True Friendship

Intro

I invite you to open your Bibles to 1 Samuel 20 as we continue in our sermon series on 1&2 Samuel.

Today, we are going to take a closer look at the friendship between Jonathan and David.

Today’s sermon has the title “True Friendship.”

...and the word “True” is an important word here,

because so much of what we call friendship today is barely that at all.

There’s one phrase that really drives this home...

...how many times have you heard somebody say this,

“I think we might be friends on Facebook.”

If you are on Facebook, (and if you’re not...congratulations!) how many of your friends there are actually your friends?

...how many are simply your acquaintances?

...how many do you not even know at all?

Making friends is not easy.

And it has been especially difficult during this past year of forced social distancing.

It’s not easy making friends on this island in the first place.

During our first year here on Orcas Island, I had coffee with someone who is now my friend.

But at that time, I was still new here.

As we were leaving, I said to him, “Hey, that was fun. Let’s get coffee again sometime.”

He said to me, “Ok...but you should know that I don’t invest any time in friendships with someone until they’ve lived here at least three years!”

People do tend to come and go on this island. It’s not easy making friends!

Jonathan & David

This morning, Jonathan and David show us what true friendship is all about.

We’re going to look at this fairly long passage in four parts.

Each of these four different sections of Scripture tell us something about what makes a friendship, a “true” friendship.

READ 1 Samuel 20:1-4

The first thing we learn about true friendship is this...

True friendship requires trust.

David needed somebody he could trust.

If you’ve been with us recently, you know that not one...but SIX attempts have been made on David’s life.

Six times, Saul tried to either kill David himself or manufacture a situation where David would be killed.

David not only needed a friend, he needed a confidant.

And who did he turn to?

…not only the son of the man trying to kill him

…but also the one who was to be the successor to the throne that David would soon occupy

The level of drama and intrigue going on here is off the charts!

Top Secret

As the leader of Israel’s army, David knew all about top secret plans.

There was no way that David would share his secret intel and make these kinds of plans with Jonathan if they didn’t trust one another.

Jonathan assures David that he will not be killed and that he will do whatever it takes to keep him alive.

David needed someone he could trust, but so did Jonathan!

Trust in America today?

A recent poll from the Pew Research Center found that 71% of Americans believe that we trust each less than we did 20 years ago.

I wonder if that percentage number is actually not high enough.

We have become so wary of one another.

In this post post-modern world where the metanarrative broke down long ago, we don’t know who to trust.

And so people now celebrate “their own truth.”

Friendship is a challenge today because the world around us has become less and less trustworthy.

And yet! True friendship requires trust!

What else does it require? Let’s keep reading.

READ 1 Samuel 20:5-17

The second thing we learn is that...

True friendship is built on kindness.

In the midst of their planning, they both ask each other for the same thing.

In verse 8, David asks Jonathan for it.

In verses 14 & 15, Jonathan asks David for it.

And what is it that they ask for? Kindness

Hesed

The Hebrew word for kindness is Hesed, and this word is one of the most important words in all of the Old Testament.

It’s a difficult word to translate because of its depth of meaning.

Hesed can also be translated as Love…sometimes as Loving Kindness.

Other possibilities include extravagant love, goodwill, beauty, miracle, gracious covenant.

I like Michael Card’s definition the best.

Hesed: When the person from whom I have a right to expect nothing gives me everything.

THIS is what David and Jonathan’s relationship is built upon.

You don’t have to be a Christian to be someone’s friend.

You don’t have to believe in God to be someone’s friend.

But for believers, when we build our friendship on the hesed kindness of God, and learn to be kind as God has been kind to us, something incredibly powerful and beautiful happens.

This kind of hesed kindness is more than simply being nice.

Jonathan isn’t interested in David’s random acts of niceness.

Jonathan needs David’s kindness, not just for himself, but for his whole extended family. Why?

We are going to read more about this at the end of the chapter, but it was common place in those days for a new king to wipe out the entire family of the old king.

David and Jonathan make this promise to one another based on the unfailing loving kindness…the Hesed of God.

As we’ll see in 2 Samuel, David honors his promise and extends hesed to Jonathan’s extended family.

And now, as we keep reading, we’ll see David and Jonathan’s friendship put to it’s greatest test yet...

READ 1 Samuel 20:18-33

The third thing we learn about true friendship is that...

True friendship is costly.

Jonathan must choose.

Either he will honor his father OR he will honor his friendship. He can’t do both.

If you take the Bible as nothing but a BLACK and WHITE document where right is always clearly right and wrong is always clearly wrong…then what would you do here?

