Married to the Godless
Notes
Transcript
Introduction
Good Morning New Hope. I’m glad to be back here with you again this morning. Today, we will be continuing to work through the book of 1 Peter, which has been an incredibly enlightening book, as it shows us how to live as God’s Elect Exiles. Now, that phrase, Elect Exiles, is used by Peter to refer to people who have been saved, who have come to faith in God through Christ. They are the elect. But they are also Exiles, in so far as they are living in the midst of a world that does not share their religious beliefs and moral convictions. The 1st century world rejected who they were at the deepest level.
As we worked our way through Chapter 2, we discussed how Peter was encouraging these Christians to live out their faith, in the face of opposition. Knowing that they would suffer for doing good, he urges them to persist in doing good, whether it be as citizens, as slaves, or as we’ll discuss today as spouses. Yes, Peter is urging his readers to persist in doing good, even if it means that they suffer unjustly. This can be a tough message for us today who, in a culture that prizes comfort and convenience, would like to avoid suffering at all costs.
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MIT
Reading
Our text this morning is 1 Peter 3:1-7. Please join us for the reading of God’s Word.
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Prayer
Exposition
This morning’s text is divided unequally, as Peter addresses wives in 1 Peter 3:1-6 and husbands in 1 Peter 3:7. Ladies, you might be wondering why Peter gives 6 verses of instruction to wives and only 1 verse of instruction to husbands. Well, if you, as women, were to spend any time with us, as men, you would quickly realize that we can really only handle one thing at a time. Actually, the reason why Peter dedicates so much space to instructing wives was because women had a little bit less latitude within the first century culture. Women within the 1st century didn’t really have much of an identity outside of their husbands. If you were a woman in that age, you would worship the god of your husband. You wouldn’t have any friendships or association with anyone outside of his social circle. The reason why Peter gives more words to wives is because they would have had a more difficult time in living out their Christian identity within a marriage, particularly if their husbands were not believers.
Peter begins by addressing Christian wives, instructing them, “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands.” When Peter tells these women to submit to their husbands, he’s not commanding them to do something extreme. Instead, he tells them to simply take on their socially-designated role, continuing to place themselves under the authority of their husbands.
For many women today, the command to be a submissive wife may seem antiquated, even oppressive. After all, Peter was writing nearly 2,000 years ago. Surely, we have progressed societally. To those of you who believe a text like this was limited to a specific time and place, addressed to a particular culture, long ago, I’d like to suggest that this command for wives to submit to their husbands actually reflects God’s design for marriage.
As we read in the opening chapters of Genesis, when God created humanity, he charged Adam with the responsibility of leading his wife. We see this affirmed in the New Testament, in passages like Ephesians 5 and 1 Corinthians 11, where we are told that the husband is the head of the wife.
What we glean from this is that God, in his wisdom, designed marriage and families in such a way that the burden of responsibility (not just authority, but the burden of responsibility) falls on the husband. This means that husbands are charged with leading their wives by providing, protecting and caring for them.
In Ephesians 5, Paul instructs husbands to lead their wives sacrificially (her good before his desire) spiritually (leading her in the word, with the aim of spiritual maturity), selflessly (without elevating his needs above her needs), and to lead in intimacy (which is more than just physical). Again, I’ll say that God designed marriage in such a way that husbands carry the burden of responsibility, not just authority.
When Peter tells wives to submit to their husbands, I want to be clear as to what he’s instructing them to do. What does Peter mean when he tells wives to submit to their husbands?
Submitting to your husband does not mean that you have to abandon your faith in Christ, if your husband is not a believer.
Submitting to your husband does not mean that you should engage in sinful activity, even at your husband’s request.
Submitting to your husband does not mean that you can never disagree with your husband or that you have to give up your voice.
Submitting to your husband does not mean that you must endure physical or emotional abuse. If you find yourself in an abusive situation, please get help. Get out of the abusive environment. Turn to a higher authority, whether that be to the police or to the church. You, as the wife, are called to submit to your husband, but that does not mean that you must endure physical or emotional abuse. Stopping abuse is not only good for your soul, but also for his.
What then does it mean to submit to one’s husband? Submitting to one’s husband means to recognize the God-designed role and responsibilities that your husband ought to carry and to place yourself under his care.
