honor your parents

If you have been following this series of messages on the Ten Commandments, then you know that we have been taking them in reverse order, starting at ten and counting down to one. That would mean we ought to be up to the sixth commandment today. But since today happens to be Mother’s Day, it seemed more appropriate that we shuffle the order a little bit and take a look at the fifth commandment today—a commandment that speaks to the issue of honoring parents.

To do this I want us to consider a few verses from the apostle Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. Let me set up this passage. The letter of Ephesians comes in two parts. The first half of Ephesians is all about the basic gospel teaching of being saved by grace through faith. Ephesians 2:10 says

Ephesians 2:10 NIV

10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

the passage we are looking at today comes from the second part of Ephesians. In the second half of the letter, Paul gives examples for the Ephesian people of what life looks like when these principles of grace and faith are applied. It is Paul’s description of what these good works of faith look like.

This passage forces us to note the difference between prescription and description when interpreting the Bible

Before we read this passage, let me take a moment to point out an important feature of biblical interpretation. Whenever we read the Bible we make interpretations in order to take the words from a text that is thousands of years old and apply it to our world today. The feature I want us to note especially in this passage today is the difference between description and prescription. We face that choice all the time when we read the Bible whether we realize it or not. Sometimes the Bible is describing something to us—simply giving us a picture (a description) of what life was like in that time and in that place and in that culture. Other times the Bible is prescribing something to us—telling us that the instruction of these words is meant to apply to all times and all places and all cultures. For example, the biblical instruction to love your neighbors is prescription; the Bible is prescribing a principle of Christian living that is always to observed by God’s people in every time and culture. But on the other hand the biblical instruction we see in a passage such as 1 Timothy 2, which says women should not braid their hair or wear gold jewelry, is a description; the Bible is describing a particular practice that fits a particular time and place and culture.

I bring this up because the verses we are about to see talk about the relationship between parents and children, and also about the relationship between slaves and masters. And we are going to have to untangle in these verses what is prescribed as biblical truth for all times and places, and what is described as a particular example of application for that time and place and culture.

Ephesians 6:1–9 NIV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” 4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. 5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. 6 Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. 7 Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, 8 because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free. 9 And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.

prescribing a principle for how we understand honor and respect for authority describing the local context into which that principle of honor and authority took shape

The world of the Bible in which the apostle Paul lived accepted slavery as part of their normal culture. Obviously, we live in a time in which slavery is no longer condoned as a part of our culture. This is where we make a distinction in how we read and interpret the Bible. God is prescribing a principle for how we understand honor and respect for authority. But the biblical writer, Paul, is describing the local context into which that principle of honor and authority took shape in his own time and place and culture.

So, our task here with the fifth commandment needs an additional step. We need to begin by asking whether the honor and authority being spoken of in this commandment applies only to parents and children, or is it meant as something which applies more broadly to all examples of honor and authority? In other words, do we need to dig beyond the description in order to find the prescription in this commandment?

HC 104 — “That I honor, love, and be loyal to my father and mother and all those in authority over me.”

A reminder from the Heidelberg Catechism is helpful here. Question 104 about this commandment gives the response, “That I honor, love, and be loyal to my father and mother and all those in authority over me.” A little bridging of today’s passage from the world of the biblical text into our world is necessary. We still have a family system built upon parents and children. But some of the other systems of authority have changed. We no longer live in a world in which government is built upon monarchies with kings and emperors. And we no longer live in a world in which the economy is built upon slaves and masters.

Authority

schools: teachers, coaches — workplace: managers, supervisors — state: elected officials, judges, police

So, you and I need to do a little extra work to identify all the various instances in our own lives in which there are relationships of authority. The family is the best and most natural place to start, but don’t let it end there. Children might also identify teachers and coaches as people of authority. In the workplace we haver bosses and supervisors and managers. In our society we have elected officials, judges, and police officers. We all live in a world in which there are several examples of authority which we hold.

Do I selectively omit authority to fit my own desire?

Now then, the challenge here for us is that since we have to bridge from the world of the Bible into our world, that we become selective in replacing the descriptions of authority in the Bible with whatever fits our own desires. Perhaps this is even more so for Americans who hold such a high view of autonomy and individualism. There are certainly those in our country who do not like the idea of the government telling them what to do, so they simply claim the government has no right to authority over them. There are always examples of children who rebel against the authority of parents. There are Christians who seek faith in God, but will also say that the church has no right to tell them how to live. We don’t have to dig very deep until we discover that every single one of us has examples in which we don’t always honor authority.