…you would advise Jonathan to honor his father.

…because that’s the Fifth Commandment of the Ten Commandments!

We see these kind of ethical questions all throughout the Bible.

It’s the difference between the letter of the law and the Spirit of the law.

Read...

2 Corinthians 3:6 (NIV)

He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

This is exactly what Jesus addressed throughout his ministry.

The Pharisees would accuse him — based on the letter of the law — that Jesus was breaking the Sabbath, but Jesus was living out the Spirit of the law.

The Pharisees regularly tried to trap Jesus into “breaking the law” or at least “their version” of the law.

Jonathan chose to honor his friend.

Walter Brueggemann writes that this text “invites us to reflect on the cost of loyalty and the terrible ambiguities within which loyalty must be practiced.”

Jonathan made his choice. And his father tried to kill him because of it!

Saul uses perverse language here. In the Hebrew, he is essentially calling Jonathan the son of a whore!

The Cost of Discipleship (and Friendship)

In all of this, I am reminded of the words of Jesus when he said...

Read...

Luke 14:26 NIV

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.

Jesus wasn’t instructing people to break the 5th commandment.

Jesus was saying that when it comes down to it, we — all of us — must be ready to risk everything for the sake of His kingdom...Even our own lives!

This is the cost of discipleship.

This is also the cost of friendship.

In John 15, Jesus said...

Read...

John 15:13 NIV

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

This is exactly what Jonathan was ready to do for David.

This is exactly what Jesus did for us.

And so, we come to the end of the chapter...

READ 1 Samuel 20:34-42

True Friendship is built on trust.

True Friendship requires kindness.

True Friendship is costly.

And finally...

True friendship is a rare gift.

Friendship often begins with a simple connection.

There is a kind of “Really? Me too!” thing happens.

C.S. Lewis described it very well...

Friendship arises out of mere Companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”

— C.S. Lewis, from The Four Loves

I love this…and perhaps the friendship with Jonathan started in a similar way.

But the bond they formed went beyond to the place of deep brotherly love.

They experienced a closeness and intimacy that we see less and less of in the world today.

David and Jonathan will only ever meet again one more time. And we will read about that when we get to chapter 23.

It will only be a brief encounter. There we will read this...

Read...

1 Samuel 23:16 NIV

And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God.

As Christians, it is hard to imagine a better definition than this:

A friend is someone who helps another find strength in God.

To the end, Jonathan and David would love one another.

IMAGE: David and Jonathan by Rembrandt van Rijn

***I can’t help but think of Rembrandt’s Prodigal Son when I see this.***

Once in a lifetime…maybe

Making a true friend like this is something that maybe happens once in a lifetime.

At this point, you may be thinking “I wish I could have a friend like that.”

It’s true, you could ask for no better friend than Jesus!

But while Jesus is spiritually present with us right now, he is physically present in heaven.

Won’t it be great to get over this pandemic and hug again…to hug our best friends like David and Jonathan in that painting?

We all desire companionship at some level, with other brothers and sisters for the journey.

Sometimes making new friends requires taking a risk. It doesn’t always work out the way we want it to…but perhaps there is someone who is looking for a friend right now in the same way that you are…and maybe they, like you, are just waiting for someone to reach out.

Don’t take it for granted.

I am thankful for my friends.

I would even dare to say that in my life I have experienced “true” friendship.

In 2007, one of my best friends moved from Seattle to Nashville.

He became like the friend we read about in Proverbs 18:24.

Read...

Proverbs 18:24 ESV

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

I was sad to see him go, but I naively thought, well, I’ll just make another friend like him.

After he moved, I didn’t realize how important and vital our friendship was and how much I missed him.

If you have a true friend like this, don’t take it for granted. I did, and I’ll never do it again.

Tell your friends you love them. Reach out to them. Invest in these relationships.

Perhaps you have a friendship that is in need of reconciliation. Don’t wait!

The Company of Friends

And let us not take for granted the friendships that we have within this church.

We say our mission is “to pursue God, in the company of FRIENDS, for the benefit of the world.”

Do we believe it? Are we a company of friends? Are we actually “truly” friends?

Does our friendship stand up to the things we’ve looked at today?

Do we trust one another?

Are we kind (not just nice) to one another?

It will be costly. Are we up for the challenge?

Do we recognize how rare it is for this type of fellowship to exist?

Communion

As Christians, we recognize that all of our relationships our bound together with Christ in the center…holding us together.

And we get to recognize this today in a powerful way as we share in Communion together.

Let us pray...