God's Good Design (Part 1)

Introduction

(Member Meeting reminder)

(Missionary Connect – Paul & Abbey Campbell)

We’ve come at this place in our text to a somewhat tense moment. There’re words that were read this morning that can make us uncomfortable. I mean, right away, verse 18 says, “wives, submit…” In verse 20, “Children, obey…” And then of course verses 22 into the first verse of chapter 4 speak of slaves and masters (we’ll address that next week).

Now, one of the things I’ve committed to here was that our steady diet of teaching would be through books of the Bible. And there’s a couple reasons for that.

1. It teaches us the whole counsel of God.

The Scriptures are God’s revealed Word to us of who He is, who Christ is, how salvation is found in Jesus alone and how we are to live in light of His revealed truth. To neglect to teach through certain books of the Bible just because they are harder to understand or not as easy to preach actually does damage to the church because they are not seeing the fullness of God’s character and work as he has revealed to us through his whole Word.

2. It forces us to teach through topics that I would normally be tempted to avoid because they are hard or uncomfortable.

It’s much easier to preach on the love of God than it is to preach on the wrath and justice of God. But if we don’t understand the wrath of God, the severity of God (Rom. 11:22), the justice of God toward sinners then we’ll never actually fully appreciate and grasp the grace, mercy, and love of God.

We need it all because,

2 Timothy 3:16, All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

Think of it this way. If you went to the gym tomorrow and set out to only work on the right side of your body. So, you’re only curling with your right arm, shoulder press with your right shoulder, only using your right leg to do the leg press, you might think that at least the right side of your body would be incredibly strong.

But what would actually happen is your body would become unbalanced over time if that was the only way you exercised.

And so, the fullness of Scripture, the whole of Scripture, all of Scripture is needed and is useful and will be profitable if we come to it with humility and a heart to see and understand that what God has revealed to us in his word is for our good and his glory. If we will submit to it, confess where we fall short of it, and seek by God’s grace to obey it, you will flourish in this life, and it will lead you to rest in the ultimate hope of Christ who is returning for his church, who will, one day, make all things new.

God’s Word to us is there to help us navigate how to live to the glory of God in the midst of a broken world. And so, our submission to it and glad obedience reveals to the world around us what it looks like to live under the reign and rule of a good, just, and gracious God. And then there’s coming a day when all that is broken in the world will come undone when Christ returns as King.

And so, my encouragement to you this morning is to settle in your mind and heart that God’s word is for your good.

Psalm 1:1-3, Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not with. In all that he does, he prospers.

That’s the promise God gives those who delight in and obey his word. So, let’s embrace the tension and see how glad obedience to God’s word leads to life.

I’ve broken our text down to three main sections on God’s design for human flourishing, primarily within human relationships. We’re going to look at two of the three today and the third one next week. But I’ll mention all three.

So, we’re going to look at 1) God’s design for marriage. 2) God’s design for families. 3) God’s design for working relationships.

So, number 1.

God’s design for marriage.

Verse 18.

Colossians 3:18-19, Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Now, make no mistake. Sadly, abusive churches and abusive husbands have used verse 18 as a way to dominate and mistreat women. And so, I’ll say this right from the start. If you are in an abusive or dangerous relationship or marriage, you don’t need to stay in that. Come talk with us today and if you need to get somewhere safe, we’ll get you somewhere safe today.

God’s design for marriage is not one of oppression but actually one of freedom.

What Paul was writing to the church in Colossae was something radically new that people had not heard before. Christian marriages were something radically different than the rest of the culture. They showed mutual love and care for one another. Both the wife and the husband saw one another as equal in value, worth and dignity.

The culture into which Paul was writing, under Jewish law, the wife was not viewed as a person with a soul who was an image bearer of God, but rather a possession. She had no legal rights. A husband could divorce his wife for any cause while the wife had no rights whatsoever. Within the Greek culture at the time women were not allowed any freedom at all on their own. They were completely subject to the will and demands of their husbands. The husbands could enter into as many extramarital relationships as he wished with no repercussions or circumstances. And so, within Greek culture all the privileges went to the husbands while all of the duties rested on his wife.

And so, it’s within this framework and culture that Paul addresses both husbands and wives equally. They both had responsibilities underneath the Lordship of Christ. They both were to serve one another. It’s here in Paul’s address to husbands and wives that women were elevated and treated as people who had a soul, who were image bearers of God. They were viewed as God’s daughters, husbands, were God’s sons.

And so, these simple commands from Paul to husbands and wives were meant to lead them into fullness of joy by resting in God’s good design for men and women; a design that was distorted and corrupted when sin entered the world.

And so, briefly let’s look at both imperatives given to the husband and wife.

