RW360 - Session # 3 - Relationships Are Three-Dimensional
Relational Wisdom • Sermon • Submitted
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Introduction
Introduction
Relationships Are Three-Dimensional
Relationships Are Three-Dimensional
You Are Designed to Relate to God, Self, and Others
You Are Designed to Relate to God, Self, and Others
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart… and love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39
Relational wisdom is a theology for life
Relational wisdom is a theology for life
The Bible provides a highly effective way to deal with relationships and the emotions that fuel them. These truths may be organized into a discipleship paradigm called “relational wisdom” or simply “RW.”
Relationships are three-dimensional
And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
God
Self
Others
Relationships involve two dynamics
But Jesus, aware of this, said to them, “Why do you trouble the woman? For she has done a beautiful thing to me.
Aware – What do I know? (Knowledge)
Engaging – What will I do? (Action)
Biblical Synonyms
Biblical Synonyms
The six skills or disciplines of relational wisdom are described by a variety of biblical words, such as: remember, faithful, humble, disciplined, compassionate and serving.
Values-based RW
Values-based RW
If you do not believe in God or actively think about his role in your life, you still need to be aware of the fact that outside values are constantly influencing your relationships; that is, you still need to be “Values-Aware” and “Values-Engaging.”
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.
And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
Practice the SOG Plan
Practice the SOG Plan
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” Psalm 42:5-6
Relational wisdom can be summarized with simple acrostics
Relational wisdom can be summarized with simple acrostics
The Christian church has used acrostics for centuries to help Christians learn biblical truths. For example, the letters in the Greek word for fish came to stand for “Jesus Christ God’s Son Savior.”
This practice is helpful for learning the principles of relational wisdom, which are so simple that a child can apply them, and yet so intricate and robust that you can spend the rest of your life exploring and applying them. For example: To be relationally wise in all situations…
Practice the SOG Plan
Practice the SOG Plan
Self-Aware: How am I feeling and acting?
Self-Aware: How am I feeling and acting?
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
What am I feeling? Why?
What do I feel like doing? What are the likely consequences?
What can I do instead?
Other-Aware: How are others feeling and how am I affecting them?
Other-Aware: How are others feeling and how am I affecting them?
Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.
What do others seem to feel? Need? Want? Fear?
How am I impacting others?
Is this really the best time to talk, counsel or correct?
How can I serve, love or forgive others?
God-Aware: Where is God leading me?
God-Aware: Where is God leading me?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.
Who is God? What is he like? What is he doing?
Am I acting in faith or unbelief?
Do I trust in him or in myself?
What difference does the gospel make?
How can I pray? What Scriptures can guide me?
How can I show that I love, trust and obey God above all things?
RW Can Start Anywhere on the Circle
RW Can Start Anywhere on the Circle
Although the ideal approach to life is to be constantly God-aware, you will often be focused on other things. So when relational issues arise, you may first sense an inner turmoil
(self-awareness, see
I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted.
or see that another person is distressed (other-awareness, see
And Elkanah, her husband, said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?”
Regardless of where you begin your response to a relational issue, you can develop the habit of always looking at it from all three perspectives: God, self, others (Ps. 77:3-20 | Matt. 22:37-38 | Eph. 4:30-32). Do this not just once, but repeatedly, using repeated 360s to understand and improve the relationship.
Emotional Intelligence Is a Form of Common Grace
Emotional Intelligence Is a Form of Common Grace
“For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.” Matthew 5:45
God graciously shares knowledge of his creation with all people
God graciously shares knowledge of his creation with all people
General revelation is a knowledge of God’s existence, character and moral and physical laws that he gives to all humanity generally through studying nature and through an inner sense of God’s existence and laws. Gen. 1:27 | Ps. 19:1-4 | Rom. 1:20; 2:14-15 | Acts 17:26-29
Common grace is the grace that God pours out on all people, whether they believe in him or not, to give them innumerable blessings that are not
necessarily part of salvation. This grace includes knowledge, health, prosperity, happiness and peace, as well as the ability to comprehend and respond (imperfectly) to what God reveals through general revelation. Matt. 5:45 | Acts 14:16-17 | Ps. 145:9,15-16 | Rom. 2:14-15
Through general revelation and common grace, God gives both believers and nonbelievers insights into the laws of nature (physics, medicine, etc.) as well
as insights into how humans behave and can form healthy relationships and stable societies (psychology, emotional intelligence, sociology, law, etc.).
Emotional intelligence provides valuable insights into human relationships
Emotional intelligence provides valuable insights into human relationships
By God’s grace, secular studies on emotional intelligence (which address four of the six skills of relational wisdom) have produced valuable insights on human neurology and behavior. Dan Goleman’s writings, including his best selling book, Emotional Intelligence, are particularly insightful.2 Therefore, we can gain a great deal of useful knowledge from these studies.
