The Law of Kindness (Eph. 4:31-32)

Introduction

· Please turn in your Bibles to Ephesians 4 this morning.

· Last week we noticed Paul has come to the most practical portion of his letter. Ephesians 4-6 are a kind of “instruction manual” for Christian living, or as we said last week, this last section of ch. 4 is like a “recipe” for a happy home and a healthy church. We looked together at the first four ingredients of that recipe: Honesty – to put away all falsehood, and speak the truth in love (25), restraint – to be angry and not sin, and not let the sun go down on our anger, to leave it unresolved (26-27), generosity – to stop stealing, cheating people of what belongs to them, and start working hard so we can help others instead (28), encouragement – to wash our mouths out of all filthy and stinky talk, and instead to speak only what builds up (29-30). Today, we want to look at the fifth ingredient: kindness.

· Read vv. 31-32

· Once again, we have the same put off/put on formula that we’ve seen throughout this chapter. We need to mortify ungodly behavior, jettison old thinking, strip off layers of the old man that still linger, and instead put on Jesus Christ and his virtues.

Put Off Anger

· Notice what we are to “put off” in verse 31. Six different words to describe anger. In v. 26, we were told to be angry, but not sin, and not let that sin fester, lest we open a door up for the devil, like leaving our doors unlocked and keys in the car. In v. 31, we’re introduced to six different forms of unrighteous anger. If nothing else, this should warn us that even Christians can become angry people. One of our members, Buddy Wymore, who went to be with the Lord a few years ago, used to say that “some Christians act like they’ve been baptized in vinegar.” They seem a little sour all the time.

· And that anger can take many different forms. Sometimes anger is a slow burn like kerosene. Sometimes it is explosive like gunpowder. Sometimes it’s hidden deep in the nooks and crannies of heart, almost imperceptible. Other times, it’s plastered all over one’s facial expressions, their tone of voice, and their body language and behavior. Anger may cause some people to blow up, erupting like a violent volcano. But anger will cause other people to clam up, withdrawing inside like a turtle into his shell, punishing others with the silent treatment, unwilling to emerge again until much later, but never wanting to talk about or resolve the issue. Anger may be directed at a single person, or it may come to almost define every situation and relationship. Some become easily agitated, constantly frustrated, getting angry at almost every inconvenience. Be on guard!

· Proverbs 14:29 Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.

· Proverbs 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

· Proverbs 22:24–25 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.

· Early on in my time here, our church member covenant contained a statement that we as members would commit to “to avoid all tattling, backbiting, and excessive anger.” The language was a bit outdated, but more importantly, it wasn’t really theologically correct on the subject of anger. And so I taught on the subject. We noticed as a church that it’s no so much the amount, as the type of anger. It’s not an issue of quantity but quality. Even a tiny amount of unrighteous anger is still wrong. And a large amount of righteous anger is right, as long as it remains restrained by the Holy Spirit. And so I made a recommendation to change the wording from “excessive anger” to “unrighteous anger.” Ironically, one of the men in our church became angry over this change! He raised his voice at me and said, Anger is sin! And he quoted James 1:20 “for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God!!” Well, that’s true. Anger is indeed a dangerous thing. But the key is whether it’s unrighteous anger. And all these words in verse 31 speak of unrighteous anger.

· Hebrews 12:14–15 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;

· Perhaps the author had in mind Deuteronomy 29:18 Beware lest there be among you a man or woman or clan or tribe whose heart is turning away today from the Lord our God to go and serve the gods of those nations. Beware lest there be among you a root bearing poisonous and bitter fruit,

· Getting rid of the cottonwood tree in our front yard. Very persistent. Sends out long roots. Even when I cut it down, poured vinegar on it, it came back again the next year. Had to completely uproot the tree, and even then, this spring, I saw some new shoots that came up either form remnants of the roots or as seedlings.

· How do I know if my anger is righteous or unrighteous? Take a little self-evaluation: Am I slow to anger, and hard to provoke, like wet firewood that is hard to ignite? Am I only angry about the kind of things that make God angry (things that dishonor God)? Are my thoughts and desires God-centered rather than self-centered? Am I responding with self-control, and in ways approved by God’s word (e.g. not yelling, making threats, using harsh discipline)? Am I giving my anger over quickly to God and not allowing it to boil inside?

· >>Well, that’s what we are to put off. Now, let’s see what we are to put on.

Put On Kindness

· Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit, which means we need the Spirit’s help, and we must submit to him and follow his leading if we are to grow in this vital attribute.

· Jerry Bridges, in The Practice of Godliness, a study through the fruit of the Spirit, defines kindness this way: “kindness is a sincere desire for the happiness of others.” (repeat that)

· Our God is the very epitome of kindness. Luke 6:35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. He says something similar in Matthew 5:44–45 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

· How kind God is to all people! How patient he is with us!

· As a side note, I have known many men who grew in their theology, but they did not have a corresponding growth in their kindness. It’s good for us to think deep thoughts about God. But it is also important for us to grow in our likeness to God. Otherwise, knowledge will puff up. If you do not pursue kindness, mercy, and love, then doctrine will make you cocky, critical, argumentative, and nearly always angry. And you only have to read 1 Cor. 13 to see how much your spiritual gifts and theology matter if they are divorced from love. You will actually do more harm than good.

· Always keep in mind 2 Timothy 2:24–26 And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

· Kindness is also the mark of a godly woman, and of a faithful mother. Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. Proverbs 31:26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

· Some practical ways to show kindness: learn to smile, look people in the eye, address people by name, learn to say thank you, take an interest in others by asking questions, give compliments but don’t flatter, leave things better than you found them, make a phone call, send a text, mail a card, bring a treat, go sit by the lonely person, give others your full attention, try to anticipate the needs of others, show up early, stick around late.

· Natalie’s kindness – puts other people at ease. Anytime we have people over, she reminds me to ask if they have any allergies, or likes or dislikes. She looks for ways to make space in our closet or a dresser for a guest to hang up their clothes. Even in college, she would go to the nursing home, and would seem to gravitate to the person who seemed the most lonely, frail, and forgotten, and spend time listening to them and given them attention.

· I have seen a spirit of kindness in many others of you as well. Husbands, notice these acts of kindness, call them out, don’t take them for granted.

· The key: the gospel. See parable…

· Matthew 18:23–35 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

· Be kind, and forgive, as God in Christ has forgiven you. God is so kind!

Conclusion

· I had to give some hard news last week, and we have some trials and transitions ahead. I personally don’t like trials. I don’t rejoice when they come. I’m not that spiritual. But God has been so kind to this church. He will continue to be kind. And your kindness toward one another is one of the things that will stand out and draw more to come here.