Winning an Unsaved Husband/Wife/Spouse
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Winning an Unsaved Husband/Wife/Spouse
Winning an Unsaved Husband/Wife/Spouse
The following are actual statements/questions that I have heard first hand.
Husband #1 - “What happened to my wife?”
Husband #2 - “We’re going to become some of those born-again Baptists.”
Spouse who was a new believer - “Does the Old Testament principle that believers should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers and referenced by Paul in 2 Cor 6:14 apply to marriage meaning that - that I should not marry the person with whom I have been living ? - that I can or should divorce my unbelieving spouse?
Believers are part of society. They/we cannot escape that. We are all part of an extended society - 1 Peter 3:13-17. Most of us are or have been involved in workplace relationships - 1 Peter 3:18-25. We are employed or the employers. In addition to that, all of us are or have been part of a family unit. Statistics Canada records indicate that more than 80% of Canadians are or have been is some kind of spousal relationship. That classification of spousal relationship varies from region to region. It is worth noting that the nature of work relationships also varies from region. Some regions have higher percentages of those who have ongoing unofficial work relationships and are paid under the table.
All of these relationship spheres interconnect.
In all of these relationship spheres the way that we live as believers is important and speaks volumes. The smaller the sphere, the more important the integrity of our walk and witness. As Peter directs our attention to this next sphere, we need to consider and remember the context. Peter is not singling out women. It does seem that the freedom and worth that some women sensed and realized in Christ was being abused a bit, not the women themselves. In addition to the others spheres and segments of those spheres, Peter deals with husbands and later relationships with other believers - all of you - 1 Peter 3:9-22
Being willing to give and take, submitting when that is called for, is never easy, but as believers we are called on to model submission, even as Christ did. While that especially important in marriage, it is all the more essential for the believing spouse whose spouse does not believe.
Peter was here addressing a subset of marriage relationships where one of the spouse believed and obeyed the word, while the other did not. For Peter, the aim of the believing spouse should be living in such a way that the unbelieving spouse would be won/believe.
Wives - Likewise - 1 Peter 3:1-6
Peter wrote as a married man with his wife and mother-in-law as a witness.
Mother-in-law healed in their home in Capernaum - Matt 8:14-17; Mk 1:29-34; Lk 4:38 - 1 Cor 9:5
And immediately he left the synagogue and entered the house of Simon and Andrew, with James and John. Now Simon’s mother-in-law lay ill with a fever, and immediately they told him about her. And he came and took her by the hand and lifted her up, and the fever left her, and she began to serve them.
That evening at sundown they brought to him all who were sick or oppressed by demons. And the whole city was gathered together at the door. And he healed many who were sick with various diseases, and cast out many demons. And he would not permit the demons to speak, because they knew him.
Do we not have the right to take along a believing wife, as do the other apostles and the brothers of the Lord and Cephas?
Luke recorded that Jesus stood over her and rebuked the fever.
Submission and reverence - 1 Peter 3:1-2
1 Peter: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary The Wife’s Responsibility
In first-century Greco-Roman culture, women received little or no respect. As long as they lived in their father’s house, they were subject to the Roman law of patria potestas (“the father’s power”), which granted fathers ultimate life-and-death authority over their children. Husbands had a similar kind of legal authority over their wives. Society regarded women as mere servants who were to stay at home and obey their husbands. If a woman decided to obey the gospel, that decision to change religions on her own could result in severe abuse from her unsaved husband. When such conversion did occur, a wife needed to know how to respond to her husband so that she might win him to the gospel. Her essential duty was to be submissive, as in the case of civil and workplace relations.
Subject to your own husband
The believing wife’s primary duty to stay and submit. That would not endorsed enduring abuse. but as much as maintaining peace would allow, staying was the goal.
From what Paul infers and from we know of even the Jewish and Roman culture of that day, divorce was not complex in the legal sense.
If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.
A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.
In Christ, believing women are spiritually equal to men in Christ. Having said that. equality for women and men does not mean freedom from obligations of submission.
For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Likewise - cc authority, employment
Own husbands - versus men and elders in the church. This would also cover deferring parents and friends
Submissive - rank under, line up under
1 Peter: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary She Is to Be Submissive and Faithful
Submission does not imply any moral, intellectual, or spiritual inferiority in the family, workplace, or society in general. But it is God’s design for roles necessary to mankind’s well-being. Along the same lines, a commanding officer is not necessarily superior in character to the troops under him, but his authority is vital to the proper functioning of the unit.
Women’s role in the church - Paul
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.
Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.
the women should keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says.
Even if husband disobedient to the word - Gospel
in flaming fire, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. They will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might,
For good news came to us just as to them, but the message they heard did not benefit them, because they were not united by faith with those who listened.
