Holy Sex: What do I do/How do I minister

We are on week #4 of our series on “Holy Sex” and “Holy Sexuality” because that’s God’s challenging yet good vision for our sexuality.

We believe that God has designed sexuality, romance, and marriage for 1 biological man and 1 biological woman in the holy, awesome covenant of marriage.

Holy or holiness may sound churchy, religious, and negative.

but holiness in the Bible is beautiful. God is set apart completely—without sin; in his glory and majesty and power; in a class by his own.

and when we see that God’s design for our sexual activity is holiness—that is our sexuality is set apart to give Him glory--

we will see it not as constricting but actually as true freedom, as life giving.

Because we are living as God made us to be—in line with How he designed us—

—not as the world tells us

—or what our feelings tell us.

Today we are looking at some practical ministry questions related to this issue of same-sex attraction and same-sex sexual activity.

I am going to try my best to answer 2 challenging questions today.

Question #1: What do I do if I am currently experiencing same sex attraction? (there is probably someone here wrestling with this question)

Question #2: How do I love and walk with people who experience SSA or are living that lifestyle—b/c let’s face it. Most of us know someone in this reality. Many of you know several, and you love them, you care about them, you want to uphold the Bible’s vision for holy sexuality yet also want to be gracious.

let me read Romans 8:18-23 to help with this 1st one. Stand . Apostle Paul.

Romans 8:18–23 NIV

18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. 22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.

This passage is speaking to the reality if you are a Christian. What’s our reality?

2 truths in tension.

Truth #1: We groan.

Truth #2: We glory.

We groan—meaning we live in a fallen world. Creation is groaning b/c Adam and Eve rebelled against God; replaced God with themselves, so all the created order is fallen, decaying. Tornados and tsunamis. pain and suffering. Groaning.

And it’s personal—b/c it’s not just the created order that groans—we groan. Our bodies groan. Our minds and even our hearts, what we desire is affected by sin.

the image in verse 22 (on screen) We groan as in the pains of childbirth b/c of sin (vs. 22). I have never given birth to a child (fact),

but I have seen childbirth 3 times—as my beautiful wife gave birth to our 3 kids, and she experienced sometimes quite a lot of pain.

I don’t think us men could handle childbirth. We are too sensitive. All women said “Amen.”

That description of groaning and childbirth is meant to describe our current, sinful fallen existence at one level.

We groan. we live in a fallen world.

but that image of childbirth though painful—is hopeful-because through pain comes the beautiful birth of a baby.

so not all is lost. We glory. If you are a Christian—you have the firstfruits of the Spirit. (firstfruits—the first and best of the crop) When you believe in Jesus, your sin is transferred to Jesus (He paid it all); his righteousness is transferred to you; you are forgiven and clean, and the very Spirit of God comes inside and takes residence. and applies the blessings of Jesus Christ to you, so you can walk in Him.

The Spirit like the downpayment of even more to come from God. He applies the firstfruits and there is still more to yet

so we experience 2 realities that overlap--

we still groan—there is still pain and suffering; we will still die; we still experience the Fall and sinful desires.

and yet we glory—we have new life—we are new, the old has gone the new has come—there is hope! and joy! and peace! and the transformation and the Fruit of the Spirit! we have real power to resist and say no to sin and yes to Christ and honor Him. We can experience healing and deliverance of all kinds now.

but it doesn’t mean that we won’t experience temptation or struggle with sin as times. It doesn’t mean we are always healed every time we pray or get what we ask in our prayers. full glory will come when Jesus comes back or when we die.

already but not yet

and this is true of same sex attraction. Some who come to Christ may see that attraction go away, or dim, but for some, it may never go away—because we live with 2 realities now—

groaning...

glorying…

if you groan too much and never glory—you will never pray big prayers, ask God to do big things or expect much.

but if you glory too much you will be surprised when suffering comes your way; when things don’t always happen like they should.

this creates a proper perspective, healthy Spirit driven expectations.

so what do I do if I am experiencing SSA

Talk to God about it. (or pray)

God knows everything about you already. Your deepest thoughts and desires—He knows you better than yourselves.

And the example we get in Scripture—especially in the OT book of Psalms—is we can tell God anything—our fears, doubts, struggles, temptations, BRUTAL HONESTY.

you can tell God how you are feeling. You can tell God the attractions you are experiencing. You can tell God you don’t want them and how you feel about them.

