Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage
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Intro: We live in an hour in which the home is under attack. And, I realize that this is an unpleasant topic to preach about, but it is one which touches every life in this room in one fashion or another. My desire this morning in talking about the matter of divorce and remarriage is to be sensitive to those who have been affected by this terrible thing, but at the same time, I am obligated to share the truth of God’s Word with you as it has been revealed unto me.
What I want from you this morning is for you to forget everything you have ever heard about this matter. Forget your prejudices and your preconceived notions and allow the Word of God to speak directly to your heart. This is an area in which I have devoted much study and prayer, because I wanted to arrive at the truth of this matter. I realize that not everyone who hears me today is going to agree with all that I say. That’s all right!
Remember, We have already discovered that Being Single is a gift from God. We have also discovered that Being Married is a gift from God. And, we have discovered that Marriage is better than lust and fornication.
Now today, if you choose marriage Paul deals with this choice and the choice of divorce.
Therefore, I challenge you to be open to the Word of God and if you find that you have believed incorrectly about this matter, then I challenge you to get in line with God and His Word. With these thoughts in mind, I would like for us to turn our attention to the Word of God and allow this Book to guide us in understanding this matter of divorce and remarriage, as we consider together God’s Word To The Separated.
10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
The Plain Fact
The Plain Fact
10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
In beginning this section, Paul is addressing Christians who may be experiencing strain in the marriages. His word to them is simply this, “Do not divorce!” While some may feel that this is a tough stand, that is the clear word from God in the matter.
In fact, Jesus himself said the same thing while He was here on the earth—
2 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.
3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
10 And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.
11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
18 Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.
Perhaps a little understanding of the social conditions in Paul’s day will be helpful in our understanding of his position. History tells us that in Corinth and in the culture as a whole, divorce was running rampant. It was not uncommon for people to have been married 15 or 20 times during the course of their lives. Paul is simply telling the Corinthian saints that God has a higher standard than that of the world.
While the divorce and remarriage rates aren’t any where near those that prevailed in Paul’s day, there is still a serious problem in our society in regard to this matter.
The clear implication from these verses is that when 2 people are in a marriage relationship they become as one,
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
They also become a living illustration of the relationship between Christ and His people,
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
When that union is severed by divorce, we bring disgrace upon the name of the Lord Jesus Christ!
Surely some will say, “Well, doesn’t the Lord allow for divorce at all?” The answer is “yes” and we will get to that before the message is concluded.
For now though, we need to understand that God’s perfect will is that husbands and wives stay together until death separates them one from the other,
9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Now, having said that, I do not believe the Lord would have a woman continue to live in a situation where her life is threatened.
Neither do I believe that she should keep her children in such and environment.
There are situations where the physical and emotional abuse is so strong that the couple cannot continue to live under the same roof and according to these verses, SEPARATION is a possibility, but divorce is not an option in such cases!
Please note that most divorces today stem from what are termed “irreconcilable differences” between Christians, there is no such thing!
The Bible strictly forbids remarriage in these cases. In those cases where a divorce is obtained and granted then verse 11 tells us the Lord’s mind in the matter.
The separated people have one of 2 options available:
1.) Be reconciled, or
2.) Remain unmarried.
That may sound narrow-minded and strict, but that is the Word of God and not the opinion of this preacher! What if they remarry anyway? Then, according to the word of Jesus in Mark 10:2–12 and in Luke 16:18, they are guilty before the Lord of adultery.
I do not believe that the Bible teaches that it is possible to live in a constant state of adultery.
My feeling is that it is the act of the new marriage and the consummation of it that constitutes the adultery.
In cases such as this, all I can say is that the divorce was a sin and that all the people involved can do is repent before the Lord and He will forgive their sin.
Then, they are to live for the Lord to the best of their ability and forget the past. Their duty is to serve the Lord in their new relationship as best they can.
Some would counsel the couple to divorce and for the partners to be reconciled to their former mates, but 2 wrongs never make a right!
The best that can be done is that men and women serve the Lord in the place they presently find themselves.
It would be impossible for us to exhaust every possible scenario in dealing with this matter. We can always produce another “What if?” case. What Paul is doing is simply laying down a biblical principle for life that can either be accepted or rejected by those who read it.