That they might be won
Without a word
Not a negation of the importance of the word of God. If a husband is born again it will be because he believes in Christ consistent with the word. But before that, it is the spouse’s behaviour that will speak louder than words.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
Respectful, reverent conduct
1 Peter: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary She Is to Be Submissive and Faithful
A lovely, gracious, and submissive attitude is the most effective evangelistic tool believing wives have
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
Respectful - phobos - fear - used 1 Peter 2:17 & translated fear but in the sense of respect and honor. Peter and Paul remind us that the way that we submit to others when that is needed reflects the way that we submit to the Lord.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Inner beauty, modesty & meekness - 1 Peter 3:3-4
Some might wonder why Peter sensed the need and assumed the right to comment. From the broader context of Scripture, Peter’s purpose would never have been to suggest that women should not style their hair, wear some jewelry and lovely clothing. Solomon’s bride was beautifully attired - strings of jewels, fragrances, fragrant garments, attractive sandals.
Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments,
your neck with strings of jewels.
Your lips drip nectar, my bride;
honey and milk are under your tongue;
the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.
How beautiful are your feet in sandals,
O noble daughter!
Your rounded thighs are like jewels,
the work of a master hand.
Point was that the adorning should not be the focus or overdone.
1 Peter: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary She Is to Be Modest
In the Greco-Roman culture, women were devoted to superficial adornment, often wearing the best cosmetics, dying their hair outlandish colors, braiding it elaborately, and wearing—especially on their heads—costly jewelry to crown their elegant clothing. But braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses made no contribution to spiritual transformation. Such surface concerns still consume women in the present media dominated culture.
Centuries before Peter, through Isaiah and Jeremiah God warned women not to obsess with what was outward.
The Lord said:
Because the daughters of Zion are haughty
and walk with outstretched necks,
glancing wantonly with their eyes,
mincing along as they go,
tinkling with their feet,
therefore the Lord will strike with a scab
the heads of the daughters of Zion,
and the Lord will lay bare their secret parts.
In that day the Lord will take away the finery of the anklets, the headbands, and the crescents; the pendants, the bracelets, and the scarves; the headdresses, the armlets, the sashes, the perfume boxes, and the amulets; the signet rings and nose rings; the festal robes, the mantles, the cloaks, and the handbags; the mirrors, the linen garments, the turbans, and the veils.
Instead of perfume there will be rottenness;
and instead of a belt, a rope;
and instead of well-set hair, baldness;
and instead of a rich robe, a skirt of sackcloth;
and branding instead of beauty.
Can a virgin forget her ornaments,
or a bride her attire?
Yet my people have forgotten me
days without number.
Inner adorning/putting on
Adorning - similar to Paul’s command that women to adorn/put on the proper clothing
likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.
Hidden beauty of the heart
Hidden person - anthropos - mankind - of the person
Imperishable beauty - never ages or decays
Quality/incorruptible - cc 1 Pet 1:4 - that which is eternal
Gentle and quiet spirit/precious in God’s sight
Gentle - comes from a word referring to a humble, meek attitude
Quiet - still or tranquil
Character is not always evidenced by what we say, but what we choose not to say. Sometimes silence speaks volumes. None of us should have to have the last word.
Results in true inner beauty
None of what Peter says, was meant to discount tasteful dress and demeanor. What the dress or demeanor attention should draw attention only to the person or detract from the Gospel.
Hopeful and submissive - example of holy women - 1 Peter 3:5-6
This is how - this is the way NIV - formerly KJV - pote - in former times (OT) NASB -
Some reference to there having been holy women who modelled what Peter is commanding. While Peter referred to women, plural, formerly seems would have seemed to underscore that there were women other than Sarah. OT accounts of Ruth and in references to women in Proverbs describe women who were entrepeneurial and by no means door mats. But they did defer to their husbands when needed.
And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you ask, for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.
An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
Hope in God
At the top of the list of the spiritual character traits of these holy women
All who are of faith are children of Abraham.
For what does the Scripture say? “Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness.” Now to the one who works, his wages are not counted as a gift but as his due.
For the promise to Abraham and his offspring that he would be heir of the world did not come through the law but through the righteousness of faith.
That is why it depends on faith, in order that the promise may rest on grace and be guaranteed to all his offspring—not only to the adherent of the law but also to the one who shares the faith of Abraham, who is the father of us all, as it is written, “I have made you the father of many nations”—in the presence of the God in whom he believed, who gives life to the dead and calls into existence the things that do not exist.
But the law is not of faith, rather “The one who does them shall live by them.” Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree”— so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith.
To give a human example, brothers: even with a man-made covenant, no one annuls it or adds to it once it has been ratified. Now the promises were made to Abraham and to his offspring. It does not say, “And to offsprings,” referring to many, but referring to one, “And to your offspring,” who is Christ.
