The Book of Philemon

What does it mean to forgive?

According to the Miriam-Webster dictionary, to forgive is: :

“to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) : PARDON forgive one's enemies

a: “to give up resentment of or claim to requital (see REQUITAL sense 1) for forgive an insult b: “to grant relief from payment of forgive a debt”

When we really get down to it, forgiveness is a whole lot easier to talk about than it is to do.

We might apologize by saying I’m sorry to make up for a thoughtless word that was spoken or for an action that caused someone emotional or physical pain.

What happens if you’re on the other side of that offense?

What happens when you’re the one whose been hurt or offended time and time again?

Can you really forgive someone you can’t trust?

Can you forgive someone who has taken so much?

Today, as we continue to make our way through God’s Story in Scripture, we’re going to talk about a book that is all about forgiveness, but never mentions the word. It’s all about reconciliation. It’s even a picture of the gospel without explicitly talking about the life, death, resurrection and ascension of Jesus.

If you have your Bibles, go ahead and open them to the book of Philemon. It a very small, 25 verse book - in fact we read most of it earlier in the service.

While you’re turning there, let me give you a little bit of the background that we can piece together about the circumstances of this book.

Background

Paul and Philemon (who was a wealthy man from Colossae) likely met in Ephesus where Philemon became a follower of Christ.

Epaphras, one of Paul’s partners in ministry went to Colossae to start a church with Philemon (Philemon 1-2; Col. 1:7)

Being wealthy, Philemon had a big house where the church could meet, and also had several servants.

Onesimus was one of his slaves - maybe a professional type, maybe a laborer, we don’t know (Dever).

Onesimus wronged Philemon, likely stealing something, and ran away.

He met up with Paul, who was likely in prison in Rome, where Onesimus became a follower of Christ. He helped Paul in prison and learned from him for a time.

Paul seems to be leading Onesimus to do the right thing - and return.

Paul wrote this letter to accompany Onesimus on his return to Philemon.

This letter, in some ways, helps us see how we should respond when we’ve wronged someone, when we’ve been wronged, and how to disciple people through the process.

Incidentally, this letter was likely delivered with the letter to Colossians - which is the only other time that we find Onesimus’ name in the Bible.

(since Jordan already read most of the letter, we won’t read that again).

Philemon 1–25 ESV

Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, To Philemon our beloved fellow worker and Apphia our sister and Archippus our fellow soldier, and the church in your house: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints, and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you. Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you—I, Paul, an old man and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus— I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment. (Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me.) I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. I would have been glad to keep him with me, in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel, but I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own accord. For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, no longer as a bondservant but more than a bondservant, as a beloved brother—especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord. So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it—to say nothing of your owing me even your own self. Yes, brother, I want some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ. Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I say. At the same time, prepare a guest room for me, for I am hoping that through your prayers I will be graciously given to you. Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends greetings to you, and so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, and Luke, my fellow workers. The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.

So as we look at this book today, we are going to try to understand some of the practical implications of this book. When Mark Dever preached and wrote about Philemon, presented the book as a glimpse of three portraits. We’re going to use part of his outline today, because I think it helps us to understand the situation and apply it to our lives.

We are going to begin by considering...

“A picture of someone needing forgiveness: Onesimus”

Repenting and reconciling may have been the last thing on Onesimus’s mind. I think he knew he had wronged Philemon. Running away was one offense. Taking whatever he may have taken was another. Staying away was yet another. He could have tried to hide his real situation from Paul - after all, he was likely hundreds of miles away from his master’s home, and yet the lingering pain would have eaten him up internally.

But there was one glorious and life-changing event that happened to Onesimus while he was away - he became a Christian.

Paul writes that Onesimus was “formerly useless.” As a slave of Philemon, Onesimus was useful for some tasks - but in the eternal scheme of things, Paul knew that his eternal usefulness has changed drastically, now that he is a believer.

We don’t have the privilege of knowing exactly what led Paul and Onesimus to the conclusion for him to return. I can only imagine it was filled with difficult conversations.

However those conversations happened, Paul and Onesimus were now at the point where Onesimus was ready to seek forgiveness - he needed it.

I hope you can see the impact and the power of the cross. When we come to faith in Jesus Christ, forgiven by him, everything changes! Our outlook is different. Our values are different. Our view of human relationships and responsibility changes.

On his own, Onesimus may have thought he’d be perfectly fine if he got away with this escape and theft. But now that he was a follower of Christ, he could see the value of peace and reconciliation.

Eric and Lynn have shared stories where muslim women who have come to Christ initially left their homes out of fear of being found out. Then, after recognizing the sovereignty of God and the call to remain in the marriage, have returned to seek reconciliation. It’s not an easy transition, but God doesn’t call us to easy - he calls us to holiness!

Upon going back, Onesimus had no guarantee that he would receive forgiveness. He could have been been put in prison or worse.

We don’t know exactly what happened, but we do know that we get to see another picture.

“A picture of someone with an opportunity to forgive: Philemon”

As we mentioned before, Philemon was likely wealthy - because he had slaves/servants. He also hosted a church in his home and may have demonstrated some spiritual maturity.