If we haven’t clarified enough, I want to add one last clarification. Wives, submit to your husbands, even if he doesn’t lead you well. We briefly mentioned some of the responsibilities that husbands have been entrusted with. Husbands, in addition to providing, protecting, and caring for their wives, are called to lead sacrificially, spiritually, selflessly, and to lead in intimacy. And so when Peter tells you to submit to your husband, he’s telling you to submit to your husband even when he doesn’t lead you well.
Wives, no matter how long you’ve been married, you have probably noticed that there are many instances when we don’t lead you well. We will fail you through our words, through our actions, and through our intentions. Please, be patient with us. And, at certain times, it’s ok to nudge us in the right direction.
I want to take a moment to praise my wife. This is one of those things that Kalie does really well. In our house, there’s a lot of talk about reading the Bible together and praying together. There have been many times when I would come home after a long day of work and all I wanted to do was eat dinner, unwind, and then go to bed. And so, I’m thankful, even in the moments when I’m tired and being a little lazy, when Kalie gently nudges me to lead her. All she has to say is, “Do you want to read the Bible tonight?” and “Can we pray together?”.
Why does Peter instruct these wives to submit to their husbands? The text answers, “So that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.”
Peter’s primary concern is directed at those husbands who “do not obey the word.” In Petrine language, to disobey the word is equivalent to not knowing the gospel. This falls right in line with what Peter has been saying throughout this epistle: 1 Peter 2:12
Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.
but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,
In telling Christian wives to submit to their husbands, Peter reveals the goal, which is to win their husbands to Christ. To the wife with an unbelieving husband, this would have been an encouraging message. There are countless stories of women who have faithfully prayed for their husbands to come to know the LORD and, after years and years of prayer, after years and years of reflecting Christ in countless situations, after years and years of not repaying his sin with a sin in return, but instead offering grace and forgiveness, after years and years, he finally comes to know the LORD. Don’t give up. Do not lose hope. Continue submitting to your husband, even if he does not believe. Continue reflecting Christ to him, as best you can, in as many ways that you can.
Notice how Peter says, “So that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word.” If you find yourself in a marriage within a non-Christian, or even if your spouse is faltering in his or her faith, Peter offers wise advice that can be applied by both wives and husbands. Words will only get you so far. Instead, Peter is advocating that we also testify Christ through our conduct, over time, even in the face of suffering.
Now, what kind of conduct will win the husband’s heart to Christ? Peter says, “they may be won without a word… when they see your respectful and pure conduct.”
Peter describes the type of conduct that will win over an unbelieving husband as being respectful and pure. The word translated respectful is actually noun form of the word for “fear” and is placed within a prepositional phrase. A better translation of verse 2 would be, “as they see your pure conduct in fear.” As we saw in 1 Peter 2:17, this fear is directed toward God, not toward the one in authority.
One scholar observes, “Peter was not suggesting, therefore, that wives should fear their husbands, nor was he even suggesting that wives should respect their husbands. Instead, Peter’s point was that the good conduct of wives should stem from their relationship with God.”
No matter the context, whether it be within society, within the workplace, or even within the home, your highest authority and the only one worthy of your reverence is God himself. How can we submit to someone who does not exercise their authority over us well? By recognizing that God has placed us within our current situation, according to his sovereign wisdom, and is calling us to do good for his honor and namesake, irrespective of those who lord over us.
As we continue on in our text, Peter offers wives additional instruction to follow. In verses 3-4, he commands, “Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
Now Peter isn’t saying that wives shouldn’t get nice haircuts, wear earrings, or dress nicely. Rather, his purpose was twofold.
First, I think Peter wanted to encourage wives, to encourage you not to invest so much time, money, and energy on your external appearance, especially, to the neglect of your own character. As we read in Proverbs,
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Several years ago, I came across this meme that, as pointed as it was, has burned itself into my memory. It was a cartoon of a woman putting on makeup and the text read, “Maybe you should eat some makeup, so you can be pretty on the inside too.”
I love that line. Maybe I shouldn’t. But I think the point is apt. We live in a culture that champions beauty and at the same time neglects character. There’s an incredible amount of pressure for women to look a certain way and many will go to incredible lengths to become more beautiful.
Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be beautiful or wanting to feel beautiful. I’m glad that I married the most beautiful woman in the world. But it’s important to remember that beauty itself is fleeting.
