Brothers and Sisters - Romans 12:10

Introduction

There are certain moments that stick out in your mind as a parent. One of the moments that I most remember was when GK was three. I had been away for a week on a mission trip to SLC. It was really the first time that I had been away since she had become old enough to realize it. My flight came in early that morning, but we had told her that she would see me that evening so that I could go home and rest from the travel during the day. But, I was really missing her, and so I decided to pick her up from daycare first thing that morning instead. When I got there her sitter went to get her, and she came down the hall in true, jovial GK fashion. But, I’ll never forget the moment when she looked up and saw me. She just started sobbing. To be honest, I was pretty let down. I thought she was disappointed that I was taking her away from her friends. But, then she ran to me as fast as she could, and I scooped her up while she just kept crying. She would pull me close to her, and then she would push back to look at me. And, she just kept saying, “I missed you so much. I missed you so much.” It was the first time in her little life that she cried happy tears.

GK paints a powerful picture of what family is supposed to look and feel like. Family is who you come home to. It’s those who miss you when you’re away and celebrate when you return. Family cares about what’s going on in your life and longs to be with you so that they can hug you and know that you’re okay. (show survey) In our survey, that’s what I became most burdened over. We found that 4 out of 10 people who were surveyed said that they felt like no one missed them when they weren’t there. That won’t do. We’re family, and family misses each other.

God’s Word

The church is not an event that you attend or a service that you go to; the church is a family that you belong to. So, when we say that we want to connect you together, when we say that we want to have a connection-first culture here, what we’re saying is that we want you to enjoy the fullness of what God has made yours in the church. We’re saying that we want you to not just know that the church is a family theologically, but we want you to know that the church is a family experientially.

We’re going to look this morning, again, at the nature of what our family is supposed to look like. So, that means that we’re looking at an ideal. Many of you have painful thoughts when it comes to your families, even your church families, so what I’m hoping to do as we look to Paul’s words is see what’s intended so that we can aim higher, though it may contradict your experience.

Context: Romans 12 - series of exhortations that are meant to be dwelt upon.

What is our family supposed to be? (headline)

Our family should be “instinctive”.

Shift in the words used for love.

verse 9 = agape - willful love, love of choice.

verse 10 = phileo (philostorgei/philadelphia) (love/be devoted to = brotherly affection) “devoted affectionally to”

So, verse 9 emphasizes a love of choice. Verse 10 emphasizes a love of inward affection, even inward compulsion. It’s a love filled with emotion and rooted in an almost inexplicable bond. It’s the way that a mother feels toward her new baby when he’s laid upon her chest for the first time. It’s the way that a son feels toward his dad when he tells all of his friends how strong his dad is. It’s the way two brothers feel toward each other when one hits rock bottom and the other puts his arm around him to comfort and encourage them.

So, what I mean by ‘instinctive’ is that it’s a compulsion that comes from within. There’s a deep-seated, inward affection, bond, emotion that compels you to love one another. Remember what’s been in view (inward —> outward transformation).

Romans 12:10 (ESV)10a Love one another with brotherly affection.

Romans 12:2 (ESV) 2Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

ILL: This is instinctive, inwardly compelling love a powerful law of nature. Bear and her cubs - mention video of bear trying to get her cubs across the street. An abused child who loves his dad. It’s something that comes so powerfully hardwired into us that it’s not something you have to learn; it’s something you have to unlearn if it’s to go away.

That’s how Paul can command us to have an emotion. He’s not just calling us to know something or to do something, but to feel something. But, he can command us to feel for one another because it’s an instinct that God puts within his children.

You are born with an affection for your family. You are ‘born again’ with an instinctive affection for your spiritual family. One of the clearest evidences that Christ abides in you is that you desire to abide with your spiritual family.

Our instinct toward family is an instinct toward joy. God designed the family to be the primary setting for our joy to be fully experienced.

ILL: A child can never know the full joy that he’s supposed to know without a family. He can’t know the power of “I’m proud of you son.” He can’t know the happiness of looking forward to Christmas when all of his grandparents will come over. He can’t know the elation of beating his big brother in basketball for the first time. Something is always missing.

A Christian can never know the full that they’re supposed to know apart from a deep connection with their church. There’s one type of happiness and joy that you can feel when you’re in a packed football stadium with other fans of the same team. But, it’s a cheap substitute for the joy that you know when all of your family comes home to pack out the Thanksgiving table. Services can never give us the full experience of joy. Only family can do that.

