Genesis #28: The Blessing - Overcoming Envy and Bitterness

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On Friday night we had a football game at the HS, we lost pretty bad, it wasn’t fun. But one thing that happened before the game was pretty funny. I know the coach there, I’d even call him a friend, even though we have our differences. But before the game we were running plays over the midfield line… that’s a no no in football. You stay on your side, we stay on our side. It’s an unspoken rule… may even be a written rule, I don’t know. But on Friday we were over the line and the coach for the other team got HOT.

He went on to use that as another thing to fire up his team as though we were doing it to disrespect them or something.

He was fired up… I thought it was pretty comical.

I’ve been motivated by perceived wrong doing

It made me think of all the other ways I’ve allowed how I perceived things to lead me to to do things I normally wouldn't do.

It’s not just when someone wrongs me that have done this… I’ve been motivated by other people’s success

We can be motivated in all sorts of ways, but in today’s text I want to talk about these two that scripture makes clear are unhealthy.

Up to this point, you may have thought that Jacob’s family was a bit mixed up… they had problems. Well after today you will know for sure they are.

Envy and Bitterness.

I think of envy as that emotion that comes from feeling you deserve what others got. It comes by way of comparing ourselves to others.

While Bitterness is an emotion that comes from feeling wronged by someone, or that they took something from you. An offense… even a perceived offense is usually where bitterness starts.

This is why I love Bible, because things like this we don’t make public. We don’t share these sorts of things. But that doesn’t make them a reality.

When we read stories like this in the Bible, it forces us to look at our own lives and it’s becomes like a mirror where we see… yep, I’ve done that before too.

Let’s get started in Genesis 30.

Genesis 30:1–24 NIV

1 When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” 2 Jacob became angry with her and said, “Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?” 3 Then she said, “Here is Bilhah, my servant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and I too can build a family through her.” 4 So she gave him her servant Bilhah as a wife. Jacob slept with her, 5 and she became pregnant and bore him a son. 6 Then Rachel said, “God has vindicated me; he has listened to my plea and given me a son.” Because of this she named him Dan. 7 Rachel’s servant Bilhah conceived again and bore Jacob a second son. 8 Then Rachel said, “I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won.” So she named him Naphtali. 9 When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her servant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife. 10 Leah’s servant Zilpah bore Jacob a son. 11 Then Leah said, “What good fortune!” So she named him Gad. 12 Leah’s servant Zilpah bore Jacob a second son. 13 Then Leah said, “How happy I am! The women will call me happy.” So she named him Asher. 14 During wheat harvest, Reuben went out into the fields and found some mandrake plants, which he brought to his mother Leah. Rachel said to Leah, “Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.” 15 But she said to her, “Wasn’t it enough that you took away my husband? Will you take my son’s mandrakes too?” “Very well,” Rachel said, “he can sleep with you tonight in return for your son’s mandrakes.” 16 So when Jacob came in from the fields that evening, Leah went out to meet him. “You must sleep with me,” she said. “I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.” So he slept with her that night. 17 God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son. 18 Then Leah said, “God has rewarded me for giving my servant to my husband.” So she named him Issachar. 19 Leah conceived again and bore Jacob a sixth son. 20 Then Leah said, “God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons.” So she named him Zebulun. 21 Some time later she gave birth to a daughter and named her Dinah. 22 Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and enabled her to conceive. 23 She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, “God has taken away my disgrace.” 24 She named him Joseph, and said, “May the Lord add to me another son.”

The Problem of Envy

This isn’t the first time in scripture we have seen envy at work in the people of God.

In Genesis 4, we read about Cain and Abel.

Genesis 4:4–5 ESV

4 and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, 5 but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell.

Then it led to the first murder.

In the new testament, there is a record of this same envious motivation recorded and it is at the arrest of Jesus.

Mark 15:9–10 ESV

9 And he answered them, saying, “Do you want me to release for you the King of the Jews?” 10 For he perceived that it was out of envy that the chief priests had delivered him up.

Envy is very closely related to Jealousy, and in our story while it didn’t lead to murder with Rachel and Leah, it certainly led to a twisted family.

Look at the language used, Rachel makes it clear, naming her son Naphtali… for she was struggling with her sister.

It’s not hard to read between the lines here that there was plenty of comparing going on. Constantly complaining about what she got and what I don’t have.

That’s not a happy life… you know that if you have ever been in that situation where all you do is compare and complain.

Envy spoils life.

Life is meant to be enjoyed… but envy steals joy.

Children are supposed to bring joy to our lives, but when we have to name them

Struggle… or I’m lucky.... or One more… or my reward

As pastor Andy Stanley is known to say… there is no win in comparison.

When we are focused on what others have and we don’t - dissatisfaction in life is sure to follow… because there is always some one who has it better than we do.

richer… smarter kids… fancier vacations… better decorated houses… better football teams.

When we start to see what we have, or the people in our lives as less than … envy begins to rot the relationships in our lives.

As Greek philosopher Socrates said.

That pretty much sums up the problem of envy… we might be able to channel it to motivate us to accomplish things, even great things… but along the way, it consumes us as well.

Let’s continue in the text. We see another driving emotion at play.

First though, remember what has happened to Jacob. He left home on the run from his brother, he came to his uncles for protection and to find a wife. He agreed to work for 7 years for the love of his life, Rachel… love at first sight. Only to be tricked by that same uncle Laban into marrying Leah first, then Rachel in exchange for 14 years of labor.