To the wife, Paul says they are to “submit” to their husbands. Now, this isn’t a blanket statement meant that in all things, whether good or bad, a wife has no other choice but to submit. Ultimately, she is under the reign and rule of Christ and a wife’s foundational obedience is to be to Jesus. That’s the same for the husband. He is under the rule of Christ. Their aim together is to make much of Jesus.

Submission is also freely or gladly given. Notice, Scripture does not say “husbands, submit your wives to yourself.” Therefore, submission is given, not taken.

And so, God in his wisdom has structured the home to be led by the husband and supported by the wife. So, submission here in real life can be broken down into three things.

1. Support.

God has made the wife to be a helper for the husband (Gen. 2:18). And so, in the home, wives seek to encourage him as a husband, a father, and as a worker. The wife is to come alongside, not to control or manipulate or even for recognition (though the husband should recognize how their wives serve), but to help him lead.

2. Respect.

Nothing matters more to a husband; nothing can build him up or tear him down quicker than words from his wife. And so, wives, show unconditional respect to your husbands (and this is not the same as unconditional endurance of mistreatment). But just as the husband is to show unconditional love to his wife, regardless of if he thinks she deserves it, he is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, wives should seek to respect and speak kindly to their husbands.

3. Follow.

As you help him lead, respond to his initiative. Don’t always second-guess or try and pick apart how he’s seeking to lead his family by God’s grace. If he’s not leading you or your family into sin, then seek to follow and help. It doesn’t mean you don’t have a voice; you certainly do but seek by God’s grace to use your voice to build up, help and encourage rather than tear down or undermine.

Now, to the husbands, the command is given to “love your wife and not be harsh with them.”

Just to supplement this, Paul says in his letter to the church in Ephesus, that “husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Husbands therefore are to love their wives by leading, sacrificing, and caring for them as Christ does the church.

So, husbands, your number one priority in marriage is to love your wife like Jesus loved you.

Jesus put your needs ahead of his own. He sacrificed his own life for your soul. He did not seek his own comfort but sought out your good. He never entered a room of people expecting them to serve him but quite the opposite, he entered a room of people and served them.

This, husbands are how you ought to, by God’s grace, love your wives.

And so, three things for you in how we love.

1. Lead.

John Piper has said on many occasions that husbands should be the ones who most often say, “let’s.”

“Let’s go for a walk.” “Let’s find a way to serve our neighbors.” “Let’s read this together.” “Let’s go out on a date this weekend.” Husbands, take initiative and lead. It doesn’t mean you don’t listen to your wives, you do, and then take their good encouragement and advice and apply it.

The idea behind the word “let’s” is that the husband is eager to take initiative, to make plans, to take risks, to be fully engaged.

2. Sacrifice.

Husbands, sacrifice for your wives. This is so deeply tied to the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. Therefore, for husbands especially it is necessary that we understand the doctrine of the atonement. Jesus died for his bride, the church, husbands, we sacrifice for our bride.

Husbands, when you come home from a long day at work, let me encourage you as you sit in your car in the driveway before you go into your home not knowing what you’re about to face. If your wife stays home with the kids all day, it might have been a more enjoyable day for you in the office. If your wife works and you know she’s had a long day, the responsibility rests upon you to walk into your home, empowered by the Spirit ready to sacrifice your night of just wanting to sit down and relax so that you can lead, love and serve your wife and your family.

Husband, you need to go to bed exhausted at night. A good exhaustion because you’re sacrificing for your wife and family with Christ as your example.

3. Care.

Simply here, Paul says, don’t be harsh. The apostle Peter would say that husbands are to treat their wives as they would a treasured vase. Paul in Ephesians says to care for your wife as you do your own body. And so, just as you care for your own body and don’t seek to abuse it, husbands don’t abuse their wives, but they are to build up, encourage, and protect them.

One author says,

“You should just as easily treat your wife harshly as you should punch yourself in the face.” And it was John Calvin who once said, “The man who does not love his wife is a monster.”

This is God’s good design for a healthy and flourishing marriage.

Let’s look briefly then to:

God’s design for families.

Verse 20,

Colossians 3:20-21, Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Now, what I’m about to say is going to sound so simple but especially in our culture today we’re seeing a massive disintegration of the family. And so, God’s design for families that lead to life and human flourishing is that parents lead, and children follow.

Parents, it’s your responsibility to set the pace in your home. It’s your responsibility to lead. It’s your responsibility to disciple your children to see to the goodness, greatness, and beauty of Christ. It’s your responsibility to show them that what matters most in life is the gospel of Jesus Christ, not sports, not education, not career, but Christ and His church.

Listen, hear me say this with humility and love for you but also with deep concern. But I’m deeply troubled over how many families treat Christ and His church as an afterthought. And what I mean by that is that Jesus is rarely spoken of in the home and very little importance is given to gathering with God’s people to grow in grace together. Gathering with the church is seen more of something to do when we’ve got the time and nothing else is in the way.