As you age, things happen to your body. Another year, another wrinkle. Another year, another pound. Another year, another what ever.
And yet, as much as we want to focus on the external, as much as we want to focus on being beautiful, none of that matters to God. Instead, what matters is your character. What matters is your faithful obedience.
Secondly, I think that Peter is trying to redirect wives, encouraging them not to use their beauty as a means of seductive manipulation. If you find yourself within a marriage where your husband does not lead well, where your husband does not know the LORD, or where your husband does not obey God, you may be tempted to use your beauty to steer him in one direction or another. Let me say this as gently and as clearly as I can. Your body is not currency. And this is true for any woman, whether you’re in a marriage or not. Your body is not currency. If you genuinely want your husband to know God better and to lead you better, please do not use your beauty as a means of seductive manipulation. Peter offers us a better way.
Peter tells wives that their adorning should be the hidden person of the heart. Here, he means that the most attractive quality, the quality that will leave the greatest impact, the quality that God cares about most, is not external but internal. Peter’s telling these wives to invest in their character, which he further describes “with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.” Knowing that beauty itself was fleeting, Peter encourages wives to cultivate the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Unfortunately, ladies, I have to be the one to break it to you. Your physical beauty may not last, but your husband will always find your humility, your gentle and quiet and Spirit as your most attractive quality.
In verses 5-6, Abraham points to women from the OT who modeled submission within their marriages. Specifically, he mentions Sarah. the wife of Abraham, who had hoped in God and adorned herself with a submissive spirit.
Now, Sarah certainly modeled obedience well. When Abraham would tell Sarah to present herself as his sister, as they went to a new city and dealt with a new king, she did. She understood they sometimes found themselves in precarious positions, yet she entrusted her life to Abraham. She embodied the gentle and quiet spirit that Peter is talking about here.
However, notice what Peter writes in verse 6: “As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” Whenever there’s an Old Testament allusion or reference, I think it’s imperative to take a moment to research, take a moment to look back and understand why the New Testament author was doing, as he borrowed from another text. Now, we can definitely look to Genesis and see that Sarah obeyed Abraham. But, she only ever called him “lord” once, as it’s recorded in the Old Testament. Genesis 18:11-12 reads:
Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years. The way of women had ceased to be with Sarah. So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?”
Within this narrative, Abraham and Sarah are visited by three visitors, two angels accompanied by the angel of the LORD. In this narrative, Sarah was in the tent, preparing food, when she overheard the LORD say that, in a years time, she would bear a child. And so she laughs, out of doubt and skepticism.
It’s odd that Peter referenced this narrative, which isn’t actually a great moment for Sarah. In trying to identify someone who hoped in God, while obeying her husband, Peter refers to the only recorded moment when Sarah calls Abraham ‘lord’, which just happens to be a moment of doubt.
I believe, along with many scholars, that Peter wasn’t pointing to the entire narrative, but only to this one occasion when Sarah refers to Abraham as her lord. Peter is identifying the type of marital relationship that Sarah found herself in. Sarah viewed her husband as someone to be obeyed and she submitted herself to his care.
Sarah wasn’t perfect. No one is. But Peter references her here as an example of one who submitted to her husband, but put her ultimate hope in God and his promise. We read in Hebrews 11:11,
By faith Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised.
Peter’s instruction to wives ends here, in verse 6, with a commendation. He writes, “And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”
As he encourages wives to submit to their husbands, husbands who are imperfect and will at times fail to love and lead them well, Peter reminds them of Sarah. In effect, he says, “And you will be like her, you will model the same faithful submission, as you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”
Again, we see this phrase “do good.” Within the larger section of the epistle, Peter encourages his readers to persist in doing good, even in the face of suffering. And I believe that’s what he’s after here. Wives, you are called to live out your Christian faith not only within your community, not only within your workplace, but also within your home. Wives are instructed to submit to their husbands, but their higher calling is to do good - that is, to act in such a way that God is glorified and Christ is magnified. This may result in some trouble within the home, especially if your husband is not a Christian or does not consistently obey the LORD. Peter’s final encouragement to you is to persist in doing good, to continue to faithfully live out your Christian identity within the home, even if it brings about tension between you and your spouse. Over time, we hope and pray that his heart would be softened and that he would grow closer to the LORD.
