Date Night

· WELCOME

o Explain booklets-

o Why desire & vision-CHALLENGE & INSPIRE

o WE HOPE you realize your marriage can be MORE THAN YOU DREAMED & ALL GOD DESIRES…EPH 3:20

DESIRE

· I WANT YOU TO Think about your greatest desires

o ITS EASY TO HAVE A DESIRE TO BE THE BEST IN YOUR CAREER, OR YOUR HOBBY, OR MAYBE TO BE THE BEST MOMMY. THESE ARE ALL COMMON AREAS IF YOU TALK TO PEOPLE THEY WILL TALK ABOUT & IT IS EVIDENT THIS IS WHERE THEIR DESIRE TO EXCEL IS, BUT IT IS MUCH LESS COMMON TO HEAR SOMEONE SAY-I DESIRE TO HAVE A MARRIAGE THAT HONORS GOD & IS AMAZING!

o THINGS YOU SPEND YOUR TIME, ENERGY AND FOCUS ON.

o IN THE SPACE-WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR DESIRES YOU HAVE HAD FOR YOUR MARRIAGE OR CURRENTLY HAVE-IT DOESN’T MEAN THEY ARE HAPPENING IN THIS MOMENT, BUT WHAT DESIRES DO YOU HAVE FOR YOUR MARRIAGE?

§ PAINTBALL STORY

§ SO WE CAN HAVE EVERY TOOL, WE CAN HAVE EVERY PAINTBALL ACCESSORY, BUT IF WE DON’T USE THE TOOLS THEY ARE USELESS, JUST LIKE EVEN THO COLT HAD ALL THE PAINTBALL GEAR HE COULD FIND AT THE STORE, HE WAS NOT A PAINTBALLER-MORE THAN ONCE!

§ COLT EXPLAINS COURSE AND ALL THE WORK-BUT ONLY DID IT ONCE-HAD THE DESIRE BUT THAT WAS ALL

§ YOU MAY HAVE SOME TOOLS AVAILABLE TO USE IN YOUR MARRIAGE, BUT HONESTLY YOU LACK THE DESIRE TO GO TO THE SHELF AND PICK UP THE TOOLS AND ACTUALLY USE THEM. TOOLS W/O DESIRE WILL LOOK JUST LIKE A DESERTED PAINTBALL COURSE…IT’S AVAILABLE TO USE, BUT NO ONE HAS THE DESIRE…AND THAT MAY BE THE SPOT YOU ARE IN RIGHT NOW-YOU HAVE THE TOOLS, BUT NO DESIRE TO USE THEM.

· WE ALL STARTED W/ THE DESIRE

All of us at one point had the desire for our marriage to be awesome. We didn't get married thinking “once we get past the honey moon then marriage will suck”. We dreamed of and in reality expected happily ever after.

We have this picture near our bed above the pic that says “ and they lived happily ever after”.

Lunch Box example....

It wasn't that she didn't want to do it any-longer, I failed to steward the gift God had given me. My actions told her I was not appreciative of what she was doing.

We all have a desire for things to be better. I think everyone in here would agree that our marriages have room to grow. And if we think back we realize that the desire was present and is still present we just may have to purposely revive or unlock it.

Desire alone will get you in the middle of a journey with no clear path to the destination.

o HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

o LUNCH BOX STORY…..

VISION

We have to have vision along with desire

Deff of vision.

Prov 29:18

· DESIRE W/O VISION IS LIKE WANTING TO GO ON A ROAD TRIP & TAKING OFF FOR A DESTINATION & FORGETTING THE ROAD MAP. OR DISREGARDING THE NECESSITY TO PLAN THE VOYAGE.

o WHEN WE GOT MARRIED WE HAD THE DESIRE FOR AN AWESOME MARRIAGE & OUR 1ST DESTINATION AS A COUPLE WAS NIAGRA FALLS

o WE HAD A VISION OF HOW WONDERFUL OUR HONEYMOON WAS GOING TO BE…HOW ROMANTIC, HOW FUN TO GO ON A ROAD TRIP ALONE…WE HAD IMAGINED IT AND WE HAD PLANNED IT.

o TRIPLE A MAP---THIS MAP WAS THE 1ST THING TO BE PACKED-WE KNEW WE COULDN’T MAKE IT TO NIAGRA W/O IT

o LOOKING BACK WE DID A MUCH BETTER JOB PLANNING OUR HONEYMOON THAT LASTED 5 DAYS THAN WE DID OUR MARRIAGE THAT WAS TO LAST A LIFE-TIME. WE HAD DESIRE, VISION AND A FULL PLAN FOR THE HONEYMOON, BUT AS FOR THE LIFE-LONG MARRIGE, WE ONLY HAD DESIRE.