Hoped in God - hoping in God
Hoping - pres active participle- indicating action occuring at the same time as the main verb. That is significant. Peter reminded those to whom he wrote the hoping in God is not a once in a life time past decision. Instead, it is an ongoing decision to keep hoping in God in multiple situations - adorning and submitting.
How adorned themselves
Adorned - kosmeo - focus not on what they wore but their attitude. Submitting was her “go to” basic outfit with which everything had to coordinate.
Submitting themselves to their own husbands/obeyed
Submitting - being subject
Obeying - aorist active indicative - simple occurence in the past
Called him lord - calling - present active participle - indicates Sarah’s continual attitude of respect toward her husband Abraham
lord - kurios - master
So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?”
Sarah/Abraham
Paul wrote that by faith all believers are children of Abraham. He went on to explain that all who believe take the same path that Abraham took - Ro 4:1-16; Gal 3:7-29
Similarly, all women who follow Sarah’s example of submission and modesty have in that sense become her children in that they demonstrate hope and faith in God.
You are your children IF
Do good - even though might have some concerns about what this might mean with an unsaved husband.
Some might say that Peter’s example of Sarah as a woman of faith when she had a man of faith Abraham does not hold completely true when Peter was writing to women whose husbands were not believers.
You are partially correct. But there was also the fact that sometimes Abraham did not exactly demonstrate exemplary faith when he passed Sarah off as his sister two times or fathered a child by Sarah’s handmaid Hagar.
Do not fear anything that is frightening - not panicking
fear - ptoesis - strong word - frightful or terrifying in the sense of panic
Instead of panicking, those who are faithful, submit because it is good and right.
For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
2 Husbands - likewise live with your wives - 1 Peter3:7
Likewise - 1 Pet 2:1, 18; 3:1 - a command
Believing husbands are also commanded to be submissive. What that means must be defined and modelled. Otherwise, we tend to emulate what we see lived by other husbands. Peter reminded husbands that they dwell together with their wives - sunoikountes - living together with intimacy, sensitivity and considering deepest physical, emotional and spiritual needs.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Understanding
While talking and listening is obvious, the word - gnosis - used by Peter reminded those who read this that God gives wisdom and understanding. Believing husbands need that and the realization that living together with understanding God’s will - cc living for God’s will - 1 Pet 4:2
Honouring
Showing honour - honour = value and great price, precious, therefore worthy of reverent service - words and deeds both essential - same word used by Christ
For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ But you say, ‘If anyone tells his father or his mother, “What you would have gained from me is given to God,” he need not honor his father.’ So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God. You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he said:
“ ‘This people honors me with their lips,
but their heart is far from me;
in vain do they worship me,
teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’ ”
Just as submission does not mean inferior, weaker - weaker vessel KJV - does not mean that women are spiritually inferior to men. It just means that for the most part women are not as strong physically as men. With that in mind Christian husbands are called upon to provide for and protect their wives - whether or not the wives are believers.
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion, because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb.
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Fellow heir of the grace of life
Although grace is integral to salvation, it is also integral to living together well in harmony.
Grace - Xaris - unmerited, undeserved favour - not the norm in that day
1 Peter: The MacArthur New Testament Commentary Companionship
Marriage is a divine providence given to man regardless of his attitude toward the Giver. Intimate companionship in marriage, the richest blessing of this life, was a foreign concept to the Greco-Roman culture of Peter’s day. Husbands were generally uninterested in friendship with their wives, expecting them to merely maintain the household and bear children. In contrast, the Christian husband is to cultivate all the richness God designed into the grace of marriage by showing honor to his wife in loving consideration, chivalry, and companionship
Praying
So that prayers not hindered - not being the husband has called us to be is sin.
If I had cherished iniquity in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened.
but your iniquities have made a separation
between you and your God,
and your sins have hidden his face from you
so that he does not hear.
We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him.
You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
- Obvious implication, salvation of wife.
Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.
While is is important and essential that we understand and are able to explain the Gospel, here Peter stresses that unbelievers, whether human institutions/government, workplace relationships/bosses or fellow employees or even spouses will best understand the word/the Word and come to faith when they see the transforming power of the Gospel in the lives of believers.
The word, meekly and respectfully modelled in the lives of believers, is precious in God’s sight and by His grace in the eyes of unbelievers.
“People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” President Theodore Roosevelt, John Maxwell
Same re the Gospel & Marriage & Family
Intergenerational living & serving - discipleship
But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. Bondservants are to be submissive to their own masters in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior.
2. Those who live the word, hope in God, respecting others and when called to, defer to others.
Respect earned, respect given
Family
Local church
3. Marriage is a grace gift, that when given, can best be cultivated through Christlikeness and prayer.
Do we model Christ and the church?
Sacrifice and two way submission
Family obligations - chores
Diane & Rick