MasterClass: Dealing with Difficult People

Love your Enemies

Matt 5:43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?

Jesus’ teaching here develops a principle already present in the law: one should not allow personal animosity to prevent acts of kindness or justice[1]

Whereas the biblical command to love neighbors (Lev 19:18) included foreigners in the land (Lev 19:33–34; cf. Lk 10:27–37) and implied doing right even to one’s personal enemy (Ex 23:4–5)[2]

Love obeys the golden rule

Loving your enemies as Jesus loved us (while we were sinners, aka enemies)

When you love your enemy, you will act in truth, not feeling.

Love responds with mercy not vengeance

Love will act in self-sacrifice, not out of self-service.

Boundaries

Boundaries are a good thing

You might think that setting boundaries is selfish or hard to reconcile with your faith, but it's not. Setting boundaries actually makes you more loving towards others by showing them how much you care about yourself and what's important to you.

Here's an example. Let's say you take ownership of your time by declining to babysit for a friend every week, and he gets upset and stops talking to you. Are you hurting him? No, because he is being unreasonable. If this behavior continues, then the relationship isn't worth keeping alive if it can't survive with boundaries.

Biblical Examples

Luke 5:15 But now even more the report about him went abroad, and great crowds gathered to hear him and to be healed of their infirmities. 16 But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.

John 11:54 Jesus therefore no longer walked openly among the Jews, but went from there to the region near the wilderness, to a town called Ephraim, and there he stayed with the disciples.

Mt 16:23 But he turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”

Forgiveness

Jesus Words

Matthew 6:14, 15 NIV – For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 18:21-22 NIV – Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'

Mark 11:25 NLT – But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.

Myths about forgiveness

Forgiveness is not a feeling

Forgiveness is not pretending you were not hurt

Forgiveness is not condoning what a person did to you

Forgiveness is not trusting the offender

Forgiveness is not relieving the person of responsibility

Forgiveness is supernatural and unachievable without God

[1] Craig S. Keener, The Gospel of Matthew: A Socio-Rhetorical Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI; Cambridge, U.K.: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 2009), 202.

[2] Ibid., 203.