From the Beginning

Matthew 19:8

Introduction

There is no end of material produced on the subject of marriage.

Books, videos, seminars, retreats, etc, etc.

And most of it is aimed at relationship advice that amounts to teaching people how to get along.

Most of it dances around some of the most fundamental realities of what God has said about marriage and consequently, treat symptoms while actually making the disease worse.

If we do not accept what God has created in marriage, we will always be trying to swim upstream as we strive for “happy” marriages built on some other foundation than the one set in place from the beginning.

So, we are talking about foundational elements of marriage today.

Bringing our marriages into line with what God says they are. This alone would decrease much of the tension that is experienced in most marriages.

What Do You Teach?

You are saying something about Christ and the Church (Eph. 5:22-33).

We are also saying something about God’s creation in our marriages

Jesus uses the first marriage as prototype and so should we (Matt. 19:4).

Male and female, not male and male.

No beast was found = no beastiality.

One man, one woman = no polygamy (could you make a cogent argument against polygamy?).

Some of what we think is mere tradition is actually Biblical tradition.

Man named woman after himself (Gen. 2:23).

God called them man (Gen. 5:1-2).

Man also name her Eve (Gen. 3:20; cf. 1 Cor. 11:8-12).

Even the companionship should reflect creation (1 Cor. 11:8-9).

Headship

God firmly planted this in creation and in the scheme of salvation (Eph. 5:22-33; Gen. 2-3).

It is more spoken of in terms of Christ and the church (though not as deeply as it ought to be spoken).

But it is firmly rooted in the creation story.

God > Adam > Woman > Beast.

Chapter 3 is a complete reversal of this narrative.

The husband is head of the wife (Eph. 5:23).

This does not say ought but is and that is important.

When he does not lead, this is failed leadership and it is his failure because he is the head.

When we say a husband ought to lead, we are saying he ought to act like what he is.

Headship means responsibility.

Whatever is happening in your home, is yours.

Every sin is yours to deal with.

Every problem is not your fault but every fault is your problem.

If a husband follows his wife or children’s advice and it turns out poorly, he does not blame them for his decision to take their advice (Num. 30:13-15).

This means you take ownership of her weakness (1 Pet. 3:7).

You value, understand, and make good usage of that weakness.

Weakness is not a value term, it is a descriptive one.

What is stronger, a sledgehammer or a teacup? Which is better?

The husband should be able to speak for his house (Josh. 24:15).

Husbandry

“The care, cultivation, and breeding of crops and animals”

“To feed, bring up to maturity”

Nourishing and cherishing are the roles of husband.

This certainly includes literal nourishment (1 Tim. 5:8; Ex. 21:10-11).

What are you doing to make your garden grow.

Most men take the approach that unless there is total crop failure, then let nature take its course.

“Weeds are just part of having a garden.”

They are part of having a weak and sickly garden where fruit may come but so do thorns.

His behavior ought to make her path to glory freer and not harder (Eph. 5:27).

The husband is to be the spiritual guide to his home and is responsible for the spiritual growth of his home (Eph. 5:26-27, 1 Cor. 14:35).

A husband should be a jealous husband (2 Cor. 11:2; Ex. 34:14).

It is hard work and weeds never stop growing. We have decided to take on a grand estate with eternal resources. If we let nature take its course, then it will do what it does to all cultivated spaces, it will make a ruin.

The Helpmeet

Where love is the driving characteristic of the role of the husband, respect the foundation of a wife’s role (Eph. 5:33).

It is very easy to love without respect.

This respect is that of treating him as lord of the manor (1 Pet. 3:6).

This is the most powerful evangelical tool of a woman whose husband is not a Christian (1 Pet. 3:1).

The role of childbearing is hers, and is her glory (1 Tim. 2:15).

Notice, that when God pronounced curses in the garden, He aimed them at the areas of focus for each one.

Just think how hard we have to try in order to read the Bible and come away thinking something other than this.

Of course it is no effort at all if you get lenses tinted by the world.

Her role is the management of the home (Tit. 2:3-5).

Her role at home supports his role outside of the home (Prov. 31:23).

This is similar to the role of those selected in Acts 6.

This does not exclude work outside of the home, but it does set the motive for work outside of the home (Prov. 31:11-12).

All of this sets in place realities that play out in a world that thinks those realities should not exist.

So we have income gaps because of these realities.

Even though women have been assailed against thinking in these terms, the reality remains that women focus on the home more and so pay reflects those decisions.

The consequence is that we are raging against gravity as if it should not exist.

She should seek to learn from her husband (1 Cor. 14:34-35).

Conclusion

Culture is never going to be a complete guide and will always lead us off track in some direction or another.

But we the overlap between what society generally thought about marriage and what the Bible said used to be considerable. Now it is a shrinking sliver.

We need not actively take up the banner of feminism to destroy the home, all we need to do is sit back and let the weeds take over.

The world is cultivating the garden it wants. Are we cultivating the garden God wants?