How to Put Meaning in Your Marriage

I. Introduction

Would you take your Bibles and turn to the first book of the Bible, the book of Genesis chapter 2, and in a few moments we are going to begin reading in verse 18. Today I want to talk to you about “How to Put Meaning in Your Marriage.” Church, I believe that God wants you to move your marriage from monotony to the momentous. I don’t believe that God wants you to have a ho-hum marriage.

And what we are about to read here....This is really the story of the first family. And when I say “first family,” I don’t mean Joe and Jill, but I’m talking about Adam and Eve. In many ways they were different from any other family. I mean, think about it: they were different. For example, they didn’t have any in-laws. Have you ever thought about that? He couldn’t compare Eden’s cooking with his mother’s…neither of them had parents...

Not only did they not have any in-laws, but also they didn’t have any competition. I mean, Eve could not ever look at Adam in anger and say: “You know Adam, of allllll of the other men she could have ended up with…she had to end up with him.” Couldn’t say that could she?

<laugh> One time, I understand that Eve said to Adam, “Adam, do you really love me?” He said, “Who else?”

But you know…even though they were a bit different from you and I today....Yet, there are STILL many things in this story that are eternally and perpetually the same about marriage. There are eternal truths that will help you to put meaning in your marriage. And how we need the truth that we are about to study today!

a. Scripture: Genesis 2:18-24

And as always, I’m going to ask you to stand with me, if you are able, as we read from God’s Holy, Perfect, Sufficient and inerrant Word.<Pray>Thank you, and you may be seated.

Now, church, here we have God’s purpose and God’s pattern for marriage. Now I want you to pay attention. Now from where I stand up here looking at your beautiful smiling faces...ya’ll look so holy and spiritual this morning... but you and I BOTH know that the REAL test of your faith is not how you act at church, but how you behave at home. Isn’t that true? Now if you’ve been arguing around the breakfast table…or you fussed all the way to church this morning, it doesn’t make any difference how pious you are around the rest of us....God was around the table, He was in the car with you, and He’s here with you right now... Now, let’s see what the Bible has to say about a home.

Why did God institute marriage? What is the purpose of marriage? God gave marriage and the home to meet the deepest emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual needs of mankind. Marriage did not originate in the swamps of evolution and immorality, but marriage is the first institution that God created there in the Garden of Eden.

So a couple of things about marriage this morning:

II. Major Points

The Purpose of Marriage

The Partnership of Marriage

III. Point #1: The Purpose of Marriage

Explanation

First of all, the purpose of marriage. Look in verse 18—God says “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make [a fitting helper] for him.” (Genesis 2:18) Adam needed a companion. He needed somebody that he could fellowship with. And he could not fellowship with any of the animals. Look, if you will, in verses 19 and 20: “And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.” But now, watch this: “And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but …”—do you see the word but—“but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.” (Genesis 2:19–20)

Now what God did when God gave Adam the job of naming the animals, God was doing some psychology on Adam. God was creating a desire in the heart of Adam. Now Adam is to name the animals. God creates animals and brings them to Adam. Here comes an animal with a great big long neck, Adam strokes his chin and says, “Yep, that’s a giraffe”—named him a giraffe. I mean, what else would you name something that looked like that? And then here’s the hippopotamus. Adam says, “That’s a hippopotamus.” Well, that’s easy. Anybody can tell a hippopotamus when they see him. And then a skunk: What else would you call a skunk but a skunk?

You know I’ve often wondered if Adam named the animals just on the basis of how he felt at the moment....Like he starts off with so much energy and he names one “HIPPO-POTOMUS!”.....then “ELEPHANT!”......”LION!”.....”TIGER!”.....and then a few hours later he’s exhausted and he’s like “I don’t know....ant!…bug!....somebody help me, I can’t take it anymore! lol”.....

So Adam is naming the animals. One by one the animals come. But not only do they come one by one; they come two by two. And Adam notices for Mr. Giraffe there’s Mrs. Giraffe; and for Mr. Hippo there’s Mrs. Hippo, only she doesn’t want to be called that. And then for Mr. Skunk there’s Mrs. Skunk. But Adam notices for Mr. Adam there is no Mrs. Adam. There was not found a fitting helper for him.

And so now God, therefore, having created the desire in Adam, creates woman. In verse 21: “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.” (Genesis 2:21–22) Now, notice, in verse 23: “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.” (Genesis 2:23) Now in the Hebrew language, what Adam said there is the counterpart of an expletive. Now I don’t mean dirty language, but something more like, “Wow!” I mean, when he sees Eve, I mean he’s been looking, folks, at giraffes and lizards, and then he sees Eve, and he just explodes in a joyous expression of great joy.

Illustration

You know us women and men pick at eachother…I think one of my favorites goes like this: Why did God create Adam before he created Eve?....Because he didnt want anyone telling him how to make Adam.