Now, several years and several children into this deception, in Genesis 30:25

Genesis 30:25–43 NIV

25 After Rachel gave birth to Joseph, Jacob said to Laban, “Send me on my way so I can go back to my own homeland. 26 Give me my wives and children, for whom I have served you, and I will be on my way. You know how much work I’ve done for you.” 27 But Laban said to him, “If I have found favor in your eyes, please stay. I have learned by divination that the Lord has blessed me because of you.” 28 He added, “Name your wages, and I will pay them.” 29 Jacob said to him, “You know how I have worked for you and how your livestock has fared under my care. 30 The little you had before I came has increased greatly, and the Lord has blessed you wherever I have been. But now, when may I do something for my own household?” 31 “What shall I give you?” he asked. “Don’t give me anything,” Jacob replied. “But if you will do this one thing for me, I will go on tending your flocks and watching over them: 32 Let me go through all your flocks today and remove from them every speckled or spotted sheep, every dark-colored lamb and every spotted or speckled goat. They will be my wages. 33 And my honesty will testify for me in the future, whenever you check on the wages you have paid me. Any goat in my possession that is not speckled or spotted, or any lamb that is not dark-colored, will be considered stolen.” 34 “Agreed,” said Laban. “Let it be as you have said.” 35 That same day he removed all the male goats that were streaked or spotted, and all the speckled or spotted female goats (all that had white on them) and all the dark-colored lambs, and he placed them in the care of his sons. 36 Then he put a three-day journey between himself and Jacob, while Jacob continued to tend the rest of Laban’s flocks. 37 Jacob, however, took fresh-cut branches from poplar, almond and plane trees and made white stripes on them by peeling the bark and exposing the white inner wood of the branches. 38 Then he placed the peeled branches in all the watering troughs, so that they would be directly in front of the flocks when they came to drink. When the flocks were in heat and came to drink, 39 they mated in front of the branches. And they bore young that were streaked or speckled or spotted. 40 Jacob set apart the young of the flock by themselves, but made the rest face the streaked and dark-colored animals that belonged to Laban. Thus he made separate flocks for himself and did not put them with Laban’s animals. 41 Whenever the stronger females were in heat, Jacob would place the branches in the troughs in front of the animals so they would mate near the branches, 42 but if the animals were weak, he would not place them there. So the weak animals went to Laban and the strong ones to Jacob. 43 In this way the man grew exceedingly prosperous and came to own large flocks, and female and male servants, and camels and donkeys.

The Problem of Bitterness

These two, bitterness and envy, can go hand in hand. Not necessarily, but we have all probably seen it.

Just like with envy, when we allow bitterness to sprout in our lives, we give control of our lives to another.

Now for Jacob, there was large reason for him to mistrust his Uncle Laban, even reason for him to try to deceive his uncle after the way he had been treated. He had been lied to, tricked into marrying a woman he didn’t love, now upon agreeing on payment, his payment was stripped of him.

Normally, we would never get to this point. Usually the relationship is destroyed before we get this far.

For us, usually it’s just a small offense… or even a perceived offense.

You felt slighted… something you said was misunderstood… or you misunderstood what someone said

Just a little thing… a seed of offense… but we let it grow…

A seed of offense grows into a root of bitterness

IT doesn’t grow on it’s own… we actually encourage it to grow by the way we give the offense space in our thoughts.

We continually think about it, remembering the offense and rehearsing it… thinking what we should have done or could have done to make things different.

As it grows:

To the point that - We easily see the bad in others.

This takes us off the hook - We feel justified in criticizing and gossiping.

And when they face hardship… We secretly celebrate their misfortunes.

Who wants to be around that… only other bitter people… world is against us.

Just like Envy…

Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. - Maya Angelou

That’s why scripture is as clear about the problem of bitterness as it is that of envy:

Hebrews 12:14–15 NIV

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

Jacob and his family struggled with envy and bitterness for one reason… they are human.

The same reason you and I do.

But God didn’t want us to just struggle with it, God’s revelation in scripture is to show us how to overcome this human tendency.

Becoming an Overcomer

When it comes to overcoming our tendency to envy… instead of getting caught up in the comparison trap, complaining about all that we don’t have.

Becoming an Overcomer, Step 1: Celebrate what God is doing

Instead of comparing and complaining… step one to becoming an overcomer is to CELEBRATE

There’s no win in comparison

1 Thessalonians 5:16–18 NIV

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Celebrate - What God is doing in others

Celebrate - What God is doing in you

Scripture teaches us that Satan came to kill, steal and destroy. One of the ways he does this is by tempting us to be envious of one another. But Jesus came to give life, and one way we experience life in it’s fullness is by loving one another.

Celebrate what God is doing.

remember - rehearse… release

Becoming an Overcomer, Step 2: Release what God has done

Ephesians 4:31–32 NIV

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

The past can remind me, but it won’t define me.

Release Forgiveness - I am forgiven

While your list of sins may not be a mile long like that person who hurt you… you do have a list… and God forgave you… and it is through forgiveness that God can change that other person… just like he has changed you.

Every time the memory that triggers you comes up… forgive… trigger - forgive…trigger - forgive… eventually it becomes just a memory.

Release Blessings … love one another, just as Christ has loved you

I can’t… thats the point.

We get the idea that God wouldn’t ask us to do anything we can’t do. That’s not true.

Here is one of those where God clearly asks us to do something that in our own power is impossible, to forgive.

I can’t.... God can… HE wants to help us

1 John 5:4–5 ESV

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

Today is the day to overcome.

Pray for people wanting God’s help to overcome envy and bitterness

Envy and bitterness are signs on a road that lead to death. Perhaps you have never become a Christian

Pray for those to be saved from sin and death

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