APP: So, when I ask you, how seriously will you take your church family? What I’m asking is how seriously will you take joy? Your joy and the joy of one another. Your joy, your life can never be fully what it’s supposed to be until you experience a real, family life.

Our family should be “close”.

Inherent in this “brotherly affection” is a comfortable, secure, unfiltered closeness. People pretend to have their act together around strangers, but they’ll belch at the Thanksgiving table with their family.

“philostorgei” - to love dearly, to be devoted to - implies such a closeness and familiarity that there is nothing to hide, no need to pretend, no point in not being yourself. It’s to full know the others around the table and to be fully known by them at the same time.

The power of ‘brotherly love’, family love is that you know each other better than anyone, and yet you still love each other. Brothers fight and aggravate and disappoint each other and make fun of each other, and they’re the very first ones to defend you if someone takes a shot at you or to console you when your wife passes away or to support you if you get knocked off of your feet.

There’s nothing more powerful and secure than a knowing love. It’s a refuge. If they were going to abandon you because of what they learned about you, it would’ve happened a long time ago. God loves us with a knowing love, doesn’t he? He knows everything there is to know about you. It’s a closeness that’s incalculable, and yet, if you’re his child, He loves you no less that if you’d been perfect from the start. He loves you as though you are as righteous as Jesus. That’s the standard for love in the church family.

We will never experience our church as the safe-haven, the refuge, the source of joy that it’s intended to be until we have this same comfortable, secure, closeness among us — until we love one another with a knowing love.

Closeness doesn’t come naturally to us who live in an arms-length society.

ILL: Sara and pretending the people in the TV are her friends so that she isn’t lonely.

We’re settling for the TV when Jesus has purchased us a family.

We’re holding one another at arms-length because that’s what we know. Social media. Texting. Zoom. Online church.

(Draw) Continuum of relationships within the church.

4 categories: attender/acquaintance/friend/brotherhood

This represents how we feel toward those in church, not the reality. The reality is that we’re a family. The goal is that we would feel and experience the full goodness and power of Christ has purchased.

Show Poll: 25 % of our church falls in the first two categories. Only 39% of our church feels like they have a brotherhood/sisterhood.

This continuum represents how we feel about one another and how well we know one another. It’s a one-to-one correspondance.

Guarantee: Where you fall on this continuum determines the level of joy you have in your church.

APP: Let’s own this together. We are your safe-haven in this world, and you are ours. Jesus has purchased, and I want you to experience it. Let’s not just be a family, but a close family. Connection challenge: Spend time with someone in your church that’s outside of your normal circle this month.

Our family should be “competitive”.

“Competitive” probably surprises you to see. But, wherever you have two brothers, you have competition. Competitive brothers are close brothers. Paul redeems that reality by placing the competition in the right context.

Romans 12:10b (ESV) 10b Outdo one another in showing honor. (“prefer one another in honor” Schreiner)

Philippians 2:3 (ESV)3Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Our unity with each other is dependent upon a sibling rivalry of types. It’s dependent upon a competitive spirit breaking out among us. Who will best display Jesus to the other person? Who will most die to themselves? Who will most sacrifice what’s easiest for themselves? Who will outdo one another in the elevating the good of the others above their own?

What if our first thought wasn’t “Nobody misses me”, but rather was “I’m going to make sure that I miss others?” What if we moved away from “I don’t have any friends” to “Who here could use a friend?” What if we took our wants and desires and longings out of the driver’s seat of our lives and placed the wants and desires and longings of others there instead? You see, that’s what families do, healthy ones anyway.

ILL: Megan is the most amazing person I know. It’s not an act at church. It’s who she is in our home. Our family is so close, and I believe it’s precisely because she always counts herself last. She’s always cooking what we like, even if it’s not her favorite. She’s always doing without sleep and personal time so that everyone’s needs are cared for. She has a way of making everybody in our home feel special, like they matter individually, even though there’s five of us. It’s like she’s trying to outdo us in showing honor. It’s her valuing us above herself. But, it’s because of the love that she has for her family.

Can you imagine if that type of love broke out here? Can you imagine if there were 350-400 of us all trying to outdo one another in sacrificing what we want and prefer and like for the good of each other? You see, the best way for you to connect is to become obsessed with connecting others. It’s to take responsibility for them and to count yourself last. It’s to live so that you make others feel special. And, what you’ll discover is that creates connection. It creates family — the type of family that misses you when you’re not there and that you miss when you’re unable to attend.