By Covenant

Article from the BBC the british broadcat corportation. After seven years of marriage, 29-year-old Sophie Turner and her husband filed for divorce. They’d never discussed splitting up before the coronavirus crisis, but during the pandemic, their marriage soured. “I was more stressed, and it was all just building up, and we decided for maybe a trial separation,” says Turner, a support worker for children’s social services in Suffolk, England. “Very quickly we realized it was going to be more permanent than that.” 

Their experiences are becoming increasingly common, with divorce applications and break-ups skyrocketing across the UK and around the world. Leading British law firm Stewarts logged a 122% increase in enquiries between July and October, compared with the same period last year.

At law-firm Stewarts, partner Carly Kinch describes the pandemic as “the perfect storm” for couples, with lockdowns and social distancing causing them to spend increased amounts of time together. This has, in many cases, acted as a catalyst for break-ups that may already have been on the cards, especially if previous separate routines had served to mask problems.

But like many pandemic break-ups, theirs also coincided with communication problems. She says, “we were getting on each other’s nerves, and not really talking properly.” An increase in Turner’s domestic workload, as she home-schooled her son and looked after a relative’s children, also caused friction. She says her partner found it difficult that her attention was elsewhere.

“Unfortunately, our relationship was one of the elements that demanded too much effort on my part: emotionally, mentally and physically.

But relationship experts believe that even strong couples who weren’t facing problems before the pandemic, and avoided major shifts in household health or dynamics may also be susceptible to break-ups. This is because the pandemic has taken away “well-established routines that offered comfort, stability and rhythm”

So you see again we are losing the essence and nature of what marriage really is and that is what is causing continued divorce. Our world sees marriage as a way to live a better life and have a better lifestyle. A limited liability partnership that can be easily dissolved when we don’t find that our life is better. And when we see something that would work our better for us then we are quick to get it. This is cart before the horse kind of thing. The more I see divorce the more I am convinced that we do not know what a marriage is.

Oh but Shane we are actually seeing statistics that divorce rates are going down since COVID in the US. Forbes, Wall Street Journal, NY Times, Bloomberg, and Time all report declining divorce rates during Covid. So the US is doing better…not really. The contributing factor is that less people are getting married now, no weddings during Covid and couples have come to the realization that divorce is expensive and in these uncertain economic times couple find that it would be cheaper to stay together. Lifestyle is better staying married.

Sure it would be different, if the reason for the decline in divorces is because people have come to realize that marriage is sacred before God and worth fighting for. But as one of my unbelieving friend who was going through a divorce told me when I told him that marriage was a sacred institution before God… why should I believe that? Christians don’t even believe that as he begins to tell me of Christians he knows and even some who I know mutually who go divorced.

But we need to see today that the continued reason ultimately for divorce, even among Christians is a real failure to know what it actually is. The many of commentary in the news about Gates and his wife’s publicized divorce shows that we do not understand marriage in our current culture. And if the institution of marriage is one that was instituted by God, then we should go to God to find out what it is. And we also find out that marriage is also not ultimately for us, but ultimately for God. It is God who made it, it was God who united it, it was God who bound it, it was God who seal it, and it was God who empowers it. All for His glory. Marriage is not to give us the life we want, but to give Him the glory He deserves. This is in essence why Dr. John Piper writes, “Staying married is not about staying in love.” Let’s check this out today.

Malachi 2:13–15 NLT

Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure. You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows. Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the Word of our God stands forever.

A Context

A Covenant

A Connection

The first thing we are gonna look at today is a context for the writing of what was declared by the prophet Malachi. Second, we will see the beautiful God glorifying wonder of something we call a covenant. And finally, we will see how the Lord receives glory though the union of Christ with His bride the church.

Thesis: Though sin and the pattern of this world cause us to lose sight of and degrade the importance and sanctity of the institution of marriage even within the walls of the church, it is the power of the Holy Spirit and the truth of scripture that will instruct and inspire us to embrace the true nature of leaving and cleaving in our union in marriage and the glory that comes to the Lord as we the church are united with Christ the King of kings.

I. A Context

- Historical and cultural background for the time of Malachi.

A. So we have a problem during Malachi’s time in Israel pretty similar to our time today. Like the saying goes, the more things change the more things stay the same. Divorce rates were up because of faithlessness, stubbornness, hard heartedness, and people just not wanting to listen to good advice or counsel anymore. Clearly they did not trust the Lord anymore.