To accept it will bring blessing, to reject it will bring judgment!
Can anyone argue the plain truth that God forbids divorce among His people? There are some statement that need to be made here that need to be heard and remembered:
1. God never intends for anyone to get a divorce.
2. A Christian couple should never divorce, but by the help of the Lord, they should reconcile their differences.
No sin is too great to be conquered if both partners are walking in love one toward the other!
3. Divorce should be eliminated from the Christian vocabulary.
It is never an option!
4. Divorce is never commanded in any situation.
5. Divorce and remarriage disqualifies you from certain positions within the local church.
6. Divorce is a sin, but no greater than any other sin and can be forgiven by the Lord.
7. Those who have been through a divorce are not second class citizens in the church and should never be treated as such.
If God forgives, then His people must forgive as well!
The Proverbial Followup
The Proverbial Followup
12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
Paul now turns his attention upon couples where one is a believer and the other is not.
Apparently, these relationships came about when one spouse or the other was saved after they had been married.
Sometimes, though, this situation arises when a saved person steps outside the clear teaching of the Scriptures and marries an unbeliever,
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
This, too, is a sin and must be repented of by the guilty party.
Paul’s statement here is clear. He tells us that if the unsaved partner is willing to live with the saved partner, then the saved man or woman is not to seek a divorce.
However, if the unsaved person wishes to dissolve the marriage, then the saint of God has no choice in the matter and should be peaceful about the situation and not stand in their way. Please note, that the Christian is never to seek the divorce!
Paul’s reasoning becomes clear in verses 14 & 16. In these verses, he tells us that the saved partner has the opportunity to lead their spouse to the Lord. He also lets us know that because one of the partners is saved and serving the Lord, then the blessing of God is upon the home. Whereas, if no one there were saved, this would be missing. By virtue of the fact that there is a believer in the home, the smile of God is upon the house!
Verse 15 states that if the unbelieving partner leaves the marriage, the believer is not under “bondage” in such cases.
Does this mean they can remarry?
This question is answered by Jesus in
23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;
3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Let’s turn there as we continue to think about this important matter.
The Principal Formulation
The Principal Formulation
3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
A Challenge From The Pharisees
A Challenge From The Pharisees
Their question was one of much debate in their day. It seems that there were two schools of thought in Jesus’ day about divorce and remarriage. There were 2 rabbis whose teachings had gained widespread influence.
One, a rabbi named Shammai taught that a divorce could only be granted because of sexual immorality. Shammai taught that any kind of sexual sin broke the marriage covenant and released the innocent party to marry again.
The other rabbi, a man named Hillel, taught that a man could obtain a divorce for any reason. If his wife burned his breakfast, spoke to another man in the street, developed a wrinkle, or if he simply saw another woman that he thought was prettier, he could write her a bill of divorcement and send her out of the home. By the way, this was the prevailing view in Jesus’ day, and as a result, divorce was running rampant in that society.
Both of these views arose out of differing interpretations of
1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife.
3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;
4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the Lord thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.
The term in verse one, “find no favor” was the one in dispute. It needs to be noted here that the real issue at stake was not marriage and divorce, it was simply that the Pharisees were trying to trap Jesus and cause Him to lose favor with the people. As usual, He simply out maneuvered them.
4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?
8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
A Confrontation From The Master
A Confrontation From The Master
They came to Jesus and said, “What about divorce?” Jesus simply responded by asking, “What about marriage?” He reminds them that when a couple comes together as a husband and wife that they become one flesh. He plainly states in verse 6 that this is a union that is not to be dissolved by man. Then, the Pharisees want to know why Moses allowed them to divorce.
Jesus answered by reminding them that divorce was allowed for one reason, namely, the hardness of men’s hearts.
According to Jesus, marriages are intended to be lifelong and ended only by the death of either spouse.
God’s intention is that there be one husband for one wife for one lifetime! In fact, it is helpful to note that God Himself expressed His feelings concerning divorce in
16 For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: For one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: Therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.
In this verse, God says that He hates divorce.
I think that this needs to be said right here. Instead of worrying about how we can get out of a bad marriage. Instead of fretting about what God allows and doesn’t allow, why don’t we try to make our marriages successful? A happy marriage is not a myth, but a very real possibility when people do it God’s way!