Spiritually mature or not, Philemon was still offended by what Onesimus did to him. He was wronged. Now that Onesimus was returning - with this letter from Paul - he had a choice before him.

He could respond according to his rights - which would mean punishment of some sort for Onesimus. It is natural to act and feel this way.

He could forgive - which seems to be what Paul is getting at (though Paul doesn’t use the word “forgive”) - This also runs the risk of rewarding Onesimus’ bad behavior.

There are so many times when we are faced with the same kinds of opportunities. It might not be theft or abandonment - but any number of offenses. How will we respond?

In September of 2018 - Dallas Police Officer, Amber Guyger mistakenly entered the wrong apartment - thinking it was hers - and saw a man sitting on the couch. Still in uniform after a long shift, and carrying her side arm, she shot and killed Botham Jean. A year later, she was convicted of murder. Botham’s brother took the stand at some point in the trial. He acknowledged that Guyger took something from them that could never be returned. But he said (paraphrased) - I don’t wish anything bad for you. Botham wouldn’t want that for you either. I hope you turn to God and ask God to forgive you - he will. And then he said these powerful words, “I forgive you.”

He then asked the judge for permission to give Amber Guyger a hug - and the permission was granted.

Amber Guyger being forgiven by this man didn’t change her sentence. It didn’t bring Botham back. But it did demonstrate what can happen when a life is transformed by the grace of God. Botham’s brother freed himself from seething in bitterness. He freed Amber from additional turmoil.

Paul asked Philemon to “receive him as you would receive me.” (Phm. 17)

I think this was a big ask Paul’s side. It was a huge expectation for Philemon.

Who do you and I need to forgive?

What forgiveness opportunities is God placing before us?

Not only do we see a picture of someone in need of forgiveness and another picture of someone with an opportunity to forgive, but finally, we get to see...

“A picture of someone who encourages forgiveness: Paul”

Paul had the privilege of knowing both of these men. He could see their strengths and weaknesses. He may have been able to see the things that both men needed for spiritual maturity.

Instead of nitpicking and commanding, Paul -focused on

big picture of partnership - Paul points to the partnership between Philemon and himself - the koinonia - mutual sharing. This is a joint ministry. He appeals to this in Philemon. He appeals for Philemon to take a bigger view here - to put his personal needs and feelings aside, focus on the mutual ministry partnership.

There are times when we can be so focused on our own needs or our own ministries and fail to take into account bigger, broader things that God is doing.

personal responsibility - Paul is willing to take on whatever debt that Onesimus owes Philemon. Paul did not owe Philemon anything, but willingly asks Philemon to count Onesimus’s sin against himself. He also points out that there may be some debt that Philemon owes to Paul - likely for his own salvation.

personal benefit for Paul - Paul is hopeful that Philemon will receive/forgive Onesimus, expressing that he (Paul) will receive some benefit/refreshment at the news. Paul seems to know what this will do for Philemon (not to mention Onesimus), and Paul will be encouraged by the news. In fact, Paul is hoping to go visit Philemon to encourage him and be encouraged by him.

How do you and I respond when someone comes to us regarding an offense? Do we encourage repentance and forgiveness or do we promote division and personal rights?

Issues of forgiveness become some of the most difficult and challenging. These represent pain that has been felt.

Was Onesimus forgiven? I don’t know.

Did Philemon obey what Paul was asking of him? again - we don’t know.

Did Paul ever visit Philemon’s home? Again - we’re not sure.

We don’t get to know what happened between Onesimus and Philemon. Both men are only mentioned in the books of Colossians and Philemon - which were likely written and delivered at close to the same time.

But we do get to learn from their situation.

I think think that here in the book of Philemon, we also get to see...

Seeing the Gospel through the lens Philemon

Paul doesn’t mention the cross or Jesus sacrifice in his letter to Philemon - but he beautifully models it.

We have wronged God and stand in need of forgiveness

Like Onesimus - we are slaves to our sin, indebted beyond an ability to pay. Our sin is an a front to God. Our sin needs to be paid for and reconciled.

Jesus has an opportunity to forgive and stands ready to do so

Just like Paul was willing to take on himself the debt the Onesimus owed to Philemon - Jesus took on your spiritual debt and mine. He stands ready to forgive, willing to reunite us with God.

The Holy Spirit is leading us to God

We have the Word of God to give us understanding. The Spirit of God is drawing us to his forgiveness - just as the letter of Paul mediated the relationship between Onesimus and Philemon. Will you respond?

If you’ve not yet responded to God’s call for salvation, maybe today is the day that you do that. (lead in a prayer of salvation)

In thinking about the overall topic of forgiveness and reconciliation

Is there someone you’ve offended and need to reconcile with - repent?

Is there someone you need to forgive?

Is there someone you need to help in that process?

Let’s Pray

Memory Verse: Philemon 4-6

Philemon 4–6 ESV

I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints, and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ.

References:

https://bibleproject.com/explore/video/philemon/

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/forgive

Crossway Bibles. The ESV Study Bible. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2008.

deSilva, David Arthur. An Introduction to the New Testament: Contexts, Methods and Ministry Formation. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2004.

Dever, Mark the Message of the New Testament: Promises Kept, Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2005

Gromacki, Robert G. New Testament Survey. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 1974.