Here’s one for you ladies: Why did God create Eve?...God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.

One more for the ladies: Why did God create Eve?....Because when He was finished making Adam, God stepped back and scratched His head and then said “I think I can do better than THAT!”

Application

Church, listen to me this morning: Now, think of it. Adam has been in the garden face-to-face, one-on-one, with Almighty God. He has been walking with God, and yet there is in his heart STILL an unmet need and a desire. And God gave to Adam a wife, and God gave to Eve a husband. God did not give to Eve a father, first, to rule over her, not a brother to play with, not a son to watch over, but God gave to Eve a husband. And that husband was there that God gave to Eve to meet that deep need that he had and she would have for companionship and partnership.

Folks let me tell you something this morning: that marriage, therefore, is the highest, the deepest, and the most insoluble of all human relationships. Look, if you will, in verses 23 and 24: Adam says, “This is now bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.” (Genesis 2:23) Verse 24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) Leave father and mother: The relationship between husband and wife is a closer bonding than between parent and child.

Now when I say that you are to leave your father and mother, that doesn’t mean you are not to honor your father and mother. As a matter of fact, this is a day that we’ve set aside to honor our mothers. And the Bible tells us, in Exodus chapter 20 and verse 12, that we are to “honour thy father and thy mother.” (Exodus 20:12) And yet at the same time we are to leave because, you see, God made man and woman for one another in a very special way.

And so you see there, first of all, what I want to call the purpose of marriage. “It is not good that the man should be alone.” (Genesis 2:18) God made marriage that man might have a companion that would meet his deepest emotional, spiritual, physical, psychological needs; and vice versa for the woman, that the same would be true for the woman.

IV. Point #2: The Partnership of Marriage

Explanation

Now the second thing, I want you to see coming out of the purpose of marriage the partnership of marriage. (Genesis 2:18) Now God says also in verse 18, “I will make for man a fitting helper.” Now that means, really, a helper like himself. We will sometimes laughingly call our husbands or our wives “the other half,” but that’s quite apt. Adam without Eve was like a violin without a bow.

And so God gave Eve to Adam to make up that part of Adam that was lacking. She was to be his completer, not his competer—his completer. A problem today is that we try, through the battle of the sexes, to get men and women in competition with one another rather than in cooperation with one another. Woman was made FROM man in order to COMPLETE and COMPLEMENT man. And in the same way, woman is completed and complemented by man.

Now the Hebrew word for “woman” here is ishah—i-s-h-a-h—if you’re going to write it down and transliterate it. And the word for “man” is ish. Ish: “man.” Ishah: “woman.” Now ishah, the word for “woman,” comes from an Arabic root, which means “to be soft.” You see, God built femininity into a woman. Now the word ish, the word for “man,” comes from an Arabic root, which simply means “to exercise power.” God put masculinity in men and femininity into women. And the Bible teaches that God made them different that He might make them one....they are like the yin and the yang in the Eastern religions, they go together and complete one another…they are better together BECAUSE they are different, not in spite of it. Our diversity is a GIFT, not a curse....

Now you’re not supposed to say stuff like this in today’s day and age, but men were made to be men and women were made to be women....Let me ask yall something: did you EVER, in your WHOLE life, imagine that THAT would one day be a controversial statement that could get a person FIRED from their job?....that just shows you the insanity of a secular world doesn’t it?

The difference in the sexes is right here in God’s Word and is explained for us…let’s quickly look at each of them:

A. Provider with Encourager: You see, it’s obvious that man is to be the provider and woman is to be the encourager. Now in Genesis chapter 2, verse 15, the Bible says, “And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.” (Genesis 2:15) Now God said to Adam, “Adam, you are going to be the provider. You’re to dress the garden and keep it.” Then God made the woman, and God said to the woman, “You are to be a fitting helper to him. You are to encourage him and to stand by his side.” Man is the provider, and woman is to be the encourager, in God’s original plan....it’s not complicated....and that’s not to say both woman and man can’t make money and support the family, but it’s simply to show the difference in personality that God originally made man and woman with.

Protector with Nurturer: Man is to be the protector, and woman is to be the nurturer. Look, if you will, in Genesis chapter 3 and verse 16: “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” (Genesis 3:16) That is, the husband is to be the one in charge, and the man is the protector, and the woman is the nurturer.

The man is to lead, to guide, to protect, and therefore God made the man physically strong, because that’s the realm that he lives in. But God made the woman to be soft, to be gentle, to be tender, because she’s the life-giver. And you just see that in the nature of women.

Have you ever watched a man change a diaper? Pft, bang! boom! “sit down!”…boom....all kinds of racket! Watch how a woman changes a diaper. They are just different—just different—the way God made them. Now some women have it more in their nature to be a nururer than others....my Aunt would give away every dime she had and every scrap of food in the house if my Uncle would allow it....but that’s how she loves people....she’s a giver. But in comparison to men, most women tend to be a bit more nurturing in the way they treat others and talk to others....probably one reason my wife makes such a good counselor…she knows how to nurture and when to correct....