In verse 7, Peter finally turns his attention to husbands. Throughout this section, Peter was trying to identify the different arenas where “doing good” might cause conflict. He identifies one’s relationship with government, one’s relationship with a master/employer, and one’s relationship with a spouse. Specifically, he’s been focused on how to do good within different kinds of relationships with unbelievers, because obeying God would inevitably result in conflict with non-Christians. Within the 1st century Roman Empire, husbands had a bit more social latitude. As we mentioned before, wives were expected to submit to their husbands and would even adopt their husband’s religion as their own. And so, Peter has much less to write to husbands who might find themselves married to unbelieving wives.
In the ESV, verse 7 reads, “Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way.” What Peter actually says, however, is this: “Husbands, live with them according to knowledge.” He does not explain the nature of that knowledge, just as he did not explain the nature of the wives’ “fear” in 3:2. Rather, the implied understanding was that it was a knowledge of God. He’s saying, “Live with them according to your knowledge of God.”
In other words, the husband’s relationship to the LORD should motivate and inform how he relates to his wife.
He continues, “showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel.”
A lot of times, when I’m preparing for a sermon, the words of the text often flow out casually in conversation. You can imagine, then, over the past week or so, I may have reminded Kalie that she is a weaker vessel. Let me say that she did not like that.
When I asked her what she thought about being a weaker vessel, she said, “Obviously, I’m not as strong as you are. I can’t lift as much as you. But I work just as hard as you do and I take care of the home.”
My wife is a rockstar. She is. She hustles more than any other woman I know. I would never, not even for a second, consider her to be a weak person.
But Peter does refer to women as the weaker vessel. What does he mean by that?
I like Thom Schreiner’s understanding of this phrase:
In what sense are women “weaker”? Nothing else in the New Testament suggests that women are intellectually inferior,178 nor is it clear that women are weaker emotionally, for in many ways the vulnerability of women in sharing their emotions and feelings demonstrates that they are more courageous and stronger than men emotionally. Nor did Peter suggest that women are weaker morally or spiritually than men.179 Such a view would suggest that men are actually better Christians than women, which is not taught elsewhere in the Scriptures, nor is it evident in history. The most obvious meaning, therefore, is that women are weaker than men in terms of sheer strength.
With some exceptions, women are physically weaker than men. And so, Husbands, it is our responsibility to lead them with tenderness and care. At no point do you ever have the right to steamroll your wife’s desires, to suppress her voice, or abuse her physically or emotionally. As husbands, we are not to use our physical stature to intimidate or physically force our wives into submission.
Why? Peter gives us, gives husbands, two reasons to honor our wives as the weaker vessel.
First, “your wife is an heir with you of the grace of life.” Here, Peter is playing into the understanding that women in the 1st century would adopt the religion of their husbands. If you were a Christian husband to an unbelieving wife in the 1st century, she would likely go to church with you, fellowship with other believers, serve along side you, even though she did not believe. Peter’s instruction here is that husbands live with their wives according to their knowledge of God and his will. What do you do if you find yourself married to an unbeliever? Love them. But even if they are believes, even if they are Christians, husbands have an even greater motivation to lead their wives with tender care. Christian wives are co-heirs with us in eternal life. They are fellow believers, members of God’s family, and have been given specific talents and spiritual gifts that can edify you as well as the church at large. They are your co-laborers in the great commission.
The second motivation and the final clause of our text this morning is this: “so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Why are husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way, showing them honor as the weaker vessel? Because a failing to do so might hinder your prayers.
Husbands have been given a great responsibility within the marriage relationship. It does not matter how much you give, how much you serve, how much you do in the LORD’s name, if you are not leading and loving your wife well.
Peter tells us that to fail in leading and loving our wives will hinder our prayers, but a more accurate translation would be to “cut off.” Your prayers will be cut off from God. If you think your role as a husband is easy, if you think that you can do all these great things for God outside of the home, all the while neglecting your wife within the home, know that your prayers are cut off from God.
Application
So what do we do with a message like this? Hopefully, not many of us find ourselves married to an unbeliever. But, if you do, know that there is hope for you. Continue to do good, continue to honor God, continue to live out your faith in front of your spouse. If your a wife, remember that your role within the marriage is to place yourself under the care of your husband. If your a husband, remember that your role is to lead and love your wife with tenderness.
Prayer