Considering Conflict

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Reject the normalization of conflict.

Key Concept: Conflict wasn’t a part of God’s original design in the garden.
Over and above everything else on earth, man was God’s masterpiece.
As a creature possessing a rational soul, he was capable of knowing and communicating with God. As a creature possessing a physical body, he was capable of exercising dominion over the earth and shaping it into the world God intended it to be.
No other creature was as complex as the man. Angels couldn’t totally relate to him—though they were rational spirits, the physical realm was not their home. Nor could man find companionship in the beasts of the field, sky, or sea; though they had physical bodies, they didn’t possess rational souls, and were therefore unable to know and communicate with him.
This was a real problem…but it was an intentional problem. God created the first man with a need—a deficiency by design.
Adam was unique among all creation, but his uniqueness also meant he was alone. Because God brought every creature to Adam to be named, Adam knew with certainty that he had no equal in the world.
Only when God caused a deep sleep to fall on the man, took a rib from him, and formed Eve, did the man have an equal.
This new thing was the last creature Adam named. He immediately recognized her natural compatibility with him…she was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. In other words, they were the same kind of thing!
But they weren’t the same thing. If they were, the man wouldn’t have given her a different name: “woman.” She was similar but certainly not identical.
What Adam lacked, Eve had. What Eve lacked, Adam had. They were puzzle pieces designed to fit together in every way, shape, and form. They were literally made for each other.
And they lived with each other in the most vulnerable state imaginable: nakedness.
Application:
The peak of God’s creation, the most complex creatures in the world, were designed to complement each other and do so while living in the most vulnerable state imaginable, and for a time, they did so successfully. They weren’t just naked. They were naked and unashamed.
There were (and are!) no more complex creatures than humans. There was (and is!) no more complex relationship among humans than the one between man and wife.
If there was conflict anywhere in the original creation, would there be anywhere we’d be more likely to find it than between the first man and woman ever to be married? And yet it isn’t there.
God did not build conflict into the world any more than he built death into the world. Death came into the world after the fact. Conflict came into the world after the fact.
We should never see death or conflict and think of them as “normal” or “natural.” Every single time we see either of those things, they should be reminders that something has gone horribly wrong.
Jesus came to begin the process of restoring the original created order.
Romans 8:18–23 NKJV
18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. 19 For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; 21 because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. 23 Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body.
God has always intended to bring creation back to its original peaceful state:
Isaiah 65:24–25 NKJV
24 “It shall come to pass That before they call, I will answer; And while they are still speaking, I will hear. 25 The wolf and the lamb shall feed together, The lion shall eat straw like the ox, And dust shall be the serpent’s food. They shall not hurt nor destroy in all My holy mountain,” Says the Lord.
Believers, following our master, should be men and women who seek to put an end to conflict when we can.
Matthew 5:9 NKJV
9 Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.

Identify the root of all conflict.

Key Concept: Conflict exists because sin is present in the world.
What went wrong?
The first man and woman were great together until they weren’t. Something happened.
Genesis 3:6–13 NKJV
6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings. 8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.” 11 And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?” 12 Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.” 13 And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
When sin was introduced, those confident, secure relationships disintegrated.
They both realized their nakedness.
The man and woman weren’t stupid. I promise you they were both aware there was nothing covering the other. So what changed their harmless lack of clothing into “nakedness?”
Clothes are defensive. They are intended to cover vulnerable places, and you can be vulnerable in more ways than just physical endangerment.
Practically, this is one of the reasons sexual intimacy is reserved for marriage. Nakedness is not just a physical state. It is the holistic state of absolute vulnerability, the state of just being you with nothing to flatter your best angles or hide your worst flaws. That kind of vulnerability is only safe in marriage. Exposing yourself that way—figuratively and literally—outside the safety of marriage isn’t a risk of physical, spiritual, and mental harm; it’s a guarantee. Why?
Because sin broke us. They each put on the fig leaves because they sensed for the first time that the other was a threat.
They hid in the bushes because they sensed for the first time that God was not someone they were fit to be around.
Sin distorts everything about us.
Adam had already named his wife. He named her, “ishah,” or, “from man.” But in Genesis 3:20, after sin, he named her again: “Eve, because she was the mother of all living.”
Adam stopped defining her as his comparable helper—his equal, his divinely constructed partner—and started defining her by her functionality.
The woman was no longer the man’s ishah, his comparable helper with whom he was utterly taken and by whom he was completely amazed…she was his eve. A functional object. What can I get out of her?
Prior to sin, the woman was Adam’s comparable helper. She was made to be perfect for that role. After sin, the two unique callings of all women were distorted and damaged:
Genesis 3:16 NKJV
16 To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.”
Her unique ability to bear children would now be painful, and her relationship with her husband would now be characterized by conflict.
The woman no longer saw her husband as a loving equal yet still leader and protector…he was an obstacle, one she would always have a desire to lead and rule herself. How can I make him the one I want him to be? What can I get out of him? She could no longer see her role as mother as a total joy and gift…there would always be pain associated with it.
On the one hand, the man and woman had forgotten nothing they knew. The man knew he was to love, lead, provide for, and protect the woman and his children as husband and father. The woman knew she was created to love, nurture and support the man and their children as wife and mother. They both knew God was their loving creator who wanted this good life for them.
On the other hand, new thoughts had entered the human mind, and they would gradually grow in influence. Men began to think, “what if I can use the woman without any of the baggage of being a husband?” Women began to think, “there’s a lot wrong with him, and I don’t have those same issues. I can fix him…or replace him!” What if God’s way wasn’t the best? What if he was actually keeping the best from them?
Application:
Sin is the source of all conflict.
It introduces wicked motives into our hearts and minds and poisons us.
We stir up sinful conflict when we refuse to address our brothers and sisters who hurt us and work toward reconciliation.
Matthew 18:15 NKJV
15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.
We stir up sinful conflict when we seek our own interests to the detriment of others, or when we’re sinfully angry at the success of others.
James 4:1–2 NKJV
1 Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask.
We stir up sinful conflict when the righteousness of others makes us uncomfortable and we do everything we can to destroy them and their reputations.
Genesis 4:3–5 NKJV
3 And in the process of time it came to pass that Cain brought an offering of the fruit of the ground to the Lord. 4 Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat. And the Lord respected Abel and his offering, 5 but He did not respect Cain and his offering. And Cain was very angry, and his countenance fell.
John 11:45–48 NKJV
45 Then many of the Jews who had come to Mary, and had seen the things Jesus did, believed in Him. 46 But some of them went away to the Pharisees and told them the things Jesus did. 47 Then the chief priests and the Pharisees gathered a council and said, “What shall we do? For this Man works many signs. 48 If we let Him alone like this, everyone will believe in Him, and the Romans will come and take away both our place and nation.”

Accept the necessity of some conflict.

Key Concept: Because God is good and sin exists in the world, to align with God means to be against the sinful world…and also means the sinful world will be against you. The opposite is also true. This cannot be avoided.
Genesis 4:6–7 NKJV
6 So the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”
Romans 7:21–25 NKJV
21 I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. 22 For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24 O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.
John 17:14–15 NKJV
14 I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. 15 I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one.
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