RW360 - Session 7 - READ Yourself Acurately

Introduction

Capsized

Remind audience that emotions have the power to capsize our relationships

Downward spiral of emotional hijacking and flooding

Hijacking occurs when our emotions (in the amygdala) overpower rational thinking (in the neocortex).

Flooding is the sense of feeling repeatedly swamped by our own or others’ emotions.

Triggered

Triggers and Downward Spiral

• Triggers: poor communication, misunderstanding, conflicting agendas

• Defensive reaction to criticism (sarcasm, anger, silence, flight)

• We begin to see ourselves as innocent or unappreciated victims.

• We develop a critical spirit, assuming the worst about

everything others do.

• We grab evidence that supports our view and ignore

evidence that doesn’t.

• This puts the other person into a no-win (lose/lose) situation.

• We experience prolonged physical distress (pulse,

adrenaline, respiration).

If Intense Emotions Continue

We feel increasingly confused, frustrated and out-of-control.

As emotions intensify, our limbic system pulls oxygen away from our neocortex so we have less capacity for rational thinking.

It becomes increasingly difficult to recover from feeling hurt or angry.

We lose hope for a positive resolution.

We develop a hard, uncaring heart, partly as protection and partly as punishment.

We avoid the other person, spending more and more time apart.

We eventually give up on our friendships, relatives, churches, jobs or marriages.

Common Tendencies of Men and Women (sometimes reversed)

Men tend to avoid conflict, often because they are afraid of emotional flooding.

Women generally want to engage: “We need to talk”.

Fear of flooding often compels men to “stonewall” (withdraw into silence or leave).

The more a woman presses to discuss, the more most men will pull away. Prov. 21:9

This results in further frustration and flooding in the woman, which prolongs the spiral.

The Three-Fold Pattern of Emotional and Relational Failure

Failure to understand and faithfully obey God’s instructions

Failure to understand and consistently control the emotions and interests that are driving us

Failure to understand and wisely engage the emotions and interests of others

Are you tired of being controlled by an invisible puppeteer?

If you fail to develop the ability to understand and master your emotions, they will act like an “invisible puppeteer,” jerking you around, provoking impulsive words and actions, and damaging your relationships.

There is hope:

As you grow in relational wisdom, you can learn to anticipate, prevent, and reverse this spiral, and become skilled at building healthy relationships.

Read Acrostic: a simple template for helping us to learn how to identify and master our emotions so that we can take them captive for Christ. Begin with the metaphor of the wind and a sailboat: the wind has great power, either for good or for bad; a good sailor knows how to read the wind, to sense it coming, so he can trim the sails, take hold of the rudder and point the boat in just the right direction, and then fly to his destination; a poor sailor does none of that, and ends up capsized. So it is with our emotions …

READ

Managing Feelings

What am I feeling? What are my moods and attitudes? Recognize your emotions.

Psalm 42:5 ESV

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation

Matthew 14:30 ESV

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.”

Philippians 4:6 ESV

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Why am I feeling this way? Evaluate their sources.

Psalm 73:2–3 ESV

But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

Proverbs 20:5 ESV

The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.

James 1:13–15 ESV

Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

What will happen if I give into these emotions? Anticipate the consequences of following them.

Proverbs 22:3 ESV

The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.

Proverbs 15:18 ESV

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

Colossians 3:5–6 ESV

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming.

How can I redirect my emotions to express them in godly ways? Direct them on a constructive course.

Proverbs 15:1 ESV

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 25:15 ESV

With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone.

John 12:27 ESV

“Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour.

Colossians 3:12–13 ESV

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Buy yourself 6 seconds

If you give your brain six seconds, your neocortex can often catch up with your limbic system and prevent hijacking

Do a 180

If you sense that your emotions are trying to push you in a direction that would dishonor God, do just the opposite of what you feel like doing.

Do a 180: briefly mention the concept of discerning negative or sinful emotions and then doing exactly the opposite of what we feel like doing

Luke 6:27–28 ESV

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.

Romans 12:20–21 ESV

To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Cinderella Man

Cinderella Man – The Hero of My Heart - Hijacking recovery

How did Mae READ herself?

Time permitting, allow class to break into pairs to discuss for 3-4 minutes, then share as a group. Discussion on how May Braddock mastered her emotions (essentially applied the READ concepts)