The Gift of Marriage and Singleness

First, I want you to realize that we are entering into a completely new section of 1 Corinthians, from this point forward, Paul will be addressing questions the Corinthians had asked him in a letter he had received from them. This is reflected in 1 Cor 7:1, by the opening words, “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote.” These questions include marriage (7:1-40), food sacrificed to idols (8:1-11:1), problems in public worship (11:2-14:40), the resurrection (15:1-58), and collection for the Judean Christians (16:1-4). These are very practical questions; questions that you or someone you know are troubled by.

Secondly, in regards to the questions about marriage, the concern the Corinthians are bringing to Paul do not concern sexual immorality, but rather asceticism. This is reflected in the words we find in the second half of 1 Cor 7:1, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a women.” Paul is not saying this, this is what some the Corinthians were saying. At first glance, this may come as a shock, since so many with in the Corinth were indulging in sexual immorality, but when you think of it, it is really no surprise at all. We have a saying don’t we, “Sooner our later the pendulum will swing the other way.” Both within the church and without, there were those who viewed sexual relations with a woman, even within marriage as substandard, dirty, even evil! Paul’s response is that both marriage and singleness are gives from God and both are to be honored and celebrated.

With this brief introduction; let us new hear God’s Word:

1 Corinthians 7:1–9 ESV

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

May God now add His blessing to this, the reading of His holy and infallible Word.

Let us first look at God’s good gift of marriage.

God’s Good Gift of Marriage

Paul begins his response to the Corinthians by reminding them that within the context of marriage, sexual relationships are a great good because they act like a dam controlling the strong currents of our sexual desires. I like the analogy of a dam, because a dam does not eliminate the current of a river, but controls it so that it does not overflow in a flood or dry up in a drought. In the same way, marriage channels our sexual desires in healthy and God honoring way.

Without this dam, Paul goes on to say in 1 Cor 7:5, that Satan will use our sexual desires against us to our spiritual ruin. Consequently, we are not to deny our spouse their conjugal rights (1 Cor 7:3-4) and if a couple does mutually agree to refrain from sexual relations, it should only be for a limited time (1 Corinthians 7:5).

This leads to the question, “If sexual desires can so easily lead us into temptation, why did God give them to us in the first place?” Perhaps the ascetics were right, perhaps sexual desire are dirty, even evil. Paul does not directly address this question in our text, but I believe it is such an important one, that I need to address it. Thankfully, Scripture provides us with the answer.

Our sexual desires, are not the result of the Fall, but rather they were created by God and declared not just “good,” but “very good” at the conclusion of the sixth day (Gen 1:31)! God gave us these desires in order to encourage us to fulfill our creation mandate. The book of Genesis teaches us that God created mankind “in his own image, male and female” (Gen 1:27), that they were given the task of being fruitful and multiplying, so as to fill the earth and have dominion over it (Gen 1:28). To fulfill this mandate required procreation, but in this act of intimacy more was happening, in Genesis 2 we learn that they become “one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). God is the union of three person, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, united in love and fellowship for all eternity. This is why the Apostle John can say that “God is love” (1 John 4:8). The physical and spiritual union a man and wife are to enjoy within marriage images the unity found in God’s divine love and fellowship!

The fruit of love is children and from children come family. The love that parents have for their children images the love that God has for his creation; but there is even more! The love a husband has for his wife should image the love that Christ has for His church. To the Ephesians, Paul reveals a great mystery:

Ephesians 5:28–32 ESV

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

In the same way, Paul tells wives, that they should love and submit to their husbands as the church does to Christ.

As you can see, marriage is a very good and high calling. The family is the cornerstone of God’s plan for humanity. In his book entitled, The Christian Family, Dutch pastor and theologian Herman Bavinck wrote, “Marriage was instituted so that the glory of the King would come to light in the multitude of his subjects.” In addition, he observed:

No school, no boarding school, no day-care center, no government institution can replace or improve upon the family...The family is the school of life, because it is the fountain and hearth of life.

