Manu Marriage

Walk-in

YOU MAY BE SEATED

We are gathered here today to join Kari and Thomas in holy matrimony. A special thanks to all of you that traveled from far and wide (and those watching online) to witness the promise these two are about to make to one another. We are here to offer our love and support, and to stand with Kari and Thomas as they begin this new chapter of their lives. And it is my honor to join you in marking the start of Kari and Thomas’s marriage.

Homily

Marriage is a beautiful thing. Some even consider it a gift from above. You hear about it in stories, movies, books—pretty much everywhere. But something that is undeniable about marriage is its ability to grow into something so amazing. I, myself, am a young groom. My wife and I will be coming up on our two year anniversary at the end of June. And let me tell you, it has been the best two years of our lives. As I was thinking about what to share with Thomas and Kari today, God impressed me to share the lessons I’ve learned thus far in my young marriage. Here are 5 brief lessons from a young groom.

5 Lessons From a Young Groom

Marriage is the beginning, not the end

At my church in Fort Myers, FL, there are many couples who have been together for decades. Some 30 years, some 40, and a couple that have been together for 60 years. My wife and I absolutely adore sitting in their presence, listening to their stories of love and triumph. We both have this inside joke as a young married couple. We say, “60 years? Sheesh. How long have we been together again?” We dated for 6 years before we got married, and I thought that I knew my wife pretty well. But man, was I wrong. And I promise I mean that in the best way possible! Marriage has taught me things about my wife AND myself that I never thought possible. Everything from food preferences to minor pet peeves. When you think you know someone, marriage will show you that you really didn’t know them. But don’t get me wrong. This should not serve as a discouragement! If anything, this should be a gift. The journey of knowing each other more and more as the decades go by is nothing short of something amazing. This journey is not race. It’s not a competition. It’s a team effort. Thomas, your goal is not to out-run Kari. Kari, your goal is not to out-smart Thomas. Instead, your goal is to learn how to support each other through this journey. So may you see today, your wedding day, not as the end of an era, but in the words of High School Musical, “the start of something new”. Again, lesson #1, “marriage is the beginning, not the end”.

While my wife and I have just begun our journey together, we’ve learned that LAUGHTER is one of the greatest gifts marriage has to offer. And that leads into my second lesson as a young groom:

Laugh, laugh, and laugh

When people ask me, “Rhidge, what is it like being married?” I always respond, “I have never laughed harder in my life.” My wife is, quite honestly, the funniest person I know. The jokes she cracks make me ugly cackle. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 17:22, “A merry heart does good like a medicine.” To the biblical author, laughter has some sort of healing element to it. It’s kind of fascinating when you think about it. Laughing as a form of healing? We normally think of medicines like Tylenol, Advil, and Robitussin as tools of healing for people when they’re sick. But laughter? Laughter, especially in marriage, is healing. Laughter, like Robitussin, can soothe an aching heart. It leaves space for joy and taking things less seriously. Sharing moments of laughter with other couples is such a healing experience as well! And not just laughing when people are around, but even when nobody is looking. The hardest and most joyful laughs you’ll share together will be when no other soul is around. So do not forget to make space to “laugh, laugh, and laugh.”

But I would be a very ignorant person if I thought that the only goal in marriage is to be happy. Truly, I think it’s ignorant and, at times, toxic to think that happiness is the primary goal of marriage. When two humans come together and decide to make a lifelong commitment, challenges will arise. And challenges bring on many emotions, especially tears. And this leads to lesson number 3, “cry, cry, and cry”.

Cry, cry, and cry

Brene Brown, an American author and professor, writes extensively about vulnerability. About it, she writes, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” As the husband, I always thought that holding in my greatest fears and worries was a sign of strength. I thought that keeping a strong composure at all times would prove to be a great tool in my marriage. But little did I know that holding in my fears only gave them more power. I felt like a volcano ready to erupt at any given moment. And being a full-time minister didn’t help. But It wasn’t until I allowed myself to cry in the arms of my wife did I realize what true courage looked like. Sharing with her all of my darkest thoughts and secrets literally liberated me from my inner demons. Truly, James was right in James 5:16, saying, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Whoa, whoa, whoah. Confession as a form of healing? The biblical authors believed that both laughter AND vulnerability bring healing to the soul. Being vulnerable with one another will take time, but it will bring healing. So remember, make space to “cry, cry, and cry”.

