Sexual Purity
Family Matters • Sermon • Submitted
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· 47 viewsOur homes should be warmed by sexual fire, not consumed by it.
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Good Fires
Good Fires
There is nothing like sitting out under the stars and enjoying a good campfire. I call it, “Indian television”. Cindy and I love to use our fireplace when the cold weather settles in. Kick in some great music, listen to the crackling of the fire, and enjoy watching the flames dance along the logs. I love me a good fire.
Like a good fire, sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed and shared. Unfortunately, man has frequently misused sex and, as a result, lives have been destroyed – many without even knowing that it was happening. Consider this statement by Frank Turek:
Sex is like fire: if you keep it in your fireplace, it will warm you. But if you get it anywhere else in your house it will burn your house down. [1]– Frank Turek
For the next few minutes, I would like to take a look at the truth about sex. We will look at what the Bible (our truth guide) tells us about sexual purity. We will discuss what happens when we use the fire of sex correctly and what happens when the fire of sex is out of control.
God is the Fire Keeper
God is the Fire Keeper
Here is a quote that makes me laugh:
To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals. — Don Schrader
I’m not here this morning to give a prudish talk about sex, nor am I here to be flippant about the subject. I just want our homes to be warmed by sexual fires, not consumed by them.
Some people have created a stereotype for Christians that sex is designed only for procreation and anything more than that is sin. God created us to be sexual. Les Parrott writes, “God affirms our sexuality as human beings, and we can’t suddenly become asexual; we can’t deny or ignore completely the sexual part of ourselves before we are married without suffering severe consequences. For this reason, we believe in premarital sexuality.”[2]
We are quick to follow up, however, by saying that having sex before marriage is clearly not in line with God’s principles. Sexual intercourse is a “life-uniting act.” That’s why sex outside of marriage is “sex-too-soon.” It violates the intended purpose of sex.[3]
Cindy and I entered marriage as virgins. Today we would be in the minority. In the 1960s, 70% of Americans disapproved of premarital sex.1 Today about 40% of Americans disapprove of premarital sex.2 When it comes to actually having sex before marriage, about ninety percent of couples have sex before marriage, according to one study,3 and about four in ten babies are born to unmarried parents.4 And as we’ll see in more details later in this guide, most couples today live together before getting married.5
Strangely, society would argue that having more partners makes you a better lover. They are lying. According to a growing body of research:
The people most apt to report that they are very satisfied with their current sex life are not singles who freely flit from one sexual encounter to another, but married couples who “strongly” believe sex outside of marriage is wrong.
In fact, “traditionalists” rank an astounding thirty-one percentage points higher in their level of sexual satisfaction than singles who have no objection to sex outside of marriage. The findings contribute to a growing body of research linking sexual satisfaction to marital harmony, fidelity, and permanence.8
Researchers have not only found that sex is better in marriage, but it is best if you have had only one sexual partner in a lifetime. “Physical and emotional satisfaction started to decline when people had more than one sexual partner,” the researchers stated.9
A study at the University of South Carolina revealed that people who engaged in premarital sex were more likely to be involved in extramarital affairs once they were married.
Abstinence, research has clearly shown, makes the heart grow fonder.
The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the master of his passions. — Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Fire in Fireplaces
Fire in Fireplaces
There are people who try to make a case that sex before marriage is not prohibited in scripture. They will argue that the Bible has nothing to say about pre-marital sex. That’s because they’re looking for a “thou shalt not have sex before marriage.” But the Bible expresses its perspective primarily in positive terms.
Jesus said it Himself:
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’
and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?
So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
This passage clearly states that sex is for marriage and marriage is for sex. Exclusively.
In the biblical view, adultery includes any sexual activity carried on outside the bonds of committed marriage. This is why the writer to the Hebrews tells us that
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
This teaching explains Joseph’s certain expectation that Mary would be “exposed to public disgrace” when it was discovered that she had become pregnant “before they came together” in marriage.
God wants us to reserve sex for marriage not because it’s “bad” or “dirty,” but precisely because it’s such a unique, exclusive, and wonderful thing. Sex is a holy mystery. It’s a powerful bonding agent that shapes and affects the relationship between a man and a woman as nothing else can.
While some will say there is no specific prohibition in the Bible against sex between an unmarried man and unmarried woman, "sexual immorality" is denounced in about 25 passages in the New Testament. The word translated as "sexual immorality" or "fornication" in English versions of the Bible is the Greek word porneia, which means "illicit sexual intercourse.” Jesus said this:
And he said, “It is what comes out of a person that defiles.
For it is from within, from the human heart, that evil intentions come: fornication, theft, murder,
adultery, avarice, wickedness, deceit, licentiousness, envy, slander, pride, folly.
All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”
In the words of Paul:
The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;
idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions
and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable,
not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;
The Bible does not provide a specific list of acts that constitute "sexual immorality," but these verses, also written by Paul, seem to say that any sexual intercourse, except between husband and wife, would be wrong:
Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
The biblical message on premarital sex is clear. It’s not God’s best for couples. For those who revere the Bible and aspire to follow it’s teachings, it’s abundantly clear that God calls us to save sex for marriage.
The Power of Fire
The Power of Fire
Paul mentions ‘burn with passion’. Jesus reaffirms the statement from Genesis that says the two will become one flesh.
In Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children, OB-GYNs Dr. Joe S. McIlhaney Jr., and Dr. Freda McKissic Bush explain, from a neurobiological perspective, why it happens and how. “Scientists are confirming that sex is more than a momentary physical act. It produces powerful, even lifelong, changes in our brains that direct and influence our future to a surprising degree,” they write. A single sexual encounter sets off a cascade of changes in a young brain, and modern imaging technology allows researchers to observe those changes more thoroughly than ever before. Hooked explains what they are discovering.[4]
3 powerful natural chemicals come into play: oxytocin, vasopression, and dopamine.
Oxytocin is the “bonding” chemical. It is much more predominant in females. As oxytocin is released is creates a bond between the two. It creates feelings of trust. It is also released as she nurses her newborn and creates a deep attachment. Vasopression is the male bonding chemical. As it is released it creates a desire for the male to stay with his mate and will inspire a desire to protect his mate. The 3rd chemical is dopamine. Dopamine is the “feel-good” or “reward” chemical. It creates feelings of exhilaration and well-being. Together these 3 chemicals create a powerful cocktail.
Because deep in our hearts we know that sex isn't just a sport or physical activity to be taken lightly as the Left has been advertising for so long. It's much more than physical. There are spiritual, emotional, reproductive, psychological, and moral aspects to sex, which means the consequences can be either wonderful or devastating. [5]
Fire in Fireplaces are Amazing Otherwise They Destroy the Home – The Destructive Power of Pornography
Fire in Fireplaces are Amazing Otherwise They Destroy the Home – The Destructive Power of Pornography
Many of us remember the Tri-county fire in 2011. Officially it is claimed to have started from a lightning strike, but it has also been said to have been started by an unattended open cooking fire. It raged for 28 days, consumed 22,000 acres, and destroyed 72 structures. It took local, state, and federal resources to put it out.
We have another fire that is destroying single men, women, and marriages. It is called pornography. Listen to this amazing passage from Job as Job describes the process of seduction:
“I made a solemn pact with myself never to undress a girl with my eyes.
So what can I expect from God? What do I deserve from God Almighty above?
Isn’t calamity reserved for the wicked? Isn’t disaster supposed to strike those who do wrong?
Isn’t God looking, observing how I live? Doesn’t he mark every step I take?
“Have I walked hand in hand with falsehood, or hung out in the company of deceit?
“If I’ve let myself be seduced by a woman and conspired to go to bed with her,
Fine, my wife has every right to go ahead and sleep with anyone she wants to.
For disgusting behavior like that, I’d deserve the worst punishment you could hand out.
Adultery is a fire that burns the house down; I wouldn’t expect anything I count dear to survive it.
Sean McDowell reveals some powerful issues:
1. 9 out of 10 young men ages 13-24 say that talking about porn with friends is encouraged, acceptable, or were ambivalent.
2. Mobile devices have passed computers as the most common means of accessing pornography.
3. Pornography debases women
4. Science shows that within minutes of watching pornography the brain undergoes neurochemical change.
I could go on and on. I encourage you to look up Dr. Sean McDowell [son of well-known Josh McDowell]. I’ll leave it with this statement by Sean, “One of the biggest things the church needs to do is speak out on pornography. We should spend about 20% of our energy on the negative and about 80% on positive solutions. The church also needs to help parents build loving, intimate relationships with their kids. Children need to feel free, safe, secure and unconditionally loved by their parents.”[7]
Keeping the Fire in the Fireplace
Keeping the Fire in the Fireplace
Boundaries
Boundaries
The secret to saving sex for marriage is found in a single word: boundaries. Couples who abstain from sex without shutting off their sexuality have learned to set specific boundaries and stick to them. They have made intentional, deliberate, and conscious choices about how far they will go.
Setting boundaries is a decision they ultimately need to make on their own if it is going to have any chance of working. But you can help them process it with more objectivity, answering questions and potential suggestions along the way. After all, if you don’t discuss this personal matter with them, who will?
Examples of boundaries:
Examples of boundaries:
- Curfews
- Phones kept in the parents’ room
- Parental controls
- Agreements when dating and approaching marriage
Fire Restoration
Fire Restoration
Fortunately, the Lord is faithful to heal us and restore us. Your home may have been damaged or destroyed by fire. The good news is that the best Restoration Company is The Heavenly Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. If we have sexual regrets and want to start with a clean slate, we can walk beyond those regrets toward healthy relationships and guard ourselves from having sex- too-soon again. Here are some helps:
God forgives and others forgive –
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.
We can move beyond feelings of guilt, shame, frustration, loss of respect, and distrust! If we have made mistakes in the past, God promises we can move forward!
as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
It says a lot to me that the prostitute, Rahab, would become a national hero and a direct ancestor of Jesus Christ. There can be healing. We can be made pure by the power of Christ.
For those who have not made the mistake of sexual sin, know this. The world is lying to us about sex. The truth of the Bible is in our best interests. The fire is to be enjoyed within the fireplace. Keep it there and be warmed!
[1]Turek, Frank. “Daddy, Can I Kill It?”. www.christianpost.com. Accessed April 14, 2021.
[2]Parrott, Les and Leslie. Symbis resource “Premarital Sex and Cohabitation”.
[3]Parrott, Les and Leslie. Ibid.
[4]Clemmons, Terrell. “Sexually Transmitted Unease: How Casual Sex Works Bad Chemistry From Good”. www.crossexamined.org. Accessed April 17, 2021.
[5]Turek, Frank. Ibid.
[6]Peterson, E. H. (2005). The Message: the Bible in contemporary language (Job 31:1–12). Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress.
[7]McDowell, Sean. “Is Porn Really a Big Deal? Quick Interview with Josh McDowell”. www.seanmcdowell.org. Accessed April 17, 2021.