This is why marriage, child bearing and family are so celebrated in the Old Testament. As the people of Israel would journey towards Jerusalem and the Temple to worship God at one of the great OT festivals, they would sing:

Psalm 127:3–5 ESV

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Under the New Covenant, this song of ascents is still sung, but now a new verse is added: a verse singing the praises of...

God’s Good Gift of Singleness

In addressing the error of asceticism, Paul did not want to leave a wrong impression—that the only calling a Christian can have is that of marriage. There is a new calling in the New Covenant, the calling of singleness. Carefully guarding his words, so that no one would misunderstand, Paul writes:

1 Corinthians 7:8–9 ESV

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Just like marriage, the calling of singleness is a gift. In what way is it a gift? From the context of these two verses, we see that this gift consists in the ability to control one’s sexual desires so as not “to burn with passion”. This control comes either by God giving someone a low level of natural desire or by supernaturally fortifying their self-control in this area. It is important that we recognize that this is an exceptional calling; the normative calling is still marriage in under the New Covenant. With this said, why does God call certain individuals, such as Paul to a life of singleness? Later in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul tells us. He writes:

1 Corinthians 7:26–31 ESV

I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

Jesus and His Apostles made it clear that when Christ began His public ministry, the Last Days had begun. We live in a locked room with a time bomb in the middle, we see the sticks of dynamite, we hear the timer ticking, but the timer’s hands are hidden from our view. We have no idea when the bomb is going off, but with each tick, we know the time is growing shorter! Paul is saying there is a urgency all Christians should feel in this life, be they married or unmarried, and if you are unmarried you should prayerfully consider the calling to singleness. In the next verses, he tells us why:

1 Corinthians 7:32–35 ESV

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

In light of the urgency of these days and the importance of the church fulfilling the Great Commission, the church needs those who are undivided in their devotion to the Lord. As John Piper likes to remind us, the Church needs to have a wartime mentality. Every Christians is to give their all to the war effort, but some need to be commandos for Christ. Those who are single are free to take on the most difficult missions and make the greatest sacrifices. Only a single person can do some tasks.

Consequently, the gift of singleness is a great and honorable calling.

As I close this message, I want to speak a few...

Words of Encouragement and Application

As I was preparing this message, I could not help but think of those we are single and long for marriage and a family, of those who are married and cannot have children, and of those who were once married but now find themselves single. To you, I want to speak of another calling—the calling of weakness.

In 2 Corinthians, Paul writes of being given “a thorn in the flesh” (2 Cor 12:7). Three times he prayed for this thorn to be removed (2 Cor 12:8). Finally, an answer came:

2 Corinthians 12:9–10 ESV

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Paul is saying that our weakness provide God an opportunity to display His power and sufficiency in our lives. Remember, that we learned earlier that marriage plays a key roll in our calling to be image-bearers of God. Weakness serves the same function. In your weakness and pain, God is manifesting His power and sufficiency.

How is God displaying His power and sufficiency?

He is displaying His power and sufficiency by pointing us to Christ. As we learned earlier from Paul as he wrote the Ephesians, marriage is a shadow pointing to a greater reality. Let me share with you the closing paragraph of Herman Bavinck’s book, The Christian Family:

Marriage was instituted so that the glory of the King would come to light in the multitude of his subjects. Once it has attained this goal, marriage itself will pass away. The shadow will make way for the substance, the symbol for the reality. The history of the human race began with a wedding; it also ends with a wedding, the wedding of Christ and his church, of the heavenly Lord with his earthly bride.

You see, those who are alone are never alone in Christ. Those who are childless are never childless in Christ. The gifts of marriage and singleness find their fulfillment in Christ. We are all at different places now, but we will all be in the same place soon! That place will be so far beyond the glories and pleasure of our earthly callings that there will be no comparison.