§ ASK THE QUESTIONS ON VISION PAGE IN THE BOX…..

THE PAST DOESN’T DETERMINE THE LANDSCAPE OF OUR FUTURE…..MAKE A PLAN W/ IMIAGINATION & WISDOM….

- HAPPILY EVER AFTER ISN’T SOMETHING THAT WE STUMBLE UPON, BUT SOMETHING THAT IS CAREFULLY CONSTURCTED & SOUGHT AFTER….WE PLAN FOR.

THE PLAN

THIS IS WHERE DESIRE & VISION COLLIDE

· HONEYMOON TRIP-BUT WE HAD A MAP WE COUD TRUST…

Going back to our Honeymoon trip.....

We had a detailed plan and a great road map to get to our honeymoon destination. But about 2 hours in we some how got off course. And we drove about 2 hours in the wrong direction. Because we had a plan we could trust, we looked back to the map and it guided us back to the route.

· HAVING A PLAN DOESN’T MEAN WE HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT, BUT IT DOES BRING CLARITY TO OUR DIRECTION.

· & IT GIVES US A TRUE NORTH TO ALWAYS GO BACK TO WHEN WE GET OFF COURSE

· NORTH STORY

o AS LUDRACROUS AS THAT SOUNDS, THIS IS HOW WE ARE IN MARRIAGE SOMETIMES. WHATEVER WAY WE ARE FACING IS OUR NORTH

o BUT WHAT HAPPENS IF I’MFACING THIS WAY AND COLT MAY BE FACING THE OPPOSITE AND WE ARE BOTH THINKING WE ARE FACING NORTH

§ WE MUST HAVE A TRUE NORTH, A ROAD MAP TO LOOK BACK AT TO GET US BACK ON THE CORRECT PATH.

· COLT TALK ABOUT TRUE NORTH ONLY AS A BELIEVER

Before we move on, I must say that if we are not born again or fully surrendered to the Lord then we are just like our friend who thought north was where ever they faced. First of all we must give ourselves fully to Jesus. That is the basis to build our true north on. I’ll touch more on this in the end but I wanted to say that before we got to deep into making a plan.

· SO LETS TALK ABOUT DEVELOPING YOUR PLAN & ESTABLISHING YOUR TRUE NORTH

· MARRIAGE NON-NEGOTIABLES

o READ WHAT THEY ARE:

o EXAMPLES OF OURS:

§ OUR MARRIAGE IS GOING TO HONOR THE LORD

· SUNDAY SCHOOL ANSWER-BUT HOW WE RESPOND TO EACH OTHER, HOW WE MAKE HARD DECISIONS, HOW WE LIVE OUT OUR LIFE IN FRONT OF OUR KIDS & EVERY OTHER HUMAN GOD HAS PUT IN OUR PATH-OUR MARRIAGE POINTS OTHERS TO HIM.

§ TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY WE ARE GOING TO PUT EACH OTHERS NEEDS 1ST.

o OUR VISION IS FOR YOU TO ESTABLISH YOUR MARRIAGE NON-NEGOTIABLES TOGETHER AS A COUPLE

o THERE IS SPACE FOR YOU TO WRITE, SO YOU CAN WRITE SOME IDEAS, BUT OUR GOAL IS FOR YOU AS A COUPLE TO SIT DOWN AFTER TONIGHT & PRAYERFULLY CONSIDER WHAT YOUR MARRIAGE NON-NEGOTIABLES ARE…. TOGETHER.

o THESE ARE THINGS WE MUST AGREE ON & NOT COMPROMISE. WHEN WE FIND OUR MARRIAGE OFF-BASE AND WE FACE A DECISION THAT MAY ALTER OUR RETLATIONSHIP-WE HAVE TO COME BACK TO OUR TRUE NORTH & ASK OURSELVES ARE WE GETTING OFF COURSE?....

- One thing is for certain these are the thing that we must agree on and never compromise. When we find our marriage off base or we face a decision that may alter our relationship or change our vision: we have to comeback to our true north and ask ourselves; does this take us off track? And if it does we say no and continue on the journey and follow the vision God gave us.

- One we establish these foundations we can then formulate a more detailed plan, finances, kids, careers, ect.