Malachi 2:16 ESV

“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

B. But another reason the Malachi gives for all the divorce is that they were interested in foreign women who worship other gods. Now lust would have been a factor, for the foreign women of other cultures may have displayed more sensuality and perverseness that appealed to the sexual urges of the Jews.

C. Moreover marriage to foreign women in the region had other lifestyle advantages. Now after the return from exile in Babylon, Judah was a small, disadvantaged region of the Persian Empire. They were surrounded by much more powerful and influential regions. In times like these, marriage was a useful means of gaining political and economic advantage. Essentially, many of the men had abandoned their wives in search of a better life. They decided to provide for themselves, even if it meant sacrificing their bride and children.

D. Another reason why they were drawn away into divorce was that they felt like they were abandoned by God.

Malachi 1:2 NLT

“I have always loved you,” says the Lord. But you retort, “Really? How have you loved us?” And the Lord replies, “This is how I showed my love for you: I loved your ancestor Jacob,

When the Jews came back from exile they did not fall into the lap of luxury. There was hard ship and suffering. Suffering made them desperate, some of them desperate enough to abandon their covenants and desert their families. Beneath the marital infidelity was a deeper fear and wrestling — not with a spouse, but with God.

E. All of this together seemed to be part of the reason why many were abandoning their covenant relationships. Hard-hearted stubborn faithlessness, lust and lifestyle, and the belief that they were abandoned by God who did not relieve their hardships. This is really not that far away from reasons why divorce happens today.

F. I can attest to many divorces that happen because of hard heartedness. People just stop listening. Husbands and wives that just don’t care anymore. They don’t care what people say, they just don’t care even what the Bible says… I remember one wife telling me… “I would rather spend the eternity in hell with the Devil and his angels than one more moment with this man.” I can even remember one husband that was just gone days before their divorce. Was not talking was not responding to my pleas my counsel and my prayer. He was looking at me, but just not responding. Like I said about this… all the lights were on but nobody was home. They just have no faith in God anymore. They just give up believing that God will save their marriage… but save it how? Back to that later.

G. They gave in to their lustful passions… many end in divorce because they just can’t deny their urges. They give in to pleasure. They give in to temptation. Lust takes over. This was bad in the Persian empire, who was known for sensualism, perversion, erotic pleasure all over the place. But we today can give them a run for their money. Hook up internet sites, internet porn, porn, strip clubs, the burlesque house, prostitution, casual sex, bootie calls, coupled with our society’s mantra of... if it feels good do it… how can it be wrong if it feels so right… to deny our own impulses is to deny the thing that makes us human. All of this contributes to the infidelity that results in divorce.

H. But many today might think that it is not common for marriage connection that make for a better lifestyle. Remember the Jews...many of the men had abandoned their wives in search of a better life. But I can tell you first hand that this happens today. I used to work for the Honolulu city liquor enforcement and training department and there were many of cases of families coming to Hawaii from Korea and the husband disappearing… abandoning wife and children for a better life in America.

I. Finally, it is not uncommon to hear many a couple complain wondering where God is when they are faced with marriage problems. They feel abandoned by God just like the Israelites did. They said… “Really? How have You loved us?” When you tell them that God has not left them, they don’t believe it. Where is He? Where has He been? This is all on Him. Why does He not help us? Why does He let this all continue? Why does He not do something?

J. Many of these reasons are why many today get a divorce and the reasons why many got divorced during the return from exile in Persia. But interesting here is how the Lord deals with the problem. He does not give them marriage books, marriage DVD testimonies, marriages keys to success portfolios, practical methods of matrimony flash cards, marriage retreats, marriage seminars or conferences (not that any of these things are wrong). But here is the key...

K. He rebukes them by reminding them what marriage is and why it is worth fighting for with all of our hearts, all of our souls, with all of our minds, with all of our strength. He rebukes us by teaching us.

II. A Covenant

- Hello… you made a promise.

A. When we got married, we made a promise to each other before God and many other witnesses. In our passage we saw that God witnessed this union.

Malachi 2:14 NLT

You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.

B. And that is essentially what a covenant is… an agreement. A promise. Let’s be honest today… what did we actually mean when we said “I do?” Was it just a goal? Was it something you were willing to try to do? Well did our best… or was it a promise for better or worse or were we just kidding.