In fact, processing our emotion before God—is spiritually and emotionally healthy.

you can also tell God about how you have messed up—this is for all sexual sinners—heterosexual or homosexual. lust and action...

1 John 1:9 — beautiful promise: If we are confess our sins to God, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all righteousness; talk to God.

Remember truth. (or think)

These feelings, desires, attractions...

They don’t keep you from God.

They don’t disqualify you from knowing God. They don’t disqualify you from ministry or making an eternal impact.

sometimes we think this is worse desire than others—

They don’t define you.

You are not your sexual attraction. Our culture says you are—look in and express it. that’s a lie. sexuality does not equal identity.

—Jesus says, deny yourselves and take up your cross. All sexual sinners have to deny something about how they feel.

but these desires are a reminder that none of us are right. all of us are sinners and in need of a Savior. we groan and glory. only Jesus can cleanse us and save. we don’t work for it—we come as we are, poor in spirit, spiritually bankrupt—admitting our need and help and Jesus cleanses us, changes us, and gives us a new identity in Him.

Talk to someone you trust about it.

I get this is hard. Especially in a small town. conservative community.

won’t that person hate me? judge me? reject me? Cancel me?

but if you go it alone, I believe it will only get worse. Sin and Satan thrive in isolation. Satan loves an isolated Christian—someone without support.

certainly you want to be careful who you tell; I would recommend not posting it on social media, but tell a best friend, a family, a pastor, a counselor as the Lord leads.

When someone comes to me sharing a deep secret they struggle with—I know I always consider it a tremendous privilege that they would trust me enough to share it. I actually respect them more...

I want to share a resource if this is you today—it’s from a website resource called livingout.org

Let’s watch (2 minutes)

so livingout.org

Chances are you may not want to tell someone; but you will look online—there are countless short testimonies and videos.

livingout.org

(pray for them?)

For the 2nd question—I want to relate it to John chapter 4.

because the question is how do we minister, love, walk with those who experience same-sex attraction or are currently living a gay lifestyle.

I won’t read the whole account, but it’s during Jesus’ ministry.

and in John 4—i am going to start reading at verse 4.

John 4:4–9 NIV

4 Now he had to go through Samaria. 5 So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. 6 Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon. 7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” 8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) 9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.)

This is an incredible encounter.

Many Biblical scholars have noted just how radical it was that Jesus—a Jewish, man was talking with a Samaritan woman.

He broke every social norm—every social expectation and barrier.

What barriers?

He broke the gender barrier. It wasn’t always appropriate for one man to talk with another woman who was not his wife.

He broke the religious barrier and theological barrier. the text says Jews don’t associate with Samaritans. Samaritans and Jews shared some religious history—they disagreed on some issues viewed each other with suspicion.

He broke the ethnic, racial barrier. Samaritans and Jews had the some of the same ancestors and family tree—but at some point their genealogy changed.

He broke the sin barrier. Jesus being a religious teacher, was talking with a woman who had lived a painful, sinful life.

John 4:10–12 NIV

10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” 11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? 12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

Jesus keeps going

John 4:13–14 NIV

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

It continues

John 4:15–18 NIV

15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” 16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.” 17 “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

This woman had lived a tough life.

she had had five husbands—we don’t know the circumstances of those situations.

Did some of them pass away, leaving her a widow?

Did they divorce her? That was a culture where men had all the rights—women did not.

Did she leave them?

Either way—it was a past of woundedness. Hurt. and currently she was living in sin.

Religious society would have looked down on her—and what did Jesus do?

What can we do when we minister and walk along those who experience same-sex attraction—or live that lifestyle.

Don’t freak out. Love, listen, and pray with and for them.

Jesus in his interaction with this woman—was so steady. he was there when she came; he initiated conversation; very purposeful. He listened; he loved her; this was a short conversation for sure, He invited her in the conversation.

if someone tells you that they are experiencing SSA or talks about their lifestyle with you—thank them. They trusted you! Thank them;

listen; ask good questions.

If we apply this to church as a whole—I would say as as a church, if we noticed a gay couple that starts attending, my advice would be to welcome them. Thank them for coming and not freak out.

because our goal is not even to highlight their sexuality (I don’t highlight anyone’s unless someone brings it up). Our goal is to lead them to Jesus—living water. Our goal just like anyone coming—we don’t focus on their sin first—we welcome them. help them experience who Jesus is, and as they do (over time), they will confess, repent, and turn to Jesus and then we will walk with them on this journey of what God says about their sexuality.

story of Joe and Maggie - took 1.5 years—didn’t address sexuality but led to Jesus—and He took care of it.