Honor

Greek timao “honor” = respect, worthiness, to hold in high value

Let’s talk about that next. In order to get a better idea of what the fifth commandment is telling us, consider for a moment what it means to honor authority. The Greek word used in this passage is timao. It means honor, respect, worthy, to hold in high value. Paul says that children should obey parents in the Lord. This obedience is a sign of their honor and respect. But let’s make sure we understand that honor and obedience are two separate things.

honor and obedience

instances in which honoring parents may not necessarily be tied directly to obedience — qualifier: “in the Lord”

If my father came to me and handed me a gun and instructed me to shoot him with it, I would not obey. In an example like that the thing that would honor my father would be to disobey him. I admit that is a rather unimaginable example. But bring it further in. For people whose parents struggle with an alcohol or drug addiction, sometimes doing the honorable thing for your parents is to disobey. A really tough issue for families happens when an aging parent may no longer be healthy enough to safely drive a car. There can be instances in which honoring parents may not necessarily be tied directly to obedience. Perhaps this is why Paul gives a qualifier; he says obey your parents in the Lord. Our obedience to God always comes first. And when our obedience to God also aligns with obedience to earthly authority, then we are called to honor that authority through obedience.

I imagine that for most of us this is true at least 99% of the time. So, before students go from here with some idea that you no longer have to obey parents because pastor said honoring and obeying are not the same thing, most of the time it is the same thing because the obedience our parents are requiring of us is honorable obedience.

those who have authority are responsible to honor the authority they hold

Which brings us to the issue of what it truly means to honor a person who holds authority. And here is where the passage unveils for us a two-way street. The responsibility for honor goes both ways. It applies to the one under authority as well as to the one who holds authority. Now we see a whole new side to the fifth commandment. It is not just a commandment for those who have authority over them, it is also a commandment for those who are in a position of having authority. It is as much a commandment for the parent as it is the child. It is as much a commandment for the judge as it is for the one standing trial. It is as much a commandment for the police officer as it is for the citizen who needs correction. It is as much a commandment for the pastor and the elder as it is for the parishioner in the congregation.

Look at how this works. Not only does Paul instruct children to obey parents in the Lord, he also tells parents to bring up their children in the instruction of the Lord. Not only does Paul tell slaves to obey masters as they would obey Christ, he also tells masters to treat slaves in a way which acknowledges that even the masters themselves are under Christ who is the master over all. The kind of honor which the Bible is speaking about in a commandment such as this is an honor which acknowledges the centrality of God within our relationships of authority. If I am one who serves under authority, then I will serve as Christ serves the church. And if I am one given a position to be in authority, then I will lead as Christ leads the church.

God is central in our relationships of authority

This is where I would like us to see some application for this commandment in our world today. It is a reminder that God is central in our relationships of authority, no matter which side of that authority we may be on. We have seen that the Greek word timao which translates as “honor” also carries the meaning of worthy, or to hold high value. In our relationships there is a call from God to treat one another with the same worthiness and high value we are given from God. For those God has placed in authority over me, I am to treat those relationships with the worthiness and value God has given to those in authority. And for those who God has placed under my authority, I am responsible to hold those people in the kind of care and dignity which affirms the value and worth they have before God.

when authority is abused, it is a call to make God the center of authority again

when honor is abused, it is a call to make God the center of honor again

I think we are all aware that in our broken and sinful world, authority can be abused. There are those who abuse authority for greedy or selfish gain. And there are those who ignore and rebel against the authorities over them for their own selfish reasons. God’s desire for our relationships of authority seeks to transform and restore the way that authority builds upon the value and worth of people rather than abuse and diminish the value and worth of people.

Perhaps many of us know what it feels like to have had a relationship which abuses authority. We know what it feels like to used by someone else, to be undervalued or devalued, to feel trapped under those who fail to honor the authority they have over us. Or perhaps you know what it feels like to be in a position of authority and pour your heart and soul into those you lead only to see someone take advantage of your kindness, to have your trust betrayed by someone entrusted to your care, to have an employee or a student steal from you or lie to you. It’s a broken and sinful world. We all know what it feels like to have relationships of authority abused. Things do not go well when we fail to honor one another the way God desires in those relationships.

Paul makes the observation that this commandment also comes with a result: that it may go well with you. A promise that when we find opportunity to hold relationships of authority in honor, it goes well. When those in authority honor the ones for whom they are responsible, and when those under authority honor the ones who are responsible over them—when both of those things happen—then it goes well.

find two relationships of authority that you can push deeper in honor someone who is in a place of authority over you someone looking up to you for leadership and guidance

use the natural relationships God has already given among us to find opportunities this week to elevate the value and worth of those around us

This week then, I challenge you to find two relationships of authority that you can push deeper in honor. Pick one relationship of someone who is in a place of authority over you, and find at least one way you can express a greater sense of honor in that relationship. And pick one relationship in which there is someone looking up to you for leadership and guidance, and find at least one way you can express a greater sense of honor in that relationship. Use the natural relationships God has already given among us to find opportunities this week to elevate the value and worth of those around us. Because God values you, find a way to value others as God values them in the way we honor one another.