Respawning
Notes
Transcript
Introduction
Introduction
YouVersion: Respawning
We’re in Luke 15:11-32
Your kids do not come before your spouse
Your kids do not come before your spouse
The oxygen mask principle
Doesn’t mean your spouse is more important than your kids
Means their priority comes before your kids
And that’s largely to the benefit of your kids!
Ice Cube: “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.”
If you think having a good marriage doesn’t affect your kids, you’re wrong!
What do:
90% homeless/runaway
71% high school drop outs
63% of teen suicides
…All have in common? Fatherless homes
Motherless homes aren’t a whole lot better...
Almost 2x more likely to live below the poverty line (21%)
3x more likely to be shacking up
What about kids that grow up in homes with both parents?
50% less likely to get sick
Higher graduation rates
Higher employment rates
If you get divorced - your kids are 91% more likely to get divorced!
What’s the best thing you can do for your kids? Grow a healthy, God-centered marriage
What’s the best thing you can do for your kids? Grow a healthy, God-centered marriage
The Story
The Story
Up to this point, Jesus has told a few parables
Two about finding the lost
Lost sheep, and lost coin
Then He goes to the lost son
We know it from the son’s perspective
but can we learn from the father’s?
This story is about parenting...
But it’s also about how God parents us
We can learn a lot
11 And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. 12 And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them.
In those days, an inheritance could come before or after death
Usually after - this was a special request
Motivated by foolishness and greed - maybe even resentment
As if to say, “You’re dead to me!”
You know how teenagers talk - I hate you, I never want to see you! Can you take me to Jenny’s house?
Jeff Allen: “I believe teenagers are God’s revenge on mankind. It’s like He said, ‘Hey, let’s see how they like it to create something in their own image that denies their existence.’”
1. Your child is always a blessing (and sometimes a burden!)
1. Your child is always a blessing (and sometimes a burden!)
3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Other translations:
Children are a gift or a blessing
It’s easy to forget that!
Bette Davis: “If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.”
When they’re screaming or hitting - seems like a curse!
God didn’t give you children to harm you
If you see children as your blessing, you will speak blessing over them
Especially when they challenge you, perspective is important
In this story, the son will be a blessing, even though it’s not looking good
13 Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. 14 And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. 16 And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.
You can’t control everything your child does
When they’re little it’s easier
I didn’t say easy… easier!
As they grow, they become independent - make their own decisions
With Ronnie, I wanted him to play hockey
He loved video games, so I learned to let him be himself
Sometimes your kids want to make mistakes
You can try and stop them by being super strict...
But eventually they will have to make their own decisions
Here’s what you need to know:
2. Your child will fail
2. Your child will fail
You kid isn’t perfect!
Born with a sin nature, not a theological one
It’s amazing how little ones learn how to lie
Ronnie grabbing the cookies at 3
I was getting this for mom
If you don’t want it I’ll have it!
No 3 year old is worrying about character development!
Part of that journey is learning and maturing
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
So have your kids, and they will continue!
The question is, what do you do with them when they sin?
In this story, the father let’s the son make a mistake
Now he’s paying for it
Protecting your kids from repercussions doesn’t help them
Remember the term “affluenza?” from 2013
Ethan Couch was 16 when he was driving drunk - killed 4 people
He was given probation because of “affluenza”
Because his parents never punished him, he didn’t know right from wrong
Later violated probation and caused a big outrage
It’s important that your kids face consequences of their actions
God certainly lets us face ours!
He gives us grace and mercy, but there are still repercussions for our choices
When earthly parents model the love of a heavenly Father who “sees not as man sees,” we give our [children] permission to measure beauty differently than their peers: by focusing not merely on the outward appearance, but on the heart.
Why? Let’s see:
17 “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! 18 I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.” ’
Interesting that the son who faces consequences learned something!
There’s also a longer-term lesson here
Frederick Douglass: “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
As the prodigal sat with the pigs (which were unclean), he didn’t blame his dad, his brother, his boss...
He saw HIS mistake
In fact, he realized he mistreated his father
Of course you don’t want to see your kid sitting in pig slop...
But taking them out won’t change the choices they’ve made to put them there
It just shows them there is no repercussion for their actions
Instead, the son was able to return back to truth
6 Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
It’s the stuff you institute that will show up later
Ever look in the mirror and see your parents?
You didn’t even know what they taught you went so deep!
When their little, their attitude is cute!
When their 22 still acting that way… not so cute!
What does that tell us?
3. Parenting your child is your responsibility
3. Parenting your child is your responsibility
Parenting is not the job of their teacher, youth pastor, coach, the police...
