Forgiveness: Looking at the Process
Forgiveness: The Pathway To Freedom • Sermon • Submitted
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INTRODUCTION:
A- Recap
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is the act of setting someone free from an obligation to you that is a result of a wrong done against you. The debt is forgiven when you free your debtor of his or her obligation to pay back what is owed to you (or perceived to be owed to you).
In the last message of this series, we focused on some key principles about the process of forgiveness:
Forgiveness encompasses more than self. - It is a kingdom issue.
Forgiveness entails making the sobering realization that we forgive because we have been forgiven.
Forgiveness (we have received) enables (and requires) us to move in grace and mercy toward others.
In reality, forgiveness is the essence of the gospel.
The expression of the redemption/restoration Jesus is working in His creation.
The denial of the power of sin (or its consequences) in our lives.
The expression of the image of God and your identity in Christ - this is one of the major ways that you demonstrate the power of God at work in your life
Additionally forgiveness is
undeserved (you are not declaring the person to be righteous)
costly
glorifying to God and
beneficial for you -
powerful
Today we are going to look at the actual process of forgiveness. Essentially the question we will be trying to answer is “How can I forgive?”
B- Reality
1- There are only 3 possible responses to sin committed against us: Rage, bitterness, and forgiveness.
“Someone may have robbed you of some happiness, reputation, opportunity, or certain aspects of your freedom. No price tag can be put on such things, yet we still have a sense of violated justice that does not go away when the other person says, "I'm really sorry." When we are seriously wronged we have an indelible sense that the perpetrators have incurred a debt that must be dealt with. Once you have been wronged and you realize there is a just debt that can't simply be dismissed-there are only two things to do.
Rage – losing your temper – the attempt to make someone atone for their sin against us by causing them pain.
The first option is to seek ways to make the perpetrators suffer for what they have done. You can withhold relationship and actively initiate or passively wish for some kind of pain in there lives commensurate to what you experience. There are many ways to do this. You can viciously confront them, saying things that hurt. You can go around to others to tarnish their reputation. If the perpetrators suffer, you may begin to feel a certain satisfaction, feeling that they are now paying off their debt.
There are some problems with this option, however. You may become harder and colder, more self-pitying, and therefore more self-absorbed. If the wrongdoer was a person of wealth or authority you may instinctively dislike and resist that sort of person for the rest of your life. If it was a person of the opposite sex or another race you might become permanently cynical and prejudiced against whole classes of people. In addition, the perpetrator and his friends and family often feel they have the right to respond to your payback in kind. Cycles of reaction and retaliation can go on for years Evil has been done to you-yes. But when you try to get payment through revenge the evil does not disappear. Instead it spreads, and it spreads most tragically of all into you and your own character.” – Keller in Reason for God.
Bitterness – holding a grudge – the response of turning anger inward so that it festers inside us and while we may or may not act on it, it is our desire to wound the other person.
Unforgiveness locks us into reliving the past
Unforgiveness robs me off my ability to enjoy the blessing of God currently. (Taste metaphor - ever taste something so strong that it ruined the taste of something else?)
Unforgiveness causes me to see reality unclearly. (Photo filters - changing the color of all images in life)
Forgiveness - refusing to make them pay for what they did. However, to refrain from lashing out at someone when you want to do so with all your being is agony. It is a form of suffering. You not only suffer the original loss of happiness, reputation, and opportunity, but now you forgo the consolation of inflicting the same on them. You are absorbing the debt, taking the cost of it completely on yourself instead of taking it out of the other person. It hurts terribly. Many people would say it feels like a kind of death.
Yes, but it is a death that leads to resurrection instead of the lifelong living death of bitterness and cynicism....If they simply refuse to take vengeance on the wrongdoer in action and even in their inner fantasies-the anger slowly begins to subside. You are not giving it any fuel and so the resentment burns lower and lower....Forgiveness must be granted before it can be felt, but it does come eventually. It leads to a new peace, a resurrection. It is the only way to stop the spread of the evil.” - Tim Keller, Reason for God
12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.
15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.
17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.
So how do I forgive? Take the following steps (typically in prayer)
1. Recognize the sin committed against you and address the pain it has caused. (Colossians 3:13a)
1. Recognize the sin committed against you and address the pain it has caused. (Colossians 3:13a)
13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
(χαριζόμενοι ἑαυτοῖς ἐάν τις πρός τινα ἔχῃ μομφήν)
Forbearing one another (ἀνεχομενοι ἀλληλων). Present middle (direct) participle of ἀνεχω with the ablative case (ἀλληλων), “holding yourselves back from one another.” Forgiving each other (χαριζομενοι ἑαυτοις). Present middle participle also of χαριζομαι with the dative case of the reflexive pronoun (ἑαυτοις) instead of the reciprocal just before (ἀλληλων). If any man have (ἐαν τις ἐχῃ ). Third class condition (ἐαν and present active subjunctive of ἐχω). Complaint (μομφην). Old word from μεμφομαι, to blame. Even as the Lord (καθως και ὁ Κυριος). Some MSS. read Χριστος for Κυριος . But Christ’s forgiveness of us is here made the reason for our forgiveness of others.
A- Recognition of the offence and the resulting pain is necessary for healing.
1- Like the proper diagnosis of a disease is necessary to its treatment.
2- Like confession of personal sin against God is needed to properly deal with it.
(1 John 1:9)
9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
2. Remember the gospel and God’s forgiveness given to you. (Colossians 3:13b, 16)
2. Remember the gospel and God’s forgiveness given to you. (Colossians 3:13b, 16)
13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.
A- Remember the forgiveness that God has extended to you. (Colossians 3:13b)
13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
B- Recognize that the Gospel (in all of its richness) is to impact every area of your life. (Colossians 3:16a)
16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.
1- This includes your relationships with other people.
3. Release them of the debt they owe you. (Colossians 3:13b, 17)
3. Release them of the debt they owe you. (Colossians 3:13b, 17)
13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.
A- Forgiveness of others is an absolute necessity for us in following Jesus.
B- Forgiveness of others is the way that we represent Christ to a lost world.
4. Relinquish your resentment and bitterness toward them (Colossians 3:12, 15)
4. Relinquish your resentment and bitterness toward them (Colossians 3:12, 15)
12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
A- Relinquishing resentment and bitterness is necessary to living out the life Jesus has placed within us. (Colossians 3:12)
12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
(Ephesians 4:31-32)
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.
32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
(Ephesians 4:26, 27, 29)
26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,
27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
B- Remember that God’s desire is for us to experience peace, not strife. (Colossians 3:15)
15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
CONCLUSION:
A- The process of forgiveness begins with prayer.
Matthew 5:43-44: “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!
Praying for the person who has hurt you is one of the best ways to outwardly act on the forgiveness you are giving.
If you find you are struggling to forgive, walk back through this process.
Sometimes I have to go through this repeatedly.
Also, ask God to help you to understand His forgiveness given to you and extend it to the other person.
The process of reconciliation begins after the process of forgiveness.
Now what?