C. Logic and Emotion: Therefore—listen—men tend to think logically…and by that I mean concretely....we like to fix things....not talk about them for three hours.... Women, on the other hand at times, think—and you might think I’m going to say illogically, but I’m not; I’ve got better sense than that with my wife, my mama, my sister, and my sister-in-law here—women think emotionally, that is, many times, women with their hearts…women are more empathetic than men,…they often very concerned with people’s feelings. Now I didn’t say that what they think is not logical or not right, but they just think differently. Men and women are WIRED and PROGRAMMED differently.

A man, by nature, as the breadwinner and the protector, he is goal oriented. A man will see the goal, and he’ll see the steps in order to get there in his mind, and that’s the way he works. He doesn’t necessarily consider how people will feel about it or what their emotions will be. If he does, to be honest, it’s probably a secondary issue, right fellas? But not the woman. The woman, not only will she see the goal, but beyond the goal, and overriding she thinks, “How are people going to feel about this? You know, if he does that, somebody might get their feelings hurt. Somebody might be hurt.” You see, women, they are often better able to think with their hearts than men. Men think with their heads. Who is right? Who is wrong? Well, neither is right. Neither is wrong. The point is they both need one another to balance one another out. A woman has what we often call intuition. A woman knows what’s going on without knowing what’s going on. It’s incredible. It’s a gift from God. You see, they are to be partners.

Here’s another one:

E. Big Picture with Details: Men have a propensity to see the big picture, while women see the details.

....watch this quick video clip: <show Jeff Foxworthy video>

How many of yall can relate????

Men see the big picture and women want to know....EVERYTHING....

Application

Look with me in verse 24, if you will—Genesis chapter 2 and verse 24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife.” (Genesis 2:24) Do you see the word cleave? Now the word cleave there is actually a Hebrew word which means “to weld,” or “to glue,” like you would glue two pieces of paper together. Now here God is talking about the future of the family. “A man will leave his father and his mother, he’ll cleave unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

Here are God’s principles to keep us from having broken homes. And God doesn’t want broken homes, because broken homes produce broken humans, and broken humans produce broken homes, and broken homes produce broken humans, and on and on we go. Now if you are in a broken home or from a broken home, I don’t want you to despair because, my dear friend, there is hope; we can break the cycle. And I thank God for it. But let me tell you something, friend, that God’s plan is one man for one woman till death do them part. That kind of stamina and wisdom will be blessed.

Do you know what the cause of most divorces is? Better Homes and Gardens did a survey. They got back 300,000 responses—300,000. And of those 300,000, they said, “What is the number one problem in marriage, and what is the number two problem in marriage?” Number one: immaturity. Number two: selfishness. Number one and number two are immaturity and selfishness; men and women asking when they come to marriage, “What’s in it for me?” rather than asking, “What is best for both of us?” You see, incompatibility and irreconcilable differences, let me just rename those. Do you want me to tell you what they are? Immaturity and selfishness. That’s all they are. Incompatibility and irreconcilable differences, just rename them, and name them by what they really are: immaturity and selfishness.

“Well,” you say, “I don’t love anymore.” My friend, may I say this with all of the unction, function, and emotion of my soul: Love is a choice—love is a choice. You choose to love. Love is a commitment. The emotion may follow, but love is a commitment. And if you don’t make that commitment, when a crisis comes, you’re going to walk away. But the Bible says you are to cleave to your wife. You are to glue yourself to her, and she is glued to you.

Do you ever glue two pieces of paper together? When you try to separate them, you are going to damage both pieces of paper. There’s no way that you can unglue something that has been welded and glued together like that.

The problem is that many who say, “I do,” don’t. And they stand at the marriage altar, and rather than saying, “So long as we both shall live,” they translate that, “So long as we both shall love.” And when it says, “Until death do us part,” they translate that in their mind, “Until disagreement do us part.” But, my dear friend, it is “So long as we both shall live,” not love; and “Until death,” not disagreement, “do us part.”

There has to be a commitment. Now God’s plan is that one plus one equals one. They become one flesh. And what “God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9) The Bible says, “And they were both naked … and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25)—the last verse in this chapter. What does that mean? It means they were so much one that there was no shame, no intimidation. They were willing and able to share everything with their marriage partner. Therefore, no threat.

VI. Conclusion

a. If I could leave you with one thought today, if you’re married, let me give you this thought. Are you listening? There is no way possible that you can win in a war with your mate....in a war between friends, NOBODY wins....everyone hurts....so I would encourage you to both of you, stand steadfast in the Word of God....and commit to one another forever…and to teach your children to do the same.

b. Let’s Pray