Now listen, I’m all for sports. Go and play and enjoy. But parents, guard against it becoming an idol, because it can become that incredibly quick. And I understand that there may be seasons where you can’t be as fully engaged as you’d desire. Listen, this is not about creating the checklist of things you do and don’t do. We walk seeking God’s wisdom. But I will also say this, rarely are sports or vacation or career sacrificed so that your family can gather more often with the body of Christ. It’s typically the opposite.

And I’ve been in ministry long enough where I can see the fruit of this. Families who put no real emphasis or value on Jesus and his church but treat it more as a hobby and then wonder why their kids want nothing to do with Christ when they head into college.

Parents, we have limited years to disciple our kids. And make no mistake, you’re discipling them in something. And so, if you asked your children what your family values, what would they say? And so, parents, we rest in the sovereignty of God. Salvation belongs to the Lord. So, rest in the gospel yourself. Your responsibility is not to change their hearts but to lay the kindling around your child’s heart and then pray for the Spirit to ignite it in their lives. So, my encouragement is to make sure we as parents are actually laying kindling around their hearts. You with me on that?

So, as we close, let me give us all a few things to go with.

1. Confess where you fall short and then rest in the hope of the gospel.

I understand that there were heavy things said this morning. Weighty things that if we look to ourselves to accomplish them, they’ll crush us. The law is not meant to save us, but it’s meant to point us to Christ. So, it’s to him that we look for our acceptance and right standing before God.

And so, husbands and wives, moms, and dads, as we’ve looked to God’s word today it’s going to reveal where you fall short. Any husband in here loving his wife perfectly just as Jesus has loved you? Any wife in here who hasn’t thought that it’d be much easier to respect my husband if he wasn’t an idiot? Come on, you know you’ve thought it.

Moms and dads, are there any here who haven’t lost their temper on their kids? Said things to them they shouldn’t have said?

We’re all guilty. And so, confess, repent and turn in faith to the hope we have in Christ.

2. Rest in the goodness and sovereignty of God.

Praise God for his patience with us. Praise God for his mercy. Praise God that he is sovereign.

If you’re a single mom or a single dad, this passage adds another layer of complexity and even sadness because you don’t have that believing spouse in your life to partner with for the sake of the gospel. And so, if that’s you, rest in God’s love and provision for you. His grace is sufficient. He’s enough and He’s good.

3. Examine what you value as a family.

This isn’t a ploy or a push for church attendance. However, I’m also not going to neglect the importance of covenanting together as brothers and sisters in Christ. If the church didn’t matter, Jesus wouldn’t have died for her. But he did which means the church does matter. The gospel matters.

I’ll talk about this briefly tonight at our member meeting but the context by which we grow as disciples of Jesus Christ is in community with one another.

Ephesians 4:15-16, Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

And so, if you’re neglecting to gather with the church, to covenant together for the sake of the gospel, to share life with one another and push one another toward godliness your growth will be stunted. And in fact, Paul says even the growth of the church as a whole will struggle.

Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” So, examine what you spend your finances on, your resources on, your time on. What’s a typical week look like for you as a family? Is it one that is centered around the goodness of Christ in all things? Is the gospel and Christ’s church the first item on the chopping block or are our children seeing that mom and dad place significance on Jesus and his bride? We’ve got to walk in wisdom, parents lead in this, husband primarily lead out in this.

4. Look for practical ways to apply God’s Word to your lives.

Book of James says, “Be doers of the word, and not hearers only…”

And so, husbands, how can you take initiative this week to apply God’s Word to your life? Do you need to set up a date night so you and your wife can get away from the kids for a bit and focus on one another? Can you find a book to go through as husband and wife (check out the bookstore!). What are the ways you will sacrifice for her as Christ did for you?

Wives, what does it look like to submit to your husbands? Are you showing support and respect as he seeks to lead? If he’s struggling, how can you gently and graciously help him to take that initiative. Resist the temptation to play the role of the Holy Spirit in his life. Don’t get in the car as you leave today and say, “So what are you going to do to show this family you love them?” That will not go well. Support him, pray for him, and encourage him when he takes those steps.

Are you engaged in the life of the church? Are you serving? Are you in community with others? And if you’re like, I don’t like community groups, people annoy me, and I’ve been hurt by others before. Well, yeah people annoy me too from time to time and I’m sure I annoy people. Community Groups are messy because life is messy. But growth in grace doesn’t happen by escaping and avoiding but by engaging and pressing in.

Dads and moms read the Bible with your kids. Pray with them. Look for ways to love and serve your neighbors as a family. And if you’re like, I don’t know how, then ask. We’re not going to stumble into godliness. We’ve got take initiative, we’ve got to work by God’s grace, we’ve got to ask others and learn from them. We’ve got to take initiative.

Let’s work and strive through the power of the Holy Spirit, by the grace of God for the sake of the kingdom, that by our lives we would be a light in the midst of a dark and broken world.