stained with sin.

In Corinth

In Corinth, there were a lot of harms dished out at one another and there were a lot of record-keepers. For example, in chapter six, Paul has to scold them for becoming so embittered in their relationships with one another that they took each other to secular courts. You can imagine the Christians rolling out before the judge the long detailed list of wrongs done to them by other church members.

Paul’s message to the Corinthians is the same to us who call Christ Lord.

You have to make a choice between loving others and keeping your records of wrongs. They are mutually exclusive.

You cannot have a strong affection for another to where you are working for their Godly good, to where you are sacrificing your rights and privileges on their behalf, and maintain a list of their sins against you in spite.

“Okay, then I’ll choose to keep my list!”

This is not an option for you if you want to follow Christ faithfully. “What do you mean?”

Because Jesus has called on us to love...

Matthew 22:39 ESV

39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

This includes those people who have hurt you.

If this were not clear enough, Jesus says,

Matthew 5:44 ESV

44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

Love your enemies as well as your friends and family members.

“Great! So what am I supposed to do with my record of wrongs?”

Jesus says to forgive it. Make the cognitive choice not to hold those wrongs over the wrongdoers any more. Don’t seek to get revenge. Don’t attempt to maintain power over that person.

The simple instruction from Christ is to forgive the offenses.

“Why?!”

The first reason which Jesus repeatedly explains in Scripture is that we should forgive others because, if we are in Christ, He has forgiven you. If God, who is without fault or sin, can forgive you, then you, who has sinned against God and man, must release others from their debt to you.

Jesus explains it best in this parable...

Matthew 18:21–35 ESV

21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. 23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

It is not right when Christians receive the greatest forgiveness, yet withhold forgiveness from others.

Matthew 6:14–15 ESV

14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

The other reason is that keeping a record of wrongs prevents you from being a conduit of God’s love toward the person who has wounded you. Forgiveness paves the way for us to give agape love to those who have hurt us.

It is a sound biblical truth that no one in this world has suffered more than Christ. He received man’s worst and God’s wrath on the cross. What was Jesus prayer to the Father when He looked down from the cross and saw the angry faces of those who had abused Him?

Luke 23:34 ESV

34 And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.

From that point, Jesus went on to do the greatest act of agape love, He died for the sins of the world.

He tells us that if we are His servants, then we must do the same.

Other concerns:

“But what about justice?! If I don’t pay him back, then he might get off!”

In the Scriptures, God tells us that revenge is His job, not ours. He will ensure that justice happens.

Romans 12:19 ESV

19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

God says,

Romans 14:12 ESV

12 So then each of us will give an account of himself to God.

Justice originates with God, so we can rest assure that everything will be made right ultimately.

Just like with us, we are one day going to get what we deserve in a glorious celebration of justice…Wait what? Oh yeah, Jesus received the penalty for our sins so we don’t have to.

However, shouldn’t our hope be that the person who has hurt us will be forgiven in Christ like we have, that the person will repent of sin and that there might be reconciliation between you and he?

It’s something to think about.

For a moment, I want to make a mention of offenses done toward us which rise to the level of criminality- abuse, assault, etc. Even when we forgive the sins a person does toward us, and even if God forgives their sins through Christ and they are saved from condemnation, it is still God’s will that people be held to account by the law for crimes done to another person. This is a necessary part of God maintaining justice in society. Justice and forgiveness are not mutually exclusive.

Romans 13:4 ESV

4 for he is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer.

On a related note...

“If I forgive a person, what keeps that person from continuing to hurt me?!”

Forgiveness, love, and wise boundaries are not mutually exclusive either. If some one harms you, you may forgive them, God may forgive them in Christ and they are not condemned, and you may love them with agape love, but you still may not allow that person the same access to you they had before.

For example. If I confide a secret to you and you blab it all over town. I can forgive you, God can forgive you, I can love you, but I probably will not confide in you again.

You may come to my home for a home group. You might help yourself to my wife’s jewelry box (but don’t expect to break bank on a pastor’s wife jewelry collection). You get caught. I may forgive you. God may forgive you. However, my love and further engagement with you may not be back in my home, at least not until that trust has been earned back.

Let’s take it back down to the level of everyday insults and sins toward each other. What are some practices we can do to make keeping no records of wrongs easier...

Keep a short account.

Matthew 18:15 ESV

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

and...

Matthew 5:23–24 ESV

23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

We keep a short list.

Be difficult to offend

People give offense easily and often unknowingly. People are people and are so careless with their words and actions.

Byron

1 Peter 4:8 ESV

8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

1 Corinthians 13:5 ESV

5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

It is not easily provoked

This is a process of dealing with wrongs

Crucial conversations-

Forgive

Esau forgave Jacob

Joseph forgave

An Judson

forgive in order to love