- Remember: a good plan doesn't answer all the questions but establish clarity in direction.

- But we always have our true north to set the course and keep us in track.

Some of our non- negotiables are:

God will be at the center of our marriage and everything else that we do.

Our marriage will Honor God. ( ECT)

· YOUR NUMBER

o GO THRU RULES

· CHALLENGES

o PRAYER

o THIS IS THE MOST POWERFUL TOOL IN YOUR SHED

o FOR YEARS THIS WAS SO HARD

o ROLE PLAY PRAYER

· MOTTO-NOT COMMON-1 PETER 2:9-SET APART

CHALLENGE & INSPIRE

Michelle is coming to play, and we are going to wrap this up. But again, our hope is that we challenge and inspire. I doubt that we have given you anything really new or earth shattering. But I hope you leave challenged and inspired to return to where you began, at-least in regard to the fiery hot desire you once had and set off on a journey that will not only lead to a full-filled marriage but change the world.

Let go back to this True North. We told this story of our friend and I know that seems crazy but if you think about it often times that is how we are in marriage. Whatever we are facing is the directions we are going. And we are bounced around by lifes circumstances, going from issue to issue or even good times to good times. And we never have established a true north. Something we can return to re focus our direction.

When Amanda and I first was married, when we were in our Honey moon stage, we had the desire because we often sat face to face. Now we had the time because that was before kids, business, a-lot of bills, we wasn’t leading anything ministry wise. So we sat face to face, cultivating our relationship, getting to intimately know one another. Then life began to happen, we took on the titles of marriage, provider, protector, mother, father, helper, homemaker.......

Our focus shifted to more doing than being. Amanda and I do shoulder to shoulder really well. We do face to face really well too. But because there is so much to do I put all my effort into doing and what this did was make Amanda feel like I put everything in front of her and wanted to be the best at everything but being the husband she needed. My efforts was on doing the job of husband not being the husband. I forsook the being face to face which what what kept our desire fiery hot.

And this is exactly what we do with God, when we first encounter God, we are on fire. We set at his feet, consume His word, learn and grow. We love nothing more than to set face to face and simply be in His presence. Then He equips us and sends us on mission. And if we put more focus on the mission and less on the relationship we soon realize that our desire has waned. I think all of us have had season where we have questioned why we are doing what we are doing because the desire doesn't seem to any-longer be there. Even when we are doing good things, God things, the thing God called us to do. More times than not we have forsook the face to face. We lost desire because we stoped stairing into the eyes of the source of our desire.

God is that source, but maybe you need to return to a time where you looked face to face into each others eyes, resurrect the fiery desire you once had. And then ask God to be the center of it all. Invite Him in like maybe you never have before.

Desire without vision is going on a trip without the plan to get there. But Vision with out desire is taking off on the journey without the power to get there.

The Key to keeping our desire fiery hot is in the face to face.

o WE FOCUS ON THE TITLES THAT COME W/ MARRIAGE OR CHRISTIAN….

o WE TAKE THE TITLES WE GET W/ MARRIAGE FOR MEN-PROVIDER, PROTECTOR & FOR WOMEN-MOTHER,

o AMANDA FELT THAT I WAS TRYING TO BE THE BEST AT EVERYTHING ELSE, BUT NOT W/ OUR RELATIONSHIP AND COLT-FELT LIKE HE WAS BEING THE BEST HUSBAND BY DOING THE JOBS HE WAS GIVEN AS A HUSBAND

o THIS IS A PICTURE OF THE GOSPEL AND OUR RELATIONSHIP W/ CHRIST

o WE COME TO HIM AND WE HAVE A DESIRE TO SERVE AND WE ARE ON FIRE, THEN WE MAY START DOING THE THINGS, GOOD THINGS, GOD THINGS, BUT WE GET DISTRACTED W/ OUR TITLES AND NOT W/ OUR ORIGINAL NAME-BELOVED.

o HONEYMOON STAGE-HEARING HIM, BUT GROW AND LEARN AND FOCUS ON THE RESPONSIBILITIES AND NOT SITTING AT HIS FEET AND GROWING AND THE INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WE STARTED W/.

· ALTERS OPEN

· GRAB YOUR BRIDES HAND AND COME AND PRAY TOGETHER

· AND ASK GOD WHAT IS YOUR TRUE NORTH FOR OUR MARRIAGE

· TO GIVE YOU A RENEWED DESIRE & A CLEAR VISION….