It’s yours!
They say it’s takes a village to raise a child, but as their parent you are the chief!
Kid who was failed by the school
As a senior, he passed 3 classes, failed 222 and was late/absent 272 days
Now, he has to go back as a freshman and mom is mad
"Why would he do three more years in school? He didn't fail. The school failed him. The school failed at their job. They failed. They failed, that's the problem here. They failed. They failed. He didn't deserve that."
I’ve hidden a few report cards in my day...
But there’s no excuse now!
Every parent has access to grades
Blaming everyone else when your kid fails, when you fail is wrong!
You kids are your responsibility!
In this case, the father taught the son what is right
Held him to the standard
And let him fall when he chose not to listen
This teaches us a lot about our relationship with God
Has God taught us right and wrong? Yes!
Does He hold us to that standard? Yes!
Will He let us fall if we choose? Yes!
Does that make Him a failure? No!
This is the best part:
20 And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. 21 And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ 22 But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. 23 And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
As soon as the father sees His son, it’s all over!
With God there is no “I told you so!”
Well, well! Look who’s back!
Just pure love and joy!
When we come back, we’re not coming back to church, back to friends...
We’re coming back to God!
Likewise, the son doesn’t come back just for food or a home or his friends...
He comes back to his father!
Man I’ve been there!
Coming back to God is incredible!
If you’re going to be a Godly parent, know this:
4. Children need your grace and love
4. Children need your grace and love
The son gives his prepared speech
Father doesn’t even acknowledge that
He’s so happy he just begins loving him!
Now, he doesn’t take away the fact that his inheritance is gone...
But he celebrate’s his return to his full position as a son
The robe, ring and shoes weren’t necessities
They are tokens of honor
God wants to honor us, even when we don’t deserve it!
As parents, our kids need our grace and love too
Jen Wilkin: “When earthly parents model the love of a heavenly Father who “sees not as man sees,” we give our [children] permission to measure beauty differently than their peers: by focusing not merely on the outward appearance, but on the heart.”
Acknowledging failure is important...
But showing love in spite of that failure is how God changes hearts
But the story isn’t over!
25 “Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. 27 And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ 28 But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, 29 but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’
There’s an important lesson here
Obviously, even the “good” son is messed up
But that’s not what I want to highlight
Realize this:
5. Not every child is the same
5. Not every child is the same
When Ronnie was little, you could smack him with a tree limb
He’d get up and get right back in your face!
With Gracie, just saying “Oh Gracie...”
She’d break down like you ran over her kitten!
Different kids, different problems!
For the younger son, he liked prodigal living
Greed, disrespect, fornication...
The older son had other problems!
Arrogance, bitterness and jealousy
Which one is worse? YES! They’re both bad!
Did Jesus scrutinize fornicators! Sure!
How did He feel about people that thought they were righteous?
Pharisees, sadducees… He was MORE critical of their behavior!
Why? Because one side recognized their behavior...
The other boasted in it...
We’re not just trying to raise kids that look good...
Those are the ones we think of as easy
We want something more, look here:
31 And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. 32 It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’ ”
Here’s what we truly want for our kids:
6. The aim of parenting is Godliness
6. The aim of parenting is Godliness
We often aim in the wrong direction
My son went to Harvard at 16, got a doctorate degree, became a professor at Berkley, built his own home, published an essay across many notable newspapers and became world famous!
That’t the kind of son you can be proud of!
Except I’m talking about Ted Kaczynski (The Unabomber)
If directing your child doesn’t produce Godliness, what value is there really?
Mark Driscoll: “You can raise a very obedient kid that goes to hell… The goal is to be with them in the presence of God forever.”
Listen, you’re not going to be perfect
Jill Churchill: "There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one."
Conclusion
Conclusion
Let me pull away from parenting as we close
Not all of us are parents...
But we’re all sons and daughters
You know what I love about this?
The way the father responds to the accusations
First, son, even though you’re wrong, I’m going to love you too
All I have is yours...
But don’t try to stop me from celebrating my son
Yeah he messed up, he squandered my money, he slept with pigs, he committed all sorts of sin
But I WILL celebrate his return!
It is not up for discussion, I’m not comparing him to you, I won’t stop to make you feel better
That failure over there is MY son, I am thrilled he is here
That’s the kind of dad I want
And that’s the kind of dad who loves you now
You think you’ve gone too far? Nope!
He’s waiting to run out to you the second you turn around
He wants to dance with joy at your return
Until then He sits and waits for you...
Prayer
Prayer