Tim Keller: “our churches should feel less like a waiting room for a job interview and more like a waiting room of an ER.”

parents, if your son or daughter would tell you that they are gay or living that lifestyle—even if you strongly disagree and believe it is wrong and sinful from the Bible, the first thing you should do and it may not feel natural, is give them a hug.

Thank them that they would feel safe to tell you.

chances are they already told others—and they told you in tremendous fear, thinking that you would reject them.

They already know where you stand.

Point that person to Jesus--Living water.

Again, this is your first priority. Show them Jesus. Talk about Jesus—lead them to Jesus.

Instead of making their sexuality the first issue—make it about Jesus Christ.

that’s what Jesus is doing—He is offering living water. Before he even confronts her sin, he offers her living water.

for those you are loving along this path—they need an identity change—from their sexuality to Jesus. Show them the overwhelming mercy and grace and love of God.

Over time, graciously discuss the truth of God’s Word and their sexuality.

what Jesus thinks

what the Bible says

but this may take time; you will have to earn the right.

If that person asks you what you think, don’t be afraid to share what God’s Word says, but don’t be pushy.

if you are younger, you may be tempted to make the truth squishy and fuzzy. Don’t.

Point lovingly to God’s Word.

emphasize this is the context of living water.

speak the truth in love. “I say this because I love you. God says this because He loves you. His Son died for you.”

Jesus challenged the woman on her sin.

Pray for them.

it will take the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit to open their eyes to the beauty of Jesus, living water.

to point to their sin.

to show that it is more worth it to follow Jesus—to know Jesus—than to do whatever they think or feel is right.

Christopher Yuan in Out of a Far Country:Christopher's long and difficult journey started in the suburbs of Chicago. His dad, Leon, was a dentist and his mother, Angela, stayed at home with their children. Christopher's parents raised both of their sons to work hard and honor family. (traditional Chinese culture) “work hard, get good grades, and practice piano.”

They were thrilled when Christopher decided to follow in his father's footsteps and become a dentist; however, their happiness was quickly followed by profound disappointment when Christopher told them he was gay. His mother, in particular, was devastated.

Christopher's testimony, told in his book Out of a Far Country: A Gay Son's Journey to God, A Broken Mother's Search for Hope, combines his story with his mother's spiritual journey. After Christopher "came out" to his parents, he began living an increasingly promiscuous life. He also began experimenting with and selling illegal drugs. Meanwhile, his mother began searching for God.

b/c when he told her—his parents were atheists. Didn’t believe in God at the time. His mom basically said “choose your lifestyle or choose the family.” He chose his lifestyle and walked out.

this devastated his mom—to the point she was ready to commit suicide. had a plan, but before she did she felt led to a visit a chaplain who encouraged her and gave her a pamphlet on God’s love—she read in that from From Romans 8 — nothing can separate her from God’s love. and so she surrendered her life to Christ.

After Angela became a Christian, she began to fervently pray for her son, even as she watched his life spiral out of control.

get this—she would pray and fast every week—every Monday. She once fasted and prayed almost 40 days for her son.

Christopher was expelled from dental school and imprisoned for dealing drugs. Then he found out he was HIV positive.

In prison, he found a Bible and began reading...

While studying the Bible, Christopher slowly realized he had put his identity in the wrong thing, his sexuality. But, God called him to put his main identity in Jesus Christ alone. This new identity in Christ compelled him to live in obedience to God whether regardless of what his sexual desires were. This obedience led to a radically changed life.

It took the supernatural power of God—the power of a praying mom—

Mother’s Day coming up.

On our knees..

don’t underestimate that.

Let’s pray.

End --

I marvel at Jesus’ interaction with the Samaritan woman.

He is the perfect embodiment of grace and truth.

I want to end by reading John 4:13-14

John 4:13–14 NIV

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

what are you drinking from today?

we need water for life. you can survive without food for a while but not without water.

some of us are drinking spiritually from all sorts of things—not just our sexuality, but money, possessions, achievement, tradition, even good things—we drink those things but they don’t satisfy.

Only Jesus does.

Jesus makes an incredible promise—you will never thirst again.

in fact—Jesus will so transform you—he will produce a spring of water welling up to eternal life!!

ending:

John 4:13–14 NIV

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”