RW360 - Session # 1 - Life is All About Relationships

Introduction

Welcome to Discovering Relational Wisdom 3.0

This course is designed to teach you how to improve your ability to develop authentic, enjoyable, productive and lasting relationships. The principles you will learn have the potential to impact every area of your life, including your worship, marital intimacy, parenting and friendships, as well as your workplace performance and career advancement.

I say “potential to impact” because there are no quick and easy shortcuts to developing better relationships. We’ve all developed attitudes and habits that undermine our relationships, and it takes a lot of determination and effort to change some of the ways we view and engage others.

The good news is that we can change! This process will go more smoothly if we are willing to admit where we’ve gotten it wrong in the past, if we decide to learn and practice new relational skills, and if we are open to accepting advice and assistance from those who love us and want to help us grow.

My motivation for teaching this seminar is my belief that every person on the face of the earth has been made in the image of God, and since God is highly relational, we are designed and called to be highly relational as well. That both excites and challenges me!

Your motive for exploring these concepts may be different from mine. That’s okay—we’re all on a journey of learning and growing. Whatever your motive is, I hope that what you learn in this seminar will enable you to better understand yourself and those around you and to enjoy deeper, more fulfilling relationships in every area of your life.

Scripture, Movies & Feedback

The principles in this seminar are supported by over three hundred Scripture citations, which are compiled in a 40-page document (rw360.org/RW-Scriptures) that students are encouraged to download and study to verify the biblical integrity of this course (see Acts 17:11). The movie clips shown in this seminar are used under a license with WingClips (wingclips.com) or pursuant to the “Fair Use Doctrine” and are discussed in detail on our website (rw360.org/movie-clips).

We would welcome your evaluation of this seminar and the individual who teaches it to you. Please visit rw360. org/survey and give us the benefit of your experience, comments and suggestions on how we can improve the delivery of this material.

Life is All About Relationships

Matthew 22:37–39 ESV

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

Relational wisdom (RW) is an “operating system for life”

Just as Windows and Mac OS control every program on your computer, relational wisdom (RW) impacts every aspect of life, not only improving workplace performance and advancement but also enhancing worship, friendships, marriage, parenting, church unity and ministry impact.

What is relational wisdom?

In essence, relational wisdom is the ability to love God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself… better yet, as Jesus has loved you.

Living out the two great commandments

Matthew 22:37–39 ESV

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

John 13:34–35 ESV

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

In modern terms, relational wisdom is your ability to discern emotions, interests and abilities in yourself and others, to interpret this information in the light of God’s Word, and to use these insights to manage your responses and relationships constructively.

Why is relational wisdom worth pursuing?

Because life is all about relationship.

Genesis 2:18 ESV

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

1 Corinthians 1:9 ESV

God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

John 3:16 ESV

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 13:34–35 ESV

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 17:20–23 ESV

“I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.

Because relationships are precious gifts that God entrusts to us with the expectation that we will see them as opportunities to show his love and multiply the number of people who will enjoy him forever.

Matthew 25:14–30 ESV

“For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master’s money. Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here, I have made five talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me two talents; here, I have made two talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here, you have what is yours.’ But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

Matthew 25:21 ESV

His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’

Here’s a simple example of relational wisdom

Relational wisdom is so simple a child can learn it, yet so intricate and robust you can spend the rest of your life enhancing it. To start this learning process, we’ll show you four simple acrostics you can easily memorize and practice in daily life. The first of them is: To be relationally wise in all situations …

Practice the SOG Plan™

S - Self-Aware: How am I feeling and acting?

O - Other-Aware: How are others feeling? How am I affecting them?

G - God-Aware: Where is God leading me?

Psalm 5:8 ESV

Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness because of my enemies; make your way straight before me.

We may influence others. We do not determine what they do. Others may influence us. They do not determine what we do.

What are the benefits of developing relational wisdom?

Proverbs 4:7–8 ESV

The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight. Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her.

Stronger relationships

• Experience, love and enjoy God more fully.

Jeremiah 29:13 ESV

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Matthew 22:37 ESV

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.

John 8:29 ESV

And he who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to him.”

John 14:21 ESV

Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.”

John 14:23 ESV

Jesus answered him, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.

• Less conflict and more enjoyable, productive and enduring human relationships.

Ruth 1:16–18 ESV

But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.” And when Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more.

1 Samuel 20:17 ESV

And Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him, for he loved him as he loved his own soul.

Proverbs 18:24 ESV

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Valued influence

• Your example and advice will be more credible and welcomed by others.

Proverbs 3:35 ESV

The wise will inherit honor, but fools get disgrace.