Emotional intelligence has a major deficiency
Emotional intelligence has a major deficiency
Unfortunately, teachings on emotional intelligence typically ignore God’s existence, the reality of sin, and the redeeming work of Jesus Christ. As a result,
traditional teaching on EI lacks an objective moral compass. The primary motivation for improving EI is personal advancement. And apart from the transforming power of the gospel, change depends entirely on human effort.
Moreover, an increasing number of articles are highlighting “the dark side of EI,” namely, the fact that unprincipled people with exceptional emotional intelligence often use those skills to manipulate others for their own advantage
Christians have a unique opportunity to cure this deficiency by teaching and modeling a God-centered, biblically-grounded and gospel-driven form of emotional intelligence, namely, relational wisdom.
Relational Wisdom Involves Six Life-Enriching Skills
Relational Wisdom Involves Six Life-Enriching Skills
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” Proverbs 9:10
In real life, people live both inside and outside the RW circle
In real life, people live both inside and outside the RW circle
Even King David vacillated between relational wisdom and foolishness.
-
In his youth 1 Sam. 17, 24:
remembered, faithful, humble, disciplined, compassionate, serving.
- Later in life 2 Sam. 11:
forgot, fickle, proud, indulgent, insensitive, manipulative
Relationships improve as we learn to relate to others in increasingly wise ways
Relationships improve as we learn to relate to others in increasingly wise ways
Foolishness → Wisdom
Forget → Remember
Fickle → Faithful
Proud → Humble
Indulgent → Disciplined
Insensitive → Compassionate
Manipulative → Serving
With practice, these six skills or disciplines can become habits
With practice, these six skills or disciplines can become habits
• God-Awareness (remember) is the ability to view all of life in the light of God’s character, works and promises.
Prov. 9:10 | 1 Chron. 16:12 | Ps. 77:11-12; 111:2-3; 103 | Rom. 8:28-39 | Eph. 3:14-19 | 2 Pet. 1:3-8
• God-Engagement (faithfulness) is the ability to trust, obey and imitate God in a way that pleases and honors him.
Deut. 10:12-13 | 1 Kings 3:6 | Prov. 3:5-6 | Matt. 25:21 | John 14:15 | 1 Cor. 10:31-11:1 | Eph. 5:1-2
• Self-Awareness (humility) is the ability to honestly discern your own emotions, interests, values, strengths and weaknesses.
1 Peter 5:5 | Ps. 139:23-24 | James 4:1-3 | Mark 7:21-23 | 2 Tim. 2:22
• Self-Engagement (discipline) is the ability to manage your thoughts, emotions, words and actions so that they advance God’s purposes. Gal. 5:22-23 | Matt. 16:24-25 | John 8:29 | Titus 2:11-12
• Other-Awareness (compassion) is the ability to understand and empathize with the experiences, emotions and interests of others.
Mark 6:34 | Luke 10:30-37 | 1 Pet. 3:8 | Phil. 2:3-4
Other-Engagement (service) is the ability to encourage, cooperate and resolve differences with others in a mutually beneficial way. Mark 10:42-45 | John 12:24-26 | 1 Thess. 5:14-15 | 1 Pet. 3:8-9
Conclusion
Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress.
Practice
Immerse
All
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Invitation to trust Jesus personally
Oppressed by the burden of religious legalism
Eternal rest for all who seek forgiveness of their sins and freedom from crushing legalism and guilt of trying to earn salvation by doing good works.
We are to get to work, learning from Christ, in discipleship, and we will find lasting rest through a simple commitment to Him alone
Discussion Questions
Discussion Questions
What new thoughts have you had since reading and studying Relational Wisdom Lesson # 3 or from Hearing James’ message.What verse from this study will you commit to meditating on and memorizing this week? Write it down. Share it with others.
Pondering, Personalizing, and Practicing:
Pondering, Personalizing, and Practicing:
What is the main point of the study? __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Learn
Learn
What did I learn?
Where has my thinking, beliefs, and values been challenged in this study?
Do I find any of the characteristics ways of thinking or behaving of the ungodly in my life?
List and describe those areas in which I struggle.
Love
Love
What does this study teach me about God?
Has my thinking about God changed?
How have I learned to love God more and others selflessly as a result of this passage?
Have I learned ways that I have acted unlovingly towards others that I must change?
Live
Live
What are the practical steps that I can take to apply to what I have learned in this study?
Where must I change?
What do I need to repent and confess?
How will pondering and personalizing truth from this study change how I live my life today and moving forward?
Praying (ACTS)
Praying (ACTS)
What specific things can I pray adoring God because of what I learned in this study?
What specific things do I need to confess based on what I learned from this study?
What specific things do I need to thank God for based on what I learned from this study?
What specific things do I need to request in prayer (supplication) based on what I learned from this study?