Opening up to each other will not always be smooth sailing. There will be tension. There will be awkwardness. There will be disagreements. And while the temptation is to blame the other partner, we have to remember another important lesson. Lesson number 4: “it’s not me versus you, it’s me and you versus ‘it’”.

It’s not me versus you, it’s me and you versus “it”

Now, whatever “it” is, you two have to patiently collaborate with one another to solve the issues at hand. Conflict management is a skill. It’s a skill that my wife and I are actively trying to learn. And like many skills, conflict management takes some practice. As you guys move in together, you’ll have to furnish your place somehow, right? So, do this as an exercise: build your furniture together. Notice how both of you react to various things. Who will take charge? Who will grab the tools? Who will be in charge of what? Many questions will go through both of your minds. But realize that your brain does not work in the same way your spouse’s does. You cannot force your spouse to be a replica of you. God gave us marriage not to duplicate, but to collaborate. You know that verse, “where 2 or 3 are gathered together in My name, there I am in the midst of them”? We normally use this text to start prayer meeting when there are only like two of us in attendance. But did you know that Matthew 18, the chapter that this text is located in, is actually about conflict management? To Jesus, conflict can only be solved when people work together. And gosh does that apply in marriage as well. Again, “it’s not me versus you, it’s me and you versus ‘it’”.

Now, it wouldn’t be the generic wedding homily without quoting some portion of 1 Corinthians 13, right? And while that chapter isn’t just for marriages and couples, it is full of so many lessons that will help husbands and wives grow. I think that the greatest message it has to offer is found in the beginning of verse 8. The fifth, and final lesson from a young groom, “love never fails”.

Love never fails

Love, as we all know, is a beautiful thing. It builds up. It heals. It brings people together. It is the heart beat of our universe. And love is the very essence of God because “God is love”. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 13, takes love to another level by saying that it is an option that never fails. In other words, when lying and cheating seem to be the easier choices, love bids us to be honest. When storming out of an argument seems to be the mode of escape, love begs us to be quiet and just listen to each other. When the pain of life is so great and there are no words to adequately describe how we feel, love encourages us to look to Jesus. When humanity was at its weakest, and evil seemed to be the victor, God exemplified love…because He knows no failure. Ellen White, in Christ Object Lessons, beautifully articulates this very point by saying, “We are to cooperate with the One who knows no failure.”

Thomas and Kari, may you ALWAYS choose love. Through every hill and valley. Through every triumph and adversity. Through thick and thin. Choose love. Because when you do, you choose God. Let us pray.

Violin

Vows

At this moment, the bride and the groom will be repeating their vows to each other. Thomas, we will begin with you. Repeat after me.

"I, Thomas...take you, Kari...to be my wedded wife... to have and to hold...from this day forward...for better, for worse...for richer, for poorer...in sickness and in health...to love and to cherish...till death do us part."

Kari, repeat after me.

"I, Kari...take you, Thomas...to be my wedded husband... to have and to hold...from this day forward...for better, for worse...for richer, for poorer...in sickness and in health...to love and to cherish...till death do us part."

Exchange of Rings

It is now time for you to exchange rings. Your rings symbolize the eternal commitment that you make to each other, and the never ending circle of your love. May these rings always remind you of the commitment you are making here today.

Thomas and Kari, please repeat after me. We’ll start with Kari

I, Kari...give you, Thomas...this ring as a symbol of my love...and commitment to you.

I, Thomas...give you, Kari...this ring as a symbol of my love...and commitment to you.

Beautiful.

Declaration of Intent

Now,

Do you, Thomas, take this woman to be your wedded wife?

…I do...

Do you, Kari, take this man to be your wedded husband?

…I do...

Declaration of Marriage and the Kiss

“By the power invested in me as a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I now declare that Thomas and Kari are husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride!”

Everyone, it is my greatest honor...to introduce to you..Mr. and Mrs. Manu!