C. It seems almost impossible for us today to get this… our word means nothing anymore. I mean how can it… the main idol in our world today is self, and the main doctrine in our world today is autonomy, and its central act of worship in our world today is being entertained, and its two main shrines are the television and the mobile, and its most sacred act of reverence is the uninhibited act of all pleasure sinful or not.

D. Today marriage is not understood as a institution that glorifies God, but a limited liability partnership for the mutual benefit of both parties who desire a better lifestyle for the interested party. Marriage is a way to trap individuals for the benefit of the one. It is a way to gain a desired level of lifestyle. It is a way to gain status or popularity. It is a way to get more money. It is a way to be the envy of others around. It is what you gotta do if you are afraid to be alone. It is a way to enslave another person so that you won’t be alone in your life of misery. It is a way to drag another down with you. It is a way receive help for our emotional dependance. It is a way to get someone to take care of you. It is a way to gratify the desires of the flesh. It is a way to make our parents happy. It is what you gotta do if you wanna have sex.

E. Those are just a few of the many many many reasons why people get married, but the whole point of it all… and I stress this truth in marriage counseling… the main reason why we get married is to bring glory to God. Sure there are many benefits that come with it, but the point of it all is that it is a covenant made before God to glorify Him. To glorify God.

F. A wedding is a celebration not because of a love that was found, but of a love that was promised. A wedding is a celebration not because of a love that was found, but of a love that was promised.

G. Why does God want us to make this promise… this covenant. We make these promises precisely because, as committed and in love as we feel in our white dress and tuxedo, we might want or probably want to leave one day. Yes Because as many of us know today… marriage is really really really hard. Why did we not see this before… Because dating accentuates our similarities, marriage accentuates our differences. When we were dating we had so much in common now that we are married its like we live o two different planets. So you see, that is why we needed a promise. A covenant. If we abandon our promise when it doesn’t serve us anymore, we prove that the vow wasn’t really a promise, but just a formal way to get what we wanted.

H. An older married couple offered these words of advice to a young couple during their wedding ceremony: Your love is priceless and needs to be guarded. Selfishness, pride, lack of forgiveness, and inattentiveness are but some of the many thieves capable of stealing away your love. In a sense your marriage is like a treasure chest forming a protective casing around your love, preventing your love from being stolen. Treasure chests have hard sides. The hardness protects what is on the inside ….

I. Marriage being a treasure chest does not make sense unless you see it through the lens of scripture. Marriage being a covenant.

- Many people live with the false assumption that love enables a marriage to survive. But that is not the case. Your love will not ensure your marriage will survive; it is your marriage which will ensure your love will survive. This is the very reason God ordained marriage. Marriage keeps love alive, not love keeps marriage alive.

III. A Connection

- The great mystery.

A. So I start with the assumption that our own sin and selfishness and cultural bondage makes it almost impossible to feel the wonder of God’s purpose for marriage between a man and a woman. The fact that we live in a society that can even conceive of — let alone defend — two men or two women entering a relationship and with wild inconceivability calling it marriage, shows that the collapse of our culture into debauchery and barbarism and anarchy is probably not far away.

B. I mention all this in the hopes that it might possibly wake you up to consider a vision of marriage higher and deeper and stronger and more glorious than anything this culture — or perhaps you yourself — ever imagined. The greatness and glory of marriage is beyond our ability to think or feel without divine revelation and without the illumining and awakening work of the Holy Spirit. The world cannot know what marriage is without learning it from God. The natural man does not have the capacities to see or receive or feel the wonder of what God has designed for marriage to be.

C. We rest on the scriptures that we might be set free from small, worldly, culturally contaminated, self-centered, Christ-rejecting, God-neglecting, romance-intoxicated, unbiblical views of marriage.

D. And the scriptures show us of the beauty of marriage and how it is used to teach us about the union with Christ and the Church. A union that is only made possible because of what Christ has done for us.

E. The ironic thing about difficulties in marriage is what it does. We feel like God abandons us because he does not stop the hardships, but it is those hardships that is by grace showing us what is wrong with us. When we are selfish in marriage it is showing us that we have a lot of selfishness that needs to be purged. God wants us to see how sinful we are so that we seek the Lord not for our spouse to be fixed, but for our hearts to be changed.

F. Marriage is to bring glory to God and our sanctification will glorify Him is so many ways. And how does this happen? Because there is salvation found in Christ and the gospel will transform us into the vessels of peace God intended.