You Might Belong to a Red Neck Church If

YOU MIGHT BELONG TO A REDNECK CHURCH IF....

1. The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members know how to play one.

2. People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the multitudes, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. The Pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Then five guys and two women stand up.

4. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

6. The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

7. In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

8. Baptism is referred to as "branding".

9. There is a special fundraiser for a new church septic tank.

10. Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

11. High notes on the pump organ set the coon dogs on the floor to howling.

12. People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

13. The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.

14. The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) "The Happy Hawg Bar-B-Q."

15. The collection plates were really hubcaps from a '53 DeSoto.*