Proverbs 16:23 ESV

The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips.

• Improved relational skills enhance personal and team performance at work, at church and in other group activities.

Compelling witness

• Noticeable changes in your character and relationships reveal God’s transforming power in your life.

2 Corinthians 5:17–20 ESV

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.

• Love and unity among believers show that we are Jesus’ disciples and prove that God loves us and sent his Son to save us.

John 13:34–35 ESV

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 17:20–23 ESV

“I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.

Why do soft skills outshine hard skills?

When we are working with others, whether in an office or warehouse, on a church committee or nonprofit board, or as a mission team in the field, relational skills are usually more valuable than technical expertise.

Hard Skills - Technical Expertise

Soft Skills - Relational Abilities

Soft skills can either magnify or diminish the value of our hard skills, as well as those of the people around us.

Proverbs 22:11 ESV

He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend.

Soft skills increase “social capital” in both work and ministry settings

Soft skills bring out the best in people and produce bonds of loyalty, trust and mutual support (aka “social capital”), which yields countless benefits, including improved team creativity and cohesiveness, better balance between work and family life, less conflict, reduced staff and volunteer turnover, higher member and customer satisfaction, and increased productivity, growth.

Can people improve their relational wisdom?

Yes! Unlike your IQ (intelligence quotient), which does not change noticeably after the teen years, your relational wisdom can improve significantly if you are willing to work at it.

Psychologists who study relational skills attribute our ability to change to the “plasticity” of our minds. Christians attribute it to a transformational process called justification and sanctification.

2 Thessalonians 2:13 ESV

But we ought always to give thanks to God for you, brothers beloved by the Lord, because God chose you as the firstfruits to be saved, through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth.

In fact, God commands and empowers us to grow in relational wisdom as he sanctifies and transforms us into the likeness of Christ.

Romans 12:2 ESV

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

2 Corinthians 3:18 ESV

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

Ephesians 4:22–24 ESV

to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

James 1:5 ESV

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

2 Peter 1:3–7 ESV

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.

Don’t give in to guilt or regret

As you study relational wisdom, you may think, “Oh, I wish I’d learned these concepts years ago!” Don’t let guilt or regret for past deficiencies discourage you.

Instead, remember that Jesus makes all things new (2 Cor. 5:17) and that God delights to bring beauty out of ashes (Isa. 61:3). Then follow the Apostle Paul’s example by “forgetting what lies behind” and “pressing on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 3:13-14

Walk with the wise

Walk in the Bible

Action

Advancement

A way of life and manner of life

To accelerate your relational growth, identify several highly relational people and spend as much time as you can with them, learning from their example and benefitting from their encouragement and advice.

Proverbs 13:20 ESV

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

1 Corinthians 11:1 ESV

Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.

Philippians 3:17 ESV

Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Proverbs 19:20 ESV

Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.

Bringing It Home

What is the difference between Knowledge, Understanding, and Wisdom?

Knowledge - compiling facts, information or data

Oxford Dictionary

facts, information, and skills acquired by a person through experience or education; the theoretical or practical understanding of a subject.

awareness or familiarity gained by experience of a fact or situation.

Understanding - comprehending facts, information, or data

Oxford Dictionary

the ability to understand something; comprehension.

sympathetically aware of other people's feelings; tolerant and forgiving

having insight or good judgment.

Wisdom- applying the facts, information, or data

Oxford Dictionary

the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise

the soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application of experience, knowledge, and good judgment.

the body of knowledge and principles that develops within a specified society or period.

Discussion Questions

What new thoughts have you had since reading and studying Relational Wisdom Lesson # 1 or from Hearing James’ message

What verse from this study will you commit to meditating on and memorizing this week? Write it down. Share it with others.

Pondering, Personalizing, and Practicing:

What is the main point of the study? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Learn

What did I learn?

Where has my thinking, beliefs, and values been challenged in this study?

Do I find any of the characteristics ways of thinking or behaving of the ungodly in my life?

List and describe those areas in which I struggle.

Love

What does this study teach me about God?

Has my thinking about God changed?

How have I learned to love God more and others selflessly as a result of this passage?

Have I learned ways that I have acted unlovingly towards others that I must change?

Live

What are the practical steps that I can take to apply to what I have learned in this study?

Where must I change?

What do I need to repent and confess?

How will pondering and personalizing truth from this study change how I live my life today and moving forward?

Praying (ACTS)

What specific things can I pray adoring God because of what I learned in this study?

What specific things do I need to confess based on what I learned from this study?

What specific things do I need to thank God for based on what I learned from this study?

What specific things do I need to request in prayer (supplication) based on what I learned from this study?