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
A Condition From The Master
A Condition From The Master
In this verse, Jesus gives the only legitimate exception from the no divorce rule. He says that in the event of some illicit sexual activity on the behalf of one spouse or the other, divorce is permissible. The Bible allows divorce on no other ground but this! Now, a little deeper study into this verse will be helpful at this point.
What does Jesus mean by “fornication”?
What does Jesus mean by “fornication”?
This word is translated from the Greek word, porneia—
This word is defined as:
1) illicit sexual intercourse
a) adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals, etc.
b) sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev. 18
c) sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mk. 10:11, 12, and is the word from which we get our modern word pornography.
Since within the marriage relationship is found the only valid place for sexual expression, anything of a sexual nature that happens outside that marital union constitutes “fornication” and is grounds for divorce.
Does it refer to a one time act?
Does it refer to a one time act?
No, the tense of the verbs indicate that this verse refers to a lifestyle of sexual perversion. If one partner falls into sin and then repents and seeks forgiveness and reconciliation, then there is to be no divorce. Both partners are under the obligation of doing everything in their power to ensure the success of their marriage.
I realize that this is a lot to ask of the innocent partner, but marriage is an illustration of the Lord’s love for us and He doesn’t throw us away when we fall!
Remember the Lord parable in
23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.
24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.
25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.
We are to forgive and by the Lord’s help and through His grace, the marriage can be saved!
Is the innocent partner required to seek a divorce?
Is the innocent partner required to seek a divorce?
No, I think that was answered in the last point. Divorce is allowed, but is never commanded! The person who refuses to attempt reconciliation and who refuses to practice forgiveness is just as guilty as the one who committed the sexual sin.
Does the Bible allow for remarriage in the case of “fornication”?
Does the Bible allow for remarriage in the case of “fornication”?
I think the principle is that when the Bible allows for a divorce, it also allows for remarriage. When preachers and others say that the Bible allows a divorce for a certain reason, but that it does not allow for remarriage, then I think we have entered the arena of producing our own Scripture.
From my personal study, I have concluded that there are three scenarios in which the Bible seems to permit divorce and remarriage.
1. In the event of the death of a spouse—
39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.
3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.
2. In the event that a believing spouse is abandoned by an unbelieving spouse—
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
This situation supposes that the spouse who departed did so in a desire to be united to another husband or wife, otherwise, they would have remained with their spouse,
12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
This, therefore, constitutes adultery and severs the marriage bonds. The abandoned spouse, it would appear, is free to remarry. However, if one spouse leaves the home and does not join himself/herself to another partner, then it would seem that remarriage is not permissible.
3. In the event that one spouse or the other is engaged in a lifestyle of unrepentant sexual immorality.
This has already been covered previously and in reality, illicit sexual sin seems to be the ONLY grounds upon which divorce and remarriage is ever permissible. That may sound narrow, but that is the Word of God!
I realize that many preachers take a very different viewpoint from mine. In fact, many feel that divorce is never allowed and that remarriage is also out of the question. I just want you folks to know that I have agonized over this thing and have reached my position not because of what some friend preaches, or because of what I was taught in school, or to try and fit in with any group of men. I reached this position because I think it is what the Bible clearly and plainly says. However, if you feel differently than I do, then that is fine! You have to take your stand on the issue and then face God with the decisions you make in regard to it. I do feel that we can disagree about this issue and still enjoy fellowship one with another!)
Conc: We have covered a lot of territory today. I hope we are all clear on exactly what the Bible teaches concerning divorce and remarriage.
However,
Instead of concentrating on what to do when the bottom falls out,
We need to focus on making the marriages that do exist as strong as possible.
Make your marriage a focus of prayer.
Work at making it better.
To those who have been divorced, please know that the Lord loves you and if you have asked Him, He has forgiven you of your sin.
You are not a second class citizen and have no need to feel guilty about your past. Neither I, nor this church, nor the Lord above condemns you for your past. Your duty is to submit yourself to the lord and to His will for your life and then serve Him with all your heart and ability as you travel through life. The Lord has a plan for you,
11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”